When you kick back with a drink or ten this Memorial Day weekend, make sure you get the booze you ordered, especially if that drink came from a bar in New Jersey.
State alcohol enforcement officials raided 13 establishments, including TGI Fridays, in response to complaints and tips that the places were swapping out the top-shelf liquor for something less so. To The Guys, this is a crime against humanity, and we’re glad to see that while there are all sort of things New Jersey will tolerate — like the mafia, gambling, mosquitoes, guidos and the New York Jets — cheating us out of our high-class hootch isn’t one of them.
Seldom do the War on Animals and Booze News meet, but dear reader, you’re in luck today.
According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, Americans on average spend more on their pets than they do on alcohol. We know what you’re thinking: this is another thing wrong with the country. It is, but not for the reason you’re thinking of.
We spend more on pets because the animals we keep have become needy little fur balls intent on driving us bankrupt, so that their wild kin can wipe us out. It also means that we’re doing a good job of consuming the alcohol that we make, keeping supply and demand in check. So sit back, have a drink, and ignore your pets.
We’ve made it no big shock that we at SeriouslyGuys don’t exactly care much for hipsters. They’re dirty, pretentious and willingly have bad haircuts. The Guys are more than capable of taking care of two of those characteristics on own power, thankyouverymuch.
Nonetheless, beer can unite the masses. Expensive is obviously the best. Cheap beer, not as much. But what happens when you’re given expensive beer for a cheap price? Say, at the price of free, or at least just about?
Okay hipsters, you win this round.
It’s Monday morning, and you’re probably not thinking about beer right now. Then again, if you read this blog regularly, maybe you already have a beer in hand. One brewery in Scotland wants you to start off your day with a brew.
Black Isle Brewery wants its beer to be part of your complete breakfast. Its Cold Turkey Breakfast Beer weighs in at just 2.8% alcohol by volume, which is pretty much like having half a Budweiser or whatever your favorite crappy beer is. It’s got some fruit and coffee hints to it, so it will really feel like you’re having breakfast.
If only they could invent the perfect brunch beer.
Booze hounds, it’s time to put your sniffers to work.
In Toronto — wait, hear us out — a liquor store is baffled as to how a rare bottle of scotch was swiped from a locked box. How rare is it? It’s 50-year-old Glenfiddich single malt, and there are only about 50 in existence. The bottle is worth C$2,600, or about $2,400 in real money. According to police, a man between the ages of 35 and 45 was tampering with the lock shortly before he got it open and put the bottle in his trench coat. The man was said to have been wearing black frame glasses.
So, slurring sleuths, it’s off to Toronto to track this guy down. Our suspect is an aging hipster. Finders keepers.
When The Guys were in college, the typical tip for a bartender was a dollar a drink. Does that still apply if you buy a cocktail that costs $40 grand?
Beeteedubs, don’t choke on the included ruby. It might be elegant, but choking on an item in the drink is so very less than elegant.
If you’re heading to a party tonight, you could wake up with an infection even if you don’t hook up.
Some hard-working and dedicated students at Clemson University conducted a study of beer pong balls and found that they are covered in harmful bacteria like salmonella, listeria, e. Coli and staph. Apparently that lukewarm water cup doesn’t completely sanitize the ball after it rolls into a dust bunny in the corner.
This is why you should play liquor pong instead. The alcohol kills the germs.
(via Brian C.)
Coffee lovers will do some pretty stupid things to be on top of the next trend, and we’re not just talking about standing in line in Starbucks for coffee that tastes like it was in a house fire. You may have heard about the trend of certain coffee makers running their precious beans through the digestive tracts of animals, then scooping them up, we assume washing them off, then brewing a pot. This is big in Asia with elephants, because apparently people there have elephants and some time to wait around for them to poop.
But now, they’re putting this crap into beer. Specifically, a coffee stout. Japanese brewery Sankt Gallen brewed a coffee stout with elephant coffee beans, which don’t come cheap. The brew debuted on April Fools’ Day, so it’s possible that it was made with just regular coffee beans, unless the Japanese have laws against false advertising.
Given what happened yesterday, we all need something to cheer us up. We’re just hoping you’re OK and will do our best to help you escape for a bit.
A recent study has found that if you want a little slice of happiness, all you have to do is sip a beer. Researchers took a group of men and gave then a small sip of non-alcoholic beer, then scanned their brains. They found that just the taste of beer was enough for their brains to release the pleasure chemical dopamine.
This means that when you drink a beer, it has twofold happy-power: it tastes good on your tongue, and then it gives you a buzz that makes things seem a little brighter. So if you’re feeling down, reach for a fast-acting over-the-counter brew.
Fact: We here at SG love beer. Truthfully, we’re probably more beer snobs than non-beer snobs, but if it’s amber and alcoholic, it’ll go down smooth enough. As such, we want to give you the news about beer whenever it’s out. The Guys like to think of it as giving back to the community.
For our fans that live in California, soon you may be able to drink longer. How is that a bad thing? Answer: it’s not.
But don’t worry, East Coast bar-hoppers, there’s news for you too. In New York, patrons of EVR will be able to use Bitcoin, the virtual currency, to pay for their drinks. Sure, it’s just more moon-math like Xbox Live points that make no sense, but why think when you can drink?
Regardless, be careful if you drink a lot. The Germans (retired and now doing science-y stuff after they bombed Pearl Harbor) have discovered arsenic in the filtering process for beer. United States researchers are saying it’s no big thing, as it’s always been there. Will it kill you? Will it not kill you? Who knows, but apparently the chemical makes the delectable nectar sparkle in the light. I’d say that’s a nice trade-off for potential death.