CHUN! CHUN! for great (Chinese) justice

This is not a dream. This is real.

The mayor of the Chinese mega-city Chongqing thinks that Chinese judges should watch American courtroom dramas. This is not the plot of a Judge Dredd comic.

His reasoning is that doing so will result in them making better judgements and decisions when it comes down to crunch time. Dick Wolf was pleased to hear this news. However, Huang Qifan, the aforementioned mayor, feels that they should also watch American action films, as again, this will result in them making better judgements and decisions when it comes down to crunch time.

Judges of China, if you’re going to follow through on this, can we recommend Die Hard but not Die Hard 2, along with Lethal Weapon 2, but not Lethal Weapons 1 or 3? Thanks.

Bug spray won’t cut it in Florida this year

If you live in Florida, you may want to consider moving before the summer comes. We’re sure it’s a very nice place and all that, but it’s about to get flat-out terrifying.

It’s no secret that Florida is one big swamp, and that mosquitoes love swamps, so naturally, the bugs are all over the state. But now, according to this headline, scientists are expecting a “Large, aggressive mosquito.” It’s likely going to be from the Psorophora ciliata species, which sounds like something you shouldn’t google at work.

The article is short on details, and we don’t want to speculate, but it probably means that the state will be terrorized by a single mutant mosquito, roughly the size of a house, and the demeanor of grizzly bear.

Of course, if you want to hunt this mega-mosquito, we’ll write songs about you when you bring us its head.

College graduates, apply today!

Do you hate your job because of your coworkers? Then why not apply for a new job, a better job with lots of outdoor hours and where you can kill the people you work with?

Sri Lanka is looking for a well hung man new hangman after allowing one to retire — presumably to spend more time hanging out with his family — and promoting another one up to … firing squad captain? (Male applicants only, please. “Hangperson” just sounds stupid.)

And the best part? The country hasn’t executed a convict since 1976. But, don’t fire up that game of Minesweeper just yet: they’re looking to change that, with 480 potential clients already lined up. So, that’s good noose if you’ve been recently laid off.