Birds: the modern day Redcoats

Better dead than red bird.

The Fourth of July is a hallowed tradition in the United States of America. It is a holiday that gives its people the legal and constitutional right to blow up a chunk of the land that it celebrates. How awesome is that?! Very.

So of course, some a-hole birds have decided to ruin the holiday for the town of Duxbury. Again. See, it would seem that the piping plover is not only an endangered bird, but it’s decided to make its nest on Duxbury Beach, for the second year in a row. Duxbury Beach just happens to be where the town of Duxbury has shown off its fireworks celebration for a lot longer than the piping plover has lived there. But because it’s listed as endangered, the plover has caused the celebration to be cancelled.

Screw you bird. It’s time to take you out. Either leave the beach and take your children with you before July 2nd or you’re on the menu. You won’t ruin this country anymore.