What is this ‘Lowenbrau,’ anyway?
Posted on March 15, 2010
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About 80 years ago, the U.S. was not allowed to drink. Special interest groups, coupled with women, convinced the government to ban alcohol. Unfortunately, laws that existed back then are still in effect in some states.
In Pennsylvania, some bars were raided for not having properly licensed beer. The problem: the names on the state’s registry of beers did not match the ones being sold, probably because of typographical errors or abbreviation. This meant that the bars had to stop selling certain suds, and the kegs were even confiscated.
If you want to make bar patrons cry, seize a keg in front of them. They’ll be crying in their lack of beer in no time.
Written by Bryan McBournieA toast: To guilt!
Posted on March 5, 2010
Filed Under Booze News, It Must Be Science! | 1 Comment |
Northwestern University’s Kellogg School of Management researchers have learned something interesting about guilt: it makes you drink. For some reason, millions of Americans want to forget why they feel guilty, and nothing helps you forget like booze.
But did you know that undergraduates feel guilty about drinking underage and/or to excess? When shown Canadian (?) anti-drinking drinking public service ads, the teens decided they needed a drink.
American teens drinking to forget guilt-trips from our frozen, drunken neighbors to the north? Yeah, we’ll drink to that, too.
Written by Rick SneeDrunk enforcement
Posted on March 1, 2010
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Ladies and gents, we’re in the wrong line of work.
Written by Bryan SchoolsCelebrity Rehab: Animal Edition
Posted on March 1, 2010
Filed Under Booze News, War on Animals | 2 Comments |
We know that animals want to kill us and rule the world, but did you know that they are also poor role models? It’s true. Just look to Russia.
Traditionally a country on our side of the war, Russians sent a chimpanzee to rehab, yes rehab, for drinking and smoking. In other words, the chimp was basically acting like the average Russian. Rather than kill the beast and be done with it, the Russkies decided to rehabilitate the addict. It’s getting ugly, folks.
Written by Bryan McBournieKey quote: “The beer and cigarettes were ruining him. He would pester passers-by for booze,” the Komsomolskaya Pravda paper said.
A drink to celebrate an arrival, or forget on departure
Posted on February 19, 2010
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Flying sucks, and Las Vegas knows that. Unfortunately, unless you live in the southwest (and really, who does?), you have to fly to get there and back to where you call home.
MacCarran International Airport in Las Vegas already has slot machines in it, but it’s time to up the ante once again. They are considering putting a liquor store in it. This isn’t the duty-free kind of shop thing, we’re talking full on liquor store.
It’s time to fly high.
Written by Bryan McBournieReal life has consequences? ZOMG!!!11
Posted on February 18, 2010
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We’ll go ahead and get the pun out of the way: Oh WoW!
A World of Warcraft essentially slipped the human race the finger by getting involved in a drunken dispute with his mother, grabbing her hair, choking her, and headbutting a wall. Oh, and he also ended up getting shot in the head by his grandfather. All in one night. Impressive.
27-year-old James Swan, who lives with his mother, had been playing WoW and getting drunk before the fight began. That might mess up his ability to effectively use some of the macros, but hey, who are we to judge? Swan’s mother demanded that the man-child tone down the noise while he played his game at 10pm, a demand that Swan took umbrage with. So very much umbrage. NERD RAGE! Wacky hi-jinx ensued as the MMO player eventually grabbed his mother by the hair and flung her onto a bed. We can only hope there’s nothing Freudian about that action. He also did the same to his little brother, who had arrived to find out what the noise was about.
The mother ran to call the police, but Swan ripped the phone from the wall and proceeded to repeatedly headbutt the the spot where the phone once was, which is a good way to show the phone that it needs to learn its role in life and get back into the kitchen and make me a sammich.
Ahem.
He then began to choke his mother into near-unconsciousness, threatening to kill her, before the grandfather became involved. Swan threatened to kill him too, so the grandfather got his gun. The two men then wrestled over the gun, which went off and shot James Swan in the head. The bullet bounced off his skull and went through a window. Luckily for Swan, he was only wounded, and was arrested after refusing treatment at a hospital.
Words cannot begin to accurately articulate the glee and childish squealing that this story has given me.
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorDouble whammy
Posted on February 17, 2010
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Talk about striking out. A Florida woman was charged with a DUI after showing up to an area prison and demanding a conjugal visit, drunk. Not only did she fail the breathalizer, but the prison doesn’t even allow conjugal visits to begin with.
Written by Bryan SchoolsWell, he did stack the deck against himself….
Posted on February 10, 2010
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My younger brother recently got his learner’s permit. This is important because he is now one step closer to becoming a functional member of society. Myself, it took three attempts to finally seal the deal with getting the learner’s permit. Still, I can’t help but think that my adventures with the DMV were easier than that of Susumu Moriya.
Apparently Moriya entered a Japanese police station around 9:30 AM to renew his drivers license while completely intoxicated. After experiencing a bit of trouble with the touch screen interface that’s used to print out the request form, Moriya asked for help. Unable to understand the officer who came to assist him, he became belligerent, even going as far as to throw his license to the floor in anger.
When the officer had smelt the alcohol on Moriya’s breath, he asked how Moriya had arrived at the station. Moriya then lied, stating that he had walked. However, the moment he was asked to leave, Moriya went straight to his car. 200 meters later, and Moriya was arrested for drunk driving.
He later informed the police that he had started drinking as early as 6 AM and had consumed two beers and several glasses of shochu. Pro-tip for all you hopeful drivers out there: visiting a police station while drunk as a skunk probably isn’t the best of ideas.
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorThe McBournie Minute: I am now a broken man
Posted on February 8, 2010
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It’s all over, folks. There is nothing left to explore. There are no new wonders in the world to discover–at least when it comes to alcohol. And it’s all the New Zealand Antarctic Heritage Trust’s fault. (Side note: Is there an Old Zealand?)
The trust found the fabled lost whiskey of Sir Ernest Shackleton, which has been mellowing in the permafrost for a century. One can imagine it’s quite smooth at this point, more importantly, it was the booze of the famous explorer. Apparently the whiskey was sitting underneath Shackleton’s hut in Antarctica. The bottles were still in their boxes.
From what it sounds like, they’re not even planning to open them up and enjoy the liquor of a great man. What a waste. Read more
Written by Bryan McBournieBoning up on beer
Posted on February 8, 2010
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We already knew beer was good for your heart, vascular system and working out your liver muscles. But, little did we know that it’s also good for your bones!
Researchers at the University of California, Davis discovered that beer is a source of dietary silicon–which may be good for bone growth–and that beers with high levels of malted barley and hops carry the most.
Listen, fellas, if old milk ads have taught us anything, it’s that women love a healthy set of bones. So, bottom’s up!
Written by Rick Snee keep looking ยป