And on the left, you’ll see our Darwinism exhibit
Posted on August 20, 2008
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In Chicago, five teens were arrested for breaking into a video game store. Two of the five might have escaped successfully if they were smart enough to avoid the cops, but instead they asked the officers for a ride home. Looks like the kindergarten entry exam wasn’t the only test that they failed.
First, some back-story: a local heard glass breaking at a video game store and phoned the Chicago police, who responded and managed to find a shattered glass window and three burglars. The three ran; police managed to capture one, but the other two escaped. Two more “lookout” men (and that makes five) were also arrested. Obviously, their vision was a bit impaired.
The two that fled the scene flagged down a police car and asked for a ride home. At first, the officer explained to them that their department did not offer rides, but then quickly noticed that the two men matched the descriptions of the suspects. Draw your own conclusions about that.
Obviously these two MENSA candidates aren’t true gamers. Why so? For two simple rules.
1. Basic gaming instinct would tell you to lay low. Crouch. Crawl on your belly. Trudge around in a box, even.
2. And above all else, you never ask for ride. You’re supposed to yank the officer out of the car and steal it. Right, Jack?
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorNo matter who loses …
Posted on August 19, 2008
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… we barbecuers of the world still win.
I call dibs on the body of the loser!
Boxing is serious business. Worldwide, it’s highly marketable-just ask Coca-cola and Pepsi. The two soda giants have set up camp and attempted to sink their claws into the newest hot boxer, Worapoj Phetkum. Yes Alex, they want Thai hot. Both companies have begun heavy negotiations and camping with the man.
Phetkum has yet to have a boxing match yet, mind you.
But all that’s set to change-he’s in the Olympics! Yes, Phetkum takes on Italy this Friday. It’s not just a winner-take-all match; the winner gets an Olympic medal. The loser gets to go home empty-handed.
Oh, and by the way, I’m talking about Pepsi and Coca-cola.
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorBreaking News: Manny gets a haircut
Posted on August 15, 2008
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You’ve really got to question how slow of a news day it is going to be when Dodgers’ slugger Manny “I’m sad because I can’t pee in left field anymore” Ramirez gets an inch of hair cut off, and it’s a top-story.
In related news: I trimmed my toenails.
Written by Bryan SchoolsIt’s like ‘American Pie’ … if the pie had a tart
Posted on August 14, 2008
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Everyone remembers our (the current mid to late twenties) pact. Have sex before the end of high school, at least, that’s what American Pie told us that’s what we should be, er … shooting for? What the movie never explained was what the horrid consequences one might face.
Wait for it, wait for it. Like 17 girls at the same Massachusetts getting pregnant within the same school year. The school’s principal resigned from his post after being quoted as saying that the girls had formed a “pact,” and apparently for not linking the school’s computers to Rick’s idiot-proof guide on how to use a condom.
Written by Bryan SchoolsCrappy art threatens Switzerland
Posted on August 13, 2008
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American modern art strikes again! However, fear not if it hits a fan-it’s art, after all.
By the way:
A giant inflatable dog turd by American artist Paul McCarthy blew away from an exhibition in the garden of a Swiss museum, bringing down a power line and breaking a greenhouse window before it landed again, the museum said Monday.
If that’s not the most surreal sentence you’ve ever read, then I don’t know what is.
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorIngenuity and creativity still no match for common sense
Posted on August 13, 2008
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A man in Colorado has been trying to scam free porn by claiming to be from the police department’s “age verification unit” and demanding that a local sex shop give him DVDs to inspect. After all, he was the “porn inspector.” Did his plan follow or fall through? The suspense must be killing you, right?
Here’s a hint: the answer to the question rhymes with “they didn’t fall for it.”
Maybe he should go back to his day job at the porn bureau. Just hope that the guy flashed, at most, his badge.
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorEat My Sports: XX years of Madden, thanks GB
Posted on August 12, 2008
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Boom. Enough said already, right? Today at 12:01 AM, the 20th edition of the Madden franchise hit stores with a resounding … boom. For 20 years John Madden has taken his game from an eight-bit blur of a figure carrying what looks like the equivalent of dog crap, and morphed it into the definitive gaming franchise ever made. From the five-year-old that you routinely beat the ever-loving Tinactin out of online, to the closet Chicago Bears fan that doubles as a computer analyst, Madden’s all-consuming (literally, see: Thanksgiving in Dallas) approach to football has grabbed everyone by the seams and made them pay attention … and $60 for a freaking video game. Read more
Written by Bryan SchoolsIn Homer We Trust
Posted on August 12, 2008
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From our sister blog HombresSeriamentes.com: Sure, the Euro may be kicking the U.S. dollar’s proverbial ass these days, but at least we can stick our country’s heroes on their coins.
In Spain, a shopkeeper was emptying out a cash register when he found not the image of King Juan Carlos I, but that of Homer Simpson, best down for his love of beer and “los doughnuts.”
Upon hearing the news, the King promptly told Simpson to “shut up.” (HAR! A foreign policy joke! Take THAT, Hugo Chavez!)
Written by Bryan McBournieOh, Canada, our combustible laaaaand…
Posted on August 12, 2008
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Come one, come all, and come visit the fiery world of Toronto! Act fast, and you too can see what once was a propane depot, now a smoldering hole in the ground! Book now, and at no charge, we’ll schedule you with a “local’s experience”, allowing you to live like one of those that went through the explosion. Hurry, and you’ll be able to:
See the fireball!
Feel the explosion!
Hear the roar of the blast!
Breath in the wondrous and massive cloud of smoke!
Be evacuated on cramped buses like locals!
Be cut by exploding windows, even if you’re up to a mile away!
Witness what simply must be the handiwork of Michael Bay. Book now!
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorYou cannot kiss the bride any time soon
Posted on August 12, 2008
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It is still wedding season, and in upstate New York, a man was arrested on his wedding day because he got too close to his new wife.
The ceremony went just fine, but the groom allegedly got into an argument with one of the wedding guests during the reception (when most fights at weddings are known to occur) and the police were called. Police knew the groom had a protective order protective order against him filed by the bride (apparently this guy was not a stranger at the police barracks) and they arrested him. He was charged with first degree criminal contempt and held without bail.
There is no word yet as to when these star-crossed love birds will be able to consumate the marriage.
Written by Bryan McBournie keep looking »