Although we live in one of the safest countries in the world, Americans are obsessed with the idea of injecting lead into the ones they love (even though nothing’s really made with lead anymore). We crave convenience and the ability to own dangerous objects, even though they are more likely to kill our children, pets and elderly than a home intruder.
I am, of course, talking about cars.
Despite dozens of news articles every summer (often about the same three cases), America’s infatuation with the automobile leads otherwise reasonable people to leave their friends and loved ones in the car with the safety locked, often while holding up a liquor store for “just a few minutes.” Continue reading →
In a 5-4 decision last week, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that “closely-held” for-profit businesses, like Hobby Lobby, don’t have to comply with a part of the Affordable Care Act that requires employers to provide complete medical coverage. Instead, they can select plans that don’t cover certain forms of birth control that their owners believe equal abortion and force the government or insurance companies to pay for it the way that church-run nonprofits can.
And I, for one, am glad that we finally have five supreme justices who understand that, really, there is no difference between, say, the Green family, who owns of Hobby Lobby, and, oh, the Archdiocese of New York.
Because, while some Panicky Penelopes may worry about the decision opening the door to businesses discriminating against those of different faiths or backgrounds, what this really means is that American has finally taken the ultimate step to outright worshiping our only true god: money. Continue reading →
If there was one surprise about the first 15 years of the year 2000, it’s been that science is now more politicized in general than it was during the Scopes Monkey Trial of 1925. Which is really surprising when we can finally agree that cigarettes do cause cancer and that tobacco companies and their handful of hired scientists lied to us while the vast consensus of the scientific community agreed that inhaling fire is super bad for you.
However, now there’s an entire political party dedicated to pushing back against science when it comes to climate, human reproduction and the exact age of the Earth. And for their efforts to undermine the scientific progress of the 20th Century, we have rightfully named the Republican Party the “stupid party.” And the worst part is that they’ve taken these positions based on donations from energy companies and megachurches.
But, aren’t pastors and oil and coal magnates considered experts in their respective fields? How is an elected official supposed to know that guys selling purity rings maybe don’t have a sound medical understanding of what the birth control pill does? Or that, when your only tool is a coal-fired pneumatic hammer, then all your problems are solar-resistant nails?
Maybe it’s because, for the myriad of ways that science has shaped and defined the 21st century, we don’t really understand any of it. Oh, sure, we talk a big game based on our high school biology class and the occasional Wikipedia timesink, but can we really blame Republicans being the only ones who fall for faulty — and sometimes fraudulent — pseudoscience?
After all, you can hear both conservatives and liberals (but mostly liberals) complain about the following … Continue reading →
I write on the Internet, so it’s pretty obvious that I am a geek, and that status conveys interest in other geeky topics, like comics, science fiction and wanting Neil deGrasse Tyson to be my friend. (I understand that best friends aren’t made overnight.)
But, one of my other geeky pastimes is pretending to hold a professional license in medicine or law to argue online, especially when it applies to more traditional geek topics like why Wolverine’s forearms and hands are illegal everywhere switchblades are banned.
That’s why I’m more than excited (aroused, really) for the newly announced title for what was previously known as “Batman vs. Superman” (boooooooor-iiiiiiiiiiing!): Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice. Continue reading →
The Guys aren’t just resolved to fight the War on Animals; we relish it. To us, there’s nothing more exciting than punching a panda, whalloping a walrus or choking a chicken in the name of humanity.
That’s what makes it OK: that we’re humanity, and they ain’t.
But, at lest one nonprofit group, the Nonhuman Rights Project threatens that. They’ve filed several lawsuits that, if they win, would force courts to recognize chimpanzees as “cognitively complex autonomous legal person[s] with the fundamental legal right not to be imprisoned.” Or, in simpler terms, they think they’re people.
But, while The Guys are worried about what this means for the War on Animals (for instance, no more waterboarding waterfowl), I personally am concerned for a different reason altogether: if we start to treat animals like people, then we will be forced to treat all people like people, including … Continue reading →
Dieting is not an uncommon topic for this column, mostly because (a) there’s so much bad information masquerading as well-meaning science, and (b) I’m a vain little queen who’s obsessed with my own body image.
So, I figured I’d share the entire process of dieting with you so that we can all eat a little better and look better, too.
So, Jenny McCarthy made a public statement about vaccines and autism again, most likely because of recent news about the mumps, measles and whooping-cough making huge comebacks based directly on views she and the rest of the Indigo Mothers Brigade foisted on the world.
Of course, McCarthy is denying ever saying that parents should not vaccinate their children (even though countless sources demonstrate that, yes, she most certainly did).
She also managed to repeat other dangerous advice in her “didn’t say not to vaccinate” letter like waiting to get certain vaccinations … while sitting in a waiting room with kids who have also not been vaccinated.
As a fake Internet doctor (a practicing internetalist), this matter concerns me gravely. But not because of Jenny McCarthy’s blithering celebrity supermom idiocy. I’m concerned that plastic surgery isn’t working anymore.
Thanks to our current anti-scientific environment, we no longer trust the scientific method. First, we demanded that creationism be treated like a tested, mathematical theory like evolution or gravity. Then, we pointed to coincidences like doctors noticing that children displayed symptoms of autism around the same age they receive vaccinations as proof that, ergo, vaccines cause autism.
And now we’ve allowed unscientific rubes to muzzle our most important research in the War on Animals: killing whales and making the rest do backflips. Continue reading →
Three out of four of The Guys recently spent the weekend preparing Bryan McBournie’s fiancé for marriage.
(Side note: women don’t actually shower each other. Or at least don’t “soap up the girls” at Jack-and-Jills.)
(Also, it’s “Jack,” the proper noun; not “jack,” the verb.)
What happened was one of the few sanctioned all day drinking events outside the walls of an accredited four-year university. And I realized that, overall, you can easily tell the time during any bacchanal based on conversation. I won’t share the exact formula as it’s proprietary (that’s Greek for “made up”), but I can assure you that it is as scientific as it is fictional and, based on averages, factors in those who drank more sangria than Tecate. Continue reading →