Take heart, citizens! Science is here to save you from your hangover … at some point.
Rather than the hassle of hydrating and loading up on vitamins to avoid or minimize a hangover, one researcher has a cure for you. David Nutt, head of neuropsychopharmacology (which is surprisingly hard to say when drunk) at Imperial College in London, claims he has found five compounds that can replicate the effects of alcohol without the damage to your brain, or your liver or heart, for that matter.
Nutt seems to have only tried his concoction on himself, and reported a decent buzz. Then he took the antidote and sobered up right away. He’s a modern-day Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Drunkass. The substitute for booze still needs more testing, and won’t be seen for a while, if ever, on the market.
For now, the only fake alcohol you can drink comes in wine coolers.
This Thanksgiving, when you go out to buy a turkey, you might want to find out if it came from New Hampshire. There’s a chance it came from Joe Morette’s farm.
For years, Morette has been raising turkeys for Thanksgiving, and he’s been feeding them beer. He claims it started one summer many years ago when a turkey knocked over his beer and started gobbling it up. Morette and some of his regular customers say the beer gives the birds a slightly darker taste.
As much as it pains us to say it, there may be some things that Americans can learn from their frozen neighbors. For example, beer.
According to a recent study, 1 in 100 people in the Canadian workforce rely on the beer industry. In fact, beer makes up more of the Canadian economy than dairy and wind and spirits combined. However, analysts say that beer sales are slowing, because baby boomers aren’t drinking as much as they used to. Canadians, it’s time to pass the pint on to a new generation of drinkers.
Hold your head high, Americans, Canadians only drink roughly 21 gallons of beer per capita annually. According to the Beer Institute, that means they barely drink more than Utah.
The next time you walk into a bar, be careful, there may be a church service going on.
Across the country, several churches are turning to suds to attract new congregants. Most of the ministries are Lutheran, which makes sense, because only heathens could come up with an idea like this. Other congregations stay in their churches and bring craft beer to the pews.
So if you’ve got a hangover on Sunday morning, maybe you should have the hair of the dog with Jesus.
I’m about to give you news that will come across as bad. Potentially very bad. Do not panic yet. A fire raged across the Yuengling Brewery this weekend, causing an estimated 1 million dollars in damage. I’m not alone in thinking that sounds pretty bad. Plenty of charred remains lie around. There is a large gaping hole in the plant.
Here’s the good news: according to the plant manager, it looked worse than it actually was. Despite the charring. Despite the large gaping hole.
Here’s the better news: no beer was lost. Not a single drop. Allow me to reiterate: there will be no beer shortage.
For those of us who want to lose weight, but hate the idea of changing our eating and exercise habits, there will always be schemes to make money off of your insecurity. If only there were an easier way.
One man in Arizona has found a diet that any of us could stick to. Evo Terro is celebrating Oktoberfest by eating nothing but sausage and drinking beer. And he’s losing weight doing it. His cholesterol is going down, to boot.
There are people who own cats, and then there are people who own cats. It’s fine to own a pet, as long as you make sure it’s not gathering intelligence on you and sending it back to animal forces. But there’s a line.
For example, you don’t drink with your cats. Once again, Japan missed out on that memo. A company over there is introducing wine for cats, so you can get drunk with your feline friend and spill all our secrets. “Nyan Nyan Nouveau” doesn’t actually have alcohol, it’s got vitamins and a little bit of catnip. Great, so now your cat can drink you under the table.