Murder by enema

You know what? This doesn’t need spin or anything. Here’s what’s up: charges against a woman were dropped after her husband died in what is called a “sherry enema.”

The man apparently had throat problems that kept him from drinking, but his love of booze knew no bounds, apparently neither did his wife’s love for her husband. He would get the booze into him using a route never before used and probably illegal at a bar: the back door.

However, after “chugging” two bottles of sherry, which police thought had been administered by his wife, he died of alcohol poisoning. His BAC was 0.47. This blog wonders how they had him blow it.

Points for style, creativity and teamwork, but no points for the botched dismount.

‘Teletubbies responsible for all wars in world!’

A first grade teacher was arrested at her school after showing up to work drunk. We can only wonder what her lesson plan was. Presumably incoherrant, but awesome:

  • Paradoxes/plot holes in the Berenstein Bears series.
  • Why nice guys never get girls because girls are in love with assholes.
  • Sharon, Lois and Bram are underappreciated by today’s music standards.
  • She loves you all, and she doesn’t say it nearly enough. No really, did anyone ever tell you how funny you are? She means, damn.

All in all, we have to say that this, technically, is better than sleeping with her students, but far less titilating news-wise.

Running afoul of water fowl

Sometimes when you’re drunk, you get hungry. This is what’s called the beer munchies, and it must always be obeyed. A man at a hotel in St. Paul, Minnesota did just that, but it cost him.

The man, who witnesses say was drunk, was stumbling around the lobby of his hotel, which for some reason lets tame ducks wander (We assume this is to lull our enemy into a false sense of security). He grabbed one of the ducks and ripped its head off.

Key quote: “‘I’m hungry. I’m gonna eat it.'”

For some reason, they charged him with animal cruelty. That shouldn’t even be a charge. We’re at war here, people.

‘24′ happy hour

Jack Bauer can always find is way out of a mess. He shoots people in the knee, he bites their jugular, but it seems the actor who plays him does not have the same luck. Some of you may remember 2006’s television special “A Drunken Christmas in London” with Keifer “That f#@&ing tree needs to go down NOW!” Sutherland.

It seems Sutherland has not changed his ways, as he was just charged with drunken driving. This blog says, if this is part of the new season’s plot (currently shooting now), then we can’t wait for the premiere!

Nothing says ‘I love you’ like a fire hazard

It’s not all that unusual to get really ripped after a break-up and then call your ex. Aside from the embarassment of having to explain the next day why you were crying when you called, there is no harm done.

The same cannot be said for getting hammered and trying to break into your ex’s place Santa-style. An Indiana man found that out recently, when he got stuck trying to climb down the chimney of his ex-girlfriend’s place. His ex was none too happy, and hit him several times before firefighters got him out.

Key quote: “‘Everyone do stupid things sometimes when they’re drunk,’ Valencio said.”

Everyone do, indeed.

Forget going out, I’m spending the night gin

How do you remember nights spent with your grandmother as a child? Some television, some milk, some cookies, some gin?

Key quote: “A portable breath test showed the girl had an alcohol level of .042 percent, about half the legal limit for driving, more than eight hours after drinking the gin.”

All binge no purge

Here’s a fun fact for you on your Friday (ha, alliteration!): According to a new study, most binge drinker prefer drinking beer, if for no other reason than it is more accessible than other kinds of alcohol.

Though no survey has been taken of The Guys’ drinks of choice. It seems this blog is certainly not in the majority on this one, with a clearly announced preference for whiskey.

By the way, binge drinking is defines as five or more drinks. Let that be a reminder to all you lightweights out there.

Houston, we have a bar tab

This blog has nothing but the utmost respect for the people at NASA and if anything, recent news does nothing but increase our enthusiasm for what they do.

A panel studying astronaut health said yesterday on at least two occasions, astronauts were so drunk they posed a flight risk on launch day. Nevertheless, the drunks were allowed to fly. Talk about taking your buzz to a whole new level.

Who wants to drink with this blog during the Endeavour launch? Drunks in spaaaaaaaace.

Going out to grab a bite

A recent study has found men are more likely to suffer bites from people than are women. The study was done in Ireland, so it should come as no surprise what they found was the reason for the statistic.

Key quote: “Dr. Eadie and her team say late-night ‘alcohol-fueled aggression’ is the most common cause of such injuries.”

This blog thinks there might be another reason, however–one that we have been ignoring for far too long–zombies!

(Courtesy of Chris B.)