After winning the Boston mayoral election, Marty Walsh received two calls: one from the President’s calling service and the next from Vice President Joe Biden himself. The only problem was that both called the wrong Marty Walsh in Boston.
Both had called Marty Walsh, a consultant who managed Ted Kennedy’s 2006 senate reelection campaign, not Marty Walsh, the guy Boston just elected.
We guess it makes sense that the White House is the last office on Earth that still uses the White Pages.
It’s been a long and arduous search, but ladies and gentlemen, we did it. From the honkiest sections of Idaho to the meth-filled sections of Florida, we’ve finally pinpointed the lamest adults ever. Those that forgot their time as kids, those that pimped out their childhood, those that sold out their memories.
Who’s seen Porky’s? That’s the movie with the infamous scene involving a high school women’s locker room, a peep hole and male high schoolers peering through it (among other things). It’s a fairly icky scene when you think about it, but ultimately was handled as humorous, even when the guys were caught (SPOILERS, GAIZ!).
It’s a little different in the real world. When peeping toms get caught in real life, they tend to be arrested, not chased after by the heavy-set cafeteria lady.
Hey, travelers, if you’re going to be out of town, make sure you have the proper form of identification, not identi-food-cation.
Most places in the United States of America require two forms of state-issued government identification. Examples are a Driver’s License, a Learner’s Permit, a Picture ID or a chalupa. Ranch chalupas, however, are not acceptable.
The Guys have been warning our wives and girlfriends for years, but apparently some people have to die from water balls before they’ll heed our warnings.
But seriously, water balls are inflated plastic balls that people are zipped into to walk across water the way Jesus did: hamster-style. The air you breathe is the same air used to maintain the integrity of the sphere, which should last for an hour … unless you’re dangerously out of shape, so nobody in America should have a problem with this.
Apparently the intelligence agency has been in effect since 2008, moving slowly forward for fear of political repercussions. Also, because of the whole spy thing. According to the Japanese embassy, progress has also been slow because of a lack of “knowledge, experience, and assets/officers.” Again, also because of the whole spy thing. The agency is being modeled on the American CIA, the Australian Secret Intelligence, and Britain’s MI6. And once more, again, because of the whole spy thing.
One of the primary concerns for Japan was their lack of intelligence regarding the actions of Kim Jong-Il, and rightfully so. Between militaristic threats from the country and suspicious missile testing, Japan is justified in their worry.
What Wikileaks hasn’t revealed yet is just what the weapon cache that the spy ninjas are using. Because their spies are TOTALLY ninjas.
The last WikiLeaks revelation of U.S. State Department secret documents have hit most world leaders in one way or another. But one leader’s response to our foreign relations mean girl tactics is much funnier than the others.
Vladimir Putin has objected to a U.S. cable that described him as the “alpha dog,” the Batman to Totally Russian President Dimitri Medvedev’s Robin.
Putin condemned the comparison as “slanderous,” adding, “I only asked him to dress that way once. It was my birthday.”
Our favorite government-sanctioned four day weekend is almost upon us! Normally, this just means drinking (more) on a Wednesday. But, a new survey indicates that 59 percent of us will check our work email over the break.
If that wasn’t bad enough, of those who will be in to eat turducken “in just a minute,” 41 percent will report to be annoyed to have actually found work-related email in their inbox.
People, there are better and less sad ways to avoid your family than pretending to work–only to receive actual work to do. There’s always:
Bringing a fake “life partner” to dinner.
Injuring and then taking someone to the emergency room after the family football game.