Headline of the Day

Posted on July 17, 2008
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Because sometimes, you just hope that things will stick other than the smile that’s now on your face. By the way, Nick Nolte, you now have competition.

Written by Chris "Chugs" Taylor

We’re not laughing, ‘Onion’

Posted on June 19, 2008
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Look, before we get into it, let’s just say we like The Onion. We think it’s adorable that they make up news to joke about. Very creative, boys.

That said: did you think we wouldn’t notice? It was a nice try, putting it in your print edition. You know The Guys are way too awesome to sit in coffee shops and read ratty little newsletters.

(Not that we’re implying your print edition is ratty. We’re sure it’s much more distinguished than that local fanzine about marijuana-oriented jam bands from Kinko’s.)

And we quote from our site two weeks ago:

“So I caught a few previews for Austin Powers 4: The Love Guru and noticed Jessica Alba is in it.”

That’s the very first sentence in “Take it from Snee: Jessica Alba kinda sucks.”

Written by Rick Snee

Truthful Headline of the Day

Posted on June 2, 2008
Filed Under Booze News, Headline of the Day | Leave a Comment |

CNN didn’t pull any punches with today’s Headline of the Day: “A puking bride, crazy squirrel and a fire.”

No, it’s not a bunch of highlights from a Passover holiday special — it’s about weddings, which is a hot topic this time of year. Chances are, if you’ve recently graduated college, you have about 20 of these to go to all year.

If you’re lucky, maybe you, too, will have an interesting story to tell. Unless it’s open-bar; then there are no stories to remember.

Written by Rick Snee

Misleading Headline of the Day

Posted on April 28, 2008
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If you’ve tuned into CNN’s Web site today, you either jumped for joy or mournfully prank-called Larry King as Baba Booey’s testicles after reading this headline.

Just to recap:

Update (4/28/2008):
After linking to CNN’s original article, “Howard Stern comic dies at 39,” they changed the headline to read, “Howard Stern contributor dies at 39.” Don’t let Ted Turner tell you otherwise: The Guys own CNN!

Written by Rick Snee

Best Headline of the Day

Posted on April 9, 2008
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Because honestly, if there’s at least one moment in your day when you’ll cock your head sideways like a dog, it’ll be after viewing this.

Written by Chris "Chugs" Taylor

About time somebody said something

Posted on March 24, 2008
Filed Under Headline of the Day, Scurry '08 | 1 Comment |

We found this headline on CNN’s front page under latest news:

That’s right: Barack Obama’s church is against crucifixion, unlike some other churches that seem to celebrate it every Spring.

Senator Obama is now two-for-two when it comes to saying things we’ve all been thinking, yet never had the courage to say.

Crucifixion is wrong, people. It hurts, it kills and it lends legitmacy to snuff films. Don’t crucify, lest ye be crucified yerself.

Image: Screenshot of CNN’s home page at 3:10 pm EDT on March 24, 2008.

Written by Rick Snee

The end of French men?

Posted on March 7, 2008
Filed Under Headline of the Day, It Must Be Science! | 1 Comment |

Ever notice how much we write about studies? Well, so long as they reveal things like “French women ‘are the sexual predators now,’” we’re gonna bring them to your attention.

Not only have French women become more sexually aggressive, but the men are calling the whole thing off: one-in-five young French men have “no interest in sex.” Things will reach critical mass very soon as 90% of those women remain sexually active after turning 50.

Unless the men start appreciating French women again, this will not end well for them.

Written by Rick Snee

Headline of the Day

Posted on February 26, 2008
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There are many ways to die, but normally, one doesn’t think of groundskeeping machinery as a possible source of a dirt nap. Apparently it can come for even Buddhists.

Reverend Seiji Handa, a Buddhist monk from Japan, was in England trimming the grass around his peace pagoda when his tractor got away from him and he slipped under it. Don’t worry, folks, he’ll be reincarnated.

Written by Bryan McBournie

Most adorable traffic accident EVAR

Posted on February 19, 2008
Filed Under Headline of the Day | 1 Comment |

I realize that it’s four days already, but, best headline ever or best headline ever?

To help seal the deal:

“The corridor was really busy, and people just kept walking, and they started to pile up. We were helping the people who had been injured, and at one point it was like the scene in The Wizard of Oz when the witch is trapped underneath the house.”

Written by Chris "Chugs" Taylor