Category: Booze News

| Posted in Booze News

Profiles in drunkenness: Gerard Depardieu

You probably haven’t seen one of Gerard Depardieu’s movies in a while. That’s partly because most of them are in French, and screw that, but it’s also because he’s drunk and doesn’t care what you think.

In a recent interview, the French actor said he drinks up to 14 bottles of wine per day, and often throws in some beer, vodka or whisky for good measure. He starts drinking at 10 a.m., which means every day is Sunday Funday at l’Chateau Depardieu.

He has also killed a couple lions, which is better than anything you’ve done sloshed.

| Posted in Booze News

Do you hate your friends enough to buy them a beer?

Then you can go home make a candle out of it, and weep for your lost dignity.
Then you can go home make a candle out of it, and weep for your lost dignity.

Remember back when Facebook had the “poke” feature? You could click the button on someone’s profile, and the next time they logged in, it would let them know that you poked them. Hours of fun!

Anheuser-Busch is taking all the fun of the poke and combining it with bros icing bros. If you live in Chicago or Denver, you can now send someone a voucher for a free Bud Light via Facebook. The genius of the prank is that it’s twofold. First, you end up hating your friend for suggesting you like terrible beer, then it wears you down, say after day, until you get desperate enough that to take that voucher to your local bar and humiliate yourself by turning it in.

Finally, you wallow in shame for what you’ve done as you nurse your free beer.

| Posted in Booze News, War on Animals

Cow goes on a mission to ruin Oktoberfest

Just a day after we told you that there are radioactive boars in Germany, we have even more shocking animals news, and this time it affects Oktoberfest.

In Munich, a cow somehow escaped from the slaughterhouse and went on a rampage. First, it gored a jogger, sending her to the hospital. But more importantly, the cow then ran toward a field where workers were setting up tents for the Oktoberfest beer festival, which is just weeks away.

The beast was heading straight toward a worked, when it was blocked by a police vehicle that arrived just in time. Efforts to recapture the cow were unsuccessful, so authorities put it down the old-fashioned way. Because nobody messes with Oktoberfest.

| Posted in Booze News

Sobering news: U.S. lags behind other countries in drinking

Did you support America over the weekend? According to the World Health Organization, probably not.

According to the WHO, Americans over the age of 15 drank 9.2 liters of pure alcohol per capita in 2010. That may sound like a lot, but that puts us far below nearly every other country that doesn’t have an Islamic (teetotaler) majority. For example, Belarus was the drunkest, with 17.5 liters per capita.

Raise a glass and put America back on top. Are you doing your part?

| Posted in Booze News

Because people that wear white pants shouldn’t have to feel ill

The rich are not like you or I. They’re clearly more important to society than me or you. That said, no matter how financially wealthy you are, the great equalizer is not booze, but the morning after booze. The hangover is the worst feeling in the world. NO ONE CAN ENJOY IT, NOT EVEN MASOCHISTS.

But fret not! Rich people are now able to lessen the time span required to dealing with this blight upon mankind! The IV Doctor will come to your place within 30 minutes, insert a needle filled with body restoring solution into your arm and soon you’ll be on your way to another glorious day filled with working hard, playing hard and making those duckets, dawg. What’s two Benji Franks between feeling good?

Now, just a reminder: the IV is simply a remedy to a hangover, not a prevention. Smart people, both rich and not rich, should probably stick with DrinkWel, the hangover preventer. It works.

| Posted in Booze News

Champagne is now like mother’s milk

Sure, booze is great, but what’s the point of drinking it if you can’t show everyone how fancy you are? The key to that is having the right glass for your drink. And if you’re drinking champagne, we’ve got a new glass to show off your class.

You can now sip your Cristal from a coupe shaped like Kate Moss’ boob — her left one, to be exact. It’s said, and probably false, that the first champagne coupe, crafted in the 18th century, was molded from Marie Antoinette’s left breast. If this is true, perhaps the French Revolution was actually about bubbly. Moss sat down with a British artist to do the same thing with her 40-year-old breasts.

So what were champagne flutes molded from?

| Posted in Booze News

Two liquors in one bottle is just better

Sooner or later, we all learn that mixing liquors is a bad idea. Sometimes it works out OK, but others it means a guarantee of waking up feeling nearly dead. Luckily, there’s a loophole: pre-mixed liquors.

Vodquila is a blend of, unsurprisingly, vodka and tequila. It was invented by a father and daughter in Alabama who apparently like to mix and drink together. They have created the perfect liquor for Mexican-Russians. They’ve even won an award for it.

Vodquila, for when you want to get tequila drunk, but with the versatility of vodka, the choice of alcoholics everywhere.

| Posted in Booze News

A deep breath that will actually relax you

Now you can drink OR huff booze from a paper bag.
Now you can drink OR huff booze from a paper bag.

Oh look, inhaling alcohol is back. But we won’t be swayed this time, we’ve had our hearts broken before, and there’s no doubt this will leave us, too. (We miss you, Palcohol!)

Try not to get too excited about the Vapshot. It turns the liquor of your choice into a vapor you can inhale, rather than drink. Why would you do such a thing? Because inhaling booze is a quicker and more efficient way to get the medicine into your system (the IV is still tops, but hasn’t really caught on in bars). So rather than doing a shot and waiting for it to get digested, you feel the effects immediately.

And because your lungs have been dying for abuse since you quit smoking.

| Posted in Booze News

Man falls out of train, paper more concerned about his beer

We to make fun of the news here at SG, but it’s very rare that we get to make fun of the news as well as how it’s being covered. Let’s see what the Moscow Times has for us today.

Challenging the widespread notion about the inherent goodness of man, passengers of a suburban train outside Moscow stole the luggage and finished the beer of a man who fell of the train ….

Great lead sentence. Who in Russia believes that people are inherently good? Aren’t they the ones who have to use dash cams in their cars because insurance fraud is so rampant? Still, that does suck for the guy to lose his beer and luggage like that.

The unlucky passenger was keeping the door of the moving train car open to get some fresh air in the unventilated vestibule, ….

He eventually dropped out at a turn in the road, leaving behind an unfinished beer, two car bumpers and a screw gun.

So no one at the inherently good Moscow Times thought to ask what happened to the man, but found out exactly what he was carrying with him? That is kind of weird luggage, though.

Train officials ignored requests to pick up the man’s belongings, the daily said on Friday.

This allowed an unnamed male passenger to finish the beer and make away with the bumpers and the power tool before train officials came.

Again, none of these inherently good people are concerned about the guy who FELL OUT OF A TRAIN. They just want his junk cleared out, but people driving the train don’t even want to be bothered with the man’s belongings. Also, thanks for clarifying that the guy who took the beer, bumpers and screw gun was unarmed. Was that a distinguishing thing because everyone else on the train was strapped?

| Posted in Booze News

Man plans to love Jack Daniel’s even in death

Sure, you love booze. (We’re just assuming that, based on the fact that you are visiting this site.) But do you love booze enough to be buried in it?

A man in England commissioned a casket shaped and painted to look like a bottle of Jack Daniel’s, because apparently he’s something of a fan. Anto Wickham spent some time in Iraq as a contractor, and saw a lot of nasty stuff. We don’t know if that’s why he drinks Tennessee whiskey, but we do know that he saw enough funerals to realize he doesn’t want his own to be a sober affair one day. The Jack casket is his way of lightening the mood.

A better war to lift mourners’ spirits is to actually have a bottle of Jack that size for everyone to enjoy.