Category: Scurry to the Capitol

Which means they should serve jury duty for us

Fortunately for Teddy, none of the other candidates are named Jacob.Ever since Ted Kennedy bowed out of the health care debate due to a pre-existing condition, four candidates in Massachusetts are trying to out lib each other to replace him.

In the latest effort for each to paint the other three as downright gunsmoking fascists, three of them said they support lowering the voting age from 18 to 17.

If this happens, the percentage of sober voters is expected to triple. However, the candidates will have shot themselves in the foot if Kennedy returns from the dead.

Wake us up when it’s 2010

Well, it’s mid-November, which means we can retire the “Scurry” tag until next year …

… Or can we?

Yes, folks, it’s not reality television an election unless there are recounts! The snoozer of a race that attracted the attention of teabaggers, Sarah Palin and other political celebutards in New York’s 23rd District is not over.

Upon learning that there are still mail-in ballots to be counted, Conservative Party candidate Doug Hoffman “un-conceded“ on Glenn Beck’s radio show. (Unlike his television show, the sound of his tear drops must be imitated in the studio with a sponge and a pail of water.)

If this race gets overturned, then black is white, up is down and the Republican Party still lost.

Republican celebs embrace third-party ghetto

She might be the best thing to ever happen to abortion.You know the media and losing party are still suffering from post-election depression when they make a big deal out of a congressional election in New York. The Guys are normally better than this, too, but the stupid is too strong to ignore.

Sarah Palin–like you didn’t see that coming–and Rick Santorum have announced their endorsements for the 23rd District Representative race. They’re not for the Republican candidate for 23rd District Representative, Dede Scozzafava, but for the Conservative Party candidate, Doug Hoffman.

So, this is where the leaders of the Republican Party are at: endorsing third-party candidates when their front-runner is pro-choice. You know, the same mentality that cost every Democratic nominee their election when hippies couldn’t compromise on environmental issues, socialism and whatever a Dennis Kucinich does.

So, thanks for the laughs and the coffee–an afternoon rush of Schadenfreude Espresso.

Mm, Schadenfreude: make it your daily shameful joy.

Wave the bloody sock

In case you hadn’t heard, Sen. Ted Kennedy died last week. Unlike Chicago, the U.S. Senate does not let dead people vote, so the Commonwealth of Massachusetts is in a wicked pickle. They need to replace Kennedy and they need to do it as soon as state law allows them (five months) so that they can really be represented.

And just like when Superman was died, all of a sudden a bunch of impostors have come crawling out of the woodwork. The list is long, but the most recent name added is that of former Boston Red Sox pitcher Curt Schilling.

In a radio interview, Schilling said the Republican party had contacted him about running for the vacant seat, but the limping millionaire was tight lipped as to whether he was thinking about it.

“Asked whether he would run, Schilling said, ‘As of today, probably not.'”

Ladies and gentlemen, there you have it. Curt Schilling will seek the vacant seat in the Senate!

Live from D.C., it’s Saturday night

Al Franken, most famous for his time on Saturday Night Live and then writing a series of books closer to politics than comedy, has formally announced he is running for U.S. Senate from his home state of Minnesota.

This blog predicts Jimmy Fallon will be the next former SNL cast member to announce candidacy–that is of course if he can get through a speech without cracking himself up.