Category: It Must Be Science!

Update: Florida approves ‘evolved’ science curriculum

We’ve followed this story from one article to the next, each with its own set of flame wars between smug atheists, smug fundamentalists and the occassional scientific wet blanket.

In one heck of an upset, the state school board voted 4-3 in favor of basing all biology classes on “the scientific theory of evolution.” “The scientific theory of” was added at the urging of concerned fundies to make sure their children understand that “evolution is not a fact.”

Instead, children will learn the process behind a scientific theory, as opposed to the throw-your-hands-up and make-a-wild-guess process behind everyday theories. This should go over well.

Take it from Snee: The science behind fairy tales, love

In keeping with this week’s theme of love, whether it is love of the New England Patriots, movies or Shaquille O’Neal, I’m looking at what those stories and plenty of others hint at: fairy tale love.

Live Science reported on theoretical studies about fairy tales, the purpose of these being to find out if their plot devices are physically possible.

  • A prince could scale Rapunzel’s tower, so long as she tied her trusses to a support beam first.
  • Ariel (a.k.a. the Little Mermaid) could have her voice blocked with a transplant that bends sound waves, rendering them inaudible.
  • A carpet can fly if air vibrates at the right frequency.

Continue reading Take it from Snee: The science behind fairy tales, love

Viagra in Israeli cockpits

Adding fuel to feminist theories about the phallic nature of missiles in combat, the Israeli air force plans to give combat pilots Viagra.

Israeli army doctors are considering the decision based on Viagra’s positive effects on mountain climbers at high altitudes. Viagra apparently reduces high blood pressure in lungs when they are hard-up for oxygen.

There is no word from the Israeli government as to whether they will need to redesign the control stick to avoid confusion in the heat of the moment.

Still no science curriculum for Florida

The debate to include “evolution” into Florida’s state science curriculum is still ongoing. The St. Petersburg Times reported that most teachers have been advised against teaching it, and some even omit it entirely to avoid any criticism.

In other news:

“A 1999 survey of biology teachers [emphasis ours] in Oklahoma, for example, found that 12 percent wanted to omit evolution and teach creationism instead. A similar survey in Louisiana found that 29 percent of biology teachers believed creationism should be taught, while in South Dakota, it was 39 percent.”

You gotta really hate your subject if you refuse to teach it.

I am curious (black) … (red) … (blue) … (orange) …

Scientists say that chameleons don’t change color to blend into their environment, they do it to get some lizard nookie. Then maybe afterward, they use it to get away without calling again, but, well, that’s a completely different nature special. Or maybe they use it to satisfy their desire to be something that they’re not. I mean, everyone loves the red chameleon because he’s so charming, right? But what about poor pink chameleon, the wall flower of the reptile world? No one loves him at all. Does that make it OK for him to change his color to red?

NO. It only helps perpetuate the stereotype that pink chameleons are nothing but awkward. Go forth young pink chameleon, someone the courage deep within thyself, even from the depths of yon teensy tiny lizard balls, and ask out that happening blue chameleon. If not, well, there’s always the possibility of us creating an episode of Maury Povich for chameleons.

‘Waiting for Godot’ vindicated by science

Image: “The Bar Scene” by Jonathan Harriot

Thanks to a study by three mathematicians, we now know that it is better to wait for the bus than to walk to another stop.

How does this revelation apply to this blog? Modern Drunkard Magazine coined the term “drinking with Godot”:

drinking with Godot adj. drinking while waiting for friends who may or may not arrive; from the Beckett play Waiting For Godot, wherein the title character never appears.

In other words, you’re not an alcoholic for drinking alone in the meantime–you’re waiting efficiently.

Cloning paves way to cheaper mustache rides

Stemagen, a stem cell research laboratory in California, has cloned a human being.

The pictured cloned human is allegedly “Dr. [Samuel] Wood, Stemagen’s chief executive officer and a leading fertility specialist,” but this blog knows better. This experiement was really meant to eventually create a new Ron Burgundy for the 21st century.

After the early-stage embryo was created by combining Dr. Wood’s skin cell and a donated human egg, Dr. Wood was overheard commenting on the appearance of his clone.

“I look good,” Dr. Wood said. “Hey, everybody! Come see how good I look!”

How To: Use a cell phone

Boy, you can’t even mention cell phones today without getting people angry, so much that they’re pretty much the new abortion. Debates rage over Bluetooth earpieces, speaker phone, using one when driving, ringtones and even background wallpaper designs. (Yes, that Pat Sajak.)

OK, so how is all that like abortion? Whenever abortion is discussed, the opinion is always preceded with this statement: “I would never have one, but ….” So, although nobody has abortions–or really admits to having them–we still argue about the right to abort pregnancies. Cell phones are the same way. Whenever someone gripes about them, everyone agrees that they’re horrible. And then an obnoxious ring tone goes off–so much for unanimous consent.

So while the abortion debate will rage until we evolve past child-birthing, we can settle the cell phone debate right now in this SeriouslyGuide: how to use a cell phone.

Continue reading How To: Use a cell phone

Collision watch 2007

We’re in danger! An asteroid’s falling! Prepare for impact! Quick, someone get all the necessary supplies for this: Bruce Willis, Aerosmith, an oil company, and Michael Bay. We’ll show that asteroid what for! We’ll teach it that you can’t mess with … wait, what? It’s gonna hit Mars, and not us. In fact, the impact may not even be “dinosaurs go bye-bye” level? In that case, someone just call RATT instead.