There’s been a lot of talk about sensitivity these days. We’re trying to become a more understanding and inclusive society, and that means giving minorities a say, and recognizing them as people. But no matter how open-minded you are, you’re biased against vampires.
According to a researcher at Idaho State University, it’s exactly that fear of being shunned by society that keeps vampires away from scientific studies. According to D.J. Williams’ research, people who insist they need to ingest human blood for energy are reluctant to come out to scientists because there are such heavy biases against their lifestyle.
So look inside your heart. It’s probably filled with hate–and blood that real-life vampires would love to sample.
If you’re a regular reader of this blog, you know that an almost daily basis there’s another report extolling the health benefits of booze. But no one’s ever said drinking is good for your liver — until now.
Scientists in China have a made a discovery they say could one day lead to alcohol being good for your liver. Researchers say they have isolated a gene that allows the body to store the energy from booze as glycogen, rather than fat, which harms the liver. They say this could lead to a pill that can boost your PPP1r3G gene to store glycogen, making the only unhealthy part of bending an elbow actually beneficial.
If you want to be at your best at work every day, you need to start your morning off right. That means taking LSD.
Some may take coffee to get going in the morning (or for other reasons), but according to Dr. James Fadiman, a small dose of a hallucinogenic drug, such as LSD, will help you to solve problems creatively and make grueling tasks seem more entertaining. The key is to “microdose,” or give yourself less than 1% of the dose you would need to trip.
So tomorrow, sprinkle some acid on your Lucky Charms. It may just help you get that big promotion.
They have found that lactic acid bacteria found in bees’ honey stomachs can help kill off antibiotic-resistant bugs, so it’s possible that those magical properties have transferred to mead from the honey it comes from.
If you’ve used the Internet since the early days, back when the closest a .gif got to going viral was being used on Ally McBeal, then it might seem like Internet users are behaving more and more strangely.
As we shift from one meme to the next, there is only one constant in Internet: cats. On the graph we just made up in our heads, the line representing cat-focused content over time extends, unabated, well into the stratosphere. As we’ve transitioned from simpler days of dancing hamsters to rage over elections and wars on animals, cats have been our constant companions as online behavior only becomes unexplainably more angry and unpredictable.
New research indicates that there are no health benefits to mothers who eat the placenta after giving birth. This disproves previous Internet-concocted bullsh*t that claimed that eating your baby’s 9-month dorm room somehow gives you magical anti-depression powers and more energy. With no actual benefit found, plus the possibility of getting sick, doctors are recommending that women stop doing that.
They also added, “You’re being weird and gross. Knock it off. You’re somebody’s mother now.”
So, the next time your boss asks you to bring him a cup of coffee, don’t be disgusted because he’s clearly trying to force you into some outdated gender role. Be disgusted because he’s going to have an old man boner soon.
Already, forces for substituting concern and a bachelor’s degree in Liberal Arts in place of actual medical knowledge have started mobilizing, planning to rescue the virus from the endangered species list.
“It is a disgrace that third world countries can protect this important RNA-based species while corporations are allowed to freely destroy it in a so-called industrialized nation, ” said noted immunological authority, Bill Maher.
“While I cannot host the virus myself due to vaccinations, I look forward to giving my children the opportunity that my parents denied me,” added actress/model/basically-a-scientist, Jenny McCarthy.
Fortunately, anti-vaxxers already have a headstart on rubella since its vaccine is part of the combined MMR vaccine that they’ve already opted their children out of.