If Slumdog Millionaire taught us anything, it’s that India is a strange place. It’s strange not only because of kids climbing in poop, but in many areas of the country, monkeys live alongside people in a manner never intended by nature.
But now, India has given the monkeys the right to marry. Two monkeys recently, one of which is a chronic smoker, got married in a private ceremony recently, and everyone thinks it’s so cute. The problem here, like we need to tell you, is that they are humanizing the beasts, blurring the line between us and them. When it comes to a war, being able to tell the good guys from the bad guys is paramount, and as James Franco will show us later this summer, the monkeys will eventually try to dominate the world.
Perhaps we can just go with monkey civil unions.