Category: Fun Fact

When is a gun not a gun?

How would you describe a gun to, oh, let’s say … Oliver Cromwell? Oliver Cromwell it is.

You’d probably say something like, “It’s a weapon from which a shot is discharged by a controlled powder explosion, usually small and hand-held, and carrying one makes you look awesome.”

But did you mention to him that a gun must also have been manufactured after 1896?

Not only is this news to Cromwell’s musket troops in English Civil War, but also to two U.S. prosecutors who could not prove that a defendant’s gun was, in fact, a gun. The weapon in question was possibly manufactured in 1880, which makes it possibly 16 years too old to be considered a firearm according to federal code.

So, Fun Fact for RAM Members:
It’s just assault if you use an arquebus, not assault with a deadly weapon. At least not here in the U.S. Who knows what kind of weaponry they still cling to in older, backwoodsier places like Denmark?

(Postscript: The guy with the mystery gun was still convicted of felony possession of ammunition … You know, for the “gun.”)

You don’t know Ted

If you thought you knew anything about Superstation founder and all-around money-having guy, Ted Turner, you were wrong. Just read this excerpt from an interview:

CNN: I know you’ve got to move around a lot. But some people have observed that when you are chased by demons, you have to move around a lot to stay out in front of them.

Turner: Well, I’m not chased by demons. I feel pretty good.

CNN: Why would people say that?

Turner: I don’t know. That I’m chased by demons? I don’t know. They don’t know. The only person who knows about demons is me.

That’s right, you read it here first*:

Ted Turner is an admitted demon-fighter and/or -friend!

See what you can learn with a little reading comprehension? Wouldn’t you have been embarrassed if you ran into Ted “Captain Planet” Turner and just casually mentioned your pro- or anti-demon stance? First impressions are everything, especially among cable television moguls.

This has been another SG Fun Fact … plus a lesson in good manners. You’re welcome.

*Well, first if you didn’t read it on CNN.

About dang time, Bono

SeriouslyGuys doesn’t normally approve of rock musicians, especially foreign dogooder* ones.

*Fun Fact:
You can’t spell “dogooder” without “dog doo.” It’s true. Look it up.

But Bono does approve of us, finally.

Yep, after a few decades of being an inexplicable American radio star, Bono thanked America for our efforts in not giving malaria to Africans. Mom, baseball and apple pie were not explicitly mentioned, but we’re presumed thanked via proxy.

So, in the spirit of this moment, we guess we have something to say to Bono, too:

Why is he called The Edge?

Nothing funny about rape …

Until today!

Fun Fact:
Did you know that Alaska has the highest rape rate of any state in the U.S.? And that’s among a population of about 670,000 people (48% of that is women)!

That fun fact comes to you from this story: Sarah Palin’s town, Wasilla, required rape victims to pay for their own inspection kits.

How could anyone justify charging victims for the physical evidence-collecting kits of their violent sexual attack? Simple, really: “evidence” is just another word for “souvenir.” You know, like those photos on roller coasters.

Amish plan to breed us out

In a move that must make abstinence-only education proponents proud, the Amish have boosted their human production by 130 percent over the past 16 years.

With their new numbers, they are now colonizing new states, including Arkansas, Colorado, Maine, Mississippi, Nebraska, Washington and West Virginia. If you live adjacent to any of these states, prepare to be invaded!

Should the Amishification of America continue unabated, mechanized construction equipment will become obsolete. Milk will be kind of yellowish. The barstools will be very nice. And a little thing called the Internet will become the exclusive playground of hedonisitic Europeans, Asians, Australians, Africans, South Americans, the rest of the North Americans and those weird Antarctagonists.

This blog, for one, welcomes our neckbearded overlords.

What a surprise

Community college faculty and students decided that a four-day work week beats working five days a week.

In unrelated news: potsmokers prefer everything kept in reach of the couch.

Also, this just in: readers believe that the book is better than the movie … unless they’re writing a book repor–

We interrupt the end of this report with this emergency breaking news:

Water’s wet, but only when you touch it.

We now return to the original story in progress.

— because college students are lazy.

Tiny phone big in Japan no longer

Fun fact:

Did you know that every time you snap a picture on the Japanese version of the iPhone 3G it will make an audible “shutter click” noise that you can’t turn off, even when the phone is on silent mode? Why? So upskirt perverts can’t do their dirty work undetected!

OK, actually, almost all new phones in Japan are supposed to do this … which is slightly disturbing. The only things that can make this situation better are:

  • the entire voyeur industry to come together to sue Apple, Nokia, Motorola and so forth for interfering with their right to profit.
  • someone invents EMP underwear.
  • Japan gets a clue and stops becoming so weird that these limitations need to be implemented.

Anastasia is dead …

… as of 90 years ago.

Scientists in Russia, Austria and the U.S. have finished examing the remains of the Tsar Nicholas II’s two missing children. Using DNA, medical records and forensics, they have been positively identified as dead, not living and definitely not your grandmother.

Turns out the old broad was just crazy/hated your great-grandparents. The real little princess was executed, just like those commies claimed, in 1918.

So, now that you’re not the heir to the Russian throne anymore, get back to work!

American gangs with cameras are serious business in Thailand

A much better gang member than Todd WilliamsJoke time: so, an American tourist is waving his camera (and hopefully, that’s all that he’s waving that belongs to him) in his hotel room when he gets a knock on the door. He opens the door and there’s a local cop. The cop asks him “Do you know what’s the capital of Thailand? No? You’re going to very soon. By the way, you’re under arrest.”

Now, what happens in Thailand really stays in Thailand—because if you try to film it for a porn movie, you are most assuredly going to jail (and you might be considered a “gang member” too, even if you’re probably the saddest excuse for a gang member ever.)

Fun fact:
The best thing about filming in the Valley, or for that matter, anywhere that’s not Thailand, is that your odds of ending up in a Southeast Asian prison are remarkably low.