Category: Sex Sells

| Posted in Sex Sells

Press 1 to talk to your sexy physician

Maybe you’ve heard about this Obamacare thing. What you may not know is that covers sexy talk on the phone.

California’s health care exchange, called “Cover California,” had a lot of people rushing to sign up before the deadline a few days ago. The hearing impaired were given a number to help them sign up. It was one digit off.

After dialing, people were greeted with the following message:

Welcome to America’s hottest talk line. Ladies, to talk to interesting and exciting guys free, press one now. Guys, hot ladies are waiting to talk to you. Press two to connect free now.

When it comes to medicine, sometimes the old ways are the best. Health thyself.

| Posted in It Must Be Science!, Sex Sells

Scholarly journal will get you reading again

Scholarly journals aren’t typically the most fun reads out there. But there’s a new one out of Middlesex University in London that you and the rest of the internet just might like.

It’s called Porn Studies. Take a wild guess what it’s about. The good news is that it’s peer-reviewed, which means it really is scientific. And that means it’s all SFW.

| Posted in Sex Sells

It’s a tough job, but somebody has to do them

At the very least, they ask to keep their bachelorette party moonlighting gigs.
At the very least, they ask to keep their bachelorette party moonlighting gigs.

The Honolulu Police Department has one simple request: please allow them to continue having sex with prostitutes.

Not that they’re saying that they do have sex with prostitutes.

Just that if – you know, hypothetically speaking — there was a gun to their head and, given the choice between head and their head, they could choose head. Or something.

But, just to reiterate: this is duty-driven. They’re not using this to just bang hookers. Again, not that they are.

And here you thought it was bad when they used their privilege to speed or run red lights.

| Posted in It Must Be Science!, Sex Sells

Science has never felt so good

Hello, ladies. Are you still recovering from your International Women’s Day celebrations? Science has created something for you that might take the edge off.

You can now have an orgasm at the push of a button, assuming you’re fine with having surgery. Researchers have invented a device, about the size of a pack of cigarettes, that hooks up to the spinal cord and has electrodes on certain sensitive spots. When the remote control activates the device, it’s pleasure time.

Just make sure no one steals your remote control.

| Posted in It Must Be Science!, Sex Sells

I’m too se-e-e-e-exy for these horns

[You know it's a good week on SeriouslyGuys with two Right Said Fred references in as many days.]

While researchers aren't sure what a newly discovered male goat and sheep pheromone does to people, we've got a pretty good idea.
Researchers aren’t sure what a newly discovered male goat and sheep pheromone does to people. But we’ve got a pretty good idea.

We’ve all heard the reviews on Sex Panther: that it works 60 percent of the time all the time and that it smells like Bigfoot’s dick. But, you know what works 100 percent of the time all the time? Male goat pheromone.

The scent of male sheep and goats — also known as rams and … male goats — contains a pheromone called 4-ethyloctanal that, when exposed to oxygen, converts to a related compound called 4-ethyloctanoic acid. And we don’t have to tell you what happens after that. (Knowwhatwe’resayin’?)

[We've just been informed that you do not, in fact, knowwhatwe'resayin'.]

The resulting acid, when inhaled by females of their species, causes their reproductive systems to kick in, getting them all twitterpated. And if that’s not worth smelling like Bigfoot’s cable knit sweater, then we don’t know what is.

| Posted in Headline of the Day, Sex Sells

Time to upgrade our text, data plans

We salute Charles Lee Warren for both his serial killer name and for maintaining a fine naval tradition going all the way back to 1996's Down Periscope.
We salute Charles Lee Warren for both his serial killer name and for maintaining a fine naval tradition going all the way back to 1996′s Down Periscope.

The state Supreme Court in Georgia ruled Monday that, while it is a crime to mail unsolicited nude photos of yourself without a warning on the envelope, it is not illegal to do it electronically.

But, let’s not lose focus on the nitty-gritty legal details here. (Although, side note: take caution opening text messages at work from The Guys for at least a week.) The important factor here is that Charles Lee Warren is free to text pictures of his schlong tattoo for as long as he can keep it up. (Keep up his camera.)

True, the married mother of young children who received Warren’s photo either wasn’t impressed or felt threatened, hence her charges. But, aren’t the rest of us just a little curious to see it since it’s tattooed to say, “STRONG E nuf 4 A MAN BUT Made 4 A WOMAN?”

There are so many unanswered questions here. Does it go down the shaft, or around it like the inscription on the One Ring? The phrase is pretty long, but did Warren resort to Prince/Sinead O’Connor title numbers because it isn’t long enough?

In closing: penis.

| Posted in Sex Sells, What a Reach!

Throwing money at your problems

"And just to really make sure nobody sees them again, here I am in an AP shot with one of the shirts folded titties out."
“And just to really make sure nobody sees them again, here I am in an AP photo with one of the shirts folded titties out.”

When Judy Cox found indecent t-shirts at a PacSun store, she did what The Guys would do: buy them all. Except, rather than wear as many as possible and then donate the rest to children with parental locks on their Internet access, she spent over $550 to protect her town — including her 18-year-old son — from the sight of scantily dressed womens.

Now unsure what to do, she thinks she might return them on day 59 of the store’s 60 day return policy. Which means they’ll be on display again, along with the 19 shirts the store ordered to restock. That is a victory for … well, nobody. Certainly not for her son, who will now surely be connected to the story as the tender legal adult who was publicly wank-blocked by his mom while shopping with her for clothes.

To be fair, we don’t think too clearly when we see boobs on a t-shirt, either.

| Posted in Copy of the Day, It Must Be Science!, Sex Sells

People *really* love this gourd

Awwwww, yeeeeeeeah! Shaved.
Awwwww, yeeeeeeeah! Shaved.

OK, so some scientists have traced the genetic roots (ha!) of the South American bottle gourd — which people have used since before Columbus to carry and store their water — and found that it must have floated over intact from Africa.

Fascinating, but not why this story came to The Guy’s attention.

No, the reason we’re sharing this with you is to launch our new post category: Copy of the Day. (For non-journos, that’s short for copywriting, or the act of writing things you don’t care about because you’re paid to do so.)

And, folks, Los Angeles Times writer Melissa Healy can barely contain herself about bottle gourds, right in the very first sentence:

The bottle gourd, beloved since pre-Columbian times not only for its voluptuous shape but for its endless uses … [emphasis ours].

Oh my.

| Posted in It Must Be Science!, Sex Sells

Science steps up for your naughty bits

As much as we love to rub our junk on things and each other, there are way too many hazards. But, thanks to medical science, we are now two discoveries closer to limiting those hazards to bristly objects and people.

Researchers have developed a new treatment for herpes that can reduce the virus’s ability to reproduce and spread. The new drug, pritelivir, improves upon existing treatments by targeting a viral component used earlier in the reproductive cycle. (Earlier in the virus’ reproductive cycle, not yours.)

"Thanks, doc! My grip's never been stronger, and the little lady still hasn't caught on to my 'business trip' to Thailand."
“Thanks, doc! My grip’s never been stronger, and the little lady still hasn’t caught on to my ‘business trip’ to Thailand.”

And if, like Rambo, you prefer to “go it alone,” then we have good news: scientists have developed a treatment to slow down or cure blindness. Surgeons used gene therapy to restore sight to six patients suffering from choroideremia, blindness caused by a faulty gene that allows light-detecting cells at the back of the eye to gradually die. Injecting a healthy gene and some therapy could get you back to it with visual porn in no time.

Science: making a better tomorrow, one stroke at a time.