Category: Pirates

The McBournie Minute: That be enough from ye, Boston

Boston, despite what you see on television and the movies, is actually a fair place indeed. It even has a decent social scene for the young and hip, because o’ the plethora of colleges in the area. For a while, Boston has been enjoying some o’ the limelight, much in part brought on by the Red Sox World Series victory in 2004 (a nice piece of booty that was). With that, people suddenly looked at the city, they had to, because it was bein’ crammed down their gizzards in the media, and they got kind of interested if they weren’t totally repulsed.

Nay, I didn’t grow up in Boston. Instead, I visited it every few weeks for most of me childhood. Now I see it almost exclusively at Christmas. I grew up in Vermont (where there is no ocean), and both my parents came from Boston, so we would constantly take trips down to see me relatives. Me relationship with the city is one o’ admiration at times and aversion at others. We all enjoy seein’ our home town or someplace famous we’ve been to shown in a movie, but I’m startin’ to wonder if all this hype about Boston is any good. Let’s just focus on the movies.

And nay, I not be not talkin’ about Good Will Huntin’ and Robin Williams’ terrible accent. I’m talkin’ about Boston portrayed as a den of criminals, cutthroats and pirates. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: That be enough from ye, Boston

Doubloons be sparrrse across th’ Seven Seas

Due to the overindulgence of a few landlubber thieves on Wall Street, times be tough for Buccaneer-Americans of all shapes and sizes. But we be not the only ones keeping an extra eye on the treasure chest these days: the Brits and the Russians are lacking in the booty department.

In fancy-pantaloons England, parents no longer give their younger crewmates their fair share of the loot! Average pocket money for the little hearties fell from 6.24 pounds a week in 2009 to 5.89. 5.89!? How much grog can you get for a lousy 5.89? Certainly not enough for fresh, pink lights and livers.

And in Russia, where pirates drink vodka with their limes, the local constabulary’s shanghaied a debting lass’s Shar Peis! What’s next? Marooning malamutes? Lashing labradors? Keelhauling koolies? Wenching Welsh corgis?

Keep the cannon o’ launchin’

In additional news that be sure to turn your nose more than a swabby that just came back from a two month trip to Tobago do, something be stinking quite heavily it would seem o’er in the land of Springfield, Massachusetts. It would appear that a mighty volume of trash is produced by the local shop-keeps of that area, but they can’t just throw the trash over the side of the ship. That’s probably b’cause they be a group of landlubbers, rather than real men that adventure out to sea for fame and glory.

What can be done to solve this vile, most nasty, simply foul smellin’ o’ troubles? A few of the shop-keeps say that more trips by the waste seagoing vessel need be provided, but the admirals in charge of this be keeping their mouths shut. We suspect they may even take their decision to the bottom o’ the deep and briny depths.

Next time, launch him out o’ a cannon

Ahoy there, mateys. In case ye hadn’t heard, yesterday was Talk Like A Pirate Day, but since we don’t write on weekends, we’re celebratin’ today instead.

To get us underway, we have a seafarin’ tale for ye. Scott Lasky died on land, but he wanted to be buried at sea. It was a wish his family honored by travelin’ down to Florida, hopin’ on a ship, and throwin’ him overboard, thinkin’ he was bound for the locker o’ the leader singer o’ the Monkees.

Lasky washed up on a beach a few days later. And kiss me blunderbuss, he likely didn’t smell too good, either. Yet another foul thing to wash ashore on a beach in Florida.

Rum barrel politics

It’s been nearly four years since we mentioned the Pirate party. Back then, it was mostly in Sweden. If you stop and think about it, they probably should have called it the Viking party. Regardless, there is a U.S. branch of the political movement, as we reported four years ago. (Just think, a Pirate president could have served a full term in that time.)

But now, for some reason, they’ve been spotted in Oregon for the first time in a while (video). In case you forgot, the party stands for a free, open internet and a great deal of rum. Sure, the Pirate party doesn’t seem to have websites as the state level, but if they did, that would just make it easier for the navy to hunt them down.

This fall, vote for swashbuckling. Vote Pirate.

Remember: Talk Like a Pirate Day is only a month away!

As played by Steven Seagal

No one expects the cook to be a martial arts bearing hero of the day. That expression is clearly shared by many of the Somalian pirates. It’s possibly a good thing that people are like that.

The cook for a band of Somali pirates managed to sneak food, cell phone cards and guns to a group of hostages taken by said pirates. His actions literally saved the hostages and the day. Which is why he’s apparently vanished off the face of the earth. Of course, that matter is complicated just a bit by European Union nations, Syria and Djibouti (best name for a country STILL) refuse to take him in.

It’s always promising to see bureaucracy keeping the old tradition of “no good deed goes unpunished” alive and well.

We’ve had parties like that

What’s the largest gathering of pirates, you ask? Well, it’s 1,722. How do we know that? The Guys are all about pirates, and the world record just so happened to be broken recently in Brixham, England. Apparently they’re OK with piracy now.

The previous record had been held 1,651 in Portland, Ore., a town actually known for piracy.

Arrrrr they real, wench?

Pirates may sail the salty seas, but salt water has no place in the boobs of extras in the next Pirates of the Carribean movie.

Apparently, Disney is looking for “beautiful female fit models. Must be five-foot-seven to five-foot-eight, Size 4 or 6, no bigger or smaller. Age 18-25. Must have a lean dancer body. Must have real breasts. Do not submit if you have implants.” Why sans-surgery? Well, perhaps they are trying to be a little more historically-accurate. Or perhaps  Captain Jack Sparrow just likes them natural.

Children can tell the difference, and Disney knows it.