Category: Booze News

| Posted in Booze News

Sobering news: U.S. lags behind other countries in drinking

Did you support America over the weekend? According to the World Health Organization, probably not.

According to the WHO, Americans over the age of 15 drank 9.2 liters of pure alcohol per capita in 2010. That may sound like a lot, but that puts us far below nearly every other country that doesn’t have an Islamic (teetotaler) majority. For example, Belarus was the drunkest, with 17.5 liters per capita.

Raise a glass and put America back on top. Are you doing your part?

| Posted in Booze News

Because people that wear white pants shouldn’t have to feel ill

The rich are not like you or I. They’re clearly more important to society than me or you. That said, no matter how financially wealthy you are, the great equalizer is not booze, but the morning after booze. The hangover is the worst feeling in the world. NO ONE CAN ENJOY IT, NOT EVEN MASOCHISTS.

But fret not! Rich people are now able to lessen the time span required to dealing with this blight upon mankind! The IV Doctor will come to your place within 30 minutes, insert a needle filled with body restoring solution into your arm and soon you’ll be on your way to another glorious day filled with working hard, playing hard and making those duckets, dawg. What’s two Benji Franks between feeling good?

Now, just a reminder: the IV is simply a remedy to a hangover, not a prevention. Smart people, both rich and not rich, should probably stick with DrinkWel, the hangover preventer. It works.

| Posted in Booze News

Champagne is now like mother’s milk

Sure, booze is great, but what’s the point of drinking it if you can’t show everyone how fancy you are? The key to that is having the right glass for your drink. And if you’re drinking champagne, we’ve got a new glass to show off your class.

You can now sip your Cristal from a coupe shaped like Kate Moss’ boob — her left one, to be exact. It’s said, and probably false, that the first champagne coupe, crafted in the 18th century, was molded from Marie Antoinette’s left breast. If this is true, perhaps the French Revolution was actually about bubbly. Moss sat down with a British artist to do the same thing with her 40-year-old breasts.

So what were champagne flutes molded from?

| Posted in Booze News

Two liquors in one bottle is just better

Sooner or later, we all learn that mixing liquors is a bad idea. Sometimes it works out OK, but others it means a guarantee of waking up feeling nearly dead. Luckily, there’s a loophole: pre-mixed liquors.

Vodquila is a blend of, unsurprisingly, vodka and tequila. It was invented by a father and daughter in Alabama who apparently like to mix and drink together. They have created the perfect liquor for Mexican-Russians. They’ve even won an award for it.

Vodquila, for when you want to get tequila drunk, but with the versatility of vodka, the choice of alcoholics everywhere.

| Posted in Booze News

A deep breath that will actually relax you

Now you can drink OR huff booze from a paper bag.
Now you can drink OR huff booze from a paper bag.

Oh look, inhaling alcohol is back. But we won’t be swayed this time, we’ve had our hearts broken before, and there’s no doubt this will leave us, too. (We miss you, Palcohol!)

Try not to get too excited about the Vapshot. It turns the liquor of your choice into a vapor you can inhale, rather than drink. Why would you do such a thing? Because inhaling booze is a quicker and more efficient way to get the medicine into your system (the IV is still tops, but hasn’t really caught on in bars). So rather than doing a shot and waiting for it to get digested, you feel the effects immediately.

And because your lungs have been dying for abuse since you quit smoking.

| Posted in Booze News

Man falls out of train, paper more concerned about his beer

We to make fun of the news here at SG, but it’s very rare that we get to make fun of the news as well as how it’s being covered. Let’s see what the Moscow Times has for us today.

Challenging the widespread notion about the inherent goodness of man, passengers of a suburban train outside Moscow stole the luggage and finished the beer of a man who fell of the train ….

Great lead sentence. Who in Russia believes that people are inherently good? Aren’t they the ones who have to use dash cams in their cars because insurance fraud is so rampant? Still, that does suck for the guy to lose his beer and luggage like that.

The unlucky passenger was keeping the door of the moving train car open to get some fresh air in the unventilated vestibule, ….

He eventually dropped out at a turn in the road, leaving behind an unfinished beer, two car bumpers and a screw gun.

So no one at the inherently good Moscow Times thought to ask what happened to the man, but found out exactly what he was carrying with him? That is kind of weird luggage, though.

Train officials ignored requests to pick up the man’s belongings, the daily said on Friday.

This allowed an unnamed male passenger to finish the beer and make away with the bumpers and the power tool before train officials came.

Again, none of these inherently good people are concerned about the guy who FELL OUT OF A TRAIN. They just want his junk cleared out, but people driving the train don’t even want to be bothered with the man’s belongings. Also, thanks for clarifying that the guy who took the beer, bumpers and screw gun was unarmed. Was that a distinguishing thing because everyone else on the train was strapped?

| Posted in Booze News

Man plans to love Jack Daniel’s even in death

Sure, you love booze. (We’re just assuming that, based on the fact that you are visiting this site.) But do you love booze enough to be buried in it?

A man in England commissioned a casket shaped and painted to look like a bottle of Jack Daniel’s, because apparently he’s something of a fan. Anto Wickham spent some time in Iraq as a contractor, and saw a lot of nasty stuff. We don’t know if that’s why he drinks Tennessee whiskey, but we do know that he saw enough funerals to realize he doesn’t want his own to be a sober affair one day. The Jack casket is his way of lightening the mood.

A better war to lift mourners’ spirits is to actually have a bottle of Jack that size for everyone to enjoy.

| Posted in Booze News, It Must Be Science!

A microscopic worm can drink you under the table

Bad news, people. There exists a type of worm that can’t get drunk, and it’s all science’s fault.

Researchers at the University of Texas genetically engineered a type of roundworm that can’t get a buzz no matter how much it drinks. Stop for a minute, and think about how a group of scientists spent their workdays getting worms drunk, then contemplate how much your job sucks.

But it’s not all bad news. They say the discovery could one day lead to drugs that can block the effect of alcohol withdrawal (hangovers). It could even one day keep people from getting drunk at all, which sounds like hell.

| Posted in Booze News

Duking it out over ‘Duke’

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Personally, we wouldn’t mess with the Wayne family. They tend to get a little … batty when it comes to their parents’ legacy.

We’re this close to a John Wayne-themed bourbon. We just have to wait for the Wayne estate’s and Duke University’s lawyers to finish fighting over trademarks before we can finally drop shots of The Duke into glasses of Fess Parker wine.

Duke University is suing to protect their trademark, which they believe a whiskey named “The Duke” would violate, even if it was John Wayne’s nickname (the man was renown for his spectacular dumps) and the label features him and not a blue devil.

To confirm Duke’s lawyers’ fears, The Guys are a little confused about the brands, mostly because we all minored in whiskey while in college together.

| Posted in Booze News

Breaking news: People drinking at World Cup

In 2003, Brazil realized that its soccer fans were getting a bit too drunk and rowdy during matches, so it banned the sale of alcohol in “football” stadiums. (It would make more sense to ban soccer, but whatever.) But FIFA made Brazil end their prohibition for the World Cup.

Now, FIFA officials are surprised at how much drunkenness is going on. FIFA’s Jerome Valcke, whom we’re told is a high-ranking official, said during an interview that there may be too many drunk people at the matches, and that could lead to hooliganism.

This makes no sense to The Guys. Isn’t the point of watching sports, especially boring ones, to drink beer?