Category: It Must Be Science!

| Filed under It Must Be Science!

People who don’t shut up can blame genetics

Thanks to the internet, almost no one interacts with each other face-to-face anymore. Yet there are still some stubborn people who insist on being talkative no matter what. Turns out, it’s in their genes.

According to a recent study, the gene OXT may be the reason why some people just can’t shut up. They call it the “chatty gene.” The more the gene is expressed in a person, in general, the chattier they are. Scientists say this break through could lead to new medications to treat social anxiety and other disorders.

What we really need is to figure out how to turn that gene off on the person next to us so we can enjoy our flight in peace.

| Filed under It Must Be Science!

Pee in the shower, save the planet

If you don’t pee in the shower, it may be time to start, according to some recent calculations.

Basically, you’re in the shower already, so that’s water you’re using regardless. But if you also pee while taking a shower, you are saving the world a toilet flush. That one less flush can add up, and it can save us all some water.

It should be noted that these calculations completely ignore the fact that if you pee in the shower you are a terrible person.

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Scientists finally uncover something in Ireland that isn’t whisky

Ireland gets a lot of crap from the rest of Europe–not that it hasn’t been taking crap from the English for centuries. They say the country owes all of its culture to the Brits, they say it’s not very historical. Today, those critics have been proven wrong.

Scientists have found a big lump of butter dating back to the days of Jesus Christ, and they found it in a bog in County Meath, Ireland. Now who lacks historical landmarks?

| Filed under It Must Be Science!, War on Animals

Man’s best friend, but not yours specifically

Before becoming our dogs, wolves formed packs to fool each other into second breakfasts.
Before becoming our dogs, wolves formed packs to fool each other into second breakfasts.

Don’t let dogs fool you. They may act all hungry when you first wake up; but, if you’re the second one up, then somebody already fed them. It’s the oldest trick in dogs’ book (were they literate). We know, because they’ve pulled it on us from the very beginning of our relationship.

Dogs were domesticated not once, but twice. We’re not sure who did it first one morning 12,000 years ago, but dogs somehow managed to get domesticated both by Asians and Europeans at roughly the same time.

Sure, it appears that these were two different breeds of wolves on two different continents, but who hasn’t put on a mustache and traveled across the International Date Line on Free Donut Day? (It was Friday. You and your ne’er-do-well doppelgänger already missed it.) In this case, it was for steak, and dogs got teriyaki and bourguignon in the same day.

Heck, we’re not even mad. That’s amazing.

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Male sparrows stop supporting cheating females

When it comes to mating habits, animals are pretty immoral. Some have a hook-up culture, some murder each other after copulation, and some abandon their young as soon as they are born. But we’re on board with how the sparrow does things.

Researchers were curious as to why male sparrows in England can often turn lazy. It turns out that when a dude sparrow figures out his mate is cheating on him, he spends less time supporting her and their hatchlings. This makes sense. If your old lady is running around on you, maybe you don’t need to support her cheating ways.

The English sparrows have not yet developed the concept of a pre-nup, scientists concluded.

| Filed under Booze News, It Must Be Science!

Ancient Chinese frat party unearthed

China gets credit for doing a lot of important things first, such as noodles and gunpowder. Now it seems the Chinese can add beer to that list, too.

Researchers have uncovered what they believe are instruments used to brew beer some 5,000 years ago. They found pottery resembling stuff used to brew in ancient times, only this is older. Archaeologists also found a funnel, so it stands to reason that the Chinese invented the beer bong, too.

Residue of ancient beer was found on all of the equipment, which considering how old beer smells, must have been downright skunky.

| Filed under It Must Be Science!, Sex Sells

Doing it more often gives beetles bigger genitals

If beetles don’t use it, they lose it, according to a recent study.

Male burying beetles have a big incentive to get it on, as the more they do, the bigger their genitalia get, researchers at University of Exeter have found. What’s more, the female of the aptly named beetles also sees an increase in genital size. Literally, the more they do it, the more rapidly their naughty parts develop.

Researchers also found that these traits could then be passed on through the generations. So maybe there’s hope for you after all.

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What’s wrong with our Legos?

There’s a disturbing new trend in society today. It’s not the growing support of authoritarianism taking the stage in this year’s presidential election. It’s not even the news media’s collective abdication of responsibility. It’s far worse. Legos are more violent than ever before.

Yes, Lego, the choking hazard kids love to play with, has been slowly ratcheting up the violence in its toys over the years, according to a scientific, peer-reviewed study. You see, back in the day, they used to have pirates and medieval guys who carried non-violent things like swords, spears and bows. They even had spaceships with laser guns on them that could peacefully blow the bad guys to smithereens. Now it seems the bricks contain an inherent violence in them.

The worst offending line, to no one’s surprise, is Lego for Girls.

| Filed under Facepalm, It Must Be Science!

NFL cares more about Tom Brady than concussions

Next up: Goodell to spend entire fortune researching how to weaponize rubber and glue against boo-ers.
Next up: NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell to spend entire fortune researching how to weaponize rubber and glue against boo-ers.

According to a newly released congressional report, the National Football League attempted to coerce the National Institute of Health to shape the results of their study on brain injuries. They donated $16 million to fund nearly the entire study and then withdrew their funding when the NIH refused to switch grant recipients or appoint the NFL’s own, non-NIH-affiliated health officials to oversee the study.

So, while $16 million is just too costly for the NFL to study concussions (even with the donated brains of former players who intentionally shot themselves in the chest for the research), it has no problem spending $12.5 million to take Tom Brady to the U.S. f*cking Supreme Court if it needs to over air pressure in footballs.

| Filed under Booze News, It Must Be Science!

Your spouse keeps you sober, science says

Do you drink a lot? Are you worried that your drinking habits are slowly turning into alcoholism? Get married — it will fix everything.

According to a new study, being married can significantly reduce your risk of becoming an alcoholic, like, 53% lower if you’re a dude, and 73% if you’re a woman. Despite what every hack comedian says, your spouse doesn’t drive you to drink, they actually make you want to drink less. But you should still enjoy World Whisky Day tomorrow.

Except if your spouse is cheating. The study found you’re really likely to turn to booze if that’s your situation.