Another summer, another assault on Britons by aggressive and unruly seagulls. This year, they’re getting drunk and rowdy. In South West England, seagulls are getting drunk off of half-full (or half-empty) alcoholic drinks that people abandon on the beach. Which is concerning first, because if you can’t finish a drink, you shouldn’t order it in … Continue reading Drunk seagulls terrorize British beachgoers
Summer may be over, but the terror caused by seagulls in England isn’t. In fact, it’s just getting worse. According to a report from the bobbies, an 80-year-old woman was attacked and held hostage three days by two seagulls. The woman said she went outside to hang up her laundry, when two gulls swooped in, … Continue reading Old woman held hostage by seagulls
The seagulls’ blitz on the U.K. continues, in case you forgot that we aren’t the only ones being attacked. As you may recall, this onslaught is becoming a summer tradition. Now it seems they aggressive gulls are taking the battle indoors. One such angry bird broke into a grocery store, or whatever they call them … Continue reading Seagull sends shoppers running from grocery store
Once again, the English summer is marked by crazy seagulls. We told you about gull attacks last year, but it seems they’re even worse now, and it’s all because of ants. According to a new study, English seagulls are acting strangely because they’re eating so many ants. The weather conditions in England, America’s beta version, … Continue reading Seagulls attack people because of ants, study says
Seagulls in England have gotten so aggressive that the government wants to take action. But what are the kids up to? A few teenagers have been spotted running up and down the waterfront in Plymouth with bags of fish and chips over their heads, daring the gulls to attack them. A couple teens were spotted … Continue reading British teens bravely take on seagulls
It’s shaping up to be the worst summer ever in England. Just weeks ago, an English beach suffered from snails launching from the sand. Now, there’s an attack from the air. The seagulls on U.K. beaches are going nuts this summer. First, it was reported that a gull pecked a dog to death in Cornwall … Continue reading Seagulls are taking over England
The English summer of animal-related terror (we need to come up with a better name than that) continues on. We don’t want to alarm anyone, but Great Britain could be in the process of being overrun by tarantulas. Britons, we’re not sure how to put this, but there could be some bird-eating spiders on the … Continue reading Bird-eating tarantulas on the loose in England
Humanity has one advantage over beasts in the War on Animals: while each animal is only good at one or two things, we’re kind of great at everything thanks to our brains and technology. Fish can swim underwater; we can swim underwater and use spear guns. Bears can sh*t in the woods; we can sh*t … Continue reading Birds stealing our plastic
At this point it just seems absurd that the entire island of Great Britain hasn’t been evacuated. As if the snail volcanoes and killer seagulls weren’t bad enough, now the Brits are being attacked by drunken wasps. Researchers say a mild winter and spring in the U.K. led to a large number of German wasps … Continue reading No one in Britain is safe from drunken German wasps
Why aren’t there any good Halloween songs coming out anymore? I get that “Thriller” may never be topped, but it feels like there’s a market for Halloween songs that just hasn’t been tapped in a long time. We have tons of scary sounding music from scary looking people, but nothing has really seemed to click … Continue reading You Missed It: Fireworks edition
