Category: March Morts

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MasterChugs Theater: “From Justin To Kelly”

March is upon us for another year, which means, as always, I break out the baddies. Because I’m apparently something of a masochist, I’ve decided to see how quickly I can bring down my mood from a good event thanks to the movie I’m watching.

Early reports via From Justin to Kelly, the American Idol movie from 2003, show that this will be very successful. Sigh. Continue reading

| Posted in March Morts, MasterChugs Theater

MasterChugs Theater: ‘Sharktopus’

This year’s round of March Morts nearly killed me. I mean, seriously, I’ve been made privy to some incredibly bad movies. That’s why closing out the month with this film is actually a bit of a surprise as it’s actually enjoyable. Oh Sharktopus, we need you more often in our life.

If the concept of a movie about a shark-octopus hybrid doesn’t make you smile, then may I respectfully suggest you get your head examined. Sharktopus is the stuff of B-movie heaven, this despite it originating as a SyFy channel product. GASP! It helps that yes, I have taken a look at it at an earlier time, but this look will be a little more in-depth. Continue reading

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MasterChugs Theater: ‘Birdemic: Shock and Terror’

Crowd-sourcing continues.

Unf.

This movie comes by way of an old friend to the guys, Anthony Hicks (“You don’t know who Anthony Hicks is?!!?”). Anthony might be the coolest older brother we know and is the patron saint of bad movies. Just over a little over a year ago, he passed this movie onto me while conversing in a bar. “Chugs, Birdemic: Shock and Terror might be the newest movie in a wave of horrible movies. You must see this.”

Dear honorary brother Anthony, why have you forsaken me? Continue reading

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MasterChugs Theater: ‘Cop And A Half’

Mmmmm. Do you smell that? That’s the smell of some stinky movies being made. It’s like napalm and rubber mixing, but with a hint of rosemary and maybe a sprinkling of thyme. It should be no surprise that I look forward to this month all year long and my attempt to please the crowd is at an all time high this year. Crowd-sourcing is the name of the game this time around, and to kick it off, I’m reviewing a movie recommended advised solicited by fellow Guy of this site, Bryan McBournie: Cop And A Half.

We should all be so lucky as to have his doe-eyed optimism. Continue reading

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MasterChugs Theater: ‘Eyeborgs’

I must admit that when I sat down to watch this one I was expecting nothing more than a SyFy Channel-level flick with crappy f/x, a silly one-note story, and wooden characters. And why wouldn’t I expect that? The movie is about surveillance cameras, originally designed to protect us, attacking and killing people. It has “SyFy” written all over it. I was in fact wondering why this hadn’t aired on that channel. But after watching it for only 10 minutes I soon realized that Eyeborgs is so much more than that.

And none of that is good. Continue reading

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MasterChugs Theater: ‘The Mighty Peking Man’

While Dino de Laurentiis was spending millions of Hollywood dollars on his lavish creation of King Kong, the Shaw Brothers of Hong Kong used spit, grit, baling wire and lots of stock film of terrified city dwellers pointing at the sky to bring you (cue major echo effect) The Mighty Peking Man!

Bad special effects, bad acting, bad script, cheap looking model set-ups, cheesy bloody special effects, sloppy continuity, mismatched color correction on the blue screen shots, the King Kong of Hong Kong … how could it go wrong?

Ha. Ha! HAHAHAHAHA! Continue reading

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MasterChugs Theater: ‘Leprechaun’

For some time now, I’d been mulling over the best way to return to writing b-movie reviews. I searched long and hard for a film important enough and with such a profound influence on modern cinema that it deserved to have attention drawn to it. After days of trying to think of the perfect way to celebrate my triumphant return, I sprung from my bath just as the great scientist Archimedes did all those years ago and yelled, “Eureka! I think I have it!”.

Not only that, but I get to celebrate my Mom’s birthday (Happy Birthday, Mom!) AND Saint Patrick’s Day? Well, there’s only one way, people.

Prepare for Leprechaun. Continue reading

| Posted in March Morts, MasterChugs Theater

MasterChugs Theater: ‘Latitude Zero’

The movie reviews are back, and, oh, look what month it is. That’s right-we’re looking at March, which almost always results in taking a glance at the worst movies ever made. Coincidentally enough, my Dad and I tend to look out for each other in this regard-we’ll send each other a heads up on movies that are just horrible, or we’ll even just send each other the dvd’s themselves. One day, I received Latitude Zero in the mail from Pops.

Latitude Zero is not a good movie.

Latitude Zero is not even an enjoyable good movie. Thanks a lot, Dad. Jerk. Continue reading