When you turn 21, it’s basically a given that you’re going to hurt the next morning, but some people take it up a notch higher than most, like to the “steal an emergency vehicle” notch.
According to police in Virginia, Ryan Kovacik, a pre-med student and certified EMT, was coming back from a night of celebrating his 21st birthday when he decided to steal an ambulance parked outside his local hospital. The ambulance crew was able to get him on the two-way radio and told him to stop.
Kovacik apparently thought this wasn’t so bad of an idea, because cops pulled him over as he was heading back to return the ambulance. The celebration for 22 will likely be somewhat subdued.
Have you ever wanted to get paid for getting drunk? Of course you have, it’s the dream we all share.
Well, if you live in Philadelphia and like drinking, and if you live there, you almost certainly do, the police want to get you drunk. Cops in the Philly suburb of Newtown Square want to get people to certain points of drunkenness so that they can practice doing field sobriety tests. And it’s all legal.
We’re going to assume they don’t let you drive home after the training is done, though.
Look, it’s April 1, and everyone on the Internet thinks it’s fun to pull one over on everyone. It’s the one day we all hate each other more than usual. We’re still going to report the stupid stuff that actually happened. We’re not making this up, as far as we know. Let’s get started.
In France, a 22-year-old man at a shipyard was no doubt glad to see that authorities had shown up to help. He had been all alone, administering CPR to an injured person, and he called emergency service to help him save a life. The cops found him and immediately noticed that he was drunk. Then they noticed that he was trying to resuscitate a rubber dinghy.
The man spent the night in the drunk tank. The dinghy didn’t make it.
A company called Cosmic Lifestyle Corp. has designed cocktail glasses they say will work in zero gravity. The cups look sort of like what glasses we know here on Earth, but they’ve got a system of grooves that the company says will hold the liquids more or less in place until you’re ready to put them in your face. Like any foolish endeavor, the zero gravity cups are doing a Kickstarter funding campaign.
Beats drinking out of those lame Capri Sun-style packets.
Oregon’s Ninkasi Brewing has launched vials of yeast into space, then retrieved them, and come up with an imperial stout. While this brings space beer to new heights, the real accomplishment is that the company refrained from saying that the beer is “out of this world.”
If you’ve had a couple in today’s revelry, you may be the most attractive person in the bar, according to a new study.
Researchers found that if a person has a glass or two of wine, their image is more attractive to other people than if they were sober. Unfortunately, this doesn’t mean double-fisting makes you sexy, it means that subtle changes in your appearance after a drink or two (read: a smile) makes you more attractive. Another downside is that if you’ve had more than a couple drinks, your attractiveness goes down.
No research has been done on whether it goes back up again after 8 or 9 drinks. So, let’s just assume for now it really does help.
Well guess what? It’s back! Unless you live in a fifth of the states here in the U.S. Then your nose is just boned for regular reasons.
Palcohol has, once again, been approved by the Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau. Four varieties can now be bought! Except approximately 10 states aren’t down with getting your alcohol buzz via your nose, so they’ve already or are planning to halt sales in their respective residences.
Mind you, all of The Guys live in the same state, and at the moment, our state has not banned Palcohol. This just made the SeriouslyGuys Fantasy Football draft that much more snortier.
Two U.S. Secret Service agents reportedly collided their car into a White House barrier Wednesday night. According to House Oversight Committee Chairman Jason Chaffetz (R-UT), the agents were partying in Georgetown to celebrate a Secret Service spokesman’s retirement (too soon, apparently) until called back to respond to an incident at the White House.
Alcohol is suspected as a factor, which isn’t much of a secret considering that these are the same barriers that the Secret Service set up in the first place. At this point, the only secret that the Secret Service has kept protected is that they graduated from the police academy back when Commandant Lassard was in charge of it.
In other news:The Guys are definitely becoming U.S. Secret Service agents.
If you were looking forward to trying out some wine from the Civil War, you can give up now.
A panel of wine tasters sampled one of five bottles recovered from a ship that sank in 1864 bound for the South. It was pretty much just seawater, which shouldn’t be shocking, considering that the liquid was milky and grey.
At this point we should just stop getting excited about booze recovered from shipwrecks, especially if the bottles are sealed with corks that allow in seawater. Centuries from now, people will enjoy screw-top and bag wines from modern shipwrecks.