Hello, sophisticated SeriouslyReaders, who are no doubt reading this ribald Web site on their iPhones (maybe even while — how do the poor people say — squeezing a turd through the ol’ sphincter?)
The Guys appreciate your refined taste in online written vaudeville, your exquisite selection of our site making that appreciation only more accessible, much like your iPhone, which can be accessorized to match any of your smartly tailored active and formal wear.
You see, we, too, use the iPhone. Well, except McBournie, that petty Irish bug. But every publication of note must contain a little color to offset the greater poesies of Masters Chugs, Schools and yours truly, Esq. It is this experience that allows us to discern the class between those who have, and those who haven’t.
In the year or so it has been the must-have accessory for any Fancy Lad about town, it has remained strictly costed outside of a pipe-stovers’ annual wages. Indeed as well, all iPhones have only been sold new, delivered in a ribboned box, hand-folded by the tenderest child laborers.
But no more, oh alas, no more.
Best Buy, a chicannerous carnival of licentious devices and cheap laboring tools, will sell discounted … USED … iPhones to any jack, knave or vagabond who has — no doubt stolen — $150.
Discounted! Used! It is a weary day to be superior.
Oo! A new app for easier pornography downloading …
For those of you who don’t know, I’m the bewigged one in the green. Good-morrow to you.
That blush is soooooo not your color, Bryan.