Category: Take it from Snee

| Posted in Ask Dr. Snee, Take it from Snee

Take it from Dr. Snee: Why Jenny McCarthy matters

This is what Nancy Grace sees in her mirror every morning ... unless we suddenly devalue plastic surgery and over-inflated self-worth.
This is what Nancy Grace sees in her mirror every morning … unless we suddenly devalue plastic surgery and scientific illiteracy.

So, Jenny McCarthy made a public statement about vaccines and autism again, most likely because of recent news about the mumps, measles and whooping-cough making huge comebacks based directly on views she and the rest of the Indigo Mothers Brigade foisted on the world.

Of course, McCarthy is denying ever saying that parents should not vaccinate their children (even though countless sources demonstrate that, yes, she most certainly did).

She also managed to repeat other dangerous advice in her “didn’t say not to vaccinate” letter like waiting to get certain vaccinations … while sitting in a waiting room with kids who have also not been vaccinated.

As a fake Internet doctor (a practicing internetalist), this matter concerns me gravely. But not because of Jenny McCarthy’s blithering celebrity supermom idiocy. I’m concerned that plastic surgery isn’t working anymore.

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| Posted in Take it from Snee, War on Animals

Take it from Snee: Save the important whale research!

Thanks to our current anti-scientific environment, we no longer trust the scientific method. First, we demanded that creationism be treated like a tested, mathematical theory like evolution or gravity. Then, we pointed to coincidences like doctors noticing that children displayed symptoms of autism around the same age they receive vaccinations as proof that, ergo, vaccines cause autism.

Even though it’s also around the same age they’re potty trained, yet we don’t blame toilet paper quilting practices for autism.

And now we’ve allowed unscientific rubes to muzzle our most important research in the War on Animals: killing whales and making the rest do backflips.  Continue reading

| Posted in Take it from Snee

Take it from Snee: Telling drunk time by conversation

We did, however, run out of toilet paper before the day after run on the bathrooms.
We did, however, run out of toilet paper before the day-after run on the bathrooms.

Three out of four of The Guys recently spent the weekend preparing Bryan McBournie’s fiancé for marriage.

(Side note: women don’t actually shower each other. Or at least don’t “soap up the girls” at Jack-and-Jills.)

(Also, it’s “Jack,” the proper noun; not “jack,” the verb.)

(Parentheticals.)

What happened was one of the few sanctioned all day drinking events outside the walls of an accredited four-year university. And I realized that, overall, you can easily tell the time during any bacchanal based on conversation. I won’t share the exact formula as it’s proprietary (that’s Greek for “made up”), but I can assure you that it is as scientific as it is fictional and, based on averages, factors in those who drank more sangria than Tecate.  Continue reading

| Posted in Take it from Snee, War on Animals

Take it from Snee: Europe repeats its worst history

Oh, great. They've already started training.
Oh, great. They’ve already started training.

Normally, I would use this space to explain how you’re using the Internet wrong or convince you to watch more Star Trek. But, I’m ceding my weekly space to warn everyone I care about (you, the readers that I certainly don’t multiply by thousands whenever I brag about a post “going viral”) about a grave threat to our national security.

A foe from our past has picked up their old habits and started behaving irresponsibly in Europe. I mean, of course, the Germans and their insatiable polar bear infatuation.

This is a special SeriouslyGuys War on Animals report on A Pair of Knuts: Germany’s polar bear breeding program run amokContinue reading

| Posted in Take it from Snee

Take it from Snee: Warm weather workouts

Not counting pale overweight white guys who run outside in shorts year round.
Not counting pale overweight white guys who run outside in shorts year round.

Temperatures dipped above 32 degrees (that’s Fahrenheit to our Unamerican readers) in the DC/Northern Virginia region, which meant white people, including yours truly, out in shorts.

After the holidays and what turned out to be a longer winter than expected, our newly exposed thighs made two things readily apparent: we are all

  1. very pale and
  2. out of shape

Coupled with the with the next logical realization — that it will soon be summer and your bathing suit might doesn’t fit anymore — and we’ve entered the season of Re-Resolutioning. (Resolved this time for real.)

Those two weeks at the gym in January were only the preamble to the new fit you. Besides, who wants to work out inside, right? We belong outside like our ripped, primitive forebears!

So, you may be suddenly tempted to do one of the following:  Continue reading

| Posted in Ask Dr. Snee

Take it from Dr. Snee: Trending medicine

Look at me: so jaded by the medical writing in news outlets that I'm smoking. Smoking like a French oncologist.
Look at me: so jaded by the medical writing in the news that I’m smoking. Smoking like a French oncologist.

Welcome, hopefully insured readers to another edition of Ask Dr. Snee. (If you’re not insured, don’t worry. I overcharge the insured readers to cover deadbeats like yourself.)

Normally, I’d hand you off to a nurse practitioner while I complain about Obamacare at the country club or ski resort. But, thanks to the waning standards of health reporting in major news outlets, it behooves me to dispel some bits of hokum being transmitted across social media. (I miss the old days when medical con artists had to pay for ad space in the New York Times, not simply caption their bullsh*t over a picture of a cat in reading glasses on Facebook.)

So, let’s take an exploratory look at the trending health scares.  Continue reading

| Posted in Take it from Snee

Take it from Snee: Better late on Netflix than never

It was me, Fredo. I broke your heart.
It was me, Fredo. I broke your heart.

We like to blame networks for not showing us more of the shows we love, like Firefly, Arrested Development and The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien. But — show of hands and, yes, I can see you — how many of us watched these shows when they originally aired? And now, how many saw them for the first time on box sets or Netflix just to shut up our TV activist friends? (You know: the ones that probably foisted “loaned” the discs on you in the first place and kept asking if you’d watched them yet even though they’ll probably never watch Angel again.)

That’s what I thought.

Fortunately, it looks like Netflix is in the business of delivering on bringing back certain shows based on their popularity and relative non-deadness of their casts.

So, sorry I contributed to The Tick getting cancelled. But, after finally watching the following shows, I get it now. Let’s make it up to all those network television-watchers by watching the sh*t out of them.  Continue reading

| Posted in Take it from Snee

Take it from Snee: Understanding God in 2014

"Why do you keep asking me questions about The Matrix? You know I'm not Lawrence Fishburne, right?"
“Why do you keep asking me questions about The Matrix? You know I’m not Lawrence Fishburne, right?”

The Almighty is a complicated figure. He has more names than Sean Combs, yet hasn’t given an interview since the Exodus. And none of this has damaged his brand: three world religions still claim him as their God, and he remains the number one person most discerning homeless people argue with.

How do we try to understand the intentionally un-understandable in our modern age? The same way previous humans did with the Bible and fan fiction like Paradise Lost: by examining our own contemporaneous beliefs about him and then translating those into “things we know.”

So, based on a quick scan of the headlines today, here’s what we know about the notorious G-O-D.  Continue reading

| Posted in Take it from Snee

Take it from Snee: The need to say … something

"A woman somewhere lost weight!? Stop fat-shaming me!"
“A woman somewhere lost weight!? Stop fat-shaming me!”

About a month ago, I explored the outrageous idea of maybe not getting so outraged in 2014. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I don’t think I could handle another 2013. My blood pressure was so high that I was sporting a non-pleated permarection. All year.

And, for the most part, we were doing OK. But this week … oh lord, this week.

But when I took a closer look at this week’s key dividing moments online, I realized something: nobody’s actually arguing with anybody.

Let’s take a closer look at what made us post in a huff this week …  Continue reading

| Posted in Take it from Snee

Take it from Snee: D.C. snow facts

The Washington Monument in snow? Or a congressperson lying on a his back and Instagraming a selfie? You decide.
The Washington Monument in snow? Or a senator lying on a his back and Instagraming a selfie? You decide.

The D.C. metro area is covered in about an inch of snow. This means that, while every single business that relies on customers walking or driving to their location is open, the majority of the population is off from work because they work for the government or at one of our many shuttered schools (OK, so also government).

Of course, Northern Virginia wasn’t the only place to get snow this week. But, as the southernmost tip of the mid-Atlantic, we get at least an inch every year and yet treat it like the world has ended.

So, since nothing else is getting done around here, here’s some facts about snow in our nation’s capitol … ‘s commuter neighborhoods that aren’t in Maryland.

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