Category: Booze News

| Filed under Booze News

Oregon hipsters attempting to make insanely hipster beer

Let it be known that The Guys most certainly support beer, especially good beer. We have no problems whatsoever with craft-brewing (though some of us wouldn’t be against a certain writer on this site mailing out some of his batches). But at one point or another, we have to set our proverbial foot down.

Using Oregon sewer water for the purposes of creating beer feels as good a place as any.

Clean Water Services, a water treatment company, has asked the state to let it use water that will then be treated and recycled before being sent to The Oregon Brew Crew, a homebrew group that would use the water for beer creation. Said beer would then be used events but not sold at breweries.

Two Oregon health service organizations currently remain opposed to each others views. The Oregon Health Authority has approved the request but the Oregon Department of Environmental Quality remains mum.

Silence is golden, people.

| Filed under Booze News

Don’t drink and drone

While White House intruders aren’t really new, they are typically land-based intrusions. But now, they’re coming from the air, and they are kind of tipsy.

A quadcopter drone was found on the White House grounds on Monday morning, which set off some security concerns. Turns out, the threat was internal. An off-duty security officer, after having a few drinks, decided it was a good idea to try out his friend’s drone from the balcony of his apartment near the White House. But amazingly, he lost control.

He woke up the next morning to the news. Since he’s a federal employee, we’re just going to assume he’ll get promoted, rather than fired.

| Filed under Booze News

Bar closed for dogs, Petco says

People who have dogs accept many things. They accept that they will never sleep well ever again, they accept that their furniture is going to get torn up, and they accept that they can’t just leave town whenever they want. But they don’t accept dealing with hyper dogs.

That’s why dog owners bought Good Dog Pet Calming Supplement at Petco. Well, they used to, anyway. Petco has pulled the product off its shelves after the homeopathic medicine was found to contain 13% alcohol by volume.

Owners said they first suspected there was booze in it when after one dose, the dogs would start rambling about what a bitch their old lady was.

| Filed under Booze News, It Must Be Science!

News flash: Your job drives you to drink

If you drink heavily, it’s time to blame it on your boss, if you weren’t already.

According to a new study, the more hours you work per week, the more likely you will drink heavily. Researchers looked at thousands of people in 11 different countries, and basically, they found out what we already know: alcohol is the great uniter.

Also, slurring our complaints about work is something we all do.

| Filed under Booze News

Prison is too good for him

When you buy a bottle of something, you expect to get what the label says is in the bottle. Only the lowest forms of life would defraud at thirsty sot.

In Backpool, England, a man has been charged with selling fake liquor. To be fair, he was selling it in a designated area in town where there are slot machines, so people probably knew it wasn’t on the up-and-up in the first place. However, according to authorities, the man sold sealed bottles of Jack Daniel’s whiskey and Smirnoff vodka that were actually filled with water. Worse yet, the bottles of Jack contained human urine and feces, probably for color.

But let’s be clear, the most heinous crime of all is selling fake hootch. Do they still draw and quarter people over there?

| Filed under Booze News, War on Animals

Crocodiles surprisingly terrible at home brewing

There are many things that our enemies, the animal kingdom, are. These include:

  • At times, cunning
  • Vicious, dangerous and ruthless
  • Most of the time, delicious

One thing you won’t see on the list? Responsible homebrewers.

As it’s now been made evident, crocodiles will put their own bile into a beer, making things such as funerals become a lot sadder. This is because crocodile bile is quite poisonous to the human body. Crocodile bile is powerful enough to fell nearly 70 people if bottled into a beer.

Readers, we can only give you this special PSA: if you see a crocodile near your home brew equipment, throw bottles at the reptile until it’s dead. Then, unfortunately, toss that batch. You’ve gotta be safe.

| Filed under Booze News

Lack of creativity now joins IPA’s as the banes of craft brewing

Legal action is now the newest flavor for craft breweries.

It would appear that all of the good names (and even some of the bad ones) have been taken in the world of beer. Everyone’s got their own flavor, whether it’s an IPA, a lager or even a doppelbock; however, the problem is that everyone’s using the same names. This has resulted in a golden age for lawyers, especially those specializing in trademarks and arbitration.

A tip for the consumer-minded craft brewer: don’t be afraid to do a little homework before making that label.

Another tip for the consumer-minded craft brewer: SeriouslyGuys, as a flavor name, is totally up for sale.

| Filed under Booze News, War on Robots

Gandhi’s back in simultaneous beer- and robot-form

The New England Brewery Company said it was sorry if it had offended anyone by using Gandhi's name and image for its ‘Gandhi-Bot’ India Pale Ale and hopes that anyone who is offended doesn't miss any meals over it.
The New England Brewery Company said it was sorry if it had offended anyone by using Gandhi’s name and image for its “Gandhi-Bot” India Pale Ale and hopes that anyone who is offended doesn’t miss any meals over it.

In trying to honor Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi in the most noble way possible — with beer — The New England Brewery Company pissed off his family. Gandhi’s great-grandson, Tushar Gandhi, has threatened to sue the brewery for putting his image on their cans of “Gandhi-Bot,” an India pale ale.

According to Tushar Gandhi, his great-grandfather “abhorred alcohol drinking and spoke against it.” Granted, Gandhi didn’t eat food, either, so using his image for any consumables is — at the very least — self-defeating.

Perhaps what makes the brewery’s use of Gandhi to sell beer is that they used him to sell IPA. No, not because it’s kind of racist; because IPAs suck.

| Filed under Booze News

Don’t the elderly enjoy a visit from the spirits that aren’t dead?

Massachusetts refuses to not be a hotbed of controversy.

Isn’t that a laugh? But seriously, a controversial issue is appearing in the state: should alcohol be allowed in retirement homes? It’s a law that’s recently appeared on the desk of Governor Deval Patrick. Some people feel that seniors should be able to take part in the responsible joy that is boozing, while others feel that mixing of liquor with a LOT of medication may not be the smartest result.

Our stance: can’t everyone just have their own obituary written? You know, just in case?

Example: “Chris Taylor died doing what he loved: drinking box wine out of an empty Febreeze bottle.

| Filed under Booze News, It Must Be Science!

Drinking really does solve your problems

As you head back to work this week, you may find yourself hitting a wall on a project with no solution in sight. Science says you should get a good buzz going.

Research has shown that if your BAC is around 0.8%, your problem-solving skills go up, plus your day goes by faster. Smart people in Europe have released a beer they call “The Problem Solver.” The IPA comes in a bottle that looks to be the size of a bomber, and even has scales on the label to see how much you need to drink to reach that perfect level.

Have you had your beer this morning?

(h/t Meredith)