Category: Eat My Sports

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Eat My Sports: So, About That Aaron Hernandez …

We’re almost a week to the day of when I woke up to text messages from my friends starting at 6:30AM “dude, Aaron Hernandez committed suicide.” I have no earthly idea why, because quite frankly, it’s literally morbid curiosity that ever since I learned of the murder of Odin Lloyd almost four years ago, I have been absolutely fascinated with the story of Hernandez.

I think the thing I can most liken it to in our lifetime is the O.J. Simpson story. It got national headlines, has still to this day ever evolving storylines that you can’t believe and overall leaves you with the overwhelming feeling to keep asking “why?” Continue reading

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Eat My Sports: Vegas, Baby!

Yesterday the NFL owners voted 31-1 (way to be a buzz kill, Miami) to approve the Oakland Raiders’ move to Las Vegas beginning in the 2019 season. And the move already is as awesome as it sounds. Not only will fans be able to legally bet on a NFL game they are attending, but there are ideas floating around like having a Raiders-themed brothel in Vegas.

NFL, you deserved this.

For a league that claims that it is all about player safety, protecting the shield and all that uppity garbage, you have to admit that the NFL is nothing but a greed factory looking for their next cash cow. So, why not move one of your most storied franchises to the city that is the living embodiment of what you are? Except, the NFL isn’t as fun as Vegas, one day I hope to have an actual experience there that backs that up. Continue reading

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Eat My Sports: Learn From The Mistakes of Others

Like many of you, I am freaking sick about hearing about how the Chicago Cubs won the World Series for the first time in 108 years in the Fall. The thing that made this particular brand of “oh Jesus, would you please just shut up” special was that due to social media, anyone who has ever even set foot in Chicago was a Cubs fan, and you were going to hear about it. You were going to see their brand new Cubs hat, which hasn’t been worn since November now, you were going to hear “RAISE THE W” from your relative who has never watched an inning of baseball in their life, all of this was going to ruin the Cubs.

Except, they had recent history to learn from. As a Red Sox fan, I know how much people have hated us since 2004. The minute that final out was recorded and 8 billion people wrote books about it (books, remember those?), we were screwed. Continue reading

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Eat My Sports: Redskin fans, listen up

One of the major drawbacks to living where each of The Guys do is we are subject to one of the worst fan bases in all of sports, Washington Redskins fans. Listening to them year after year make them sound like perhaps the most emo fan base in all of sports. And their favorite thing to do, is the moment they have something good, salivate and wait for the moment it turns bad so they can go back to griping about how they’re the most snake-bitten franchise of the past 25 years.

If the Redskins are the equivalent of emo, the fans and their coverage are the equivalent of Chris Carrabba going on a bender after a break up. No one cares, and we stopped listening to your bitching 15 years ago.

However, I can’t entirely blame them for being the NFL equivalent of your bipolar relative. Ever since Dan Snyder took over this team, to quote Pirates of the Caribbean, “every decision you’ve made has led us from bad to worse.” Most importantly, they screwed up a quarter century’s worth of the most important position, quarterback. And now that they finally have a solution, the Redskins are doing the most Redskins thing they can do, look at trading the guy. Continue reading

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Eat My Sports: Where The Hell Did The Past 10 Years Go?

The great thing about this epic sports lull that we are in is it is a great time for sports news. Who got injured (take that, bandwagon Warriors’ fans)? Who is signing wear (give the Pats bulletin board material, here’s an additional $68 million!)? And most importantly, who is getting released from your favorite NFL team?

It doesn’t seem like that long ago that Adrian Peterson had burst on to the NFL scene as a fantasy football god, basically destroying every defense beginning his rookie year. That rookie year was 2007, the Red Sox won the World Series that year, Jimmy Eat World was still getting played on the radio, in my head, it wasn’t that long ago. I’ve officially reached the age where 10-years doesn’t seem like that long a period of time. Continue reading

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Eat My Sports: Love, the Melo drama

The world of sports can be the greatest of givers and the cruelest of takers. In the Fall we have the ending of the baseball season that bleeds in perfectly with the beginning of football, and at the beginning of the summer we have the meat of the baseball season packed in with the end of the NBA playoffs. These are fantastic times that have me glued to my television and doing my part to keep Boston Brewing Company in business. But then, inevitably, there is the summer abyss and the world that is sport right after the Super Bowl.

Welcome to sports purgatory.

Ok, if you’re not Catholic, the sports waiting room. Continue reading

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Eat My Sports: Super LI

On Sunday the 2016 NFL season will come to a close with the Atlanta Falcons and New England Patriots squaring off in Houston for the right to be the most hated team in the NFL for at least the next year. I’m hoping for a decent game (any way the Pats lose is a decent game in my book) and aside from Denver’s two Super Bowl appearances in the past few years, recent history has promised us a close one.

Now, I’m not here to talk about predictions or how many times I hope Tom Brady gets slammed to the turf, you see, I’m a betting man. So naturally, the most interesting thing about each Super Bowl is the prop bets. Let’s see how many times we’ll hear “Omaha” this year.

10/1 Odds of Joe Buck being clean shaven for the broadcast
What? You thought I was going to break down if Julio Jones would be the first to score? Joe Buck is the single most annoying broadcaster of all time. That has nothing to do with this, I just figured it needed to be said. Buck traditionally rocks a beard throughout the playoffs, because, well, he can. That being said, I would take the 10/1, seems like easy odds. Continue reading

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Eat My Sports: Alternative Facts Edition

Here at SeriouslyGuys, we don’t like to beat a dead horse, we like to beat that horse until we have to be pulled off that thing a la Michael Bolton in Office Space. That being said, like many of you know, or just plain don’t want to admit, Donald Trump was sworn in as our nation’s 45th president last Friday. Depending on your view of the first five days he’s been in office, you’re either really happy, really sad, or just dying of laughter from the deliriousness you feel.

For those of you who feel the latter, Trump and his cronies have been giving you almost a week’s worth of gems. These include Trump saying there were 3.5 million cases of voter fraud in last November’s election (with no sources or facts to back the claim up),¬†Denis Leary lookalike, Kellyanne Conway’s “alternative facts” pivot, and the man who took press conference classes from Roger Goodell after the Ray Rice debacle, Sean Spicer, who in addition to hating Dippin’ Dots also “can disagree with facts.” Continue reading

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Eat My Sports: The Exorcism of Derrick Rose

One of my biggest problems as a sports fan, and I think a lot of people come across this problem when their teams continually find epic ways to suck, is I am a sports masochist. Specifically, in my lifetime, it has been being a fan of the New York Knicks.

In the past 16 years it has been one embarrassment after another. Whether it was the truly awesome experience of having Stephon Marbury (one of two professional athletes I can name with a tattoo on their face, but at least Mike Tyson is funny), the relentless overpaying of past their prime ballhogs, or the mortgaging of over five years worth of draft picks to get Carmelo Anthony when he was going to be a free agent later in the year anyways.

Simply put, the New York Knicks keep finding even worse ways to make you feel optimistic. Enter Derrick Rose. Continue reading

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Eat My Sports: We Deserved Better Choices Than These Two

We’re here folks, it’s down to this, we’ve made it down to the final weeks and we have two choices, and they both suck. Congratulations, America, either Cleveland or Chicago will win the World Series, and neither of their insufferable fan bases will let us hear the end of it when they do.

Under normal circumstances, having either of these teams win wouldn’t be as much of an issue, but these are troubled times, folks, and there’s an unprecedented level of douche we will have to suffer.

First off, let’s talk about Cleveland, the city that God forgot. Cleveland is not a tortured city, because your teams have to come close to winning a title before you can be lumped into that category. But Ohio now has this weird line of thinking that because LeBron James carried the Cavaliers to the NBA title, that somehow that was going to carry over to the Browns, and that it was the reason for the Indians success this year. Continue reading