Category: Regular Post

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French toughness begins (and ends) at home

Maybe the French wouldn't have to smack their kids if they made them ease up on the booze.
Maybe the French wouldn’t have to smack their kids if they made them ease up on the booze.

Despite their active military involvement in Libya and Syria, plus those two minor world wars and some guy named Napoleon, the French kind of get a bad wrap for not being among the toughest Western nations. Well, they mean to change that by not shying away from one fight in particular: with their children.

In response to a complaint by Approach, a British-based child protection charity, the Council of Europe ruled that France is violating the European Social Charter, which bans corporal punishment of children. French law currently reserves the right of any parent to smack their children when their high-falutin’ language doesn’t work.

Of course, while France is willing to take on their smallest citizens, they don’t plan to challenge adults in their own country, calling instead for “a ‘collective debate’ on the ‘the usefulness of corporal punishment in the education of children.'” So, same old France.

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Fake sport players have real joy, still lame

Quidditch is not a real sport. It is something that was invented for the Harry Potter book series. That is exactly the amount of knowledge I have regarding Quidditch (and the amount I have regarding Harry Potter isn’t that much more). Despite it not being real, there are people in our world that have decided to change that.

The US Quidditch South Regional Tournament took place over the weekend in Florida. Fourteen teams battled it out in Palm Coast and did … something. I have no idea how one might play a fake sport, but they got it done. Of course, since it’s a sporting event, that means that there are winners and losers. I ask you, is there anything worse than being the loser in made-up sport?

The answer, of course, is no.

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Upper middle class kids to suffer lower middle class pains

If your baseball league’s name is Optimist, there’s no better way to put that to the test than to have your fields taken away.

Maybe when naming your league, avoid the word ‘optimist’ and instead search out the term ‘mudhen.’

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Apparently doctors shouldn’t sext during surgery

Today, the most effective workers are the ones who don’t multitask, and instead focus on one task at a time. Nowhere is this more important than during surgery.

According to a recent report, an anesthesiologist in Seattle was suspended for sexting during surgery, and it happened more than once. Also, he was sexting a patient, but we think it wasn’t the one under the knife at that time, that would just be rude.

Remember folks, if you’re doing two things at once, you’re doing neither correctly.

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There’s a broken wiener in Pittsburgh

I’m sure there’s at least one QB there who wishes that had been the case back in 2010.

Oscar Meyer is breaking out the backup Wienermobile as the main one has been involved in an accident. The metallic hot dog crashed into a pole over the weekend (pole on pole violence), doing damage to the front section of the bun.

These terms being used to describe the damage, people.

Oscar Meyer has a way, of c-r-a-s-h-i-n-g.

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Everyone likes spacesuits that are advertised by a British woman’s voice

It’s a cold, hard truth to swallow, but it must be said: the planet just isn’t into space anymore. Seriously, humanity’s fascination with outer space has been on a precipitous decline over the past decade. The only movies about space we tend to get come from The Asylum (shudder). Blame it on vaccines, blame it on 9/11, blame it on dancing sharks, but while it’s still a cool concept, people just aren’t as down with space and its related paraphernalia.

Maybe that’s where Ted Southern comes into play. Southern will be partly designing a spacesuit for Final Frontier Design. NASA may even use his design. Don’t know who Ted Southern is?

He’s the man behind many of the costumes for Victoria’s Secret runway shows. The coverage for the outfit may not be much, but at least the corpse will be damn good-looking.

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Why work at a reservoir if you can’t pee in it?

You can tell it’s nearly spring on the West Coast when people start peeing in city reservoirs.

In San Francisco, the local water authority is under fire after reports that a maintenance manager peed into an empty reservoir. Apparently, this is a problem, even though there was no water to contaminate in the reservoir in the first place. He faces a week’s suspension for putting no one at risk.

You may remember a year ago, when a teenager in Portland relieved himself into a reservoir that had water in it, and they even drained that one, even though it was totally safe, too.

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Jack White likes guac, just like you

Jack White enjoys chunky guacamole, but he doesn’t like the fact that that’s now widely known.

The University of Oklahoma’s student newspaper published the rider for White’s performance at the school, which includes an exact recipe for guacamole. The thing is, it’s not really mashed up, so rather than a dip, it’s some chunky mix of avocados, tomatoes, peppers and such. Also, White hates bananas–in general, not just in guacamole, which would be more understandable. The rider specifically says that “This is a NO BANANA TOUR (Seriously),” and that there shouldn’t be bananas anywhere in the building.

White’s not happy about his rider being published. And it doesn’t sound like he’s going to play OU ever again. The good news is that he drinks 10-year Bulliet Bourbon.

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MOMA strikes first blow in war against annoying millennials

Selfie. It’s a word that just seems weird and a habit that feels born out of monstrous narcissism. We outwardly judge men that take them and share them and we secretly judge women that take them and share them. As well we should. The trend got even worse when a company decided to capitalize on undiagnosed narcissistic disorders and sell “selfie sticks,” devices that attach to phones in order to take the best selfie possible.

But not at New York City’s Museum of Modern Art.

Museum officials have decided that they can pose hazards to the artwork, mainly due to willfully neglectful morons, and as such, selfie sticks are now banned from MOMA. Other museums are considering doing the same thing. On the down side, ticket sales might be down for museums because of such bans, but on the plus side, you’ll never have to bump into some weird hipster that specializes in artisan duck cheese.