I figured I’d post this one before the other guys got a chance: STDs are on the rise in Alabama, and the main culprit is abstinence-only sex education.
Key Quote: “The subject of condoms, under the state course of study guidelines, is not broached, [said state Department of Education spokeswoman Edith Parten].”
The Guys are concerned, not because of the lack of education, but because I’m here in Alabama. That’s why we recommend the following healthy practices:
- Do not sit on toilet seats in any restroom that isn’t yours. Okay, don’t sit on yours, either. We might be in the neighborhood and need to use it.
- Use a giant hamster ball to get around. Absitence isn’t enough. Even AIDS is transmitted through phone handsets, unregulated hugging and tear consumption.
- Stay out of the doctor’s office. You know what’s in the waiting room? Sick people. It’s like a zombie movie, only with soap operas and Highlights Magazine in the background.
Stay strong, people. But more importantly, stay home.
Let’s see, the STD rates start to rise as soon as you move there. Oh what ever could be the cause?
ooooh. dis!