Back in March, we told you about a mall Easter Bunny in New Jersey who was arrested after a fight with some mall patrons. Today we’re a step closer to witnessing an Easter miracle.
Authorities have reduced the charges against the Easter Bunny from simple assault to aggravated assault. That means that the giant rabbit, who is known to the courts as Kassim Charles, faces a maximum of six months in prison, whereas before he was looking at serving 5 years.
This means that even if he’s convicted, he’ll be out in plenty of time to bring you your Easter basket next year.
It’s an impulse we fight every day: Should I snap the elastic of someone else’s underwear? And apparently it’s a battle French Finance Minister Michel Sapin is no stranger to.
According to a book by two French journalists, Sapin snapped the exposed elastic of an unnamed female journalist’s underwear while at while at the World Economic Forum in Switzerland last year. Sapin has categorically denied the accusations. But because he’s French, we’re inclined to believe it totally happened.
It’s comforting to know that even a powerful man at a powerful conference can be immature. He’s human, even if that human is 10 years old.
If you have a job, you probably hate it — even though it’s Friday. It’s just a feeling everyone gets at some point when they show up to a place they wouldn’t normally go and do things they wouldn’t otherwise do in exchange for money. Have you ever thought about deleting your company? One guy did it accidentally.
Server tech guy Marco Marsala accidentally entered a command telling his company’s server to delete everything on it. You may not know a ton about how servers work, but you know that’s not a good thing. According to the feedback he got from other server experts on a forum, it’s just gone. The command not only said to delete everything, but to ignore all the normal warnings and just do it. It could be possible to recover all o the data, but experts say it would be extremely difficult.
This raises the question: Can you get fired from a company that no longer exists?
Keeping America safe isn’t easy. Sometimes there are training exercises, and sometimes those training exercises accidentally leave explosives on a school bus.
In Virginia, the CIA borrowed a school bus from Loudon County Public Schools to train bomb-sniffing dogs while the kiddies were on spring break. Unfortunately the CIA forgot to take their bomb stuff with them. Inert explosives were found under the hood of the bus while it was undergoing some maintenance. (“Inert” means the explosives weren’t able to blow up.)
“The CIA left explosives on my school bus” has to be the most D.C. reason to stay home from school.
Sure, Easter was two days ago, but the stories keep coming. Imagine you’re holding a neighborhood Easter egg hunt when all of a sudden a man comes out screaming that his roommates are going to kill him. Sounds like the opening of a bad cop show, doesn’t it?
In Washington state, deputies were called to a disturbance at an Easter egg hunt, and ended up finding a lot more than the Easter Bunny brought. They searched the house of the man who complained about his roommates, and found a large-scale illegal marijuana operation going on. They found more than $200,000 in pot, and a whole lot of cash on hand.
All three roommates were arrested and charged, and no guns were found. So basically, the guy ratted on himself. It must’ve been a “come to Jesus” moment.
No adult likes going to events for children, unless they’re a stay-at-home parent and it’s the only hope for excitement. But what if the problem with boring kid things isn’t the children, but the adults in attendance?
In Connecticut, adults filled with the spirit of Easter took their kids to an Easter egg hunt, and then ran over any child who got in their way. The event was held at PEZ headquarters, and featured roughly 9,000 eggs, which is clearly not enough to go around. That’s why there were reports of adults stealing eggs and egg baskets from kids, and even knocking some kids down as they raced to beat them to find eggs.
Last week in California, a kindergarten play was briefly entertaining when a fight broke out among parents in the front row. According to police, things got chippy when people sitting in the front row had their views obstructed by parents walking to the front to take pictures of their kids. One woman in particular refused to move when a principal asked her to sit down, and shoving match ensued. The play had to be called early.
Let that be a lesson to all the parents out there: If you want to get out of your kid’s thing early, just start a fight so the cancel it.
Joyous news, everyone! Remember Mohammed Abad, the 43-year-old Scot who lost his penis in a car accident as a child, and recently received a bionic penis after three years of surgeries?
He finally lost his virginity to U.K. sex worker Charlotte Rose. Abad said now that he has made it over the hump, he can start searching for true love.
That’s as inspirational a story as you’re going to find on this site.
Out of all the holiday-related mascots here in America, the Easter Bunny has to have it the worst. There’s just not a lot of dignity in being a large, pastel-wearing rabbit that brings kids Easter baskets. As far as kids care, Easter is far overshadowed by Christmas. Understandably, the Easter Bunny has a chip on his shoulder. That’s why it’s no surprise that he finally snapped.
At a mall in New Jersey, security had to break up a fight between the Easter Bunny and some customers. Things got heated when a 1-year-old girl slipped out of the chair after having her picture taken with the Easter Bunny. And we can assume that after a heated argument with adults, the hare got into a fight, which was documented in a video on Twitter.
There are still many unanswered questions. Was this the real Easter Bunny, or one of his helpers? Is this a thing now? Do we all have to go see the mall Easter Bunny from here on out? Should we as a society allow this thing with a history of violence into our homes while we sleep?
It was 10 years ago that The Guys first inflicted themselves upon the internet. We’ve covered a lot of semi-fake news during that time, and we’re glad you’ve been there to read it. Or, if you just stumbled onto this site for some reason, we hope you’ve forgotten where the back button is.
Let’s see what The Guys have to say to congratulate themselves as they look back on the first Seriously Decade.
I think I can speak for the rest of The Guys when I say that our goal, 10 years ago, was to change the world with this site. And, scoff all you want, you scofflaws, but we kinda did.
If you can judge a book by its Cliff’s Notes, then you can judge a blog by its categories. Based on our more commonly used categories, we’ve shaped the world into something great. I mean, the world today has to be great, or we’d all have hanged ourselves by now. Continue reading
In Spain, things have gotten very tense, and it’s all because of some farting.
According to reports, two rival Gypsy families finally had enough of each other and started a gun battle last week. They say the problem began when the member of one family walked by the member of the other family and farted near him. Exhibiting skills not seen since elementary school, the fan who was farted on then returned the insult by farting at will near the first man.
From there, a gun battle broke out, which put four men in the hospital. The moral here is that if you are traveling to Spain, don’t fart–ever.