So, uh, if you’ve been looking for the free condoms New York City distributed everywhere and can’t find them, you could try looking in the Dominican Republic. (They’re always in the last place you look, like still in your date.)
Apparently somebody has gathered them up and shipped them over to vendors in DR, and they’re making a nice profit by selling what were free for 50 cents a pop. Or, if they don’t pop, a fill.
However, city officials aren’t about to do anything about it as the lost condoms don’t make up a large percentage of the number the city distributes every year. So, going back to the opening sentence: if you’ve been looking for free condoms in NYC, and aren’t finding them, then it’s not because somebody shanghaied them off to the Caribbean. It’s because you’re a lazy scumbag.
Fortunately, the minds that brought you the Double-Down and not having to say “Kentucky Fried Chicken” at 3 A.M. have struck breaded and fried gold once again. They’ve partnered with an actual g*ddamn florist to create a corsage featuring a fried drumstick.
And if your date won’t kiss you by the end of the night, at least you’ve got the dog’s attention.
If there’s one thing we should all have learned by now, it’s that you can’t force making a social media web site go viral. That’s why the U.S. Agency for International Development — a government agency in charge of foreign aid — should have made a list of Google Pluses and minuses before investing in a Twitter knockoff to artificially foment a #CubanSpring.
The U.S. managed to lure in 40,000 followers on ZunZuneo (golfclap for naming it after the Zune) by keeping things innocuous at first, posting about soccer, music and hurricane updates. Which is probably how this project failed from the get-go: Americans can’t talk about soccer without mentioning Manchester or getting really defensive about MLS.
So, as you may have noticed, a Castro is still in charge of Cuba. Also, the service turned to sh*t when they tried to make an app for it. So, it’s safe to say that Zun-ZunZuneo (woah-oh) is the mistake we all could have seen had we only been asked before the government spent our money on it.
The odds of dying in a terrorist attack are one in 20,000,000, which is still lower than the chances of dying any other way, including by a bolt of lightning (one in 10,495,684).
The first Star Wars movie, Episode IV: A New Hope, has earned $775,398,007 since its release in 1977, and was even nominated for the Best Picture Academy Award — something that rarely happens for what you’re implying is a nerdy, limited appeal sci-fi film. (That dollar amount doesn’t even begin to factor in amounts earned from merchandising, sequels and tie-ins.)
Basically, the odds indicate that Ray Buxton — being a living American white male — was more likely to hit the jackpot than to not be a Star Wars fan. Or if the odds of anyone winning the Powerball jackpot are one in 175,223,510, then the odds of a Star Wars fan winning it are one in 175,223,508.
In what must be an April Fools’ Day post, WebMD and other media sources are reporting that — get this — eating fruits and vegetables is the secret to cutting your risk of death. According to a study in England, people who ate seven or more servings of fruit or vegetables a day were 42 percent less likely to die than their peers in any age group.
Yeah, right, WebMD (if that really is your degree). We get that garlic cuts your risk of death by vampire by 100 percent, which cuts your risk of overall death by 0 percent.
But fruit? C’mon. That’s introducing risk, whether from slips and falls due to banana peels or from a watermelon growing inside of you because you accidentally swallowed a seed.
Before you finish that chest workout and go see 300: Rise of an Empire, The Guys would like to warn you not to debate it afterwards. You just can’t handle the arguments that this big, dumb movie full of big, dumb men will dredge up.
As Boston gears up for Monday’s St. Patrick’s Day parade, there will be a few notable absences this year. Boston Mayor Martin J. Walsh will not attend unless the South Boston Allied War Veterans Council, which sponsors the parade, allows gay veterans to openly march in the parade.
Good for Mayor Walsh, but a parade can live without a mayor. Attending a parade sober, however? Now that’s unthinkable, but likely the reality because Sam Adams has also pulled out of the parade.
Look, Boston. It’s one thing to keep the gay people in your city under wraps for St. Paddy’s. But have you seen a pride parade? How the hell are you gonna compete with that without beer?
The Guys don’t have much of a brand, but we will defend that brand to the death. So we guess it only makes sense that Paula Deen will do anything to restore hers, grasping any trending news article to lift herself up.
He [presumably Michael Sam] said, ‘I just want to be known as a football player. I don’t want to be known as a gay football player.’
Right, Michael Sam wants to be known as the black football player, not the gay one. Just like how Paula Deen wants to be known as a media icon who sells terrible food, not the tone-deaf byproduct of the Jim Crow-era South.
A recent survey by NSF International indicates that not only do one-in-four people go to work sick, but that the majority of us think they’re great for doing it.
 percent of Americans surveyed acknowledged they judged fellow co-workers who come in sick. However, 67 percent said they considered sick co-workers to be hard workers [...]
What are we: the police chief from Lethal Weapon?
Granted, 37 percent of respondents said they go in because they don’t have paid sick leave. So, maybe it’s up to businesses to decide which they’d rather pay for: sick leave or cedar chips for sick leavings.