Category: Regular Post

We’ve all heard of constitional justice, but does this herald the advent of “prostitutional justice?”

Former Cy Young Award winner Dwight Gooden just can’t seem to catch a break.

You know how reports are always complaining about how Americans are the most obese people in the world? I’m pretty sure that this is the equivalent to taking five million steps backwards with only the slightest bend forward. Straight from the land of fiction to fact: it would appear that the most dangerous game in America is not football, NASCAR or video games (despite what crazy lawyer Jack Thompson might think), but minor league baseball. Actually, it’s the food that’s served at the games of a minor league baseball team in Sauget, Illinois.

Nothing spikes attendance to minor league baseball games like heart attacks and diabetes.

Much of the Cold War’s nuclear arsenal—particularly intercontinental ballistic missiles (ICBMs)—was developed in Alabama. I say most because that research by mad ex-Nazi scientists led to our own arsenal and where Soviet spies got their arsenal.

Since that didn’t get us, I guess they’re going this route now.

The big question on NASA’s giant collective mind right now: Mars or Saturn?

And for the more sophomoric out there, no, Uranus is not “an ideal spot ripe for exploration.”

Until NASA makes its choice, expect further tax dollars funneled into robots that do not work, only sent to two locations instead of one. By the way, isn’t there a space station and telescope these guys don’t play with anymore?

They’ve already figured out how to shirk responsibility like their parents.

Native-born American students have once again been trounced by their immigrant counterparts in the classroom. The foreign students say grades are accomplished by “studying harder.” The Americans say “better teaching.”

Probably the worst part of this survey is the “no duh” factor. I’m a student still. Of course I’m lazy and will gladly blame anyone else.

After all, isn’t that the American way?

Stories like these truly reek hard of bottom of the barrel, low grade zombie movies. I should know-I’m a big fan of them. Unfortunately, I don’t even see it being green-lit by Lion’s Gate Films, or even Artisan Pictures before the buy out. I mean, this screams of a whole new form of social commentary that George Romero couldn’t even think of…….thankfully.

“Ambien of the Dead”, anyone?

… But in Maryland, what about the queen?

Until November, only soccer moms shied away from peanut butter since it might kill kids with allergies. Then 15-year-old Christina Desforges’s boyfriend killed her with peanut butter breath, and most likely, over-the-shirt groping. And what geographical location ruined peanut butter for everyone eyeing first base? Quebec, of course.

It’s only fair they screwed up peanut butter; after all, they restored baseball to non-French status by selling the Expos to DC.

Now local coroner, Michael Miron, says peanut butter was not the culprit. However, he will not disclose the new details of Desforges’s death. Perhaps she choked on something else?

This would be what most people call a razzing. Personally, I tend to view it more as “lightly enjoying what has been put out for the public to enjoy.” Cynical? Yes. A jerk? Perhaps. I look to it more as I’m simply saying what some of you may be thinking. Maybe. And the nominees are:

Continue reading Zee stars, zey shine zo bright!