Take it from Snee: I’ll miss you, Huntsville
Posted on May 2, 2012
Filed Under Alabama is Trying to Kill Me, Take it from Snee | Leave a Comment |
Well, this is officially my last Take it from Snee as a Huntsville, Alabama resident. On Friday, I return to Northern Virginia, from whence I came, with a new job.
I’ve ragged a lot on Huntsville my years here, from her lack of a decent rock radio station to her jarringly loud tornado sirens (the latter proving to be entirely necessary). And let’s not forget her attempts to make me fat or give me STDs with her drive-through sex toy shops. But, that doesn’t mean I haven’t loved her and the people here. Believe you me, once I’m back in NoVa, you’ll hear plenty about that region that just thinks it’s DC.
No, I do not come to bury Huntsville, but to give it to her one last time. Lovingly. Read more
Written by Rick SneeTake it from Snee: Explaining U.S. branches of government to foreigners, children (Part 3)
Posted on April 18, 2012
Filed Under Scurry '12, Take it from Snee | 1 Comment |
Greetings, non-citizens and/or future voters! As you may recall, I recently explained to (at, whatever) foreigners and children how the United States’ political parties work. Since that was a rousing success – mostly because neither of you have command of my language to voice your objections – I’ve been tapped to now explain the three branches of our government.
The three branches are the executive, legislative and judicial branches. These were delineated all the way back in 1789, when a group of self-selected landowners (mostly lawyers) met to secretly and kind of/sort of illegally overhaul our existing government as outlined in the Articles of Confederation. This was the now legal framing of our famed Constitution. Maybe you’ve seen it in your tour through Ron Paul’s breast pocket?
To reflect this spirit of open contempt towards our law of the land, they intentionally set up a lawyer-driven three-way deathmatch between three equal branches. This cage fight is called “checks and balances,” which was based on the use of elbows and fleet footwork in Senate-floor cane brawls.
Because of the amount of information involved, and because every element of our government is ripe for jokes, I’ve divided this into a three part series. Previous installments covered the executive and legislative branches. This week, we wrap the whole shebang up with the judicial branch. Read more
Written by Rick SneeTake it from Snee: Explaining U.S. branches of government to foreigners, children (Part 2)
Posted on April 11, 2012
Filed Under Scurry '12, Take it from Snee | 1 Comment |
Greetings, non-citizens and/or future voters! As you may recall, I recently explained to (at, whatever) foreigners and children how the United States’ political parties work. Since that was a rousing success – mostly because neither of you have command of my language to voice your objections – I’ve been tapped to now explain the three branches of our government.
The three branches are the executive, legislative and judicial branches. These were delineated all the way back in 1789, when a group of self-selected landowners (mostly lawyers) met to secretly and kind of/sort of illegally overhaul our existing government as outlined in the Articles of Confederation. This was the now legal framing of our famed Constitution. Maybe you’ve seen it in your tour through Ron Paul’s breast pocket?
To reflect this spirit of open contempt towards our law of the land, they intentionally set up a lawyer-driven three-way deathmatch between three equal branches. This cage fight is called “checks and balances,” which was based on the use of elbows and fleet footwork in Senate-floor cane brawls.
Because of the amount of information involved, and because every element of our government is ripe for jokes, I’ve divided this into a three part series. Last week, I explained the executive branch. This week, it’s the legislative branch. Read more
Written by Rick SneeTake it from Snee: Explaining U.S. branches of government to foreigners, children (Part 1)
Posted on April 4, 2012
Filed Under Take it from Snee | 3 Comments |
Greetings, non-citizens and/or future voters! As you may recall, I recently explained to (at, whatever) foreigners and children how the United States’ political parties work. Since that was a rousing success – mostly because neither of you have command of my language to voice your objections – I’ve been tapped to now explain the three branches of our government.
The three branches are the executive, legislative and judicial branches. These were delineated all the way back in 1789, when a group of self-selected landowners (mostly lawyers) met to secretly and kind of/sort of illegally overhaul our existing government as outlined in the Articles of Confederation. This was the now legal framing of our famed Constitution. Perhaps you’ve seen it on your tour of Ron Paul’s breast pocket?
To reflect this spirit of open contempt towards our law of the land, they intentionally set up a lawyer-driven three-way deathmatch between three equal branches. This cage fight is called “checks and balances,” which was based on the use of elbows and fleet footwork in Senate-floor cane brawls.
Because of the amount of information involved, and because every element of our government is ripe for jokes, I’ve divided this into a three part series. This week, it’s the executive branch. Read more
Written by Rick SneeTake it from Snee: Playing god on a budget
Posted on March 28, 2012
Filed Under Take it from Snee | 1 Comment |
While some of us may have been born into wealth and power, and even fewer of us may claw our way up the ladder to it, the rest of us have to get by with what little material success we’ve scraped together. So, how does one feel better about their station? By applying their arbitrary rules to some self-made underling, usually children.
But, children are expensive. They eat, they break things and they refuse to get a job to pay for either. And of those who do work? Even renting children as actors costs millions of dollars once they get their SAG card.
That’s why I’ve come up with this list of non-children to homeschool into your own slightly-less-than-divine image. Read more
Written by Rick SneeAsk Dr. Snee: Spring is all up in us
Posted on March 21, 2012
Filed Under Ask Dr. Snee, Take it from Snee | 1 Comment |
Hello, Internet patients.
It’s been a while since I’ve answered your letters, but that’s because I’ve been furiously working out for bikini season. As we say in the medical community, you get more fly with honey smeared on washboard abs than on body hair and love handles.
But, even though it’s also vasectomy season, I’m taking a timeout from my brackets to answer your letters … Read more
Written by Rick SneeTake it from Snee: Explaining U.S. political parties to foreigners, children
Posted on March 14, 2012
Filed Under Scurry '12, Take it from Snee | 2 Comments |
Longtime readers may recall that for three glorious days back in 2008, I was a legal subject of Her Royal Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II (long may she reign so that Camilla may not). Bermuda was a welcome vacation from the U.S. because it was an election year, but alas, the natives knew all about it and would ask tourists who we’re going to vote for.
What was most striking was that, although they knew the names, they still didn’t quite grasp the subtleties or history behind the American political parties or why one American would support one over another.
It is in the spirit of not knowing what a Tory or Socialist is that I’ve assembled this handy guide to the great and small political parties of these United States for foreigners and children. (For best use, please print this out onto a 4 x 11-inch note card, and keep it in your wallet with a magnifying glass.) Read more
Written by Rick SneeTake it from Snee: Movie pet peeves
Posted on March 7, 2012
Filed Under Take it from Snee | 1 Comment |
Between the podcast I do and the reviews I write on my own site, I watch a lot of movies. Like any fan of cinema, there are films I love, films I hate and the vast majority fall somewhere between those extremes.
But, no matter how good or bad a movie may be, there are certain elements that I dread popping up. Imagine you’re invested in the story on screen, sitting on the edge of your seat, wondering how the plot is going to turn next, when suddenly — BAM! — you’re ripped out of, say, Middle Earth by some cliché you’ve seen in a million other movies. Frodo turns back into that kid from North touring New Zealand with Rudy.
This article is a plea to the sound editors, stunt coordinators and screenwriters of the world. These might be cool inside jokes to your friends in the industry, but they’re sucking the life out of your films. Read more
Written by Rick SneeTake it from Snee: Lent Edition
Posted on February 29, 2012
Filed Under Take it from Snee | 1 Comment |
If you’re of the Catholic persuasion, then you know that we are one week deep into Lent.
For everyone else: every year, shortly after Valentine’s Day, the Almighty decides that he’s tired of putting in all the work into this relationship — including that freaky four-way with his son and a ghost we asked for. After Mardis Gras, God sobers up and turns into the princess from A Knight’s Tale and asks us to prove our love by giving up something we love for 40 days.
I, for instance, gave up the slide whistle this year, which means 40 days of stern erections: a price my wife will just have to pay. In prior years, I’ve given up monologuing in the shower, checking my tissues for productive noseblowings and Chalupas because
- It has to be something difficult to live without. (I ate nothing but Gorditos in 1998 to keep to my non-Chalupa agreement.)
- It can’t be a repeat.
But, you don’t have to be Catholic to participate. In fact, Muslims have their own version, Ramadan, while Evangelical Protestants swear off of gay sex for their entire lives — which often leads to failure for extending it beyond the Lent season.
It is in this Christian spirit that I’ve prescribed some Lent suggestions to others. Who knows? Maybe it will change their lives permanently for the better. Read more
Written by Rick SneeTake it from Snee: Women are still mysterious
Posted on February 22, 2012
Filed Under Take it from Snee | 1 Comment |
A little over a month ago, I began investigating the enigmas that are women — these eniginas, if you will — after learning that Stephen Hawking is wasting valuable research time thinking about them. (Get back to your black holes, sir. You study cosmology, not Cosmo.)
Well, it looks like my investigation has attracted the notice of Republican state and federal legislators, who — like Professor Hawking — often have a problem with wasting time on this issue. I’ll admit that my sources are lacking when it comes to the pull of congressional committees as I don’t have the power to summon religious leaders to answer my questions.
Is this how mysterious women have become, that when science fails, we must turn to our culturally relevant mythologies (not this year, Zeus) to finally figure out what makes ladies tick? The answer is, yes, short of asking women, this is the only way to solve the further mysteries of women. Mysteries like … Read more
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