No sex in the champagne room, nor anywhere else in the building
Posted on July 21, 2008
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We live in what some might call a “hallowed age”. Technology is all around us. It’s in your camera. It’s in your phone. It’s in your portable music player. The Orwellian concept of “Big Brother is watching” isn’t so much untrue, as it’s more flipped around-we’re showing ourselves to everyone. With the dubbing of “WEB 2.0″, we’re everywhere that can see us. We’re showing our world to the world and having a blast doing so. Maybe that’s why apparent ignorance is so amusing.
A Manhattan strip club owner is “shocked”—shocked—to learn that his VIP rooms might have been used for more than just lap dances and claims (from the jail cell where he is being held on prostitution charges) that he runs one of the “cleanest” clubs in town. Oh sure, he trusts his strippers so much that he would never put cameras or anything such as that into his club, right? I mean, we can trust a lawyer that owns a strip club called “The Hot Lap Dance Club”, right?
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorIt’s like Chicken Soup for the future divorcee’s soul
Posted on July 9, 2008
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Everyone loves celebrity divorces, even the ones involving sports celebrities. Boston just got a new reason to like the current A-Rod debacle: a new player emerged in the story. Boston’s most valuable player is not a member of the Red Sox. It’s not even a he. No, on this day, Boston’s MVP is more like an MVS-Most Valuable Stripper.
A former in stripper in Boston claims that she single-handedly changed the face of baseball history—by bonking (married) New York Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez in his hotel room during the 2004 American League Championship Series, thus causing his team to collapse in a historically unprecedented fashion against their arch nemesis Boston Red Sox, allowing that city to claim its first World Series title in 86 years (which, let’s be perfectly honest about, they have not shut up about since and have totally allowed bandwagon jumpers to hop aboard). She’s like Shoeless Joe Jackson, but instead of shoes, she just takes off her bra.
“Bra-less Candy”, perhaps?
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorTry hooting next time for better service
Posted on May 23, 2008
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In recent weeks, SeriouslyGuys has taken on the concept of catcalling and how it affects the world. Apparently, so did New Zealand.
As a tourist was visiting an ATM while in the country, some local road workers began “wolf-whistling”, which is apparently the Zeke equivalent to catcalling. Angered and fed up with all the pressure of her life, not able to take any more crap that’s been thrown her way but prepared to fully take cold and ruthless justice into her own hands, the morose yet infuriated woman did the only thing that she could … and stripped. She then used the ATM, put her clothes back on and visited the local law enforcement.
She was, of course, spoken to about how that “was inappropriate in New Zealand.”
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorOffice of Boob Investigations under siege
Posted on May 20, 2008
Filed Under Rick Snee Antidisestablishmentarian Militia, Stripper News | Leave a Comment |
We’ve long been proponents of the Second Amendment on this site, whether you plan on using your arms on animals or the government itself. (Our FBI profile just went up a notch with that sentence.)
We’ve wondered when the government would overstep its boundaries and attack the very institutions we hold dear. The police of Louisville, Kentucky have arrested one of our duly-appointed Official Boob Inspectors, which is the policing body of the Department of Titillation. They’ve trumped up a charge of “impersonating an officer” and will probably hold him indefinitely.
By taking away our means and standards of evaluating breasts, the government has rendered us defenseless against imposter mammories of dubious quality. It’s only a matter of time before the Internet is full of saggy man-tits and we settle for third or even fourth inverted nipples.
This blog is not suggesting that the good citizens of Louisville demand this brave inspector’s release through rioting and violence. That would be irresponsible. We just ask that they think of the porn and how this government interference will affect all of us.
Written by Rick SneeMasterChugs Theater: ‘Zombie Strippers’
Posted on May 16, 2008
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Before you start saying anything, I know exactly what you’re thinking–I’m actually reviewing a movie called Zombie Strippers? Well, come on, with a name that evocative, who wouldn’t want to see Zombie Strippers? Wait–don’t answer that just yet. Not since Snakes on a Plane has a (mainstream) film had a title so straightforward that you know exactly what you’re going to get before you even step into the theater. Where Strippers departs from Snakes, though, is that it’s actually Grade A B-movie schlock, whereas Snakes was just pretending to be. In this respect, it actually has more in common with the Robert Rodriguez/Quentin Tarantino double-bill Grindhouse–with probably about one-tenth the budget.
With that said, this review is indeed safe for work. I promise. The movie? Totally not safe for work. Read more
Written by Chris "Chugs" Taylor‘I’d like to ass you a question’
Posted on April 30, 2008
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13 lacrosse players were suspended from Huron High School in Ann Arbor, Mich., for a … cheeky shenanigan. They wrote a prom invitation to Carolyn Campbell across their hineys, the last several asking “Yes or No?,” for Kristoff Wennersten.
In response, she chose not to make Wennersten the butt of the joke and patted his tookhas, which was marked as “yes.” (You can’t spell “Wennersten” without “wenner.”)
However, scores of other parents, who were waiting for Kristoff to ask them, felt rebuffed and complained to Huron High. An anonymous source says that one mother called the situation “sh–ty.”
Written by Rick SneeWhen in Rome, do a Roman city official
Posted on April 11, 2008
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Are you frustrated with our current political climate? Do you find yourself saying more and more that you’re moving to Canada or Australia if so and so doesn’t get elected?
Then perhaps you should consider Italy, where a porn star is using pictures of her tookhas to campaign for a seat in Rome’s city hall. (To be fair, voters will want to be sure that she’ll fit in the chair.)
Her “if-I’m-elected” promise: a red light district within, um, spitting distance of the Vatican.
If that doesn’t seal the deal for you, then maybe this will get you to the passport office:
Written by Rick Snee“D’Abbraccio, in her 40s, isn’t the first adult entertainer to dip her painted toenails into Italian politics. Ilona Staller, known as “Cicciolina”, sat in parliament in the 1980s and was famous for her impromptu stripteases.”
Finally: an FCC fine we can agree with
Posted on April 8, 2008
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Fox, by way of News Corp., is in trouble with the FCC for airing pixelated boobies on some show we’ve never seen called Married by America. This is the standard on which the FCC has based their suit:
“It ‘in context, depicts or describes sexual or excretory activities or organs in a patently offensive manner as measured by contemporary community standards for the broadcast medium.’”
Which has been applied to this:
“‘the thrusting of a male stripper’s crotch into a woman’s face; a topless stripper performing a lap dance for a groom-to-be; a topless female stripper spanking with a whip or belt the buttocks of a topless man who is on all fours; two topless female strippers apparently kissing while straddling a shirtless man; and a female stripper cupping her own bare breasts and puckering her lips.’”
The FCC is absolutely correct: this should not have been obscured with pixels! Fox, you owe us some strippers.
Finland has scandals, too
Posted on April 3, 2008
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Let’s say you’re an older man and you have a birthday party. At that birthday party they have, shall we say, women who will dance naked for you. Sounds like you had quite a party, but all parties must come to an end.
Let’s say after the party, you got said dancer’s phone number. Good for you! This must mean she wants to see you again because you are such a great guy, right? Wrong. She probably gave you her number in case you ever feel like giving her more money. One Finnish man learned that sending text messages to a stripper can get you in trouble, especially if you are the country’s foreign minister.
Written by Bryan McBournieStrip club’s sign teases prudes
Posted on January 18, 2008
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The residents of Pinellas Park are all a-twitter about the Bottoms Up strip club’s new billboard.
The sign features a lady in only a thong and a smile, but strategically laying so that all the good parts are covered. We, here at SeriouslyGuys, categorize that position the Sports Illustrated “Where’d my top go?” Tease.
The real tease is luring citizens, including the mayor and city planner, to raise a stink to the press for free publicity, while nothing can be done about the sign because it meets all of the county’s billboard and adult content laws.
How come all the major free speech debates are fought by porn? Maybe it’s because they’re the only ones with the balls.
Written by Rick Snee « go back — keep looking »