Category: Sex Sells

| Filed under Sex Sells, War on Animals

Penguins report sexual harassment from seals

We may think of animals that live in the Antarctic as cute, and because they live so far away from us, we may not consider them a threat. We should. Turns out they’re trying to create a master race of seal-penguins.

Researchers observing Antarctic wildlife reported and recorded numerous instances of fur seals chasing down and copulating with king penguins, and the flightless birds did not seem to consent, either. This has to stop. They are attempting to create a new weapon against us, and besides, we shouldn’t condone sexual harassment in any form.

It’s on us.

| Filed under It Must Be Science!, Sex Sells

You kiss your mother with that bacteria?

"Achtung, baby. Wanna raise your IQ a few points (presuming that bacteria has anything to do with it)?"
“Achtung, baby. Wanna raise your IQ a few points (presuming that bacteria has anything to do with it)?”

Taking a break from their perpetual contact high, Dutch scientists examined kissing. And they found that your average 10-second Freedom Kiss can transfer up to 80 million bacteria between participants.

To figure out what transfers most readily from tongue-to-tongue contact, the scientists had one participant from each pair drink a probiotic drink. And, based on the results, they hope to one day use this research to help “design future bacterial therapies and help people with troublesome bacterial problems.”

So, if you don’t like yogurt, you could always try making out with Jamie Lee Curtis.*


*SeriouslyGuys is in no way responsible for what Jamie Lee Curtis’ security does to you for attempting to make out with her.

| Filed under Booze News, Sex Sells

Survey: People value vacation time way more than they should

Everyone wishes they had more vacation time (except for Americans, who don’t use a great deal of theirs), but some of them want it so much that they would give up on the things that make vacations so much fun.

According to a not-very-scientific survey, nearly a quarter of workers would go without sex for just one more day of vacation. That’s just crazy talk, the internet is proof of that. Meanwhile 54% said they could go without junk food, showing once again that no Americans participated in the survey. When it comes to booze, a whopping 48% said they would be OK without it, as long as they got 24 more hours of being paid not to work.

This is what’s wrong with the world.

| Filed under It Must Be Science!, Sex Sells

Herpes: now with plausible deniability

"Hey, baby. How's about we forget ourselves for a little bit and bump bumps?"
“Hey, baby. How’s about we forget ourselves for a little bit and bump bumps?”

If you’re embarrassed about your case of herpes, don’t worry. In a couple of decades, you’ll forget you ever got them. That’s because the antibodies associated with the herpes simplex virus has been linked to Alzheimer’s disease.

Two separate studies found that herpes may cause 40 to 50 percent of Alzheimer’s cases, although that could be because the people getting herpes already for got to wear a condom or not kiss people whose lips look like Krakatoa.

Paired with today’s earlier news about booze helping your memory in later years — and we all know what happens when you drink: herpes — your chances of retiring with an unimpaired brain are now a wash.

| Filed under It Must Be Science!, Sex Sells

It’s official: sex isn’t crap

It's also the Scots' fault when you have to hold hands and "make love for once."
It’s also the Scots’ fault when you have to hold hands and “make love for once.”

Just when you thought the Scottish couldn’t get any smugger (yet manage to stay British), get ready for the mother of all come-ons: the Scots invented sex.

Scientists discovered the oldest species to fertilize each other internally: a species of ancient Scottish lake fish. About 385 million years ago, Microbrachius dicki (yes, dicki) got tired of the old you-lay-‘em-and-I’ll-spray-‘em spawning technique in favor of a bit of the old in-out, in-out copulation.

Rather than do it people- or drunk people-style — you may call it “doggie” — the male and female fish swam up to each other side by side. And that’s where the magic happened, sidehatch-style:  Continue reading

| Filed under Sex Sells

New law confuses date rapists

Just to further confuse Californian date rapists, universities are using educational videos featuring guys who can easily get consent to explain why date rapists should get active consent.
Just to further confuse Californian date rapists, universities are using educational videos featuring guys who can easily get consent to explain why date rapists should get active consent.

A new law that would change the standard of consent for sex in California colleges to actual consent has active and potential date rapists confused.

The new law would change the rote standard of “no means no” to “yes means yes.” This means that, rather than putting the burden on sexual assault victims to say no, it would require those wanting sex to make damn well sure that the person whom they are entering is OK with that.

However, that’s still too complicated of a message.

‘I feel like their hearts are in the right place, but the implementation is a little too excessive,’ Henry Mu, a 24-year-old biology major at California State Long Beach told the Press-Telegram. ‘Are there guidelines? Are we supposed to check every five minutes?

[…]

How does a person prove they receive consent shy of having it videotaped[?]‘ Joe Cohn, the legislative policy director at the Foundation for Individual Rights in Education, told Inside Higher Ed.

Yeah, what’s a guy to do? Talk to the person he’s about to risk pregnancy or a contracting a sexually transmitted disease from? If date rapists could talk to women as people, they wouldn’t have to rape their dates.

Geez. California, amiright?

| Filed under Sex Sells

When soliciting sex, try not to call a police officer

Cold calls are dreadful. People hate getting them, and the people making the calls don’t like it that much either, but it drums up business. So it works for the most part, provided that you’re not doing anything illegal, and you don’t say, call a cop.

A Maryland woman learned that lesson this week. Police say a member of Frederick Police Department’s Drug Enforcement Unit received a call from the 44-year-old woman offering money for sex. She didn’t dial a random number, she had the officer’s number from an unrelated incident, and apparently forgot to write down “Cop” next to it.

And of course, when the woman arrived at the agreed upon place, the authorities were waiting. This is exactly what the Do Not Call List is for, people.

| Filed under Economic cliches for $1000, Alex, Sex Sells

Sometimes, keeping your overhead costs low just isn’t worth it

Again, people, we completely understand that making an honest dollar is difficult. If you’re self-employed or a small business owner, you’re already at a disadvantage. Professional marketing is not cheap, which can be a striking blow as you’re trying to keep your overheads costs low. How else can you maximize your profitability?

Nonetheless, sometimes it’s worth it to spend the extra money. Just in case.

Also, know your market beforehand. Just because you’re at a library doesn’t necessarily mean that the sexy librarian motif is something you need to run with.

| Filed under Sex Sells

Woman with MS suing city thanks to Dr. Love

No matter where you live, there’s probably some backwards, totally archaic ordinance that looms over your town. Charlotte, a bustling and thriving city with an airport, has a noise ordinance that takes effect after 10:30 pm. My current city has an ordinance requiring bars to hire security based off how many people can be in the bar. My hometown has a no washing mules on the side walks ordinance (it’s a real hindrance). And in Sandy Springs, a prescription is required to have a sex toy.

While it should surprise no one that a city in Georgia is less than progressive, it was odd to Melissa Davenport. Davenport, suffering from multiple sclerosis, has had breakthroughs in being able to feel sensations with back massagers neck warmers LONG JOHN’S KONG DONG something that can be bought at Spencer’s Gifts.

According to Davenport, sex toys saved her marriage and that’s why she’s suing Sandy Springs to have the ordinance be found unconstitutional. A nobler lawsuit there has never been.

| Filed under Sex Sells

Court filing: I love laptop

Should you be able to marry your laptop? One man in Florida thinks so.

A man in Florida has filed a motion to intervene in a gay marriage case on behalf of another sexual minority, namely, those who want to marry their laptops. What may be the most surprising there is that even though the case is filed in Florida, it’s not simply filed because some dude really wants to make an honest computer out of his laptop, he’s got another reason.

Chris Sevier argues in his filing that if people can marry even though they are the same gender, he should be able to marry his laptop. This is what passes for clever in Florida.

It’s just not a fair comparison. Millions of people are unable to trade in their spouses when they start slowing down.