If there’s one thing the airlines hate about doing business, it’s the passengers. They insist on checking bags because they can’t shrink their clothes for major trips, they demand food and drink, and if they didn’t have legs, airlines could make more money by cramming more of them in. But worst of all, they demand unreasonable things like taking them to the correct city.
A married couple wanted to fly from Los Angeles to Dakar, Senegal after a friend invited them to visit. Somehow, Turkish Airlines decided that Senegal was not the place they wanted to go. Instead, they should enjoy a relaxing vacation in Dhaka, Bangladesh, which is not even on the same continent.
Since then, the couple has spent months trying to get an answer as to why they ended up in Southeast Asia, but no answer has come and no reimbursement, either. Most likely, the request for an investigation was sent to the wrong office, never to be seen again.
“That jumped up a notch.” It’s a phrase The Guys are quite fond of, mainly because we first heard it in Anchorman. That said, it’s not exactly a phrase that should be used in jest, but only when the situation accurately calls for it.
The kids at Cosby High School should’ve used the word. One teenager decided that the smart thing to do would be to fly his remote control helicopter in a classroom. Normally, this might be a most whimsical thing, except … it hit a fire sprinkler. Which proceeded to empty its contents into the room.
And the school.
During test time.
And the contents had been stuck in the pipes for years.
And some of the students taking exams may have to retake them.
So, uh … that jumped up a notch.
When you get really hungry, there’s nothing like fast food. It’s universal. So when Palestinians get hungry after a long day’s work of throwing rocks at Israeli tanks, naturally, they get a hankerin’ for some downhome country cookin’. That’s why KFC is one of the more popular things to smuggle into the Gaza Strip.
Just call up al-Yamama (don’t laugh, we’re trying to be culturally-sensitive here), a fast-food smuggling service. The food starts frying at a KFC 35 miles away in Egypt, and in just three short hours, the food is delivered to your door by way of a tunnel system.
The Colonel has officially been drafted into a war he never asked for.
When going on vacation, it’s probably best to just write off all of South America. Really, we mean the whole continent. It’s filled with lovely people and all, but it sort of seems like they target tourists wherever you go. That is, of course, except for Ecuador. They love tourists there.
A French couple arrived home after a vacation in Ecuador, and luckily, their bags arrived along with them. However, when the couple got home, they discovered that their bags had been unpacked for them somewhere in transit. They had no clothes or souvenirs, except for a very special gift from the people of Ecuador: cocaine. 20 kilograms (about 44 lbs.) of it.
That’s how you get return business.
If you’ve ever wished Texas wasn’t part of the United States, you’re not alone, but probably not for the reason you’re thinking of. Texas has recently developed a fetish for secessionist fiction. People are writing books about Texas leaving the modern-day union because the federal government is too oppressive.
Strangely enough, the books seem to be written by conservatives, about Texans who are sick of a liberal administration, so they decide to call it quits. But the authors totally don’t support secession, guys. This is totally different. It’s about a once-independent state’s free spirit.
Sure, Texas was an independent republic in before joining the Union in 1845, but it wasn’t the first. Vermont was its own country from 1777 to until it became part of the U.S. in 1791. It seems Texas is behind the times again. Secessionist fiction? That’s so 1987.
This Guy can’t stand ranch dressing. Nothing about it is appealing to me whatsoever. I can’t even begin to understand this country’s obsession with the vile sauce.
One time in college, the dining hall was offering buffalo chicken finger wraps: buffalo chicken fingers, wraps, lettuce and ranch dressing. Obviously, I care not for ranch, so I asked for a wrap with no ranch. The cafeteria worker smiled at me and then proceeded to squeeze out onto the wrap not just ranch, but extra ranch. Befuddled at the situation, I just took the wrap with a look of utter confusion on my face.
Tina Drouin probably would’ve been better off following my lead.
It’s no secret that the Obama administration has been eating away at our civil liberties for years, but this reaches a new level. Apparently, we’re no longer allowed to sing on planes.
A flight from Los Angeles to New York had to make an emergency stop in Kansas City, not because of a perceived threat on board, but because one passenger wouldn’t stop singing “I Will Always Love You.” We’re pretty sure that qualifies as free speech, even though it’s not technically speaking.
A federal air marshal, who was probably just tired of hearing her terrible voice, decided it he had had enough, and subdued the passenger. The plane then landed in Kansas City so that authorities could remove her from the plane. She was escorted off the plane, still singing.
If being annoying on a flight is now a crime, we’d like people who recline their seats all the way back put on death row.
FOX, you know, that network that hasn’t been able to produce a hit show that doesn’t involve a cartoon since 2003, has decided to say “#%£@ it.” FOX is bringing back your favorite man to bring down a Christmas tree. Kiefer Sutherland, the man who has kept Jim Beam afloat, will be returning as Jack Bauer in “24.”
We know, we’re just like most of you, we didn’t care either.
The Guys are officially bored with flying cars. Oh, sure, the last time we wrote about the Terrafugia Transition, we seemed a bit excited about it. In fact, even now, Terrafugia is moving to see just how feasible a project could be. In layman’s terms, that’s see just how possible it is to move something from “hobby” to “business.”
Our excitement was over a year ago. It’s 2013. It’s the future. Where are our damn jetpacks? The Jetsons lied to us.
Sorry kids and kittens: no MasterChugs this week. Try next week. I’m utterly swamped with office and charity work this week.
Speaking of which! If you live in the Roanoke Valley area, come by the Salem Civic Center this Saturday and take part in the March of Dimes Flea Market! From 7:00 am to 1:00 pm, you’ll be able to find all kinds of knick-knacks to buy and food to hearten your stomach.
Just don’t hit me with your car. Please.