Category: Eat My Sports

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Eat My Sports: You’re into college basketball? How very hipster of you

Admit it, none of you cared about NCAA basketball until last Thursday. I don’t care how many stats or players you can rattle off now that you’ve done the bare minimum amount of research to fill out a bracket. You did not know who any of these teams or people were (outside of UVA and Kentucky) until you had to.

The most annoying part of March mental illness is that it makes the most casual basketball fan into your local area hipster. You know, the guy with the beard and snow cap at your local area craft beer bar that judges and has an opinion on everything. “Oh, you drink Sam Adams, it was great before they sold out. Now let me tell you something about Georgia State’s three point shooting this year.” Continue reading

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Eat My Sports: What the NFL?

For those of you who are football junkies, today was the beginning of the 2015 NFL year for you, and good lord, this was not what anyone expected.

The first moves had been reported Ndamukong Suh signed with the Dolphins, making him the highest paid non-quarterback in league history. Two years after the Mike Wallace disaster, this makes the Dolphins the dumbest non-Oakland/Cleveland/Jacksonville team in the league.

The Ravens, not learning from the Ray Rice disaster of one year ago lost Torrey Smith to the 49ers and traded Haloti Ngata to the Lions, making the Lions feel remotely better they didn’t overpay a guy more famous for fines about kicking people in the groin than his actual play. Continue reading

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Eat My Sports: Quoth the Raven “someone who has domestic abuse in their background, it’s going to be tough to be considered a Raven”

Ah, yes, the brave new NFL. Where we take domestic abuse seriously, where Ray Rice became the posterboy for the new no-tolerance level the NFL has. This particularly has some special enforcement on the Baltimore Ravens, Rice’s former franchise.

Rice was cut, suspended for the year and run over by the national media after he told the truth about an ugly incident in NJ, then was given double jeopardy by being penalized with the previously mentioned punishments after already being served a two-game punishment.

The quote in the headline is from Ravens’ GM Ozzie Newsome. The man who now has a moral compass when it comes to his football team **COUGH** Ray Lewis **COUGH** Terrell Suggs **COUGH** every Raven arrested during the 2013 season. If Newsome really believes in what he says, the first thing that needs to happen is the release of Terrell Suggs. Continue reading

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Eat My Sports: A pretty big gamble

Some of you may have heard the grumblings coming from the brass at the highest levels of the NBA that they wasn’t legalized gambling. NBA commissioner, Adam Silver has decided to make this his main platform and is recruiting other professional sports to work with the government on legalizing placing money on games?

Why should this not be going on?

Well, the simple answer is, there isn’t a simple reason why sports gambling shouldn’t be legal. Aside for Las Vegas and parts of New Jersey, $4.55 billion was still spent on illegal gambling in 2013. It’s the argument with marijuana use, legalize it and tax the everloving hell out of it! It’s not science folks, it’s an untapped revenue source that our government has sat on their hands on for way too long. Continue reading

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Eat My Sports: One (yard) for the ages

Alright, let’s go ahead and get this out of the way. Super Bowl XLIX was everything we want the Super Bowl to be. It was the last football dynasty up against what should’ve been the latest (and still could be, but I digress), it was a game that lived up to the hype, it came down to a defensive stand with under two minutes to play, it was everything that we deserve as football fans for watching this sport from the draft in April to the end of it all in February. And yet, all it did was solidify everything I’ve hated about the NFL since 2001, Tom Brady’s legacy, the Patriots as the greatest sustained success we’ll probably ever see, and the Bill Belichick going down as probably the greatest coach of all-time.

Yet, there were the Seahawks, right there to save everyone who is not a Patriot or 49er fan from this fate. And Pete Carroll blew it by not handing the ball to Marshawn Lynch on the ONE FREAKING YARD LINE. Why? WHY? WHY?!?! (Cue Nancy Kerrigan) WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY? Continue reading

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Eat My Sports: It’s time for the Super Bowl … balls

Welcome all of you to the last time any of you will really care about sports until all of you go back into your gambling habits in March Madness. We are here now to talk about the Super Bowl though, and we’re going to do so in the most mature way possible here at SG, by talking about balls, footballs, as much as humanly possible.

In order to properly analyze how this game will go through, we should let you know, that at no time are there multiple balls on the field. At any given point, Russell Wilson, Rob Gronkowski, Marshawn Lynch and Tom Brady will have only one ball, singular, in one or both of their hands. Continue reading

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Eat My Sports: Playoff?

It’s my obligatory one college football column time of the year! For those of you who’ve cared to follow over the past seven years, you know that I am not a fan of college football. It’s a watered down less-watchable version of what the NFL has to offer. However, I am a fan of the debate and I can at least be conversational about what teams deserve to be where in seedings.

That being said, for those of you who saw who the final four teams were in Sunday’s release of the match-ups for college football’s first playoff, they got it 75% right. Continue reading

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Eat My Sports: The fault in our rock stars

Hello again, folks, I’m back from my hiatus. I wasn’t writing because I was lazy or because I was working, but because my wife and I welcomed our first two children on October 6th. Carter Brooks Schools and Jackson Bryan Schools, I’m really sorry about this, but the first column your dad is going to write in your lifetime involves Nickelback.

A few weeks ago the Foo Fighters announced that they were going to be playing a 20-year anniversary show in Northern Virginia/DC. This prompted fellow Guy, Bryan McBournie to ask if I wanted tickets to the July 4th event, and the truth is I was tepid about it. First off, I’m done with big rock concerts, they’re expensive, the beer is warm and $10 a piece, you look like a raging moron if you’re in your 30s and wear a tour t-shirt, its exhausting and I’d rather stay home and listen to an album and have cold, less expensive beer. Secondly, I like the Foo Fighters, but they haven’t gotten me pumped up about them since 1999’s “There Is Nothing Left to Lose.” Being 15 years removed from that, an arena show just didn’t get me all that excited.

Fast-forward a couple weeks later, and the following text thread happens:
McBournie: Dude, there’s a Nickelback Groupon. We should go, drink and talk smack to everyone there.
Side note: McBournie and I do a great Nickelback voice, it really stemmed from Scott Stapp, and eventually sounded like some Creed/Nickelback/Alterbridge/Fuel/The Calling/Pearl Jam hybrid. It’s breathtaking.
Me: Where, when and how much?
McBournie: August 5th, Northern Virginia, $20.
Me: I’m in.
McBournie: I was kidding. Continue reading

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Eat My Sports: Sports, baby

So, as I let you guys know a few weeks ago, any day now I am expecting to have the first offspring of mine delivered into the world. It’s terrifying, especially since my wife and I will be having two, but equally as terrifying trying to figure out how to raise my kids as Red Sox and Steelers fans.

Why are those two important? Well, as a Knicks fan in basketball, and that being my third favorite sport, it wouldn’t crush me if they ended up Pacers, Bulls or Lakers fans. The Knicks suck, and I acknowledge this. And while I am a Rangers fan in hockey, let me put it lightly in guessing that the last hockey game I watched was somewhere circa 2008.

I was not raised in sports fandom. My Dad never cared about pro sports and my Mom’s side of the family were always passive fans, and that led me to find my passion for the MLB and NFL all on my own. That being said, I’d like to establish some fan lineage in the Schools line, in order to all root for the same teams and have something in common. This is a lot easier now, because when I grew up, being a Red Sox fan meant a lifetime of pain. Now, it means expecting a parade, it doesn’t make sense to me either.

Anywho, I’ve established the beginnings of my kids and I having a bond by getting them Steelers and Red Sox baby clothing, pacifiers and bottles. This means when these kids see photos of them starting at a young age, they will have it instilled in their mind that this is what they were born to be, fans of these franchises. And if they’re not, well, we’ll have to figure out something else to bond over, just hopefully not the ravens or New York Yankees …