MasterChugs Theater: ‘Snow White And The Huntsman’

Let’s be honest: we could use some new fairy tales. After all, passive princesses hardly reflect the modern mores of 21st century audiences. So Snow White and the Huntsman, a solemn but mostly savvy rewrite, is a welcome upgrade. Not a great or fantastic upgrade, but welcome enough. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Snow White And The Huntsman’

MasterChugs Theater: ‘FDR: American Badass’

Legendary film critic Roger Ebert passed away today. He was a giant inspiration to me and an incredible part of how and why I look at movies the way that I do. Even though I’ve never met, I will miss the man dearly.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter proved that one joke involving a former president in an action context could not sustain a movie, and now FDR: American Badass, has disproved that notion all over again, with a passion.

Trust me, no one is more surprised that I wrote that sentence than me. The movie is attempting to win every award for low budget insanity ever made. It’s an obvious money grab made in response to Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Slayer, but whereas that gem sought to preserve a bit of history, it takes history, injects it with polio, glues 8 pounds of fur to it and lights it on fire.

Once again, no one is more surprised that I wrote that last sentence than me. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘FDR: American Badass’

MasterChugs Theater: ‘GI Joe: Retaliation’

Who remembers a movie a scant three and a half years ago called GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra? Based off the toyline, it starred Channing Tatum before he was Channing Tatum, Joseph Gordon Levitt just after he really became Joseph Gordon Levitt and Marlon Wayans after having still been Marlon Wayans. It wasn’t great, but it wasn’t necessarily horrible (though that was also because it came out after the abysmal Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, so it might be a big candidate for “take it with a grain of salt”). The movie was certainly watchable for a dumb afternoon, though there are better action movies out there.

Despite that, like most licensed property movies, the film made a ton of money and a sequel, GI Joe: Retaliation, was made. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson was added, which is almost never a bad thing. But then the real craziness happened. Slated for national release in late June, it was pulled just a month before then and given a new release date of March of the following year. The reason given was to add in 3D, but industry rumors were that numerous reshoots for Channing Tatum’s Duke had to be done.

The movie has finally been released. Sort of. I was given a chance to see an early screening of it last night. Was it worth the extended wait? Hit the jump to find out. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘GI Joe: Retaliation’

MasterChugs Theater: ‘The Ten’

This past weekend, a friend of mine had a cookout at his house. This is big news, because here in Virginia, you can never be truly sure of what the weather will be like in March. It could 30-some degrees and below freezing with oncoming snow or it could be 80 degrees and humid as could be. Luckily, it was a gorgeous 60 degrees with nary a cloud in the sky. I could not ask for better temperatures in order to drink copious amounts of alcohol and searing the flesh of birds.

And then the very next day, I screwed up the weekend by watching The Ten. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘The Ten’

MasterChugs Theater: “From Justin To Kelly”

March is upon us for another year, which means, as always, I break out the baddies. Because I’m apparently something of a masochist, I’ve decided to see how quickly I can bring down my mood from a good event thanks to the movie I’m watching.

Early reports via From Justin to Kelly, the American Idol movie from 2003, show that this will be very successful. Sigh. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: “From Justin To Kelly”

MasterChugs Theater: Oscar picks 2013

Hooray! The Oscars are back again! Will controversy win out? Will the status quo be upheld? Will Chris stop using plot line descriptions from comic books to describe the 2013 Academy Awards? Hopefully.

As always, hit the jump to see my predictions. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: Oscar picks 2013

MasterChugs Theater: ‘Warm Bodies’

There are some who say that the zombie genre has burnt itself out, with too many iterations, too much of the same, over and over again. Much like vampires, it feels like there is only so much Hollywood can do before the genre begins to eat itself and cease to maintain any kind of effectiveness. Once that happens, we’re stuck with milquetoast variations, teeth-grindingly painful takes on the genre that inevitably will reduce it to getting the Twilight treatment. Zombies are no longer a part of the underground, no more the genre of midnight horror marathons where we winnow away our hours debating the worthiness of Savini’s Night of the Living Dead remake (it is), or the sad state of Romero’s Dead series (they are), or the merits of Fulci’s works(Zombi 2 only). They’re mainstream as hell, with a TV show and everything, and there’s pretty much no tale left to tell.

Enter Jonathan Levine’s Warm Bodies. Based on the debut novel by Isaac Marion and directed by Levine, Warm Bodies feels at first glance like the zombie version of Twilight, if such an abomination were possible. That said, Warm Bodies may revolve around the living-dead, but the 97 minutes sure show a hell of a lot of heart and intelligence. Granted, the root of the assorted of themes woven in are pulled from cinemas’ past; but the piecing together of them, or reanimation if you will, sure made for a fresh and inspiring viewing. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Warm Bodies’

MasterChugs Theater: ‘Zero Dark Thirty’

I told you I’d see it eventually.

Once in a long while, a fresh-from-the-headlines movie — like All the President’s Men or United 93 — fuses journalism, procedural high drama, and the oxygenated atmosphere of a thriller into a new version of history written with lightning.

Zero Dark Thirty is that movie.

Along with that, Zero Dark Thirty is the best movie of 2012. That’s not an attempt at hyperbole. Simply put, nothing else that came out in 2012 can top this movie. It needs to be seen. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Zero Dark Thirty’

MasterChugs Theater: Lockout

Lockout is a non-sensical video game-esque sci-fi actioner that appears to have been written in a matter of hours, filmed over a couple of days and glossed up in a month’s worth of post-production. This is, quite simply, not a very good movie. Yet, somehow, Guy Pearce playing the sardonic hero with all the good lines, makes everything seem as if it’s not so bad. He’s unable to save the film to the point you can look passed the obvious dialogue and overcooked plot, but if I were to catch this on television one night I probably wouldn’t change the channel.

At least, not right away. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: Lockout