Category: Booze News

| Filed under Booze News, War on Animals

Polar bears love red wine

When you’re out in the wild, you’re often at the mercy of nature. And even in large groups, not even your booze is safe.

A film crew from BBC (it’s not “Dr. Who” or “Downton Abbey,” so we won’t bother naming the show) was shooting somewhere way up North. When they returned to their cabin, they found that a polar bear had broken in and stolen some food. The beast later came back while the crew was in the cabin, and in a brazen act, took nearly all of the food left, plus the red wine they had.

We can only assume the polar bear now has purple all over its mouth, so it should be easy to catch.

| Filed under Booze News, Drunk of the Day

France gets liquid courage to defend liquid courage

Mondieu! He just will not shut up about how he's never too hung over for his morning barre class. Where's the wine?
Mon dieu! He just will not shut up about how he’s never too hung over for his morning barre class. Where’s the wine?

France gets a bad rap for avoiding conflict, even as they get more involved in NATO actions in the Middle East. But, there is one fight they will never back down from: serving wine with dinner.

French President Francois Hollande is almost set to receive the first visit from an Iranian president to Europe in a decade. The only hitch not sorted out yet is when he and his counterpart, President Hassan Rouhani, will eat. The two were supposed to have dinner, but Rouhani requested a halal dinner, including no alcohol served — even wine, which like barely counts as booze in France. (Babies drink it there, for god’s sake.)

Well, a dinner without a properly paired wine? In Paris-freakin’-France? Impossible! Besides, who can tolerate a teetotal-ling religious fanatic without at least a glass of Jesus juice? So, France called it off, and offered up an unfermented breakfast.

And wouldn’t you know it, but Iran rejected the breakfast deal because it appeared too, and we quote, “cheap.” Which, yes, it would be if you’re eating halal breakfast. No bacon or sausage? Not even a mimosa? That’s just eggs and maybe waffles, or, according to our budgetary estimates, Some Trifling Bullsh*t.

But, that’s what happens when you go to a drinker’s house and, rather than be happy with the soda you brought, force everyone else to abstain from the only thing that can make you interesting. Good for you, President Hollande — you’re our Drunk of the Day!

| Filed under Booze News

Drunk man brings real shotgun to Civil War battle reenactment

Some say we’re still fighting the Civil War today. Kind of like the O.K. Coral shootout.

Police responded to a call of shots fired at a Civil War battle reenactment, which would seem like a waste of resources, except someone was actually shooting at people. According to authorities, Gary Alen Lane was drunk and wielding a sawed-off shotgun at history enthusiasts reenacting the Battle of Honey Springs in Oklahoma. (Apparently there really was a Civil War battle out there.) He was arrested after a minor struggle when police found he shot into a tent where nine reenactors were.

Only one man was struck by a single pellet, in the arm. But because these guys were so true to their hobby, the man’s arm was hacked off and he later died of infection.

| Filed under Booze News

We live in a world where transgender beer exists

The LGBT community has achieved a lot in recent years, thanks to a lot of hard work. And now, they can enjoy their own beer after all their hard work.

Oddball Scottish brewery BrewDog has partnered with the organizers of a British LGBT event that is the world’s first transgender beer. The beer, No Label, won’t chang you or anything, but it is in between styles. It’s made with hops that have changed genders (yes, there are boy hop vines and girl hop vines). Further it’s a Kolsch, which is kind of between a lager and an ale.

The Guys are pleased to hear that the LGBT community has a beer honoring them. The beer world is all about acceptance and change. Except when it comes to vegans.

| Filed under Booze News, Fun Fact

Fun Fact: FBI wiretapping costs more than beer

"Dear Craigslist ... Wanted: somebody who knows how to circumnavigate the supreme laws of the land in bed ... Could be a sixer of Schlitz in it for you."
“Dear Craigslist … Wanted: somebody who knows how to circumnavigate the supreme laws of the land in bed … Could be a sixer of Schlitz in it for you … Smiley face … Winking face.”

Apparently, it costs more than a couple of cases of beer to get the FBI to go through family members’ texts. At least, that’s what a judge in North Carolina learned after being charged with attempted bribery.

According to the FBI, Superior Court Judge Arnold Ogden Jones was charged with attempted bribery after allegedly offering an agent a couple of cases — y’know, like buddies — if the agent would ignore a lack of probable cause and obtain some text messages for “just for [him].” And who hasn’t asked their neighbor or coworker for that? Violating the U.S. Constitution is just one of those things good friends do, like loan a cup of sugar without habeas corpus or quarter some troops, no questions asked.

Of course, then things got weird because the agent reportedly turned down the beer(!) and asked for $100 instead. Jones should’ve known something was up, because nobody turns down free beer. I mean, cash is nice, but you can’t drink it and, believe us, it doesn’t get you high when you smoke it.

| Filed under Booze News

Vegans find way to ruin beer for us

Congratulations, vegans, you’ve won. You finally made everything that was enjoyable about the world crappy enough for you to put it in your body.

For hundreds of years, Guinness has been made in Ireland, and while the brewing methods may have changed, it’s always been with the same ingredients. Now, they’re going to change the recipe so your smelly, greasy-haired friend you wish you hadn’t invited to the party can enjoy it too. Guinness will no longer use isinglass, a gelatin made from fish bladders, to remove yeast particles from its beer. So now you can listen to your friend ramble about the dangers of chemicals in water while he or she gets drunk on the most famous stout in the world.

The only good news here is that this change will only happen for the Guinness brewed in Ireland. Here in the U.S., we can still proudly drink our beer with the fish bladder goop in it.

| Filed under Booze News, It Must Be Science!

Comet Lovejoy is a ball of booze

Somewhere out in space there’s a whole lot of booze. This is why we have a space program.

According to a recent report, Comet Lovejoy is basically made of alcohol and simple sugar. Sure, the comet is also made of rock, but apparently it’s covered with the makings of a great cocktail. Scientists say the two drink ingredients are also some of the building blocks of life.

So the next time you’re feeling low on life, throw some building blocks in a glass and enjoy.

| Filed under Booze News

CDC: People who can’t handle their booze costing us money

It’s an old adage that when the economy is bad, alcohol sales go up. But what if those alcohol sales are what’s holding back the economy in the first place?

According to a new report from the Centers for Disease Control, hangovers in the workforce cost the U.S. billions of dollars annually. In the year 2010, the iPad was introduced, the finale of Lost left a lot of questions unanswered, and Rick Snee was waging a war to pronounce it “Twenty-Ten.” It was also a hard-drinking year for Americans, which cost the economy a total of $249 billion, up from $223.5 billion in 2006. Slower working, calling in sick, property damage and more were blamed on boozing and hangovers.

America, it’s not hard: Just drink water. Drink some right now, and drink some more in an hour. Do that, and with a large cup of coffee on the assist, tomorrow morning won’t be so bad.

| Filed under Booze News

Chug champagne but still look classy

Everyone loves champagne, but who has the time to drink it? All that sipping and enjoying, meanwhile, you’re waiting for the buzz to kick in. Now there’s a solution.

And that solution is called the Chambong, a cross between a champagne flute and a beer bong. The device is all glass, and shaped like an L. On one end, it looks like a regular champagne flute, and on the other, it looks like a crack pipe. Simply hold the crack pipe end up to your lips, lift the flute end, and enjoy the champagne being launched down your throat.

The Guys were drinking alcoholic beverages that weren’t beer a decade ago, and from a bong a couple stories up. Too bad we never capitalized.

| Filed under Booze News, Drunk of the Day

Enterprising drunk prototypes ‘Cops’ selfie

If you thought taking selfies with bears was dangerous, try taking them with beers.
If you thought taking selfies with bears was dangerous, try taking them with beers.

It feels like everything under the sun has been done when it comes to drinking. When human society exists because hunter-gatherers would rather live with cowsh*t to produce wheat for beer, there can’t be much left to discover, booze-wise, after 10,000 years of making it.

But then some gloriously inebriated genius does something so reckless, so dangerous, that even the top minds in law enforcement can’t keep up.

Lakeland, Florida police scrambled to learn what Periscope is, install it, set up an account and use it to track down a self-declared drunk driver who was live-streaming her confused journey on a flat tire. Other users reported her to the police department after finding her self-produced Cops video.

Sure, what she did was stupid and could have killed herself and others. But combining using the phone while driving, and drinking and driving, is exactly the kind of action that could get us closer to self-driving cars. And that should free up our hands for even better drunken carriage ride home videos.

We look forward to seeing what else Ms. Beall comes up with while not driving for some time.