Sure, this is SeriouslyGuys, but we try to cater to the womenfolk, too. No, really. But ladies, we are going to have to file this one under “women are just a little different.”
The term “bad hair day” is commonplace, but what really could be at issue is having a bad underwear day. In a recent survey, 27% of women said their mood can be affected by wearing an ill-fitting or unattractive pair of underwear. That means that if they don’t like the panties they are wearing, it could soil their whole day.
Meanwhile, guys are totally fine wearing the same underwear two days in a row.
We’ve reached the end, everyone. Not the end of YMI, just the end of the year. We’re off every Friday until 2011, so this will be the last YMI edition for 2010. Don’t worry, I’m not going to do one of those damn retrospective things, but I do want to thank you for reading this, and I want to thank Antoine Dodson and The Gregory Brothers for bringing us The Bed Intruder Song. Easily the highlight of the year. If you were busy getting named Time‘s Person of the Year, odds are you missed it.
We can’t hear you, hippie
Hybrid cars are great. They’re expensive, they’re small, they’re associated with femininity, but the federal government wants them to be louder. The problem is that no one can hear them coming, especially if you’re blind, and hearing is pretty much all you’re going on. Fortunately, we already have a fix for that.
It’s only a matter of time before The Big Lebowski II
TRON: Legacy hits movie theaters this weekend, and has already received mixed reviews. They say the movie looks and feels great, it’s just missing some sort of human touch in the Grid. So look forward to a disappointment. Fanboys, it’s time to stop. You made this happen. Didn’t Episodes I through III teach you anything? How about the Matrix sequels? You’re like Lennie with his puppy, you love something too much and you end up killing it. (Didn’t think you’d see any Steinbeck gags in here, did you?)
Al Gore. Environment. Blah blah blah
Referring to leaked emails from executives, former Vice President Al Gore lashed out at Fox News this week, saying the 24-hour news network was deliberately giving its viewers false information on global warming or not covering it at all. To which Fox News replied, “I’m sorry, did you say something, Al?”
Breasts: more than half the people in the world have them, but let’s not talk about Meatloaf right now, just the women.
Sure, they may be attractive to men, but did you know that they also serve a practical purpose? It’s true! They feed milk to babies, which apparently is totally normal if you just had a baby. But look out, women of America, Big Government wants to regulate what’s going on with your boobies and your breast milk!
The alleged Food and Drug Administration wants to regulate breast milk, determining if milk banks (like a blood bank, only odds are you can’t donate) should be under the careful watch of Uncle Sam, or if it’s even safe to share one’s breast milk with someone else’s kids.
Meanwhile, there’s a black market for breast milk, totally unpasteurized. So ladies, sure the economy’s a bit rough, but we’ve got a proposition for you.
Frosty the Snowman is known in childrens’ lore as a folk hero of sorts, magically coming to life and showing kids what fun there is to be had outside. Even though so is not related to any one holiday, Frosty is associated heavily with Christmas. All he ever did was take some kids jaywalking, and for some reason we sing about him.
One Illinois bus driver had had enough. Recently, when the Midwest got walloped with a winter storm, someone made a snowman in the middle of a road. Frosty was up to his law-flouting ways once again. Captured on YouTube, the bus driver swerved at the snowman and destroyed him.
Now that bus driver is without a job, because apparently his bosses love snowmen — and buses that stay in their lanes.
Four Loko, the champagne of high-alcohol caffeinated drinks may, end up being banned by the FDA, but that won’t keep the good people of Philadelphia from enjoying it in style before then.
In the City of Brotherly Love, one restaurant is offering a three-course meal with the drink best known as “blackout in a can.” Adsum Restaurant’s seating for the meal deals sold out quickly, because in Philly, the do it classy. Part of being classy is going to a fancy restaurant and having the best meal you’ll never remember.
This week, Bryan Schools is off. We are not exactly sure why. At last report he was drunkenly wandering the streets of Baltimore as his holiday-themed alter-ego Roethlisberger Claus, offering women rides on his lap. Whether he really asked them beforehand is unclear. In any case, I, Bryan McBournie, am here to fill in. You can think of me as backup quarterback, Tarvaris Jackson.
I am here to talk about easily the worst person playing in the National Football League, also one of the most talked-about these days: Brett Favre. His streak is over, everyone, and pretty much no one is surprised by that, but somehow Favre topped himself.
You see, Brett Favre is a tremendous douche. Continue reading Eat My Sports: The end … or is it?
Remember, even though the War on Animals is mostly about animals, there are always species traitors to deal with, too. In Illinois, fast food joints became a target for attacks when a man took a dead squirrel his buddy left in his car (technically, that was the first attack), and decided to ask a Hardee’s drive-thru attendant for nuts for his squirrel.
She was not convinced the dead squirrel in his hands was real, and to prove the veracity, the man threw the dead squirrel at her. The man has since been charged, the squirrel became evidence.
I’m a patient person. I try to stay out of a lot of conflicts, which is not easy in a town like Washington, D.C., or as the hip people call it “Man, this city really needs a cool nickname, like ‘The Big Apple,’ ‘The Big Easy’ or ‘Rice-a-roni Land.” When it comes to politics, I’m independent, but I do get irritated when people talk about “the real America.”
I hate when people say that, because, there is no “real America” there’s just America, and it’s as real as you’re going to find, except for Los Angeles, which, as I understand it, is all CGI. People believe different things, like different things, have different values, and at the end of the day, we call manage to find some sort of common ground to keep the neighborhood going for another day. We’re earnest, honest and hard-working, we’re not some tool to be used by the talking heads who can’t get themselves elected.
I also hate when people say “the real America” because real Americans suck. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Come on, folks, Train?
Who hasn’t accidentally shred more than $6,000 in cash? I mean, it’s sort of a rite of passage. OK, so maybe it doesn’t actually happen to anyone ever–except a guy in Taiwan. Fortunately, there’s a happy ending to this story.
Last month, the man dropped a bag of $6,600 in cash in his company’s shredder. We’re guessing he was pretty upset after he did it. Why he had the bag of cash there, and why he was holding it over an industrial shredder remains unclear. However, he got the help of a forensic scientist who reassembled the bills and got the man’s money back.
We’re guessing there was an assembler’s fee.
It’s mid-December, you know what that means: it means it’s nearly the end of fantasy football. How is your team doing this year? I can tell you, my teams are getting their overpaid asses handed to them this year, and I’m in two different leagues. The good news is that I am still beating Bryan Schools–even if he’s the only one I’m beating. If you were busy lighting a bomb-laden house on fire, odds are you missed it.
Why don’t you just dance on Leslie Nielen’s grave?
This week, SpaceX, a commercial rocket company, launched a spacecraft into orbit and returned it to Earth again, a milestone in space exploration. The truly historic day was marked by one mystery: what was the super-secret payload that was launched and returned? SpaceX confirmed that it was a wheel of cheese, in a fromage omage to Monty Python. No, that really did happen and that really is why.
Angry students in London held a protest against higher college tuition outside the British Houses of Parliament. The protest turned into a riot after the news spread that the House of Commons narrowly passed the measure. Fires were set, statues were nearly pulled down, and even the car of Price Charles and Camilla was hit with rocks and sticks as they went to see an evening play. Ah, don’t you just love the romanticism of Christmas in jolly ol’ England?
Ring in the new year with some GTL
It was announced that cast members of MTV’s Jersey Shore will be helping to ring in the new year at Times Square. The Situation and that other dude will be trying to get the crowd to break the Guinness world record for people fist pumping, and Snooki will be inside the ball when it drops at midnight. What will the ball look like? Orange. See what I did there? I took the high road.