Category: Sex Sells

| Filed under Sex Sells, War on Robots

Rise of the sex machines

Sex robot Jude Law has seen some things. Horrible things.
Sex robot Jude Law has seen some things. Horrible things.

The long war on masculinity continues, as women work harder to make men wholly unnecessary in their lives. This time, it’s in the bedroom.

In as soon as 10 years from now, women will be hooking up with robots more than they are with men, according to futurologist Ian Pearson. He projects that since the sex machine industry is booming, with advancements coming all the time, we’re not far off from having robots resembling humans who can do the deed (SFW if you don’t scroll down). Women will turn to these more and more as the stigma fades over decades, he predicts.

Another job eliminated by machines.

| Filed under Sex Sells

The best part of waking up

Unless you’re a banker or cheese enthusiast, you’ve probably never felt the urge to travel to Switzerland. After a new cafe opens in Geneva, you may actually consider moving there.

A full-service cafe is in the works for the city, and by “full service,” we mean, “full-service.” Coffee enthusiasts would be able to enjoy their morning cup accompanied by oral sex from the prostitute of their choice. The business plan is sure to keep them coming back. Order your unusually expensive coffee, then select on an iPad the prostitute you want for your new favorite morning ritual. The cafe would be the first of its kind in Switzerland if it is approved.

The down side is that the cafe is sure to have long lines due to slow service.

| Filed under Sex Sells

Ghost hunters stumble into adult movie

At this point we realize that reality shows are fake, right? Most of them are scripted in some way, and those that aren’t are heavily edited to create drama where there was really just a typical conversation. But things got real for a ghost hunter show veteran recently.

In the U.K., Mike Covell, who has appeared on ghost hunter shows in Europe, was giving a tour of a haunted graveyard — because that’s dedication to bit — when his tour group of 12 stumbled upon a porn scene being filmed in broad daylight. The couple and two-man film crew quickly made a break for it, and the tourists were likely sad that the moans they had heard weren’t supernatural at all.

Play us out, Fishbone!

| Filed under It Must Be Science!, Sex Sells

Doing it more often gives beetles bigger genitals

If beetles don’t use it, they lose it, according to a recent study.

Male burying beetles have a big incentive to get it on, as the more they do, the bigger their genitalia get, researchers at University of Exeter have found. What’s more, the female of the aptly named beetles also sees an increase in genital size. Literally, the more they do it, the more rapidly their naughty parts develop.

Researchers also found that these traits could then be passed on through the generations. So maybe there’s hope for you after all.

| Filed under Booze News, Sex Sells

Science: Your drunk sperm will affect your baby

One of the worst parts about being pregnant, aside from knowing that one day your genitals will explode, is the months on end of sobriety. Sure, the cool doctors say you can have a glass of wine every now and then, but that’s like having a bite of cake while everyone else has their own slice. Turns out that dudes can also negatively affect their unborn children by drinking.

According to researchers at Georgetown University, your drinking behavior may affect your child well before you even get around to making him or her. All that drinking must do something to your swimmers, because there’s mounting evidence that it can increase a baby’s risk of fetal alcohol spectrum disorder.

So the new game plan for making a baby is to abstain from alcohol, but get her to drink because she won’t be able to later on, and you know how red wine gets her going.

| Filed under It Must Be Science!, Sex Sells

Study: Adult movies make you go to church

People who are frightened of things like to say that we’re not as good as we used to be, saying we’re losing our morality. They love to say technology is the cause of this. But it turns out, it may be making us more religious.

According to a recent study, if you watch porn regularly, there’s a good chance you’ll start attending church regularly. This flies in the face of what Bible beaters have been saying as long as there have been Bibles to beat. A survey of about 1,200 people found a connection between viewing frequency and how often they attend religious services. The theory is that the more people watch, the more they feel guilty and seek religion.

So God may be watching you, but he also knows he’ll see you on Sunday.

| Filed under Headline of the Day, It Must Be Science!, Sex Sells, War on Animals

Great tits: worth paying attention to

Just one of these in your hand is worth two in the bush. (When birds can express that level of sophisticated thought, then we can say they've mastered language.)
Just one of these in your hand is worth two in the bush. (When birds can express that level of sophisticated thought, then we can say they’ve mastered language.)

We always wondered what it would be like to talk with animals. It turns out that animals can talk, we just didn’t listen. Fortunately, they finally found the only means of communicating that — as women will attest — The Guys will pay attention to: great tits!

Scientists studied the calls of Japanese great tits (with that distinction, we’re obviously talking about birds) and discovered that they use combinations of chirps to convey complicated messages. Basically, they use syntax — grammar and vocabulary — just like people, albeit with far less of each and fewer stupid rules carried over from Latin.

So, we’re now retroactively offended every time a couple of tits refuse to speak English in front of us. You just know they’re squawking something about the tops of our heads.

| Filed under Sex Sells, War on Animals

Adam and Eve or Steve, not Adam and Fido

Leave it to the Germans to dress the people responsible for deciding what is and isn't OK to have sex with precisely as we'd imagine.
Leave it to the Germany to dress the people responsible for deciding what is and isn’t OK to have sex with precisely as we’d imagine.

Despite conservatives’ hopes and prayers, legalizing gay marriage does not lead to government-sanctioned man-on-turtle relationships. Germany has legally recognized same-sex unions since 2001 and allowed same-sex couples to adopt children since 2004, but the nation’s constitutional court ruled that you still can’t legally f*ck any species but Homo Sapiens.

Sorry, perverts. If you want to get farm-nasty with livestock, you’ll have to go to God’s country: Alabama, Hawaii, Kentucky, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, Ohio, Vermont, West Virginia, or Wyoming.

| Filed under It Must Be Science!, Sex Sells

Seniors active in the bedroom also active mentally, science says

It turns out that having sex when you’re older can help you fight off dementia, according to a recent study. (We know thinking about old people and sex isn’t a great way to hook you, but this information could come in handy years from now, so read on.)

According to researchers Coventry University in the U.K., people surveyed 50 and 89 who had sex regularly tended to have better cognitive function. In all, more than 6,800 people were surveyed on their sex lives, and given simple memory tests. Both men and women who were sexually active did better on the tests. It’s the strongest evidence yet that you should buy your grandfather the hooker he’s been asking for.

“Science says you have to bang me if you want me to remember you in the morning,” is now an acceptable and true line for you to use when you’re over 50. And there’s nothing wrong with preventative measures if you’re younger.

| Filed under Movember, Sex Sells

Brazil slide-tackles ball cancer heads on

Senhor Testiculo gets a lot of attention being the only Brazilian without a Brazilian.
Senhor Testiculo gets a lot of attention being the only Brazilian without a Brazilian.

Rather than use a metaphorical scrotum of a human being like Lance Armstrong, Brazil went balls out and chose an actual anthropomorphized set of testicles to speak for testicular cancer awareness. And just to really teabag the point home, they named him Senhor Testiculo.

Senhor Testiculo will appear at events on behalf of Brazil’s Association of Personal Assistance for Cancer, posing for pictures and helping convince people to donate to testicular cancer research.

There’s no word if he shaves and then only grows a mustache every November.

Special thanks to Patrick H. for waving this story around in our faces.