Category: It Must Be Science!

| Posted in Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto, War on Robots

Japan wants to hasten the robot uprising

Japan’s population is shrinking. It’s one of the few countries that can say this. While they are doing their part to avoid overpopulating the world, it’s also a bad thing, because someone needs to take care of all the old people.

So Japanese researchers came up with a very Japanese way to solve the problem: more robots. They said in a white paper that robots could even be applied to agriculture and construction jobs, because everyone wants robots in charge or your food or making cat calls at you when you walk by.

Does Japan ever have good ideas?

| Posted in Booze News, It Must Be Science!

A microscopic worm can drink you under the table

Bad news, people. There exists a type of worm that can’t get drunk, and it’s all science’s fault.

Researchers at the University of Texas genetically engineered a type of roundworm that can’t get a buzz no matter how much it drinks. Stop for a minute, and think about how a group of scientists spent their workdays getting worms drunk, then contemplate how much your job sucks.

But it’s not all bad news. They say the discovery could one day lead to drugs that can block the effect of alcohol withdrawal (hangovers). It could even one day keep people from getting drunk at all, which sounds like hell.

| Posted in It Must Be Science!, War on Animals

No!

No! We will not allow this! This will not go swiftly into the night!

Delicious doughnuts are being used to feed bears! Bears! BEARS! Doughnuts are people food. They are not to be eaten by bears! Especially not in the name of science!

Gentlemen of this site, get your dukes up and in the air. It’s time for an old-fashioned bear fight, followed by a traditional nerd smashing.

| Posted in It Must Be Science!

All men are tripods

Some guys brag about having a third leg in their pants. According to a new study, they’re not that far off.

Researchers say that the first known instance of male sexual organs on an animal with a backbone began as an extra set of legs. Millions of years ago, these weird, fish-like things called placoderms ruled the seas, they are the oldest vertebrates known to science, and according to a recent study of fossils, the extra appendage on male placoderms was used to fertilize the females internally.

Ladies.

| Posted in It Must Be Science!, War on Animals

Rats also do it myyyyyy waaaaaaaaaaay!

Despite all their rage, they are still rats treating depression with food in a cage.

Regrets? Rats have had a few, and science believes they’ve found evidence to support that claim.

Researchers placed rats in a contraption that allowed them to travel in one direction through a looping hallway connected to food chambers. Some chambers had food that the rats liked, like bananas or chocolate, while others had foods they liked considerably less. Rats that chose rooms with Kibble or whatever you feed rats when you break up with them looked backward towards rooms with better options. And brain scans indicate that they felt regret on not choosing the correct room.

So what did the rats do? They ate up the less desirable food and spit it out. For what is a rat, what has he got? If not himself then he has naught. To squeak the things he truly feels and not the words of one who runs on wheels. The brain scans show they took the blows and did it … like members of the Rat Pack.

| Posted in It Must Be Science!, Take it from Snee

Take it from Snee: Psuedoscience abound

Another parallel to 1925: we're still easily distracted by animal memes.
Another parallel to 1925: we’re still easily distracted by animal memes.

If there was one surprise about the first 15 years of the year 2000, it’s been that science is now more politicized in general than it was during the Scopes Monkey Trial of 1925. Which is really surprising when we can finally agree that cigarettes do cause cancer and that tobacco companies and their handful of hired scientists lied to us while the vast consensus of the scientific community agreed that inhaling fire is super bad for you.

However, now there’s an entire political party dedicated to pushing back against science when it comes to climate, human reproduction and the exact age of the Earth. And for their efforts to undermine the scientific progress of the 20th Century, we have rightfully named the Republican Party the “stupid party.” And the worst part is that they’ve taken these positions based on donations from energy companies and megachurches.

But, aren’t pastors and oil and coal magnates considered experts in their respective fields? How is an elected official supposed to know that guys selling purity rings maybe don’t have a sound medical understanding of what the birth control pill does? Or that, when your only tool is a coal-fired pneumatic hammer, then all your problems are solar-resistant nails?

Maybe it’s because, for the myriad of ways that science has shaped and defined the 21st century, we don’t really understand any of it. Oh, sure, we talk a big game based on our high school biology class and the occasional Wikipedia timesink, but can we really blame Republicans being the only ones who fall for faulty — and sometimes fraudulent — pseudoscience?

After all, you can hear both conservatives and liberals (but mostly liberals) complain about the following …  Continue reading

| Posted in It Must Be Science!, War on Robots

Robots have come to impregnante you

Just like they’ve been doing for years, robots are taking our jobs away, this time, it’s procreation, which is the most, if only, fun part of having a kid.

Researchers in the Netherlands have developed robots, actual robots, that are shaped and move like sperm. They can be steered using magnetic fields, and scientists say they could some day soon assist with in vitro fertilization. They call them MagnetoSperm. (Really? You go with that name when “Sperminator” is staring you in the face?)

Yes, your lady may get knocked up by a robot. The good news is that you get a cyborg baby.

| Posted in It Must Be Science!

Your sexism applies to hurricanes

If we told you that Hurricane Betsy was coming your way, would you flee? What about Hurricane Michael? Some scientists say you aren’t afraid of storms with female names.

It turns out that storms with female names tend to kill more people. Researchers don’t think it’s because they’re any nastier or moodier (at least not while they’re in earshot), but that people tend to take hurricanes with male names more seriously. They suggest that any given hurricane would kill three times as many people if it has a woman’s name.

The good news for women out there is that hurricanes are punishing the sexists.

| Posted in It Must Be Science!

Pat Sajak would like to talk to you about climate change

“The clue is, ‘Wake up, sheeple!’”

You know Pat Sajak, everyone does. He’s the short, friendly, affable guy who has hosted Wheel of Fortune for some three decades. What you may not know is that he’s active on Twitter. More so, he’s on to the evil schemes of scientists and their so-called “evidence.”

Just yesterday, he made made it plain that he believes this “climate change” thing is a bunch of hooey.


No, his account wasn’t hacked. He chose to tweet that the same day NOAA released its monthly report saying that April was tied for the hottest month globally ever recorded.  Sajak really was saying if you believe in global warming, you’re a racist. Worse yet, you don’t love America, one of the biggest polluters in the world.

We have to agree with Mr. Wheel himself. A guy who stands in one place, smiling and handing out money night after night, needs to be well educated. And it takes a man of such intelligence to stare down 97.1% of all research done on climate change and say, “F_CK Y__.”

| Posted in It Must Be Science!, That Wacky Australia

Putting the ‘spunk’ in ‘spelunking’

"I love escargot."
“I love escargot.”

There are a lot of hazards to exploring caves: cave-ins, bats, those creepy blind lizards, James Franco’s arm, canary-killing gases and now splooge.

A group of Australian paleontologists found more than they bargained for — which is a tall order in Australia, where everything is bigger/weirder/deadlier — in a fossil cave they found back in 1988. 26 years later, and they found the world’s oldest sperm sample. And it is huge … proportionally, anyway.

Deposited by an ostracod, an ancient type of shrimp that measured only 1 millimeter long, the sperm is, uncoiled, 10 times its size.

Science hasn’t discovered that ridiculous amount of sperm in one creature since Rod Stewart, Richard Gere and Little Kim. (Several generations of eighth graders claim the discovery of each.)