Note: Because my dad is a worrying sack of worry, please know that he and my mom were good parents to me and did not knowingly allow me to watch the filth that was the Action Channel. There, you happy dad?
When talking about the worst horror movies out there, you have to talk about The Messengers. Without a doubt, it’s easily the worst horror movie I’ve ever seen, and as you can see over the years, that says a lot. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘The Messengers’
Dear Pinocchio’s Revenge: I would like to take my revenge on you.
Everyone knows the story about Pinocchio, right? A wooden puppet that was carved in a small Italian village by a man named Geppetto, and Pinocchio would dream about someday becoming a real boy. The version that I believe everyone is familiar with is the Disney cartoon created in the 40s’. Imagine my surprise when I’m browsing through Netflix late at night and I come across this movie, one I’ve not heard of since I was 13 and listening (but not watching) the scrambled channel that was the PPV The Action Channel (home to other greats like Return to Savage Beach, Luke’s Peep Show and the later Puppetmaster movies).
Ugh. I never even saw it then and I thought it was bad. Hoo-boy. Continue reading MasterChug’s Theater: ‘Pinocchio’s Revenge’
As we continue our journey down what’s bad and wrong in horror, we take a look at another movie that’s overpriced even when it’s sitting in the 5 dollar bin.
This evening’s movie is Midnight Movie.
I wouldn’t suggest watching this movie solely at midnight. I wouldn’t suggest watching this movie at all. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Midnight Movie’
October is upon us! That means that we get to celebrate the joy of horror movies!
Except not all horror movies were created equal. The horror movies we’ll be looking at this month are definitely on the lower end of the quality spectrum. If it’s a film that can be found in a five dollar compilation pack of dvds at Best Buy or a grocery store, it’s game for this month. We kick off the celebration with … drum roll please …
Dolly Dearest. Don’t all clap at once. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Dolly Dearest’
Is it possible to create something so pure in its simplicity that it disappears?
It wasn’t until I heard several people gush about this film on various podcasts here and there that I became interested in checking it out. However, Jiro Dreams of Sushi has garnered such a strong positive reaction from friends and critics that it would be silly of my not to at least give it a shot.
I’m so very glad I finally got a chance to do so. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Jiro Dreams of Sushi’
In honor of yesterday’s Talk Like a Pirate Day, I present to you one of the best pirate movies in ages. Which, it’s sad to say, isn’t that overly hard to be.
“You can’t always just say ‘aarrr’ at the end of a sentence and think that makes everything all right.”
This is wise advice and not only for pirates and piratephiles of all ages. It’s also the closest thing to a lesson — also: pigs are not fruit — in the stop-motion animation The Pirates! Band of Misfits, from that British national treasure Aardman Animations. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘The Pirates! Band of Misfits’
Ridley Scott is probably best known as a director who delivers big epic action movies (Alien and Prometheus, to name a couple), dipping into the sweeping vistas of outer space and history with stunning visuals and gritty excitement. But with Matchstick Men, he reminded everyone that he’s just as good delivering something a little bit more low key.
It is: (1) the story of a crisis in the life of a man crippled by neurotic obsessions; (2) the story of two con men who happen onto a big score, and (3) the story of a man who meets the teenage daughter he never knew he had, and finds himself trying to care for her. The hero of all three stories is Roy (Nicolas Cage), who suffers from obsessive-compulsive disorder, agoraphobia, panic attacks, you name it. His con-man partner is Frank (Sam Rockwell). His daughter is Angela (Alison Lohman), and Roy is so fearful that when he decides to contact her, he persuades his shrink to make the phone call.
I wish that you had seen the movie so we could discuss what a sublime job it does of doing full justice to all three of these stories, which add up to more, or perhaps less, than the sum of their parts. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Matchstick Men’
This past weekend, my dad stopped by my place. As we’re both fans of obscure movies, he brought along one and I bought one. One is a product of the internet. The other is a product of internet hype.
Hit the jump to find out which is which. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Iron Sky/The Raid: Redemption’
I love movies.
Really. I truly do.
But I don’t love everything about movies. I mean, I can take a lot of crap in films, but some things tend to grate on me much more than others do. Get ready to hear me Andy Rooney them. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: My Movie Peeves
Anytime you see a movie advertised as being “from the producers of” some movie, or even worse, “from the studio that brought you Movie X,” well, take that as a red flag.
That’s exactly how you should look at Immortals, the 2011 project put out by director Tarsem Singh: one big red flag. Actually, a better way to describe it is the reverse of the title for Sum 41’s debut album “All Killer, No Filler.” Though, I could make the argument that’s more or less the description for Singh’s filmography. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Immortals’
