As has become tradition in red states since the 2008 election, House Speaker John Boehner faces a primary challenge this year from Tea Party candidates. What’s not so traditional is how stiff the competition has become for the top-ranking Republican in the federal government.
J.D. Winteregg, a high school teacher and suprisingly not a children’s book author pen name, is one of Speaker Boehner’s three primary challengers. And of those three, he’s the only one to run an ad that accuses the speaker of “electile dysfunction.”
‘Sometimes, when a politician has been in DC too long, it goes to his head and he just can’t seem to get the job done. Used on a daily basis, Winteregg in Congress will help you every time the moment is right to have your voice heard on the federal level.’
How do you know if you are experiencing E.D.? Symptoms may include ”extreme skin discoloration,” smoking, golf, and the “inability to punch oneself out a wet paper bag or maintain a spine in the face of liberal opposition.”
The question remains, however, if Winteregg can keep it up until November. You’ll hear from us first if he doesn’t pull out early.
We’re willing to guess that the people who work at airport ticket counters and gates are some of the least happy people who have a job. Then there are the people who work the social media accounts of airlines. If upset passengers are rude in public, they are sure no kinder in the anonymous rage factory that is the internet. At some point, you’re going to snap, and that may have happened yesterday when US Airways tweeted a sexually explicit image to a customer (image-free and SFW).
When some girl named Alex tweeted at that it ruined her spring break, the airline replied, “We don’t like to hear this, Alex. Please provide feedback to our Customer Relations team here: [link to photo].” The very-NSFW image, which you can find for yourself if you really want, involved a nude woman and a model Boeing 777 jet that appeared to have crashed up to its wings in a cave.
The merger with American Airlines really has benefited consumers after all.
Russian President and guy who always asks if you’re going to eat your meat before stealing your entire plate, Vladimir Putin is officially single. He and his now ex-wife, Lyudmila, finalized their divorce according to a Kremlin announcement on Tuesday.
When announcing their separation back in June, Putin stressed that their decision to split was a mutual decision, much in the same way that Putin stresses that it’s a mutual decision to annex parts of other countries.
Based on the timing — coinciding with the ongoing crisis in Crimea — it’s possible that Putin needed to get himself out there on a pick-up date with one of Russia’s exes before he felt ready to see other countries.
If that’s the case, then we may finally understand what Sarah Palin warned us about: Putin rearing his head.
Maybe you’ve heard about this Obamacare thing. What you may not know is that covers sexy talk on the phone.
California’s health care exchange, called “Cover California,” had a lot of people rushing to sign up before the deadline a few days ago. The hearing impaired were given a number to help them sign up. It was one digit off.
After dialing, people were greeted with the following message:
Welcome to America’s hottest talk line. Ladies, to talk to interesting and exciting guys free, press one now. Guys, hot ladies are waiting to talk to you. Press two to connect free now.
When it comes to medicine, sometimes the old ways are the best. Health thyself.
Hello, ladies. Are you still recovering from your International Women’s Day celebrations? Science has created something for you that might take the edge off.
You can now have an orgasm at the push of a button, assuming you’re fine with having surgery. Researchers have invented a device, about the size of a pack of cigarettes, that hooks up to the spinal cord and has electrodes on certain sensitive spots. When the remote control activates the device, it’s pleasure time.
We’ve all heard the reviews on Sex Panther: that it works 60 percent of the time all the time and that it smells like Bigfoot’s dick. But, you know what works 100 percent of the time all the time? Male goat pheromone.
The scent of male sheep and goats — also known as rams and … male goats — contains a pheromone called 4-ethyloctanal that, when exposed to oxygen, converts to a related compound called 4-ethyloctanoic acid. And we don’t have to tell you what happens after that. (Knowwhatwe’resayin’?)
[We've just been informed that you do not, in fact, knowwhatwe'resayin'.]
The resulting acid, when inhaled by females of their species, causes their reproductive systems to kick in, getting them all twitterpated. And if that’s not worth smelling like Bigfoot’s cable knit sweater, then we don’t know what is.
The state Supreme Court in Georgia ruled Monday that, while it is a crime to mail unsolicited nude photos of yourself without a warning on the envelope, it is not illegal to do it electronically.
But, let’s not lose focus on the nitty-gritty legal details here. (Although, side note: take caution opening text messages at work from The Guys for at least a week.) The important factor here is that Charles Lee Warren is free to text pictures of his schlong tattoo for as long as he can keep it up. (Keep up his camera.)
True, the married mother of young children who received Warren’s photo either wasn’t impressed or felt threatened, hence her charges. But, aren’t the rest of us just a little curious to see it since it’s tattooed to say, “STRONG E nuf 4 A MAN BUT Made 4 A WOMAN?”
There are so many unanswered questions here. Does it go down the shaft, or around it like the inscription on the One Ring? The phrase is pretty long, but did Warren resort to Prince/Sinead O’Connor title numbers because it isn’t long enough?
When Judy Cox found indecent t-shirts at a PacSun store, she did what The Guys would do: buy them all. Except, rather than wear as many as possible and then donate the rest to children with parental locks on their Internet access, she spent over $550 to protect her town — including her 18-year-old son — from the sight of scantily dressed womens.
Now unsure what to do, she thinks she might return them on day 59 of the store’s 60 day return policy. Which means they’ll be on display again, along with the 19 shirts the store ordered to restock. That is a victory for … well, nobody. Certainly not for her son, who will now surely be connected to the story as the tender legal adult who was publicly wank-blocked by his mom while shopping with her for clothes.
To be fair, we don’t think too clearly when we see boobs on a t-shirt, either.