Pretty much every other day, heavy-drinking scientists come out with a new study declaring the health benefits of boozing it up on the reg. But did you know that there is actually a negative health effect?
According to a new study, drinking alcohol isn’t always good for you. In fact, it can mess up the balance of good bacteria and bad bacteria in your mouth. Researchers found that drinking alcohol tends to kill the good bacteria in your mouth, which could lead to health problems later in life.
So why not have another round? You’re probably been drinking for so many years that you’re doomed anyhow.
The best part about a vacation is that you get to travel to a new place and drink there. The only down side is that if you get drunk, you may not find your way home. But that’s just part of the adventure, isn’t it?
An Estonian man on vacation in the Italian Alps got drunk and thought he was heading back to his hotel, but ended up hiking halfway up a mountain. According to reports, the drunk man took a wrong turn and headed up a hiking path, and was forced to break into a bar (divine providence!) to stay warm for the night.
He was found by bar staff the next morning with a great drinking story.
If there’s one thing we’ve proven here over the years it’s that we should not be considered a trusted news source. If there are two things that we’ve proven here, the second would be that beer is basically a miracle drink. But watch out, craft beer fans, we hear that dairy waste is the hot new trend.
Researchers at Cornell are brewing up an alcoholic beverage made from dairy waste — you know, appetizing stuff like that watery stuff at the top of your yogurt when you open it up. Who doesn’t love drinking that? Now you can drink it and get a buzz off of it.
The thinking is that if dairy waste can be turned into a marketable product, it will make the dairy industry that much cleaner and profitable.
Or you could just drink that month-old milk in your fridge. Probably some kind of fermentation in there, too.
Tomorrow is St. Patrick’s Day, when people do awful things to beer, like dying it green or dropping a shot of whiskey into it. Or both. But this year, there are some new awful things you can do to your brew.
Have you ever ordered a pint, looked at the head and thought, “I wish there was something witty written there?” You’re in luck. Now you can print images and text on the foam of your beer with Beer Ripples. Our suggestion: “I’m Not Usually A Beer Drinker.”
And for those who want to take a sip of a pint and look like they had a lap dance, there’s glitter beer. Some breweries are offering brews with edible glitter in it. The best news here is that when you have the beer s&^ts the next day, you’ll sparkle.
As a society, we should know that drinking and shopping is bad, but we don’t. We really, really don’t.
According to a recent survey, drunk Americans spend $30 billion a year in purchases. That works out to about $447.57 per drunky. That’s a lot of purchases to make in a year, under the influence or not.
So what are the smashed shoppers spending their money on? About half of the purchases are for food. The next most common purchases were on shoes, clothes and gambling. So basically, we buy stuff to sop up the booze we just drank, and then ladies go for shoes and clothes. No one gambles sober, so that’s just a wash.
So the next time you have a drink, ask yourself if you’re doing your part for the economy.
Why do some people live to be very, very old? Science would argue that the odds of a few people out of a population of 6 billion living well beyond the normal age range is very high. But that doesn’t make for fun local news stories. If you love getting bad advice from old people, you’ll love this one.
Matilda Curcia of San Diego turned 100 last week, and of course she was asked what she attributes her longevity to. Her answer: beer and potato chips. She has a beer every night and three potato chips, and neither amount sounds worth living for. She also said she exercises every day.
We’ll stick with the beer and chips, thank you.
Science is here again to tell us about the awful future. Hold on for this one, because it’s about a world without booze.
According to a recent study, humans may be evolving to have an aversion to alcohol. Researchers analyzed the genomes of 2,500 people from four different continents, and what they found will have you reaching for a bottle: a significant amount of people have gene variants that basically give them really bad hangovers. This condition is so bad that those who have these gene variants likely don’t drink much, if at all. If this gene variant spreads widely enough across the human population, we could one day turn into a race of teetotalers.
Wasn’t the next stage in human evolution supposed to give us laser eyes and telepathy?
You’ve probably seen friends passing around a news story about how wine can increase your longevity. It doesn’t. It just says that people who are 90 or whatever and drink wine seem to be in better shape mentally than those who don’t. But science has found that wine might actually be good for the health of your mouth.
According to a recent study in Spain, some of the chemicals found in red wine can actually prevent tooth decay and gum disease. Polyphenols have been shown to kill harmful bacteria in your mouth, decreasing your chances of having mouth problems, aside from purple lips and teeth, and slurring your words. They have even been found to have positive effects on your gut bacteria.
The Guys aren’t dentists, but we recommend keeping a bottle of cabernet next to your toothbrush. It’s the only mouth wash that’s safe to swallow.
Jimmy Buffett, the living embodiment of baby boomers’ idea of a party, seems to have given up on his partying ways. But he still wants you to visit Margaritaville.
According to a recent profile of the guy who built a career off of a song about being drunk in a beach setting, the 71-year-old singer doesn’t really drink anymore. Basically, he’s too old and too busy touring and selling everything he can think to put “Margaritaville” on, to go hard like he used to. (The reason for the profile is his new musical on Broadway.) The timing of his cutting back seems fortuitous, since we’re about to have a tequila shortage.
But he’ll be happy to sell you whatever crap you want, or even let you live out your days in a Margaritaville retirement community.
Folks, we don’t want to alarm you, but if your weekend plans include drinking a margarita, make sure you enjoy it, because you may not get to have another one for a while. There’s a tequila shortage coming.
Just in time for Spring Break, the tequila industry in Mexico is having trouble keeping up with demand, as well as a supply crunch. Agave prices are six times higher than they were just two years ago. On top of that, the demand for tequila keeps going up. That means that distillers aren’t making the money they used to, and they don’t have enough agave plants to work with.
It’s so bad that some farmers have been forced to sell agave plants that aren’t fully mature and don’t produce as much tequila. That makes the supply shortage even worse.
And because agave plants take years to grow, it’s not likely that supply will catch up to demand any time soon. There’s always whiskey though.