This round’s on the county government

One of the last bastions of functional alcoholism was dealt a lethal blow earlier today. The South Korean County of Koesan has decided to stop giving out its “Drinking Culture Prize” to its government workers.

Key quote: “A county official said Wednesday the public misunderstood the intention of the award, which was meant to recognize government workers who go out to local restaurants and bars to meet citizens and hear what they have to say.”

How could that kind of a prize with so noble intentions possibly be misunderstood?

It seemed like such a good idea after the first five beers

First, a sea lion attacks a surfer, then the bees are skiddadlin’. What next? Giraffes are scaring the poop out of our drunk girls, that’s what’s next. It’s senseless mayhem such as this that’s reason why a war on animals has been declared.

Key quote: Police have launched an investigation to find out how the intoxicated students entered the zoo at night and climbed the 10 foot high fence surrounding the giraffe cage.

Personally, I’m pretty sure that she used her hands and feet.

Imagine a world run on brew

Lately, everyone is after the coolest new source of alternative energy. There are some unusual ideas out there: corn, food waste and even cow manure are potential sources. But scientists in Australia are looking for something tastier.

Their energy idea: beer. This blog really doesn’t understand the process but it has something to do with bacteria eating the sugar in beer to make energy.

All that means is less beer for humans.

This week in alcohol

After a fun night out at the bars, one German man in Berlin found himself far too drunk to drive. He made the mature decision about it and didn’t drive. He did, however, get on his horse to head home. Realizing he was too tired to make it there, he stopped at a bank, locked his trusty steed and himself in the outer lobby where the ATMs were and slept it off.

First off, who has horses in Berlin? Secondly, when you’re drunk, the world is your bed.

Think you don’t need math? If you like drinking, you are sorely mistaken. U.S. scientists have come up with a mathematic formula to pour a pint of beer with the perfect amount of foam. Good luck understanding it, though.

Drunks on ice

For those of you in New Jersey who love hockey, but love booze just a little bit more, the courts have decided in your favor: DUI is not possible when operating a Zamboni.

The case originated in 2005 when John Peragallo was arrested and charged with DUI at the Mennen Sports Arena in Morristown, NJ. The machine Peragallo was driving was speeding and nearly crashed into the boards, witnesses said. He blew a 0.12.

Key quote: “Peragallo, 64, testified at his trial that he did drink beer and vodka, but not until after he had groomed the ice. However, he told police he had a shot of Sambuca with his breakfast coffee and two Valium-pills before work.”

Cocktail dress really a cocktail

Ever had a night where you end up wearing your drinks? Take that concept and apply it to a whole new level. You’ve got Australia’s new dress made out of wine.

The dress is grown from bacteria from wine and must be kept wet at all times. (This blog will forgo any temptation to make a sexist remark like, “have at it, gentlemen,” because that would be inappropriate.)