Take it from Snee: A heartfelt apology
Posted on March 10, 2010
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Look, as a comedy writer, sometimes I say and do mean things. My particular brand of comedy leans anywhere from provocative to “let’s see if my penis fits in there.” And, you know what? Sometimes I have to step back and say I’ve gone too far, especially when it concerns people’s feelings.
I know you expect Take it from Snee (to try) to be funny. You want to see goofy pictures and read cannibalism jokes. I wish I could deliver that to you, but I just don’t feel funny right now. In fact, I feel like s#&t.
So, there’s only one thing I can do this week, and that’s to man up and apologize. Otherwise, I might never be able to look myself in the mirror, much less make light of my third nipple.
Here goes: I’m sorry I gave your son autism, Jenny McCarthy. Read more
Written by Rick SneeTake it from Snee: A few more things
Posted on March 3, 2010
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As I established last “lightning round,” there are certain thoughts I have that don’t really make an entire Take it from Snee. They’re just ideas I save up from stories I read and, when the week’s particularly slow, I just ejaculate them into one gonzo post.
So, enjoy my brain ejaculations.
I promise to avoid your hair and those pants that are dry clean only. But you’re on your own for your eyes. You don’t like this? Keep ‘em shut. Read more
Written by Rick SneeTake it from Snee: MTV’s lost it
Posted on February 24, 2010
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You ever read an ex’s blog entry after a breakup?
I don’t mean the entry right after it ended where they’re sad and can only listen to Kelly Clarkson. I mean the one a few months later where they air your dirty laundry about your laziness, poor hygiene and sub-par penis size, maybe claim you tried to pick them up the other day, and that they’re so glad they dumped you. (Reality: you dumped them.)
Yeah, that’s how I read MTV Network President Van Toffler’s statement about “pushing Generation X out” of their programming considerations. Read more
Written by Rick SneeTake it from Snee: Give up church for Lent
Posted on February 17, 2010
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Let’s get this out of the way before I piss off only the Catholics: unless you’re dieting or a passive-aggressive schmuck, fasting is for losers. Almost every religion employs it at some point and tries to dismiss hunger pains and low blood pressure symptoms as holy euphoria.
But, anyone who’s bound to be offended knows why I’m talking about this today: it’s Who Gives a Rat’s Ash Wednesday. The media month for the Christian Super Bowl of Easter has opened, and adherents will give up things they love for Lent.
Some people give up booze, others smoking. Some women give up chocolate. In short, everyone gets a little bitchier, which simulates how angsty the Pharisees were to drive Jesus into the ground about this time. (Too soon?) Read more
Written by Rick SneeTake it from Snee: ‘No homo’
Posted on February 10, 2010
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I love how the hip-hop community was worried that all their battle songs sound gay. Not derogatory gay, but really, really gay. Like “touched if my friends call their wedding a ‘commitment ceremony’” gay.
I can imagine the setting when they came up with “no homo.” DJ Fistmaster is taking a break from a hot and heavy lyrics session, wondering if he came a little too strong onto Dirty Lil’ $anchez when he metaphorically said he would “nut in his eye/ ‘cause he’s a pretty little guy.” Read more
Written by Rick SneeTake it from Snee: We, the world, say enough
Posted on February 3, 2010
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Most of the Guys may be a little young to remember 1985-1986, the year when you couldn’t escape “We Are the World.” Well, I had to participate in several performances of it all the way up to 1989. (Some music experts credit elementary schools’ adoration of the song as the progenitor of “Kidz Bop.” Think about that.)
Well, the ghosts of Michael Jackson and Lionel Ritchie are at it again.
Dozens of “singers”–nearly twice the number of the 1985 recording–have been invited to remake the song, with a few modified lyrics, for Haitian earthquake relief.
You’re probably wondering why I think this charitable work is a bad idea (other than that I’m horrible person who hates everything). I’m glad you kind of asked: Read more
Written by Rick SneeTake it from Snee: The Rainbow Fridge
Posted on January 27, 2010
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As a Facebook user, I see what I would normally consider bright and rational people reveal just how close we all are to succumbing to pyramid schemes and cults.
Instead of convincing our friends to buy and sell Amway products, we sell them out to marketing companies through Mafia and Farmville games. When that doesn’t work, we take quizzes and publish the results so we can all form our own Hogwarts band consisting of three Harrys, two Rons and one gender-confused Professor McGonagall.
But, there’s a sneakier, insidious cult forming on Facebook and the Internet at large: dead pet mission work. Read more
Written by Rick SneeAsk Dr. Snee: Every placebo you want it to be
Posted on January 20, 2010
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Dear Dr. Snee,
What is a placebo? Is that what mother dogs eat when they have puppies?
–Johnny Laster, age 8
A mother dog eats the placenta, which is part of the sac that fetuses live inside of while in their mother’s stomach.
But that’s not just dogs: all mammals have them, including humans. I talked to your mom (in bed) and she told me that she intentionally ate Indian food the entire week you were due, just so your placenta would taste like curry.
A placebo, on the other hand, is a tricky medical term. Read more
Written by Rick SneeTake it from Snee: Try not giving a s#%t
Posted on January 13, 2010
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The past couple of weeks, I’ve examined the news, looking for topics for this column. There are certain subjects I’ve bypassed, not because I haven’t heard about them or couldn’t think of any quips, but the stories themselves were obvious bait.
I will argue (long after my identity is stolen, my friends’ profiles have devolved into mafia dens and virtual pastures and PayPal wipes out the human race to collect our debts) that the Internet is the greatest thing to happen to communication since the printing press. However, there is a seedier element that has spread from the online community into the established news media: trolling.
“Trolling,” for those of you who are just now joining Facebook, is the act of posting an intentionally inflammatory post in order to elicit a purely negative response. This is different from satire or parody because, when successful, the reader “sees what you did there.”
The latest top news items are trolling. Well, except Haiti …. Unless you’re Pat Robertson, but he’s God’s troll.
Written by Rick SneeI fully realize that, by discussing these stories below, I’m officially not not writing about them. Just bear with me; there will be a point at the end.
Was Rick Snee right again?
Posted on January 11, 2010
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Last Wednesday, SeriouslyGuys.com columnist Rick Snee gave it to you about the pronunciation of “2010″ (again). And while he routinely projects volleys of predictions in these pieces, hoping one of them may stick, it appears he’s on the cusp of being right.
On the topic of future wars in the “Twenty-Ten” chain of events, he said the following:
“But, the Future War could be with anyone or anything. Imagine fighting aliens! Or time travellers! Or maybe even Communazis! Could the British want revenge for losing Samoa in 1900?! We can only hope!“
Not one week later, the Yemeni government said that Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, the Nigerian charged with attempted unChristmaslike crotch behavior on a plane bound for Detroit, was “radicalised and recruited by al-Qaeda while a student in London.”
London. As in London, England. That’s where British people come from.
It appears that the U.K. is harboring terrorists. Sounds like invadin’ time to us!
Written by Rick Snee keep looking »