Category: Booze News

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More proof that beer is the key to immortality

Mark Behrends is 110 years old. Once you hit that level, you’re only asked one question. Say it with us know: “What’s the secret of your longevity?” Behrends says beer is the reason he’s been around long enough to see two different centuries.

That’s a great thing. It seems like every week there’s another study talking about how beer is good for us. The only thing here is that Behrends said he drinks only one beer per day. Can you imagine? Who drinks just one beer?

On second thought, nobody wants to live forever.

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Explorers hope 1700s shipwreck has rum

In 1763, the Lord Clive, British (of course it was) warship, was sunk by Spanish cannons in a river in Uruguay. We wouldn’t bring you this old news if it didn’t affect you in some way. They’re going to salvage the wreck, and there might be some rum on board.

No one knows what may have been on the ship when it sank, but many seem to think that in addition to gold, there’s 250-year-old rum on board, because apparently sailing ships relied on booze as much as wind to get where they were going. That’s important, because there’s a market for liquor that’s been mellowing that long.

In 2013, some rum from the 1780s sold at auction for about $122,000, several times more than the asking price. Then again, maybe the salvage crew won’t be lucky, and only find treasure instead.

| Filed under Booze News, War on Animals, Warrior of the Week

Chase the bear, then get drunk

"Yea, so, ah ... I mightah got hammahed and chased a f*ckin' beah last night."
“Yea … so, ah … I mightah got hammahed and chased a f*ckin’ beah last night.”

Camping season is upon us, which for park rangers means shepherding drunks away from wildlife. And, brother, this season is already booming.

The North Adams Police Department in Massachusetts reportedly took a man into custody to protect him from the bear that he was chasing with a hatchet. They then issued a warning on Facebook to “NOT chase bears through the woods with a dull hatchet, drunk” [shouty-caps emphasis theirs].

You heard the constables, folks. Sharpen your hatchets, then chase bears. And then, once the asthma sets in, have a drink. You’ve earned it, warrior.

| Filed under Booze News, It Must Be Science!

Intoxicating curves

This probably explains why we drink so much champagne out of glasses (allegedly) molded from Marie Antoinette's funbags.
This probably explains why we drink so much champagne out of glasses (allegedly) molded from Marie Antoinette’s funbags.

We all know that curves can be dangerous, especially when you’re drinking. But, apparently that even applies to your pint glass.

Researchers from the University of Bristol and Tobacco and Alcohol Research Group of Bristol found that people drank more beer faster if served in a curved glass as opposed to a straight-sided glass. They believe it’s because the curved glass distorts our perception of how full the glass is, impairing our ability to measure and pace ourselves.

However, this remained true even after adding measurement markers to the curved glasses, which possibly indicates that we can’t keep our hands and lips off of curves, no matter what they’re made out of.

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Collagen beer will make you look younger, ladies

Ladies, do you enjoy drinking, but hate what it does to your skin? A new beer in Japan might be just the thing for you.

“Precious,” a beer by Suntory wants to restore your youthful glow. A 5% alcohol-by-volume, Precious can help you get a buzz and make you look younger, because it has collagen in it. The naysayers and their degrees say that the beer doesn’t have enough collagen in it to actually make a difference in your complexion, but what do they know?

With this beer, no longer will it be obvious you woke up on the floor, ladies.

| Filed under Booze News, It Must Be Science!

Drink to breaking another glass ceiling

If you’re reading this and you’re a woman, there’s a decent chance you’re drunk right now. It’s science.

According to a new study by the American Journal of Public Health, binge drinking among women is on the rise in the U.S. In case you’re wondering, the white coats define “binge drinking” as five or more drinks in a sitting for men, and four or more in a sitting for women. In fact, from 2002 to 2012, lady binge drinking rose by about 36%, while men rose by only 23%.

Congratulations, ladies. Every drink you take brings us all closer to gender equality.

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Bourbon theft ring caught, hootch to be destroyed

Like a lot of people, The Guys like bourbon. And apparently we’re not the only ones, because there’s a black market for the stuff.

In Kentucky, authorities have arrested workers at the Buffalo Trace and Wild Turkey distilleries in connection with a series of bourbon thefts going back the better part of a decade. The theft ring may even be responsible for the theft a year or so ago of cases of Pappy Van Winkle Family Reserve, the holy grail of bourbons.

Now that cops have found some of the stolen booze, it has to be destroyed under state law. A classic case of blaming the victim. #saveourbourbons

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Make your crappy beer into tea

Do you have money to spend on an unproven Kickstarter campaign, but not enough to buy a decent six-pack at the store? Then your priorities are screwed up, and we’ve found a great product for you.

Introducing Hop Theory, special ingredients to turn your crappy beer into possibly something that tastes better. They send you a bag of their special blend of cascade hops, orange peel, and coriander seeds. Basically, your beer is just so hoppy you can taste the crap anymore. You drop the bag into your beer and let it steep, then it makes your beer taste better.

That’s right, if you didn’t think beer snobbery was enough of a boys’ club already, you can now pay some dudes to teabag your beer.

| Filed under Booze News

Scientist tirelessly study shipwreck champagne

Science just can’t get enough of that shipwreck booze.

Remember that 170-year-old shipwreck in the Baltic Sea where the divers found beer and champagne? Researchers have just gotten around to analyzing the content of the champagne bottles. Turns out, they made champagne back then pretty much the same way they do now. Great job, guys. Thanks for that insight.

Next they’ll conduct thorough research on how good it tastes with orange juice.

| Filed under Booze News

There’s drunk and there’s steal-an-ambulance drunk

When you turn 21, it’s basically a given that you’re going to hurt the next morning, but some people take it up a notch higher than most, like to the “steal an emergency vehicle” notch.

According to police in Virginia, Ryan Kovacik, a pre-med student and certified EMT, was coming back from a night of celebrating his 21st birthday when he decided to steal an ambulance parked outside his local hospital. The ambulance crew was able to get him on the two-way radio and told him to stop.

Kovacik apparently thought this wasn’t so bad of an idea, because cops pulled him over as he was heading back to return the ambulance. The celebration for 22 will likely be somewhat subdued.