“Be yourself.” It’s a cliché, sure. But, with the ability to recreate ourselves (terribly) on the Internet, it’s important to remember that being yourself isn’t the best because we’re naturally the best. It’s the best because, dude, that’s the best you’re ever going to do.
For instance, I could aspire to be better. I could be Batman … until I wake back up in the ICU with severe head trauma from 10 years of martial arts training, frostbite and bullet wounds.
Lesson learned: Even if being me does not improve life for anyone or anything on Earth, I will be myself because trying to be Batman hurts and trying to be Stephen Hawking gets you rebuked by the American Association of People with Disabilities.
Now, if only the following people/companies would learn the same lesson … Continue reading →
The Internet’s sudden infatuation with a mummy found inside of a Buddha statue allll the way back in 1996 (so pre-Hamster Dance) has raised awareness of self-mummification, a now illegal process in which Buddhist monks crash diet until crunchy.
And it makes sense why we’d be interested. The Buddha Statue Mummy intersects the Internet’s interests in morbid curiosity and a weight loss program that actually works. Continue reading →
Back in 2012, I did both the religious and secular world a solid by making Lent suggestions to mutually-affective nuisances like George Lucas, the Westboro Baptist Church and Rick Santorum. And, since they’re barely bothering us in 2015, I think it worked. You’re welcome, America.
So, now that God’s making us put in the work into this relationship following Valentine’s Day, here are some more current suggestions for Lent. Continue reading →
I’ve made it clear that, while I hate going anywhere that doesn’t have a liquor licence, the worst place without a liquor licence is any movie theater. And for a close second, movie theaters with liquor licences because, if I’m going to pay $30 to see a movie two weeks before it’s on Amazon, all the drunk-asses inside need to shut the hell up so I can hear it.
That said, with Christmas around the corner, I know I’ll have to go see a movie just to get out of the house, even if it means looking at badly computer-animated hobbits or penguins. I was just sort of hoping that movie would be The Interview.
But, no. After hacks and death threats by hackers who totally aren’t North Koreans, enough movie theater chains pulled out of showing it that Sony delayed its Christmas release. Which means they delayed my Christmas release, so between this and Amazing Spider-Man 2, Sony has a lot to answer for this year in my book.
Granted, I didn’t really care about the latest Franco-Rogen romp. Not until North Korea took it away from me. And worst of all, they proved just how easy it is to maneuver Americans to stifle free speech for the first time outside of their own borders.
So, there are a few ideas we either need to get used to or fix immediately because we, as a nation, are no longer the ripped superpower that we used to see in the bathroom mirror every morning. Continue reading →
If we don’t reach $3000, that’s fine. I’m grateful just to raise anything, whether it’s a dollar or just some awareness. But, I’d hate for you to miss an opportunity to participate in an event that makes a difference for a lot of men and their families.
So, since I’m growing a mustache and because I was raised Catholic (see #2 below), here’s why — if you’re considering donating to Movember — you should donate to Movember. Continue reading →
Guys, I’m about to write something weird. I want you to know that this is, in fact, Rick Snee, and I have written the next statement with a clear mind and of my own free will.
PETA is right about something.
I know. It’s completely out of character for me to ever agree with them. We disagree at even the most basic level. For instance, PETA says it’s wrong to eat meat, and I say they have “pet” and “eat” in their names, so that’s a mixed message.
Hello, reader. According to these notes from the nurse who just examined you, “Dr. Snee is a horse’s ass who never reads charts and just gives everyone antibiotics.”
Well, it looks like I’m a horse’s ass who can read, thank you Nurse Lattimer, and I’m prescribing you about six months’ worth of penicillin for what’s about to be a chronic case of Unemployment in This Job Market. (You can find that in the Big Doctor’s First Medical Picture Book under “E. tadick.”)
Looks like the waiting room is backing up, so let’s get to the mail bag. Continue reading →
Right now, your mind is on Halloween — as it should be. And I’d hate to interrupt you while you consider whether banging a sexy crayon is just doing it with a giant, red, waxy dick, but I need you to think about the morning after for a second.
No, not about whether you’ll still respect yourself and Party City for giving you a whole new fetish and therapy issues. I want you to think about whether you’re willing to grow a mustache — and only a mustache — for charity.
In 10 days, my Movember team, The Proposers, starts our 2014 campaign to raise money for men’s health organizations, including Livestrong, the Prostate Cancer Foundation and the International Consortium for Health Outcomes Measurement (ICHOM). This money pays for men’s health awareness and education campaigns, live-saving research and treatment and support for affected men and their families.
In 2013, we raised over $2000 in donations. We’re looking to raise even more this year with your help.
But, you don’t have to decide just yet. Let me explain what exactly it is we’re doing and why. Continue reading →
As no stranger to the ongoing debate over the Washington Redskins’ team name and a fan of the team, this year has proved to be one of the most interesting ones. Hey, I need something to keep me interested in a season that is still three wins away from besting last season … in Week 5.
Aaaaaaand … that’s where you lost me. Don’t get me wrong: I’m not opposed to changing the team name, especially since most of the arguments for keeping it are utterly moronic when changing it is so much simpler. But changing already obtuse FCC rules to get around what should be an easy decision of conscience or at least of business? That’s a recipe for disaster, and here’s why … Continue reading →