Rambooze
Posted on August 19, 2008
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Sure, some of us think as Sylvester Stallone as that beefy dude with the bandana that killed a lot of people, or as that over the hill boxer with the creepy trainer. Now Stallone is headed back to Russia … to advertise vodka!
In a deal worth $1 million, Stallone will be the spokesman for Russian Ice, which has the slogan “there is a bit of Russian in all of us.” Stallone, from Russian descent, showed us this slogan was nothing but true in his film debut The Party at Kitty and Stud’s, that’s right folks, The Italian Stallion is now the Russian Lush.
Written by Bryan SchoolsFeeling shot, shot, shot
Posted on August 18, 2008
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In a move that has The Guys wondering how the hell we never thought up this one, ShotPak has introduced it’s new line of booze … that comes in a shot-sized foil pouch. Basically, it’s taking all the best parts of say a bottle of Absolut, and Capri Sun, and just combining the two and eliminating the guess work.
The move has not come without stirring up a bit of controversy as to the accessibility of the seemingly candy-like booze and how easy it is to conceal. We however say that if you need to hide the fact that you are drinking an apple martini, then you probably shouldn’t be drinking one in the first place, Rick. So the next time you need that quick fix for a purple hooter, you know what, we’ll just leave it at that.
Written by Bryan SchoolsMay your liver live on
Posted on August 14, 2008
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Imagine a world where you could drink all you want and do no harm to your body (better known as the dreamland of Sen. Edward Kennedy, D-Mass.). Hangovers may never be fully extinct, but distillers are making their products purer and purer all the time. Long term effects (liver damage, wet brain, red face, accidental marriage, whiskey-related impotence) are still a threat.
That is until now. Scientists have successfully stopped the aging process in a mouse’s liver (they know this by counting the rings). Do you know what this means? If we all get mouse liver transplants, we will never have to worry about sclerosis! Perhaps scientists can learn to stop the aging process in other organs, too. That way our hearts would not suffer from pumping so much alcohol through it and our lungs would not suffer from inhaling all that musting, smoky bar air.
We could drink on forever!
Written by Bryan McBournieFor those about to rock, we salute you
Posted on August 7, 2008
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A Swedish rockstar tried to have his imported booze come tax-free. Why, you ask? Because according to his sweetest freaking attempt ever logic, rockstars drink more because of their “profession,” and as such, should be able to write off booze from their taxes.
“I … drink a great deal more than the average Swede. I’m a singer in a rock band and whiskey is a part of it.”
Editorial note: Even I could’ve told him this, I’m a bartender and this type of stuff doesn’t even work for me.
Written by Bryan SchoolsDrunker than meets the eye
Posted on July 28, 2008
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It’s only Monday, and yet those poor, poor celebrities are off to a rough start already. Former Disney star, and current luckiest freaking man alive, Shia LaBeouf, was left with a DUI on his record after a crash early Sunday morning in L.A.
Though LaBeouf could not be reached for comment, we are just as surprised as he is that his Ford F-150 didn’t transform into an Autobot in time to save him either.
Written by Bryan SchoolsWall Street: the new Drunktown USA?
Posted on July 23, 2008
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George W. Bush, the cunning wordsmith that he is, told a crowd at a recent GOP fundraiser, that Wall Street “got drunk” and “got a hangover.” Unconfirmed reports have Wall Street getting drunk while revisiting the classic George W. Bush drinking game.
There have yet to be any reports of Wall Street waking up with marker on it’s face for violating the shoes off before you pass out rule, or if it used protection on it’s bonds, but we’ll keep you posted.
Written by Bryan SchoolsFrom zero to drunk in 0.491
Posted on July 23, 2008
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Stanley Kobierowski (Ko-beer-ow-ski) of Rhode Island was arrested early on Tuesday morning after his car crashed into an Interstate 95 message board. After allegedly attempting to, but clearly being too drunk to resist arrest, the Bier man was taken into police custody and showed BAC readings of 0.489 and 0.491. The last person we knew that hit 0.400 was Ted Williams. And given that WIlliams is dead, and 0.5 usually means you’re dead, we’re assuming it was a wicked hangover.
Written by Bryan SchoolsYou Missed It: Unsung hero edition
Posted on July 18, 2008
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We find ourselves here again, at the end of five consecutive work days in a row. For many, this is a cause for celebration. The Guys have no Friday plans in celebration of the end of the week. However, if you are playing in the British Open this week, odds are you missed it.
King of Beers regime change
Anheuser-Busch stockholders and executives approved a $52 billion offer from Belgian-owned brewer-giant InBev on Monday. This prompted concerns of damage to national pride and Americana across the U.S., meanwhile, Budweiser drinkers everywhere asked “What’s a Belgium?”
Insert Smashmouth song title here
Texas Rangers outfielder Josh Hamilton put on a clinic in the first round of the MLB Home Run Derby at Yankee Stadium, hitting a record 28 long balls, some of which have not yet landed. However, he did not come up with the win in the final round–hey, did you hear he was hooked on drugs until he got cleaned up? The following night’s All-Star game lasted an estimated eternity before the American League won in the 15th when the Minnesota Twins’ Justin Morneau scored on a sac fly. By the way, Morneau won the home run derby.
Great time to buy a home
The federal government is going to bail out colossal mortgage lender FannieMae and Freddie Mac, after an announcement this week. See, this all started when the mortgage market, the housing market and so on starting slowing down and people started defaulting …. Sorry, we dosed off there for a second.
Can anyone stop this abomination?
Miley Cyrus said this week she wants to do a new show that would be along the lines of “Sex and the City,” but cleaner and aimed at children and teens. Right, because four female something-teens, each with their own huge Manhattan apartments, giggling over boys and what’s happening to their bodies while sipping flavored water really holds appeal.
Red, white and booze
Posted on July 18, 2008
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Only in America. In a fight for a share of the estate, the mistress of an Atlanta millionaire is revealing the drinking habits of her swilling beaux. She even goes on to reveal that he switched to drinking a gallon and a half of wine every day after years of drinking a handle of hard liquor every day. We here at SG call that one the old switcheroo. And of course, his boozing started every morning right after breakfast.
You can’t be your best if you don’t have Jack with your breakfast.
Written by Bryan SchoolsThe McBournie Minute: The Bud is no longer for you
Posted on July 14, 2008
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Just announced this morning is some bad news: the Belgian-owned InBev has bought Anheuser-Busch for $52 billion. While I am not really shocked by the announcement, we mentioned the potential deal a month ago, I am quite dismayed.
I am not and never have been a fan of Budweiser products, not unless I wanted larger burps and a worse headache. The taste of Bud was never pleasing to me, either. But what is sad is that now one of America’s prides, not to mention the country’s largest brewer, is foreign owned. Over a century ago, European immigrants, many of them German, took their recipes to the U.S. in hopes of making new beer. Their names were Anheuser, Busch, Schlitz, Coors and Miller. Now, nearly all of them are owned by Europeans. Read more
Written by Bryan McBournie keep looking »