Category: Booze News

| Filed under Booze News, It Must Be Science!

Hair of the dog now on the endangered species list

Drink up, because in less than 35 years, we might not need the hair of the dog anymore.
Drink up, because in less than 35 years, we might not need the hair of the dog anymore.

If a drunk falls in the woods — and remembers it — was he really drunk?

That’s the question science has just introduced into drunken debates, which are like pot debates except everyone is shouting, even if they all agree. And it’s all because some chemist wants to make alcosynth a thing by 2050.

Alcosynth is a chemical that recreates the positive effects of alcohol (i.e., feeling less inhibited, claiming to know everything about a movie you’ve never seen) without the negative effects, like a hangover or being “too” drunk. In execution, your bartender would use either the clear or bitter version in mixed drinks instead of, for example, vodka or whiskey. It allegedly would tap out at the drunkenness you feel after four or five drinks, so you would never black out.

But, is that all alcohol is? Just something that makes a lemonade hard, a V8 bloody, an orange juice a mimosa? Or is it something that introduces an element of danger as just part of a complex flavor experience?

"Help me up. We have to poperate ... popoperate ... cut your skull open immediately."
“Help me up. We have to poperate … popoperate … cut your skull open immediately.”

All we know is that Star Trek: The Next Generation had (will have?) a version of this. And, while they were probably the safest crew to fly with, it wasn’t nearly as fun as a having a xenological parasite being removed by a half-plastered Original Series Dr. McCoy.

Chances are that this is the half-baked idea of a “Legalize it!” crank, so we’ll only have to consider the ramifications of alcosynth in theory. But, in the meantime, The Guys are going to make a designated driver’s life awful for the next six hours.

Special thanks to Julie S. for the link!

| Filed under Booze News

Home defense weapon: beer

Is your home safe from intruders? You may have locks, you may have an alarm system, you may even have a gun, but you’re not really safe unless you have a case of beer in the house.

An Oregon father and his teenage son fought and detained a home intruder who may have been on drugs. Their secret weapon was a case of beer and a power tool. According to authorities, the father and son caught a man breaking into their house, and were forced to fight him when he became violent. During the scuffle, the son was able to smash cases of beer and a power grinder (items not usually used together) over the suspect’s head.

Keep your family safe. Buy a case of beer today.

| Filed under Booze News, It Must Be Science!

Drinking beer, ‘BSG’-style

Science finally helps us get more plastered while watching old episodes of Cosmos. Just like Carl Sagan would've wanted.
Science finally helps us get more plastered while watching old episodes of Cosmos. Just like Carl Sagan would’ve wanted.

The Guys have lamented more than once that, while time does indeed march forward, it doesn’t often feel that we live in the future. Although computers are increasingly smaller and faster, they don’t do much different from they did ten to 15 years ago. We still have to chew our food like animals rather than take it in pill-form. (At this point, we’d even accept drinking a nutritionally sufficient slurry or paste.) And, even though the death toll would be astronomical (proving that we’ve gotten older), we still expect the jet packs we were promised as children.

In short, science fiction let us down. It peaked in the 1960s by predicting flat screens and cellphones, and the only modern thing it predicted is the widespread global chaos and lower fertility rates of Children of Men.

But, maybe it’s time to find smaller victories. For instance, the TV Beer Mug, which was clearly inspired by the corners cut off everything in Battlestar Galactica.

It’s not perfect. After all, Archie Bunker perfected drinking beer and watching television back in the 1970s. But, we’ll take any indication of Gene Roddenberry’s glorious, upbeat future anywhere we can find it.

Special thanks to Nat E. for the find! We owe you an unobtrusive beer.

| Filed under Booze News, It Must Be Science!

Study: Psychos like coffee, G&Ts

Did you enjoy a nice, hot cup of coffee this morning? Are you looking forward to having a gin and tonic at happy hour this afternoon? Congratulations, you’re probably a psychopath.

A recent study has found that people who say they enjoy coffee, or gin and tonic, are more likely to have characteristics of psychopathy. Basically, coffee and G&Ts are the drinks of psychos. If you like those drinks, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a psycho yourself, but it might.

But if you like coffee in your gin and tonic, you’re a freaking serial killer.

| Filed under Booze News

Police: Batman steals beer

Superhero movies this summer, while mostly disappointing, all dealt with whether vigilantes with superpowers should be held accountable and controlled by society. So it’s fitting that this is now a real-world issue.

In upstate New York, a man in a Batman costume and a Captain America mask stole a couple cases of Budweiser (“America”) from a convenience store. Because when you have a superhero thirst, one case just isn’t going to do it. Was this Batman? Was this Captain America? Or was this a clever commentary on how superhero movies have devolved into two-hour-long beer commercials? Who can save us from this menace?

One thing we do know: the runs won’t just be in the tights.

| Filed under Booze News, Drunk of the Day

Beer the secret to longevity, 103-year-old says

If you want to live forever, drink beer — at least that’s what a 103-year-old woman says.

Mildred Bowers, 103, of South Carolina, has seen a lot in her day. (Some of those things are everyone she’s loved dying before her, but you know, there’s a trade-off to immortality.) And in her wizened state, she said having a beer every day has been a major reason why she has lived so long. It’s not scientific, but it’s good enough.

She also never had kids, so keep that one in mind, too.

| Filed under Booze News, It Must Be Science!

Your single friends are all drunks, science says

It’s a well-worn comedic trope that your significant other drives you to drink. But what that may not actually be the reality.

According to a new study, your single friends drink way more than you and your partner. A study of same-sex twins found that those who are in a relationship kind of cut back on the hootch, compared to their single doppelgangers. That means that you’re ruining the fun for your significant other, which might be OK, because that means you can go full steam ahead and know that you’ve got a designated driver.

So if you’re in a relationship and you’re miserable, it’s probably because you’re spending way too much time sober.

| Filed under Booze News

Now you can drink beer made from Roald Dahl’s farts

You no doubt read some of famous British children’s author Roald Dahl’s books when you were growing up. But now that you’re older, is there something missing? You wish you could sit down and share a pint with the man. Here’s the next best thing.

40FT Brewery and food company Bompas & Parr, both British, of course, are bringing you a beer made from yeast samples taken from Dahl’s writing chair, as well as some of his other belongings. It’s called Mr. Twit’s Odious Ale, and we don’t know much about it other than it sounds gross.

It’s only a matter of time before we see James and the Giant Peach Wheat.

| Filed under Booze News

Bad news: Booze ingredients running low

It’s August, which means winter seasonal beers are just a few weeks away. But it also means pumpkin beers will be hitting shelves any day now. But it’s not good news for pumpkin beer lovers, they’re running low on pumpkins.

For the second year in a row, American brewers report that they are having trouble finding enough orange gourds to make the beer that people either love or compare to Hitler. It seems pumpkin demand is so high that farmers aren’t able to keep up with demand, plus, some farmers, such as those in the Richmond, Virginia area, suffered a bad pumpkin crop this year.

And in Europe, things aren’t looking so good for fans of bubbly. The Champagne region of France, which is coincidentally where champagne is made, has had a rough grape-growing year. Vineyards have suffered from rot, mildew and frost. That means it’s going to be a bad year for your favorite New Year’s beverage.

We don’t mean to be alarmist, but now might be the time to stock up on alcohol, you know, before everyone else cleans out the stores.

| Filed under Booze News

France on high alert after ‘wine terrorists’ attack

Hold your wine glasses a little tighter tonight. The streets of one French town ran red with wine, and residents are left asking why.

In the South of France, the town of Sete found one of its streets awash in wine for hours, and authorities are baffled. The flood of wine, several inches deep, came from the spilled barrels at a local wine merchant’s house. While officials have yet to name a cause of the incident, many suspect it is the work of a group of “wine terrorists,” a “Malbec Qaeda” if you will, who are against the import of goods to the area. Until this group claims responsibility, the French are forced to shake their heads and exclaim, “Sacre bleu!”

The only thing that can stop a bad guy with wine is a good guy with wine.