Category: Take it from Snee

| Filed under Alabama is Trying to Kill Me, Big Man of the Day

Physician, serve thyself

stutts
In fairness, though, it’s tough being a competent, caring gynecologist when you look and act like such a dick.

In Alabama, all professions are somehow political — and, therefore, religious — even medicine. During and shortly after the passage of the Affordable Care Act, I passed the time spent waiting in a dermatologist’s office by reading the marked Bible passages that he believe invalidated Obamacare.

So, it’s not too surprising that, not only did a doctor trade the Hippocratic Oath for the Hypocrite’s and run for the State Senate, Sen. Larry Stutt is now trying to repeal a law named for a patient whose post-pregnancy death he was sued over. The law requires insurers to cover post-pregnancy hospital stays after his patient, Rose Church, died of a heart attack 10 days after giving birth.

Stutt’s bill, Senate Bill 289, “would also also end a requirement that doctors inform women when finding dense breast tissue, which is associated with an increased risk of breast cancer, during a mammogram.” So, it might be that Dr. Sen. Stutt merely hates all women and not just the one that he settled out of court over. After all, what do they know, whether it concerns the health of their breasts or how they feel post-pregnancy?

| Filed under Take it from Snee

Take it from Snee: Be yourself

“Be yourself.” It’s a cliché, sure. But, with the ability to recreate ourselves (terribly) on the Internet, it’s important to remember that being yourself isn’t the best because we’re naturally the best. It’s the best because, dude, that’s the best you’re ever going to do.

Turns out that hockey pads really are sh*t for crimefighting.
Turns out that hockey pads really are sh*t for crime fighting.

For instance, I could aspire to be better. I could be Batman … until I wake back up in the ICU with severe head trauma from 10 years of martial arts training, frostbite and bullet wounds.

Lesson learned: Even if being me does not improve life for anyone or anything on Earth, I will be myself because trying to be Batman hurts and trying to be Stephen Hawking gets you rebuked by the American Association of People with Disabilities.

Now, if only the following people/companies would learn the same lesson …  Continue reading

| Filed under Ask Dr. Snee

Ask Dr. Snee: As manly as you choose to be

... Or you could put on a surgical mask to avoid my sexy musk. Your loss.
… Or you could put on a surgical mask to avoid my sexy musk. Your loss.

Oh, hello there, medical readers. You’ll have to excuse my smell. I’ve just been maxing out on bench. Yep, putting a lot of weight up.

It probably just reeks of masculinity in here. As a doctor,* I’d advise you to leave. You know, unless you’re into that sort of thing.

So, let’s get to your letters, and then I’m off to the showers. Continue reading

| Filed under Take it from Snee

Take it from Snee: Self-mummification beats self-immolation

It'd be really fun if this was one of those little 6" tall statues you can buy in head shops.
It’d be really fun if this was one of those little 6 inch tall statues you can buy in head shops.

Despite what that guy who stocks the bulk barrels at Whole Foods tells you, Buddhism is freakin’ brutal. From Kung Fu to self-immolation to protest war, Buddhist monks have been on a thousand year, testicle-abusing mission to prove that they are not David Carradine. And now we have a new bar to rate their metalness: self-mummification just so that the other monks have something to worship.

The Internet’s sudden infatuation with a mummy found inside of a Buddha statue allll the way back in 1996 (so pre-Hamster Dance) has raised awareness of self-mummification, a now illegal process in which Buddhist monks crash diet until crunchy.

And it makes sense why we’d be interested. The Buddha Statue Mummy intersects the Internet’s interests in morbid curiosity and a weight loss program that actually works.  Continue reading

| Filed under Take it from Snee

Take it from Snee: Lent harder

Lent is back, or the 40 days when we commemorate Jesus' trip through Bat Country with Satan.
Lent is back, or the 40 days when we commemorate Jesus’ trip through Bat Country with Satan.

Back in 2012, I did both the religious and secular world a solid by making Lent suggestions to mutually-affective nuisances like George Lucas, the Westboro Baptist Church and Rick Santorum. And, since they’re barely bothering us in 2015, I think it worked. You’re welcome, America.

So, now that God’s making us put in the work into this relationship following Valentine’s Day, here are some more current suggestions for Lent.  Continue reading

| Filed under Take it from Snee

Take it from Snee: Best Korea beats America

From the makers of that Tae Kwon Do class you took in the seventh grade ...
From the makers of that Tae Kwon Do class you took in the seventh grade …

I’ve made it clear that, while I hate going anywhere that doesn’t have a liquor licence, the worst place without a liquor licence is any movie theater. And for a close second, movie theaters with liquor licences because, if I’m going to pay $30 to see a movie two weeks before it’s on Amazon, all the drunk-asses inside need to shut the hell up so I can hear it.

That said, with Christmas around the corner, I know I’ll have to go see a movie just to get out of the house, even if it means looking at badly computer-animated hobbits or penguins. I was just sort of hoping that movie would be The Interview.

But, no. After hacks and death threats by hackers who totally aren’t North Koreans, enough movie theater chains pulled out of showing it that Sony delayed its Christmas release. Which means they delayed my Christmas release, so between this and Amazing Spider-Man 2, Sony has a lot to answer for this year in my book.

Granted, I didn’t really care about the latest Franco-Rogen romp. Not until North Korea took it away from me. And worst of all, they proved just how easy it is to maneuver Americans to stifle free speech for the first time outside of their own borders.

So, there are a few ideas we either need to get used to or fix immediately because we, as a nation, are no longer the ripped superpower that we used to see in the bathroom mirror every morning.  Continue reading

| Filed under Movember, Take it from Snee

Take it from Snee: Why you should donate to Movember

Hey, sexy donors.
Hey, sexy donors. Hey.

A couple of weeks ago, I explained why you should sign up and grow a mustache for Movember. Several of you answered the call, and now our team, The Proposers, has raised $786 towards our goal of $3000.

If we don’t reach $3000, that’s fine. I’m grateful just to raise anything, whether it’s a dollar or just some awareness. But, I’d hate for you to miss an opportunity to participate in an event that makes a difference for a lot of men and their families.

So, since I’m growing a mustache and because I was raised Catholic (see #2 below), here’s why — if you’re considering donating to Movember — you should donate to Movember.  Continue reading

| Filed under Movember, Take it from Snee

Take it from Snee: Sir, step away from the snake

Also: PETA says they'd rather go naked than wear fur, and I say that using models that I want to skin and wear in my next driver's licence photo is also a mixed message.
Also: PETA says they’d rather go naked than wear fur, and I say that using models that I want to skin and wear in my next driver’s licence photo is also a mixed message.

Guys, I’m about to write something weird. I want you to know that this is, in fact, Rick Snee, and I have written the next statement with a clear mind and of my own free will.

PETA is right about something.

I know. It’s completely out of character for me to ever agree with them. We disagree at even the most basic level. For instance, PETA says it’s wrong to eat meat, and I say they have “pet” and “eat” in their names, so that’s a mixed message.

But, all it took was an upcoming “documentary” from the Discovery Channel called Eaten Alive to bring us together. PETA says it’s wrong, and I actually agree. Continue reading

| Filed under Ask Dr. Snee, Movember

Ask Dr. Snee: Cold, flu and Ebola season

Before you leave, I need a new iPad. This one is covered in illegible doctor's handwriting.
Before you leave, I need a new iPad. This one is covered in illegible doctor’s handwriting.

Hello, reader. According to these notes from the nurse who just examined you, “Dr. Snee is a horse’s ass who never reads charts and just gives everyone antibiotics.”

Ahem.

Well, it looks like I’m a horse’s ass who can read, thank you Nurse Lattimer, and I’m prescribing you about six months’ worth of penicillin for what’s about to be a chronic case of Unemployment in This Job Market. (You can find that in the Big Doctor’s First Medical Picture Book under “E. tadick.”)

Looks like the waiting room is backing up, so let’s get to the mail bag. Continue reading

| Filed under Movember, Take it from Snee

Take it from Snee: Only 10 days until Movember

If you're willing to find out and have a good cause to blame, go to The Proposers Movember page to sign up today.
If you’re willing to find out and have a good cause to blame, go to The Proposers Movember page to sign up today.

Right now, your mind is on Halloween — as it should be. And I’d hate to interrupt you while you consider whether banging a sexy crayon is just doing it with a giant, red, waxy dick, but I need you to think about the morning after for a second.

No, not about whether you’ll still respect yourself and Party City for giving you a whole new fetish and therapy issues. I want you to think about whether you’re willing to grow a mustache — and only a mustache — for charity.

In 10 days, my Movember team, The Proposers, starts our 2014 campaign to raise money for men’s health organizations, including Livestrong, the Prostate Cancer Foundation and the International Consortium for Health Outcomes Measurement (ICHOM). This money pays for men’s health awareness and education campaigns, live-saving research and treatment and support for affected men and their families.

In 2013, we raised over $2000 in donations. We’re looking to raise even more this year with your help.

But, you don’t have to decide just yet. Let me explain what exactly it is we’re doing and why.  Continue reading