The Guys don’t remember much from learning about the planets of our solar system, other than someone used to serve pizzas and now they don’t because Neil deGrasse Tyson is one of those weird calzone guys. And also that a couple have rings, one has a giant red spot and the one we live on is blue. Well, science is learning even more about primary colors featured in our celestial neighborhood.
For instance, China discovered the deepest blue hole in Earth’s oceans and, just to troll the little bit of racist in all of us, named it Longdong. (Right? Sorry.) Longdong — or Dragon Hole — is 987 feet and can be found in the South China Sea … until China fills it in to build yet another island, of course.
A lot of mass-produced beer is compared to carbonated piss. The very literal scientists at the University of Ghent in Belgium have done just that. They have brewed a beer made from urine, in a process they call, and this is true, “sewer to brewer.”
A solar-powered machine is able to extract drinkable water from urine, which they hope to use as a water conservation method in rural and drought-stricken areas. To show off their invention, the Belgian scientists brewed a beer with the water they recovered.
This means that breaking the seal may be a good thing.
Are you hungry? Do you want to not be? Then read on!
The world’s resources are only so vast, and people need to eat. That means that science needs to find ways to keep our exploding population fed with that we have. Sometimes, that takes us down a dark, dark road.
The next step on that path is cockroach milk. The Pacific beetle cockroach may not technically have nipples, but it gives birth to live young, which is rare in the insect world. To sustain its young while they are embryos, the roach forms protein crystals. Scientists think they can sequence and reproduce the crystals. That means a nutritious beverage that comes from cockroaches, of all things, could save humanity.
According to a new study, English seagulls are acting strangely because they’re eating so many ants. The weather conditions in England, America’s beta version, have produced a bumper crop of flying ants this year, and they are leaving their nests early, too. This means the seagulls can easily gorge themselves on the insects. Researchers believe the ant-laden birds act a bit drunk because of how the ants react in their bellies, which makes them more prone to attacking humans.
The science is clear: we must wipe ants from the safe of the Earth, or mankind will never be safe.
If you’re like The Guys, you’ve got two loves in your life: your significant other and your drink — and usually not in that order. Science now has an indicator of whether you two can go the distance. What is it? You both need to drink as you get older.
Thousands of years ago, humans were scattered across what are now Europe and Asia. They hunted, they fought the brutal elements, and they survived long enough to found Western civilization. They also got down with cannabis.
Researchers believe the three tribes responsible for populating Eurasia long ago also spread cannabis across the land. Scientists found that the herb has been found at archeological sites in Japan and Eastern Europe at about the same time, suggesting that ancient humans started using it for food and a buzz around that time. The various tribe may have even traded it. That means cave men were drug dealers.
But if ancient humans smoked cannabis, why don’t all modern European and Asian language share the word “Dude?”
We don’t need to tell you that the world is full of evil, and by “evil,” we mean scientists. And those evildoers are actively working to enslave humanity by training killer robots. That’s not paranoia, they’re actually doing it.
Researchers taught a robot to hunt prey. It should come as no surprise that these scientists hail from the war-hungry nation of Switzerland. They programmed the robot to track its “prey,” a human-controlled robot. So not only will the machines be able to hunt us down, they will know to take out the robots we use to combat them.
This is unquestionably the most flagrant effort to doom humanity yet.
Stephen Hawking doesn’t have the best outlook on humanity. In fact, he has demonstrated many times that he wants to end us all. Good to see nothing has changed.
In a recent interview, Hawking said humanity has “certainly not become less greedy or less stupid” since the last time he threatened us with extinction. He said that we have done nothing to reduce the threat of climate change, and we’re hell-bent on creating artificial intelligence, which will one day kill us all.
This has been another edition of Stephen Hawking Says Mankind Will Die.
Thanks to the internet, almost no one interacts with each other face-to-face anymore. Yet there are still some stubborn people who insist on being talkative no matter what. Turns out, it’s in their genes.
If you don’t pee in the shower, it may be time to start, according to some recent calculations.
Basically, you’re in the shower already, so that’s water you’re using regardless. But if you also pee while taking a shower, you are saving the world a toilet flush. That one less flush can add up, and it can save us all some water.
It should be noted that these calculations completely ignore the fact that if you pee in the shower you are a terrible person.