Category: It Must Be Science!

| Filed under Booze News, It Must Be Science!

If your eyes are blue, you’re probably not sober

Look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself, are you alcohol dependent? Now, look at the color of your eyes.

According to a recent study, if your eyes are blue, you have a higher chance of being dependent on drugs or alcohol. It’s not your eyes, it’s in your genes. Researchers found that people with blue eyes were more likely to have the gene that makes them hooked on booze, compared to those who have brown eyes.

Granted, if your eyes are red, you probably already know what you have.

| Filed under Booze News, It Must Be Science!

Coming soon: A pill that makes booze good for your liver

If you’re a regular reader of this blog, you know that an almost daily basis there’s another report extolling the health benefits of booze. But no one’s ever said drinking is good for your liver — until now.

Scientists in China have a made a discovery they say could one day lead to alcohol being good for your liver. Researchers say they have isolated a gene that allows the body to store the energy from booze as glycogen, rather than fat, which harms the liver. They say this could lead to a pill that can boost your PPP1r3G gene to store glycogen, making the only unhealthy part of bending an elbow actually beneficial.

It’s a brave, boozy new world.

| Filed under It Must Be Science!

Why aren’t you dropping acid at work?

If you want to be at your best at work every day, you need to start your morning off right. That means taking LSD.

Some may take coffee to get going in the morning (or for other reasons), but according to Dr. James Fadiman, a small dose of a hallucinogenic drug, such as LSD, will help you to solve problems creatively and make grueling tasks seem more entertaining. The key is to “microdose,” or give yourself less than 1% of the dose you would need to trip.

So tomorrow, sprinkle some acid on your Lucky Charms. It may just help you get that big promotion.

| Filed under It Must Be Science!

1 woman today equals 1 man in 1960s, report says

We’ve still got work to do, but it’s something.

According to the Centers for Disease Control, the average American woman now weighs about the same as the average man did in the 1960s, roughly 166 pounds. For women, it’s an 18.5% increase from 50 years ago. In the same time, American men have ballooned 17.6%, to 196 pounds. The report doesn’t say this, but it’s probably because back then everyone was smoking, and now they’re not.

But honestly folks, there are no excuses. We need to close the weight gap and we need to do it now.

| Filed under Booze News, It Must Be Science!

Booze may do what medicine cannot

Once again, science may have found that alcohol is good for your health. This time, it’s mead.

Mead is a fermented drink mostly made from honey. It was all the rage with everyone from the Vikings to the Greeks back in the day. Now, researchers in Sweden are investigating whether mead’s mystical powers can kill harmful bacteria in you, all while getting you sloppy.

They have found that lactic acid bacteria found in bees’ honey stomachs can help kill off antibiotic-resistant bugs, so it’s possible that those magical properties have transferred to mead from the honey it comes from.

| Filed under It Must Be Science!, War on Animals

State of Internet explained with cat-induced schizophrenia

They intentionally loaded up on fiber just to make us schizo that much faster!
They intentionally loaded up on fiber just to make us schizo that much faster!

If you’ve used the Internet since the early days, back when the closest a .gif got to going viral was being used on Ally McBeal, then it might seem like Internet users are behaving more and more strangely.

As we shift from one meme to the next, there is only one constant in Internet: cats. On the graph we just made up in our heads, the line representing cat-focused content over time extends, unabated, well into the stratosphere. As we’ve transitioned from simpler days of dancing hamsters to rage over elections and wars on animals, cats have been our constant companions as online behavior only becomes unexplainably more angry and unpredictable.

But, maybe, it was the cats all along. Maybe they’ve been giving us all schizophrenia with their horrible pooping ways, and the whole Internet has finally reached the point of being diagnosed.

Bad kitties. No cheeseburgers for you.

| Filed under It Must Be Science!, The Guys in Moms

The placenta placebo

"Science cannot harm the dragon ... 's belief in hokum."
“Science cannot harm the dragon … ‘s belief in hokum.”

New research indicates that there are no health benefits to mothers who eat the placenta after giving birth. This disproves previous Internet-concocted bullsh*t that claimed that eating your baby’s 9-month dorm room somehow gives you magical anti-depression powers and more energy. With no actual benefit found, plus the possibility of getting sick, doctors are recommending that women stop doing that.

They also added, “You’re being weird and gross. Knock it off. You’re somebody’s mother now.”

| Filed under It Must Be Science!, Sex Sells

The best part of getting it up

"You do not want to see my penis before my morning coffee."
“You do not want to see my penis before my morning coffee.”

Most people claim that nothing happens before they have their daily coffee. And one of those things might be erections. And, no, we don’t mean construction work. We mean your penis.

Researchers from the University of Texas found a 42 percent reduction in erectile dysfunction in men who drank between 171mg and 303mg of caffeine a day, or roughly two cups of coffee.

So, the next time your boss asks you to bring him a cup of coffee, don’t be disgusted because he’s clearly trying to force you into some outdated gender role. Be disgusted because he’s going to have an old man boner soon.

Penis.

| Filed under It Must Be Science!

Anti-vaxxers look forward to resurrecting newly endangered rubella virus

"Concerned parents are go! Repeat: concerned parents are go! This is what we read questionable scientific resources for, people!"
“Concerned parents are go! Repeat: concerned parents are go! This is what we read questionable scientific sources for, people!”

Officials from the Pan-American Health Organization issued a new challenge to parents who have a Google degree in medical science, announcing that the rubella virus is no longer being transmitted in the Americas thanks to a 15-year vaccination campaign.

Already, forces for substituting concern and a bachelor’s degree in Liberal Arts in place of actual medical knowledge have started mobilizing, planning to rescue the virus from the endangered species list.

“It is a disgrace that third world countries can protect this important RNA-based species while corporations are allowed to freely destroy it in a so-called industrialized nation, ” said noted immunological authority, Bill Maher.

“While I cannot host the virus myself due to vaccinations, I look forward to giving my children the opportunity that my parents denied me,” added actress/model/basically-a-scientist, Jenny McCarthy.

Fortunately, anti-vaxxers already have a headstart on rubella since its vaccine is part of the combined MMR vaccine that they’ve already opted their children out of.

| Filed under It Must Be Science!, War on Aliens

We’re going to be invaded by space bears, math says

If aliens are out there, they are probably bear-sized, according to math.

Mathematicians somewhere have said that their calculations show that alien life forms are most likely to be the size of a bear, and the likelihood decreases with the size, from there. Also, they’ll probably weigh about 700 pounds.

These conclusions are based on Bayes’ theorem, which we know as a reader of this site you’re familiar with.