Lady Gaga: Defender of decency

It’s looking like the world may never get to taste ice cream made from breast milk, aside from the youth of Siberia, where it’s the only way it can be served. The troubles keep piling up for Icecreamists, the makers of Baby Gaga, the breast milk-based ice cream that was supposed to go on sale in London.

Now, not only have U.K. health officials confiscated their product, but Lady Gaga sent them a cease and desist order threatening a lawsuit for naming a product something that sounds like her name. This is completely understandable, as the soft-spoken and demure Lady Gaga is known for her understated performances and upholding of the general morality.

There has to be a way to home brew boob ice cream.

North vs. North: Making whoopie

It’s been quite a while, but it looks like the states are going back to war with each other. This time, it’s not over some lofty idea, like that all men should be free, or that Georgia needs water. This time it’s important: It’s over the whoopie pie.

Maine and Pennsylvania–a rivalry as old as time itself–have been jockeying for credit for the invention of the whoopie pie, because they don’t have to worry about things like state budgets or creating jobs for their citizens. Maine says they’ve had it around since the 1920s, while some claim that the Pennsylvania Dutch invented it.

This can only come to bloodshed.

The McBournie Minute: Kiss me, it’s Irish-American Heritage Month

We are a week into March, and of course, you are seeing all sorts of television specials and public announcements about the important contributions Irish-Americans have made to this great country of ours (or maybe The Man doesn’t want to appreciate the sons of Erin). That is of course, because I called for an Irish History Month last week, and President Barack O’Bama heard me. He declared March Irish-American Heritage Month (this year only), something John F. Kennedy never did, making O’Bama the most Irish president we have ever had.

March is often known as the most Irish of all the months, because things start turning green again, and well, the Irish liked to rise up against the English a lot this time of year. The month is filled with famous Irish holidays that are known for the traditional getting crocked out of one’s gourd, like St. Patrick’s Day, Daylight Saving Time, and My Friend Alex’s Bachelor Party.

Let’s look back now on just a few of the vital roles the Irish have played in shaping the U.S. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Kiss me, it’s Irish-American Heritage Month

Coughing through blowholes

Whaling has been illegal since the 1980s, unless you’re Japanese. But that hasn’t stopped tourists from the thrill of getting on a boat, going out to within striking distance, and then not harpooning the whales, but making sure they know that you could if you wanted to.

As it turns out, you are still helping to kill them, anyway. According to a recent study, orcas off British Columbia are exposed to five times as much carbon monoxide as Los Angeles freeways because of all of the whale watching traffic. Keep this in mind, warriors, as long as it breathes oxygen, we can give it lung cancer.

You Missed It: Enough, Charlie Sheen edition

I am sure all of you already know this, but today is National Grammar Day. In that respect, I will endeavor not to butcher the English language any more than usual in this week’s post. I will try to improve the grammar for the usual brand, but my enthusiasm may wain. If you were busy coming off medical leave to do a presentation, odds are you missed it.

The week in craziness
Looking at this week’s headlines, you wouldn’t know anything happened other than Charlie Sheen and Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi. One said he had tiger blood in his veins, the other said his people were protesting because someone slipped hallucinogens into their drinks. Not trying to draw any comparisons between the two; I mean, killing your own people and having cocaine-and-hooker-fueled benders are not quite the same thing. But doesn’t it feel like they’re trying to out-crazy each other?

Houston, we have a problem
If you’ve ever launched a model rocket, you know how cool it is to see something you made shoot up in the air, but then come down again, often by parachute. Sometimes the parachute doesn’t come out, and the rocket crashes into the ground again. NASA kind of did that early this morning when they launched an unmanned rocket carrying the Glory satellite, which was supposed to study climate change. The nose cone didn’t separate when it was supposed to, and the satellite did not make it into orbit, crashing somewhere in the Pacific Ocean. Are we ready to blame climate change-deniers for this?

Firefox bad!
Internet Explorer 6: odds are your parents still use it. In its time, it was the undeniable standard in Internet browsers, but that time was nearly a decade ago. People are still using it for some reason. It annoys tech-savvy people, but IE6 is still, for some reason, relatively popular. Now, even Microsoft is trying to get you off of it. It has a site, IE6 Countdown, tracking where it is most used and why people need to stop using its outdated product. IE6 has become the Frankenstein of browsers: even its maker doesn’t want it.

Spider-fuel

It seems like there are a lot of recalls going on these days, especially with cars (they announced one just this week!), well here’s something a bit more exciting than your run-of-the-mill stuck accelerator recall: If you drive a Mazda6, you could have spiders living in your fuel system.

Yeah, think about that, as you drive down the highway, reading this post on your cell phone. Kind of makes you want to pull over and scream, doesn’t it?

No one is really sure why the yellow sac (teehee) spider loves to live in the fuel system of that particular Mazda model, but it does, they have had 20 reported cases of it. It’s a fire hazard, which, as I understand it, is a bad thing. It seems that animals are tired of us killing them with our cars, so now they’re trying to kill us with them.

The English are out of control

You know what we haven’t had in a while? A celebrity go off the deep end, thus becoming a story you can’t escape. I think we’re about due for one, mark my words. That is, of course, unless the media refuses to take its eye off boring topics like those huge protests going on in the Middle East and Northern Africa.

So for now, here’s something to tide you over: In England, somewhere, the former head of Mothers Against Drunk Driving was arrested and charged with something called, “drink driving.” We’re not really sure what that translates to in American English, but can you imagine how ironic it would have been if she had been arrested for drunk driving. Imagine!

[via Jesse S.]

Like yourself on Facebook

Hey loser, are you feeling down about yourself? Lame. Well, you can always turn to the Internet to cheer yourself up. Well, yes, you can go to those sites, too, but we’re talking about Facebook.

Apparently, going through your own profile can help you boost your self-esteem, because you post the best parts of you there. So looking through it all, you are reminded of how smart, witty and good-looking you are–until you remember that your friends don’t actually care about your profile, and that they use Facebook for reasons as selfish as your own. Assuming you have friends at all, loser.

No dessert for you

If you were looking forward to having some boob-flavored ice cream, cancel your plane tickets.

The ice cream made from human breast milk that was to be sold at a London ice cream shop has been confiscated by health officials. That’s right, the world may never get to taste Baby Gaga ice cream. The food standards folks have to figure out if it’s safe for humans to eat something that they give to their babies.

The pool on when someone tries this in the U.S. is now open, gentlemen.

[via Consumerist]

The McBournie Minute: It’s good to get sick

I was so close. I nearly made it. I almost went the entire winter without having a significant illness. In case you are wondering, and missed You Missed It last Friday, there was no Minute last week not because I thought we had President’s Day off, but I was sick. Horribly, horribly sick.

I had the flu, which I came down with the Saturday of that weekend. I’m not talking about the give-me-some-Theraflu-and-tissues kind of flu, I’m talking about the get-the-hell-out-of-my-way-I-need-to-get-to-the-bathroom kind. And, of course, it had to happen to me on a weekend, when everyone else is out doing whatever they want. I was stuck listening to the television.

Ever wonder what it’s like to lie there and listen to National Treasure, it’s only slightly better than watching it. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: It’s good to get sick