The spice must flow
Posted on July 12, 2010
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Hey, gang! Do you like marijuana, but find yourself getting bored with its mild high, lack of addictive chemicals, outlaw mystique and relative safety?
Then have we got good news for you! Synthetic Pot is not necessarily Swedish lipstick lesbians, but it will kick your ass and hand it to your local coroner.
Also known as “spice,” “K2″ or “Unicorn Alfalfa” (OK, we made that last one up), it:
- Is completely legal (in 44 states)
- Will poison you, which wouldn’t be a big deal because …
- Gets you so high that Stephen Wright sees Jesus by proxy. (This would also make it difficult the dial the communication octopus to speak to the Poison Control Center.)
- Requires rehab! And rehab’s the easiest way to rub genitals with a Lohan!
Spice! Look for it in your mom’s favorite New Agey incense store today! So awesome!
Written by Rick SneePresenting the new Apple iPresident
Posted on January 22, 2010
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Just when we thought the looming threat of NASCAR had been contained to the redneckier parts of America, it appears that the sport managed to slip into Washington, D.C.–more specifically, into the U.S. Supreme Court.
In a 5-4 decision divided on the usual party lines, the Supreme Court ruled that corporations can “spend as much as they [want] to sway voters in federal elections.”
Now, a lot of people are upset about this … although they’re mostly people who don’t own corporations, so what do they know, right? They certainly aren’t looking on the bright side.
For instance: voters already complain that they can’t tell the difference between presidential candidates anymore, saying that they’re forced to select “the lesser of two evils.” Well, what if Pepsi endorsed one of them? BOOM! 50 percent of the population just voted for, “I’ll have a water, then.”
Best of all, candidates could actually coordinate their campaign slogans with their contributors. Jonathan Edwards could “clean up” his image with an endorsement from Tide. Or, he could show he’s learned his lesson about fathering inconvenient children with a giant Trojan backdrop behind his podium.
Written by Rick SneeA Microsoft product didn’t work?!
Posted on December 4, 2009
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In an effort to help people recognize Bing.com as a product from the Microsoft we’ve all grown to know and love, the Web search site was brought down by for a half hour because of a testing error.
The branding move backfired, however, when both Bing users received a 404 error and went to Google to find the new URL.
We’re big Microsoft fan boys here at SG, though, so we’d like remind you that, at least when Bing goes down, it doesn’t crash your entire system like other MS products. So, there’s your lemonade, Mr. Gates.
Written by Rick SneeWhere’s our free s#%t?
Posted on October 6, 2009
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So, the FTC is cracking down on blogs and twitter users that do not disclose that they were paid or given free swag in return for favorable “reviews.” From here on out, those lucky bastards are required to place a disclaimer somewhere in the entry.
Rest assured that SeriouslyGuys has never participated in this practice, even though we would be totally awesome at it. We’ve even practiced by making fake advertisements and sponsored posts, but no one wants four guys to team up on marketing condoms or oven cleaner.
But, you know, we guess that’s the price we pay for integrity … and by price, we mean our own hosting and domain fees.
Written by Rick SneeAn important precedent in middle school dating
Posted on June 25, 2009
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So, according to the U.S. Supreme Court, if you want to strip search a teenage girl, you better make sure she’s likely to carry contraband.
That’s why SeriouslyGuys endorses Bad Girls.
Yes, Bad Girls, the girls guaranteed to have something incriminating on them.
They’re the Vice Principal’s best friend, but only because they spend so much time in your office!
Bad Girls are available in different flavors, including:
- Menthol
- Vanilla Vodka
- Crystal Methamphetamine
Bad Girls: two out of three Clarence Thomases can’t be wrong!
Written by Rick SneeFour Years Too Late! Buy it!
Posted on June 9, 2009
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Today’s SeriouslyGuys is brought to you by Four Years Too Late!
Yes, Four Years Too Late: the miracle product that addresses fateful decisions too far back to change now. Use Four Years Too Late for anything, like:
- Considering AA after your fourth DUI!
- Quitting smoking after your lung cancer diagnosis!
- Debating whether or not to suffocate your toddler with that pillow!
And if you order now, we’ll also send you Four Years Too Late Lite. It slices, it dices, it finds your keys when you’ve already given up and bought a new car!
Four Years Too Late: because MySpace could be cool again … right, Rupert Murdoch?
Written by Rick SneeSwine Flu Madness!
Posted on April 29, 2009
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Just a reminder: while only one person in the U.S. has died of swine flu, over 13,000 died from the regular-ass flu this year.
This message is brought to you by Purell.
Written by Rick SneeUPDATE:
Ice cream cured patient zero, a little boy in Mexico.This message is brought to you by Ben and Jerry’s Neato-Burrito flavored ice cream, now approved by the AMA.