Things are tense right now in Venezuela, as golf balls could trigger an international incident.
Switzerland and Venezuela, natural enemies for as long as anyone can remember, appear to be on the brink of war because people can’t keep their drives in the fairway. The Swiss ambassador’s residence has been pelted with golf balls because it borders a hole at the Caracas Country Club. The ambassador has warned Venezuela that the Swiss people will not tolerate such an affront to their national pride, going to far as to post a sign warning that should an errant golf ball injure or kill anyone in Swiss territory, it would violate the Vienna Convention.
These are dark days. Let us all hope that the traditionally hawkish Swiss cool down, and Venezuelan golfers improve their aim.
Just when it looked like America was going to have to pretend it still likes baseball while the other good sports take the summer off, here comes soccer!
Despite never caring about soccer to date, no matter what your DC United fan friend claims, our government finally found a reason to give a sh*t about that sport that’s like hockey, only without any of the parts that make hockey good. That reason? Arresting Europeans and f*cking over Russia.
U.S. law enforcement is looking into the culture of corruption that is world soccer management after Russia and Qatar appeared to buy the 2018 and 2022 World Cup locations. And also countless other bribes, money laundering, blah blah blah, let’s not miss that we’re sticking it to one country that’s balls deep in Ukraine and the other that hosted Sex and the City 2.
How long will our interest in soccer last? June, once ESPN starts televising NFL grounds keeping teams sod operations in preparation for the 2015-16 season.
It’s so simple. We can apply this anywhere in society. Why aren’t there more women CEOs? Because pink isn’t legal! Why aren’t there any women players in the NFL? They only wear pink one month a year (meanwhile, women flock to lingerie football leagues). Let’s fix this, men.
Watching movies in class was one of the highlights of high school, especially so if the movie contained nudity and the teacher forgot to skip past that part. Some high school students did one better.
In West Virginia, a classroom convinced their teacher to let them watch Fifty Shades of Grey if they behaved themselves, because apparently the teacher had no idea what the movie was about, and IMDB is hard. These luckiest of kids got to watch about 10 minutes of the film before someone at the school found out about it and had it turned off.
The school wouldn’t comment on what is going to happen now, but it seems pretty clear that the teacher has been bad and deserves to be punished, if you know what we mean.
Things are tense up in the Nordic part of the world. Russian subs have been suspected of patrolling Swedish waters in the Baltic Sea, but the Swedes haven’t been able to confirm it, nor have they seemingly been able to scare the Ruskies off–until now.
In the mid 2000’s, Manny Ramirez was a lot of fun to watch. It wasn’t just for his home runs, his antics were entertaining, too.
Manny said in an interview recently that he once spiked teammate Ellis Burks’ drink with Viagra. During the 2004 playoffs, the Boston Red Sox did shots before games. Manny made mamajuana, which contains gin, honey, wine and some sort of medicine root. Then to make things interesting, he added in three Viagra pills and had Burks try it out, with positive results.
Pretty soon, the whole team was doing shots of it. Play hard.