Eat My Sports: It’s a whole new ballgame
Posted on September 9, 2008
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SeriouslyGuys would like to congratulate Rhiannon and Richard Justis who welcomed their first child, Ace Gerard, into this gigantic marble around 10 am this morning. Please raise the child to continue The War on Animals.
Well, this week was supposed to be my big NFL preview. I was going to give you my picks, picks so insanely researched that you can bet on them and run Vegas for everything they’ve got like Kevin Spacey in 21, except sans the horribly anorexic kids having the ever-loving crap beat out of them by by Lawrence “Valley of the Real” Fishburne. But then in one instant on a seemingly normal day in New England, everything in the NFL changed. Tom Brady … gulp (swallows pride) … probably the single most indispensable player on any team, was lost for the season not even a quarter into the first game. Read more
Written by Bryan SchoolsEat My Sports: &%$@ it, I’m becoming a women’s basketball fan
Posted on August 26, 2008
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Don’t read to much into the headline children, that was a direct quote, from a New York Yankees fan.
I love baseball so much more now. Sure, the Boston Red Sox are 4.5 games back of the Tampa Bay Rays and only one game up in the Wild Card. However, my main goal of the season, as a Sox fan, was no matter what the outcome, just to be ahead of NY when the final game of the season came to an end. Truth be told, I’m honestly really hoping for a post-Manny playoff push now, but the fact that the Yankees are almost down and out brings a smile to my face. Read more
Written by Bryan SchoolsEat My Sports: Trampoline?
Posted on August 19, 2008
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I want my childhood back. No, this isn’t one of those “my mommy and daddy didn’t give me enough love, so I started a nu metal band” kind of stories. This is a “I was watching television the other day and saw people competing, and being rewarded for jumping on a trampoline” type story.
I love watching the Olympics, I find it fascinating that one event can draw millions of people to care about sports they otherwise would not give a crap about. I also find myself confused as to why, in the big picture, is it so important that someone can move through water really fast? Now I’m just angry. Read more
Written by Bryan SchoolsEat My Sports: XX years of Madden, thanks GB
Posted on August 12, 2008
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Boom. Enough said already, right? Today at 12:01 AM, the 20th edition of the Madden franchise hit stores with a resounding … boom. For 20 years John Madden has taken his game from an eight-bit blur of a figure carrying what looks like the equivalent of dog crap, and morphed it into the definitive gaming franchise ever made. From the five-year-old that you routinely beat the ever-loving Tinactin out of online, to the closet Chicago Bears fan that doubles as a computer analyst, Madden’s all-consuming (literally, see: Thanksgiving in Dallas) approach to football has grabbed everyone by the seams and made them pay attention … and $60 for a freaking video game. Read more
Written by Bryan SchoolsEat My Sports: Best and worst of the trade deadline
Posted on August 5, 2008
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Stop your complaining about me not addressing the Brett Favre issue yet, I’ll have plenty of time for that when Aaron Rodgers commits himself to an asylum.
The media circus last week revolved mainly around the trade deadline, who (specifically Manny Ramirez) was going where, and who was going to get what. In one of the busiest deadlines I’ve ever witnessed, we saw three future Hall of Famers get shipped, and some for some questionable returns. You know what time it is kids, time to find out who got the good, and who got screwed. Read more
Written by Bryan SchoolsEat My Sports: Manny to the Angels? I’d be Vlad to hear it
Posted on July 29, 2008
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Seven and a half years. I’ve seen shorter marriages. I’ve seen couples be together twice as long and not even go through half as much. Seven and a half years. We fell in love with the goofiness, the laid back attitude, even questionable hairstyles. We’ve won two World Series titles that never would have happened, nor meant nearly as much without him. Seven and a half years. But now, Manny Ramirez, we’ll never be able to quit you, but I think it’s time for the immanent divorce. You had us at “hello,” now we need to end this with “goodbye.” That’s right, a Jerry Maguire reference, I write this column for some seriously, sensitive dudes! Read more
Written by Bryan SchoolsEat My Sports: Music edition
Posted on July 22, 2008
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It hit me earlier this week, we need an overhaul. Basically for going on 20 years, we as an American sports nation have relied too heavily on the same songs, over and over and over and over and over and over again at our sporting events. Someone wins, you get Queen’s “We Are The Champions,” someone gets ejected or loses, it’s Steam’s “Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye,” to get the crowd pumped up you play “Rock and Roll Part 2″ by Gary Glitter, or, enter any of these: Read more
Written by Bryan SchoolsEat My Sports: Great, it’s historic, now blow it up
Posted on July 15, 2008
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Following last night’s historic Home Run Derby, in which Josh Hamilton smacked balls further away from home plate than John Travolta is currently from having a mildly decent film career, we have the 2008 All-Star Game. A game which the National League has not won since 1996, and have not tied (thanks Bud Selig) since 1992. And while all of the media is busy praising The House That Ruth Built. I’m finding this whole festivity, a freaking riot. By the way, if George Herman Ruth ever built a house, he was rarely sober, so I wouldn’t trust the foundation. I could go on for another 1,500 words in metaphors, but I’m on a deadline. Read more
Written by Bryan SchoolsEat My Sports: You can’t spell ‘trade bust’ without CC Sabathia
Posted on July 8, 2008
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Have any of you ever watched LOST? If you have, you know that each season has it’s bust episode. The one where the previous week had a preview that looked so good that you actually thought you had a reason to believe SOMETHING might be explained. Or, at least have the juiciest episode of the season (i.e. the possibility of Claire and Kate making out). Then, you watch the episode, and nothing. No island explanation, no Claire and Kate making out, no awkward man hugs between Sawyer and Jack, nothing. Why? because there was no substance to it and everything you thought was going to be going into the episode ended up being nothing more than commercial filler. Welcome to the CC “Music Factory” Sabathia trade to the Milwaukee Brewers! Read more
Written by Bryan SchoolsEat My Sports: Eat My Midseason Awards!
Posted on July 1, 2008
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Let’s cut the crap and get right to the chase on this one. Yeah, the Rays are a great story, they’ll be an even better story when their pitching folds in late August and September. Chicago feels great right now, but don’t bank on the Cubbies or White Sox just yet. Albert Pujols still has the funniest name in baseball, now, on with the awards. Read more
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