For those unaware, the prequel trilogy was full of government and politics…boring, boring, boring government and politics. Hey, just like our world! And the original trilogy was full of big planet-destroying satellites that weren’t moons (and some other stuff, maybe). Through the power of the petitions.whitehouse.gov site, a group of nerds concerned constituents have asked our government to fund the creation of the laser base by the year 2016. How will they do that, when we’re going through rough economic times?
We can only assume via tariffs and sanctions placed upon vaguely racist alien races.
Despite what the Mayans say, Congress and the President cannot bank on the world ending on Dec. 21, 2012. This is a disappointment to both sides, who each planned on delaying the approval of a compromise budget plan until the return of Bolon Yokte and the destruction of the world.
Because Republicans and Democrats defunded NASA, the nearly grounded space agency has more time to update their Web site. And according to their latest blog post (which is totally the same thing as being published):
Just as the calendar you have on your kitchen wall does not cease to exist after December 31, the Mayan calendar does not cease to exist on December 21, 2012. This date is the end of the Mayan long-count period but then — just as your calendar begins again on January 1 — another long-count period begins for the Mayan calendar.
The 2012 election was a learning experience for a lot of people. Some learned that you can’t “unskew” polls without, you know, actually conducting polls. Others learned that, while corporations may indeed meet some of the basic conditions of being people,* they still only get one vote, no matter how the CEO pays to get in on the action.
The whitehouse.gov petition site, “We the People” has received 22 petitions from citizens, each asking for their state’s permission to “peacefully … withdraw from the United States of America and create its own new government.” The site’s rules state that petitions receiving 25,000 signatures will be addressed by President Obama’s administration.
Louisiana resident “Michael E.” was the first to submit a petition the day after the 2012 election. The petition has received 16,000 signatures since. Meanwhile, Texas already has 26,000 signatures. In case you’re wondering, why, yes, most of the nuts submitting these polite requests to the “dictator-in-chief” are from former Confederate states.
So far, no governor or representative of a state government from these 22 states has endorsed the petitions, mostly because they’re busy lobbying for federal money for bridges, police departments and defense contracts.
Depending on who you ask, American voters elected the wrong people on Tuesday. But, we can all agree that it’s a mistake to elect zombies to higher office, which is exactly what voters in Alabama and Florida did.
Florida elected Democrat incumbent and wormgarden Earl K. Wood as Orange County Tax Collector in Orlando, and Alabama elected Republican challenger and body temperature-impaired Charles Beasley to the Bibb County Commission. Both candidates died weeks before Nov. 6, yet voters did not notice a change in their dead, vacant eyes and funereal, moaning campaign promises.
Way to go, democracy. Get ready for new bills where doctors are replaced with chefs and more brains handouts to the unresuscitable.
You know, I thought your average American voter was a reasonably bright, discerning individual. Someone who can learn from past mistakes, and not elect the same failure. It appears I was wrong. America, how could you be so stupid? How could you re-elect Bill Pullman as President of the United States? Continue reading Take it from Snee: What has the electorate done?!
Measure B, the code name for the county ordinance that was voted on, was created in part due to the AIDS Healthcare Foundation and STD statistics for Los Angeles, of which porn actors there have more STD’s than Nevada (as in the entire state) prostitutes. Measure B could potentially prevent a lot of bumps being on someone’s noggin.
The ordinance doesn’t really affect The Guys, not because we live in Virginia, but because we like our porn with more heffalumps than what you usually find.
Do you live in either state? Are you thinking of visiting either state sometime today? We hope you got that booze yesterday. Both states have outlawed the selling (but not necessarily the consumption) of alcohol on Election Day, whether by restaurant or liquor stores.
Meanwhile, DISCUS, the Distilled Spirits Council of the United States (which I much prefer over calling them DISCUS), isn’t too keen on such laws. We feel the same way. Nothing eases voting in the losing guy or celebrating the right vote like a shot of the spirits.
You see, during Hawaii’s U.S. Senate primary, he endorsed Democrat Rep. Mazie Hirono. But, that was only because he didn’t think Linda Lingle, the former Republican governor of Hawaii, would ask him. Don’s a Republican, so it only makes sense to go with Linda, who could very well turn out to be his conservative soulmate. Imagine the bills they’d frame together!
But, he made a promise when he said he’d endorse his Congressional partner, Mazie, to the U.S. Senate, and you can’t break a promise. Plus, she already bragged to all of her friends in a campaign video that he’s taking her! If only there were a way to let her down easy, maybe by finding a friend to endorse her in his place? Stupid election laws stating that only one candidate can win each senate race.
This is exactly why we almost didn’t let Hawaii and Alaska into the union in 1959. They’re just too immature to get the hang of electoral dating etiquette.