It is truly a wonderful time to be alive. There are thousands of different craft beers released every day–so many that you will never come close to trying them all, because even if you had access and money to buy them all, you’d probably die of some alcohol-related illness. And soon, we could have an instant beer maker.
Anheuser-Busch InBev, one of the world’s largest brewers, and Keurig, maker of the machine that lets you make one cup of coffee at a time, have teamed up to make a machine that makes single-serving beer. This is a genius move. Drinkers have always said that the problem with beer is that it’s not readily available for purchase in single-serving sizes. You have to brew a whole pot of beer and then drink it all. And no one wants to drink more than one beer.
Critics will say there’s no way to make a decent beer instantly, but AB-InBev didn’t make billions of dollars by trying to make decent beers.
Washington state, Oregon and Colorado are home to some of the finest craft breweries in the country, but beer isn’t selling like it used to in those states, thanks to marijuana.
According to a new report, residents in those states are increasingly choosing weed over suds. Legalized marijuana has allowed more choices for those who want a buzz, which means people aren’t picking up as much craft beer as they used to. Data shows that beer sales haven’t matched expectations in the past two years, meanwhile, marijuana sales are high. (GET IT?)
But all this really means is that the brewery that makes a smokable beer will be very rich.
If you pour a glass of something, make sure you finish it. It’s common decency, and it could save a life, according to vets in the U.K.
There are awful people out there who don’t finish the drink you made for them, and your dogs are literally booze hounds. Vets say that pets are more likely to get alcohol poisoning this time of year by drinking unattended or abandoned drinks at parties you host. So make sure your guests gulp down every last sip before you allow them to leave.
Also, teach your dogs and cats that they are not allowed to drink until they are 21 human years old.
Everyone knows that smoking is bad. Many people know that drinking and smoking is fun, but we now know that drinking when smoking can be good for you.
According to a published scientific study that has no chance of ever being pulled or refuted, if you drink a couple glasses of red wine before lighting up, you may block some of the damage from tobacco smoking. Turns out, red wine’s benefits on your cardiovascular system can block the short-term negative effects that cigarette in your hand will have on your arteries.
So smoke ’em if you got ’em, but knock a couple back first. We may be enablers, but we don’t want you to die.
Not that you needed another reason to drink, but here’s another study that said it’s good for you.
According to a Penn State study of 80,000 adults, a beer a day could keep the cardiologist away. Men who had one to two drinks a day, and women who had one daily, generally had a slower natural decline in “good” cholesterol, also known as high-density lipoprotein. That means a lower risk of cardiovascular disease or stroke. Researchers noted that the benefits of drinking different forms of alcohol each had benefits, but beer was the best.
These benefits didn’t apply to drinking higher amounts of alcohol, but you’ve stopped reading by now anyway.
If you happen to be in Pyongyang, North Korea right now–in which case, you’re not able to access this site anyway–stop what you’re doing and go buy some beer.
Recently, booze enthusiast and dictator Kim Jong-un held a beer festival in the North Korean capital. The problem is that the organizers overestimated how much Kim’s friends would drink during the event and ended up with a surplus. So the rest is being sold at half price while supplies last.
This is great news, because while North Koreans are starving, they can now afford some liquid bread.
The Germans are known for their love of beer, so much so that for a couple weeks every fall, Americans act like they like German beers. But it turns out that the Germans have loved beer for thousands of years.
An Iron Age cauldron was unearthed in modern day Germany recently, and it had the leftovers of an ancient beer. Researchers examined the remnants of beer, and were able to determine that barley, honey and other ingredients were in the drink. Now, Lakefront Brewery in Milwaukee has brewed up a batch of the ancient brew.
But because it’s being tasted by Americans, it’s sure to get poor ratings for not being hoppy enough.
If anyone owes alcohol for their entire purpose, it’s Uber. Before Uber, we used to actually choose some unfortunate human sacrifice to nurse a beer all night, endure all of our drunken antics and then, as if that wasn’t bad enough, drive our drunk asses home. Or, more often than not, we’d take a cab — but what’s the fun of riding in an appropriately licensed capacity van when you can dogpile into the back of some rando’s Nissan Sentra?
So, it’s no surprise that Uber would lead the charge to make robots not only drive us to booze, but to drive booze to us.
Uber-owned robotics company, Otto, just delivered 2,000 cases of Budweiser in a robotically self-driven semi truck pulling a 53-foot trailer. The robotic tractor-trailer traveled 120 miles with no human assistance, just an observer for safety and tracking.
We may have had our misgivings about robots in the past, but when they bring us a beer, then they can’t be that bad, right?
As with most things in life, watching sports is better with alcohol. It turns out that here in America, if you’re watching a game, you’re probably drunk.
According to a recent poll of Americans who drink, almost no one watches sports without a buzz. Leading the way are football and baseball, with 84% and 78% saying they associate those sports with alcohol, respectively. These are followed by car racing, hockey, horse racing, basketball and boxing. The soberest sports out there, with less than half the respondents associating them with booze, are golf, soccer, beach volleyball and tennis. So basically, the sports people don’t watch anyway.
Now you have actual data to convince the bartender to turn off the Premier League.