Category: Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto

| Filed under Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto, Tokyoh-no!, War on Robots

Japanese have robot pets, doom us all

Look, a lot of weird news comes out of Japan. It makes sense that only the oddest of news would come all the way from over there. They probably only get the weirdest American news, which of course comes from Florida. But why is it that in Japan, it’s always about robots?

Sony has a line of artificial intelligence robot dogs, which is creepy enough. They can develop their own personalities and probably don’t need to be walked. But now, some people are so attached to their fake dogs that when they break, they mourn, and hold a funeral because they believe the robots have souls.

Folks, robots are like pitbulls, they can make OK pets, but never turn your back on them. We shouldn’t be getting emotionally attached to these things, we should be celebrating our ability to make complicated robots that break long before they can be a serious threat. Robot funerals should consist of nothing other than tossing them in molten metal.

| Filed under Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto, War on Robots

Japan wants to hasten the robot uprising

Japan’s population is shrinking. It’s one of the few countries that can say this. While they are doing their part to avoid overpopulating the world, it’s also a bad thing, because someone needs to take care of all the old people.

So Japanese researchers came up with a very Japanese way to solve the problem: more robots. They said in a white paper that robots could even be applied to agriculture and construction jobs, because everyone wants robots in charge or your food or making cat calls at you when you walk by.

Does Japan ever have good ideas?

| Filed under Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto, War on Robots

It only takes one triple word score to initiate WW3

People, we’re warning you now: we are the precipice of the fall of man. Students at Carnegie Mellon University have created a robot that plays Scrabble, and it will be the end of us all.

Victor the cybernetic mistake robot  has been programmed to play Scrabble, but only at an average level. The thought is that if Victor plays too well, then no one will want to play again.

Except, well, there’s one part of Victor that we should point out:

“When he’s losing, he’s cranky, and when he’s cranky, he’s very sarcastic and trash talks a lot,” says Professor Simmons.

We are only one temper tantrum away from nukes being launched. Shut. It. Down.

| Filed under Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto

Welcome to the flowery skies of Detroit

Do you live in Detroit? If so, may God have mercy on you. If you’re still living in Detroit, do you like flowers?

Because now you have a chance of having your flowers, those items designed to warm your heart, delivered by the cold, metallic hands of a drone.


| Filed under Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto, War on Robots

When life gives you urine, make robots

"Low ... power ... Need .. more ... urrrrrrrr ..."
“Low … power … Need .. more … urrrrrrrr …

If it weren’t for urine, life would certainly suck for the Bristol Robotics Laboratory.

We should explain that.

The lab originally developed the EcoBot, which runs on the corpses of insects that it traps. This seemed like a practical idea … to anyone who hasn’t wasted $6 on a Venus Flytrap, only to see it dead in a week. There just aren’t enough flies to keep it running, not even if you design the robot’s collection nozzle or whatever to look like the eye of one of those starving kids from the Sally Struthers ads.

(Tangent: What happened to those kids? Were they fed to the Sarah McLachlan dogs, or are they all working tech support now?)

So, they developed an alternate fuel after what we assume was a very fun night out on the town: urine. Not just urine, but urine pumped through an artificial heart. And all it took was one scientist saying he had to pee so bad that his blood smelled like lager and asparagus. We assume, anyway.

Special thanks to Patrick H. for bringing this to our attention!

| Filed under Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto, War on Robots

Why, science?! WHY?!

"What are you screaming for? We taught him to do that while you were in the bathroom."
“What are you screaming for? We taught him to do that while you were in the bathroom.”

According to NBC News, “Robots can learn to hold knives — and not stab humans.” The Guys have only one word to respond to today’s Headline of the Day: unlikely.

What? You had a stronger word? It’s plausible that robots might not stab humans just because they’re holding knives. They could merely slice, eviscerate, decapitate, or puncture humans.

Cornell University robot developers devised a new training method that simplifies the robot training process so that you don’t need 10 advanced degrees to tell Data that you prefer your sandwiches cut diagonally, not straight across. Among the sample tasks was teaching a cashier robot not to stab people with the knives it was ringing up.

And you know what the next step will be: putting all those human cashiers out of work who can’t ring up a Ginsu without tempering the blade in customer guts. To which we say, those sociopaths have to eat, too, Cornell, and you just dook deir jorbs.

| Filed under Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto, War on Animals

Cheetah robot new harbinger in a war long thought over

While we’ve told you before about the danger of merging robots and animals together, it’s been quite some time since we needed to do so. Frankly, perhaps we at SeriouslyGuys became complacent and lax in our duty.

That time of relaxation is over.

A Swiss robot designed in the image of a cat, named “cheetah-cub robot” (which shall be called “Cheetor” in order to both gain nerd cred and troll nerds), has been unveiled to the world. While the size of a house cat, it’s able to run as fast an adult moving quickly. Perhaps the initial blueprint was for Cheetor to be a search and rescue type machine, but think of the horror it can inflict:

  • A kamikaze type bomb that can move faster than our slovenly lot can handle.
  • A creature that can quickly trip up supply lines, much less destroy our ACL tendons.
  • Hello? Bladewolf, anyone?

We need to act now. End the madness that is Cheetor. Smelt while you still can.

| Filed under Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto, Tokyoh-no!

My Little Mecha

Does your child have dreams of stomping over the neighbors? Does tiny Zack yearn for a better day when crushing your enemies means hitting them with a drill hand? Does little Sally absolutely love the color green? Are you rich?

Why wait for Christmas to make their dreams come true? 20 large can enable many a lawsuit.