‘Presume’ nothing with tigers
Posted on August 27, 2010
Filed Under Headline of the Day, War on Animals | Leave a Comment |
A woman was caught by Thai airport security with a sedated tiger cub in her carry-on bag. She attempted to smuggle the world’s orangest dangerous animal by filling the bag around it with stuffed toy tigers.
So, Time. If the tiger cub’s so “presumably adorable,” then how come it stuck out like a sore thumb against so many precious stuffed animals? Sounds like it was too ugly to pass the Hobbes Fantasy vs. Reality Tiger Test.
But that’s not the end of the story. The tiger’s destination? Iran.
Written by Rick SneeNerd general’s warning
Posted on August 24, 2010
Filed Under Headline of the Day, Warcrack | Leave a Comment |
In the latest in our headline of the day series, MSNBC has found a way to simultaneously insult smokers and gamers, as a new drug has been developed to fight the addiction to smoking and your super-sweet online gaming world.
Written by Bryan SchoolsHeadline of the Day
Posted on August 18, 2010
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It seems like it’s been a while since we had one of these. Has it been a while?
Written by Bryan McBournieAlso: Their dresses are too short
Posted on August 9, 2010
Filed Under Headline of the Day, It Must Be Science! | 1 Comment |
Today’s headline is brought to you by Fathers of Daughters Everywhere.
Hide your porn stars and waitresses!
Posted on July 27, 2010
Filed Under Headline of the Day, War on Animals | Leave a Comment |
This is a breaking emergency bulletin for all of our readers in South Africa!
Residents of the Delmas district of South Africa, 40 miles east of Johannesburg, have spotted a Tiger on the loose.
Although Tiger has been raised by humans his entire life and is considered tame, he should not be approached. Blondes–especially those with fake breasts–should be kept indoors and away from windows until Tiger is safely back in his truck.
Do not attempt to offer Tiger any corporate sponsorships as you’ll end up spending more on bizarre apology ads later.
SeriouslyGuys will update with further bulletins until we can confirm that this potential PR crisis is over.
Written by Rick SneeSenior citizen-on-senior citizen crime!
Posted on July 16, 2010
Filed Under Headline of the Day, What a Reach! | Leave a Comment |
Sometimes, when a story is important enough, you have to find the right source to present it in just the right way; otherwise, you might miss the essential life lesson.
Fortunately, Fox News is on the case!
The Case of Joe Perry and the Rear-ended Motorcycle seemed nigh unsolvable. Why did this happen? Who would hit a beloved American icon (in 1993)? Where did the system go wrong? Will it ever be safe to ride a two-wheeled overpowered vehicle that doctors call a “donorcycle” again?
The Fox answers: it’s the fault of a senior citizen driver.
The 59-year-old lead guitarist of your dad’s favorite band was hit on his motorcycle by a 62-year-old biddy who should have had her licensed seized at least five years ago!
Written by Rick SneeWhy do we float to the surface?
Posted on July 8, 2010
Filed Under Headline of the Day, War on Animals | Leave a Comment |
Answer: to swim back down again.
There have been many casualties in the BP Gulf oil spill, which is not to be confused with the Gulf Shell spill, when Gulf spilled shells all over Sally on the seashore.
Business like hotels and restaurants are all but shut down. Other oil rigs that managed not to explode are silent. People who wished for Jimmy Buffett to go away have to see him on the news every night.
But, one fish lost his parents. And now we have–DUN-NUH NUH-NUH NUH-NUH NUH-NUH–
Batfiiiiiiiiish! Baaaaatfiiiiiiish! Batfiiiiiiiiish!
Written by Rick SneeNot that there’s anything wrong with this headline
Posted on July 7, 2010
Filed Under Headline of the Day, Picture of the Day | Leave a Comment |
There are some headlines that write themselves, but then there are others that are transparently intentional.
Case in point:
Look at that Facebook “likes” count. There’s no way nearly 5,000 people care about track and field.
So, while we congratulate Reuters on a headline superbly–though obviously–crafted to generate the most casual hits, we’re forced to ask if it was worth the dignity of your entire wire service.
(Special thanks to Anthony S.)
Written by Rick SneeHint: it’s probably not Halle Berry
Posted on June 30, 2010
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Police in Manhattan and Queens are looking for, well, Catwoman. A “serial stickup artist” wearing a cat mask reportedly robbed shoe and beauty stores in the two burroughs.
There is absolutely nothing about this story that doesn’t make me giggle.
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorTop that, SeriouslyReaders!
Posted on June 23, 2010
Filed Under Headline of the Day, Stripper News | Leave a Comment |
The next time you play “Truth or Dare,” know that there is no way kissing another dude or wearing a diaper through the drive-thru will ever top this.
A naked woman stole a car at 5 am from a guy posting business signs on the side of the highway. Because turnaround is fair play, that guy stole her car.
The guy and the police chased her until she crashed his car into a gate. The police pursued her on foot, but couldn’t grab her because she was too slippery from sweat and blood. She literally slipped through their fingers and stole a cop car.
She crashed that car into a highway berm and sustained flight for 50 feet.
She then ran on foot again, and scaled a barb wire fence before the cops finally tazed her. (And here we thought they pulled those out at the drop of a candy wrapper.)
Written by Rick Snee keep looking »In other “Truth or Dare” news:
Monaco’s royal family has named at least two princes Albert.