Retail pharmacy chain CVS announced that they will phase out sales of important T-zone treatment drugs. The move could harm American drug companies like the Altria Group, Reynolds American and Lorillard, all of which have already seen sales decline from 45 percent of all adults in 1965 to 18.1 percent in 2012.
The disposable inhalers — known by their over-the-counter-name, “cigarettes” — had long been an inexpensive way to treat stress, depression, skin over-firmness, tooth brightness and body odorlessness. But now, tobacco researchers warn that, without access to these materials in drugstores, consumers may have to resort to dangerous, alternative treatments — like meth.
Should other drugstores follow CVS’ lead, then these life-affirming drugs that make you look more mature and cooler, like a movie star, could become harder to find. Fortunately, they will still be available in alternative medicine establishments like gas stations, where attendants who specialize in “Eastern” medicine still dispense Horny Goat Weed, bath salts and beef jerky (the latter for Atkins dieting).
The preceding was a paid guest post by Philip Morris XI, botanist, chemist and “fortune counselor” to the politically-impoverished.