Jonathan Holstetler died last summer. The only thing is, he didn’t stay dead. The federal government knows what’s up: he died last August, but continues to try leeching off the system like so many undead do. Folks in Tennessee, sorry, the plague has hit your state.
Holstetler found out the government was on to his brain-eating scheme when he tried to apply for finacial aid for college. It is the policy of these United States of America to not give handouts to zombies, but this one refuses to give up. He’s taking his gripe to the local media, who are known to be anti-America and pro-undead.
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