At this point, we can’t tell if Marissa Mayer is running Yahoo ironically. Keeping the exclamation point in the logo indicates that this could all just be hipster corporate management.
CEO and former Google employee, Marissa Mayer, believes that buying the Internet-ancient free-to-use blog site is exactly what the Ask Jeeves-contemporary needs to branch into “revolutionary” social networking.
Yahoo previously bought Flickr for $35 million and GeoCities for $3.6 billion, making Mayer the CEO of either the Internet’s first online museum or elephant graveyard.
Windows 7 Pro originally cost over $200 … unless you also bought Vista — in which case, it really cost you over $400.
Microsoft corporate vice president of corporate communications (he’s really corporate, you guys), Frank X. Shaw takes an exception to some of your negative critiques of Windows 8.
In this world where everyone is a publisher, there is a trend to the extreme — where those who want to stand out opt for sensationalism and hyperbole over nuanced analysis. In this world where page views are currency, heat is often more valued than light. Stark black-and-white caricatures are sometimes more valued than shades-of-gray reality.
So let’s pause for a moment and consider the center. In the center, selling 100 million copies of a product is a good thing. In the center, listening to feedback and improving a product is a good thing.
Yeah, c’mon, dicks. Windows 8 has sold a lot of copies — many of which were to people who bought new computers without an option for Windows 7 — so it can’t be that bad. After all, this is another version of the same product line that brought us Windows 98, ME and Vista.
Sometimes, you have to recognize that, for every working version of the world’s most popular operating system, you have to fund all the crappy ones on the way to get it. It’s called an installment plan. So, take it down a notch, Internet jerks!
Nothing surprises fiancées-to-be like the Heimlich Proposal.
One Tampa woman earned her diamond the hard way. Miriam Tucker accidentally swallowed it during a charity event in which everyone in attendance was served a glass of champagne with either a piece of cubic zirconium or, as her gastroenterologist discovered, one genuine 1.03 carat diamond.
Tucker realized she had swallowed one or the other, but it wasn’t until after everyone else’s cubic zirconium was identified that she knew just which one. It was found and removed at her fortuitously scheduled colonoscopy two days later.
If you ask us, that scheduling is a little too fortuitous. We’re not outright saying Tucker stole the diamond, but it might have been an inside job.
“I am Christopher Lambert of the Screen Actors Guild. I was born in 1957 in the region of Great Neck on the shores of the Long Island Sound. And I am immortal.”
Still irritated that their grandparents are the Greatest Generation, Baby Boomers have settled for being known as the Highlander Generation, in that
They were old enough to see the movie Highlander in theaters back in 1986.
They cannot die.
That’s what they seem to think, anyway, as over three-quarters of adults over the age of 40 believe that they will not require long-term care as they get older. Getting old? That’s an old person’s game, which, if you ask those same over-40-year-olds, will include nearly everyone else except them individually.
Yes, everyone else is getting older and dying except for you, aging Boomer or Gen X-er. You will be forced to conceal your special gift and harness it until the time of the Gathering, when the few who remain will battle to the last.
And why will you fight? For the Prize, which is to die disappointed at work sooner than you think.
*To add insult to injury, this dick forcibly inserted his apostrophe into vaginas.
In an email to support New Hampshire’s “Stand Your Ground” law, state representative Peter Hansen, R-Amherst, referred to women collectively as “vagina’s” [sic].* This was in response to a fellow representative, Steve Vaillancourt, R-Manchester, who argued to repeal the law, which permits threatened people to use deadly force without first trying to retreat.
Vaillancourt gave three examples of people successfully escaping potential assailants, none of which included incidents involving — in Hansen’s words — “children and vagina’s.” Hansen claimed he said it intentionally to raise the specter of rape in his argument, presumably because he could have gotten in trouble for saying “rape” outright while Republican.
“This next song goes out to a girl who couldn’t be here to see me today, which is the greatest tragedy of all,” said history’s most important singer.
Most people who visit the house in which Anne Frank hid from the Nazis and wrote the world’s most stolen diary (Seriously, people. It had a lock and everything.) are emotionally moved to connect an actual location to a book that resonated with them and the world’s most horrendous atrocity.
Justin Bieber, however, is not most people. He wrote in the guest book:
Truly inspiring to be able to come here. Anne was a great girl. Hopefully she would have been a belieber.
Critics have been quick to jump on the Biebs, but not this blog. We agree wholeheartedly with Justin that the worst part about the Holocaust is that it deprived the world of an 84-year-old “belieber.”
Another Easter is over, and how did many of its most vocal adherents spend it? By switching to Bing.
While the date of Easter shifts around thanks to the miracle of modern calendaring, March 31st is also Cesar Chavez Day, a holiday commemorating the birthday of the Mexican-American farmer, union organizer and civil rights leader. So, when Google changed its Doodle to honor Chavez instead of Jesus’ big comeback, you can expect the reaction was less than measured from the Right.
The Google Doodle has already been the bane of the Fox Nation after failing to observe only the days they want it to, like Memorial Day, Veterans Day, Flag Day and the anniversaries of D-Day and the attack on Pearl Harbor. And while Google has gotten away with not doing an Easter Doodle since 2000, the tech giant brought all the fury down on themselves by honoring some socialist who taught the poor how to take care of themselves instead.
On a personal note: The Guys are also offended, but only because Google honored Cesar Chavez and not Cesar Romero, the guy who played the Joker on the 1960′s Batman TV series. But, we’re not, like, reduce-the-quality-of-our-Internet-searches-mad about it.
“Is it still racist if I say that one machine is worth 25 to 30 Mexicans instead?”
U.S. Rep. Don Young, R-Alaska, did the time warp during a radio interview on Thursday. Citing the progress we’ve made in industry, while making none himself, Young explained: “My father had a ranch; we used to have 50 to 60 wetbacks to pick tomatoes.” Now, however, “It takes two people to pick the same tomatoes now. It’s all done by machine.”
(We presume he used the term “machine” because he wasn’t sure if his interviewer had seen Battlestar Galactica and would understand what a “toaster” is.)
Young issued a statement later to explain his use of the term “wetbacks,” saying, “I know that this term is not used in the same way nowadays and I meant no disrespect.”
See? He meant no disrespect; that’s just how people talked back then or if you’re a racist today. And if we offended Rep. Young by calling him a racist for saying a racist thing, then we assure him that we mean all of the disrespect implied.
Wait, it has a poster and everything? How is this not a legitimate movie when we all grudgingly agree that Olympus Has Fallen is?
The Las Vegas film festival rescinded the Silver Ace award given to a British film, A Landscape of Lies. (Note: The linked Reuters article incorrectly bills the movie as “Landscape of Lives.”) It turns out that the aptly named film about a Gulf War veteran seeking justice for his murdered comrade was actually a fraud to cheat money out of investors.
Of course, then the gang behind the swindle made the movie (although for significantly less than they reported on their taxes), and it won an award that the festival claims is only a participation award.
So, it’s a real movie with real actors — including Marc Bannerman from EastEnders and Scottish TV presenter Andrea McLean — that was even watched by real movie viewers who officially recognized it as an acceptable assemblage of pictures in motion … but it’s not a real movie because of the intent to steal money from investors and the public? This is exactly how the rest of us felt when they made a Green Lantern movie, and yet Martin Campbell and the executives at Warner Brothers are free to walk the streets.
“My daughter? She doesn’t have to worry about cancer because we laugh over salad every day.”
Despite calls for a cure for cancer whenever a new erectile dysfunction pill is developed, more parents are choosing not to vaccinate their daughters for the human papillomavirus (HPV) now that said cure actually exists.
The vaccine — commonly known as Gardasil — immunizes the recipient from HPV, a family of viruses that cause genital and anal warts and most cases of cervical cancer. HPV infects nearly all sexually active human beings on planet Earth, even if they only did oral or butt stuff or just once with some girl who lives in Canada. (Basically, if you’ve “done it,” you have it.)
44 percent of parents, however, do not plan to immunize their daughters. 16 percent hold concerns that the vaccine is unsafe, citing research by Some Guy on the Internet and Rep. Michele Bachmann, R-Minn. And those who probably did no “research” at all just assumed it’s bad because it’s a vaccine.
17 percent, however, said their daughters don’t need it because they know their child isn’t sexually active. Fortunately, the vaccination is only effective prior to sex because, again, everybody has it, so it’ll be easier to catch their daughters and ground them for lying at their Purity Ball.
