Hey, speaking of penis … The Guys don’t know a whole lot (or anything at all) about Kyrgyzstan, but we now know this: don’t call their special delicacy, chuchuk, a horse’s penis. A British employee of Kyrgyzstan’s biggest gold mine learned this the hard way (… eh?) after posting on Facebook that everyone was lined (or “queued” in adorable British-speak) up for their turn at that monster.
It turns out that chuchuk is sausage made from horse meat and intestines, but not dick; c’mon, that would be gross. For disparaging their national dish, he’s been deported with a warning that he could have been charged for a hate crime.
Lori Sforza, a self-proclaimed witch and Head Mother of Our Lord and Lady of the Trinacrian Rose Church, asked for an order to stop the world’s most unfortunately named warlock ever, Christian Day. Sforza said Day used the dark powers of telephony to make harassing calls.
So, if you ever feel like our government can’t do anything these days, at least it can contain the supernatural … or can it?
Happy Halloween from the Guys! And to our Wiccan readers who may or may not be currently navigating our legal system, happy new year!
As if things didn’t look bleak enough in pants, the War on Animals took a major blow today. We all know that you are successfully keeping your foe down if they can’t join professional baseball. But now that there has been an amphibious pitcher, it’s only a matter of time before fully aquatic players’ unions force the game to be played entirely underwater.
And just to add insult to injury, his name’s Venditte. That’s right: “Tiny French Thirst for Vengeance.” He just admitted that he is a frog and always intended to set back both baseball and the human race from the very beginning.