Category: Take it from Snee

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Take it from Snee: Self-mummification beats self-immolation

It'd be really fun if this was one of those little 6" tall statues you can buy in head shops.
It’d be really fun if this was one of those little 6 inch tall statues you can buy in head shops.

Despite what that guy who stocks the bulk barrels at Whole Foods tells you, Buddhism is freakin’ brutal. From Kung Fu to self-immolation to protest war, Buddhist monks have been on a thousand year, testicle-abusing mission to prove that they are not David Carradine. And now we have a new bar to rate their metalness: self-mummification just so that the other monks have something to worship.

The Internet’s sudden infatuation with a mummy found inside of a Buddha statue allll the way back in 1996 (so pre-Hamster Dance) has raised awareness of self-mummification, a now illegal process in which Buddhist monks crash diet until crunchy.

And it makes sense why we’d be interested. The Buddha Statue Mummy intersects the Internet’s interests in morbid curiosity and a weight loss program that actually works.  Continue reading

| Filed under Take it from Snee

Take it from Snee: Lent harder

Lent is back, or the 40 days when we commemorate Jesus' trip through Bat Country with Satan.
Lent is back, or the 40 days when we commemorate Jesus’ trip through Bat Country with Satan.

Back in 2012, I did both the religious and secular world a solid by making Lent suggestions to mutually-affective nuisances like George Lucas, the Westboro Baptist Church and Rick Santorum. And, since they’re barely bothering us in 2015, I think it worked. You’re welcome, America.

So, now that God’s making us put in the work into this relationship following Valentine’s Day, here are some more current suggestions for Lent.  Continue reading

| Filed under Take it from Snee

Take it from Snee: Best Korea beats America

From the makers of that Tae Kwon Do class you took in the seventh grade ...
From the makers of that Tae Kwon Do class you took in the seventh grade …

I’ve made it clear that, while I hate going anywhere that doesn’t have a liquor licence, the worst place without a liquor licence is any movie theater. And for a close second, movie theaters with liquor licences because, if I’m going to pay $30 to see a movie two weeks before it’s on Amazon, all the drunk-asses inside need to shut the hell up so I can hear it.

That said, with Christmas around the corner, I know I’ll have to go see a movie just to get out of the house, even if it means looking at badly computer-animated hobbits or penguins. I was just sort of hoping that movie would be The Interview.

But, no. After hacks and death threats by hackers who totally aren’t North Koreans, enough movie theater chains pulled out of showing it that Sony delayed its Christmas release. Which means they delayed my Christmas release, so between this and Amazing Spider-Man 2, Sony has a lot to answer for this year in my book.

Granted, I didn’t really care about the latest Franco-Rogen romp. Not until North Korea took it away from me. And worst of all, they proved just how easy it is to maneuver Americans to stifle free speech for the first time outside of their own borders.

So, there are a few ideas we either need to get used to or fix immediately because we, as a nation, are no longer the ripped superpower that we used to see in the bathroom mirror every morning.  Continue reading

| Filed under Movember, Take it from Snee

Take it from Snee: Why you should donate to Movember

Hey, sexy donors.
Hey, sexy donors. Hey.

A couple of weeks ago, I explained why you should sign up and grow a mustache for Movember. Several of you answered the call, and now our team, The Proposers, has raised $786 towards our goal of $3000.

If we don’t reach $3000, that’s fine. I’m grateful just to raise anything, whether it’s a dollar or just some awareness. But, I’d hate for you to miss an opportunity to participate in an event that makes a difference for a lot of men and their families.

So, since I’m growing a mustache and because I was raised Catholic (see #2 below), here’s why — if you’re considering donating to Movember — you should donate to Movember.  Continue reading

| Filed under Movember, Take it from Snee

Take it from Snee: Sir, step away from the snake

Also: PETA says they'd rather go naked than wear fur, and I say that using models that I want to skin and wear in my next driver's licence photo is also a mixed message.
Also: PETA says they’d rather go naked than wear fur, and I say that using models that I want to skin and wear in my next driver’s licence photo is also a mixed message.

Guys, I’m about to write something weird. I want you to know that this is, in fact, Rick Snee, and I have written the next statement with a clear mind and of my own free will.

PETA is right about something.

I know. It’s completely out of character for me to ever agree with them. We disagree at even the most basic level. For instance, PETA says it’s wrong to eat meat, and I say they have “pet” and “eat” in their names, so that’s a mixed message.

But, all it took was an upcoming “documentary” from the Discovery Channel called Eaten Alive to bring us together. PETA says it’s wrong, and I actually agree. Continue reading

| Filed under Ask Dr. Snee, Movember

Ask Dr. Snee: Cold, flu and Ebola season

Before you leave, I need a new iPad. This one is covered in illegible doctor's handwriting.
Before you leave, I need a new iPad. This one is covered in illegible doctor’s handwriting.

Hello, reader. According to these notes from the nurse who just examined you, “Dr. Snee is a horse’s ass who never reads charts and just gives everyone antibiotics.”

Ahem.

Well, it looks like I’m a horse’s ass who can read, thank you Nurse Lattimer, and I’m prescribing you about six months’ worth of penicillin for what’s about to be a chronic case of Unemployment in This Job Market. (You can find that in the Big Doctor’s First Medical Picture Book under “E. tadick.”)

Looks like the waiting room is backing up, so let’s get to the mail bag. Continue reading

| Filed under Movember, Take it from Snee

Take it from Snee: Only 10 days until Movember

If you're willing to find out and have a good cause to blame, go to The Proposers Movember page to sign up today.
If you’re willing to find out and have a good cause to blame, go to The Proposers Movember page to sign up today.

Right now, your mind is on Halloween — as it should be. And I’d hate to interrupt you while you consider whether banging a sexy crayon is just doing it with a giant, red, waxy dick, but I need you to think about the morning after for a second.

No, not about whether you’ll still respect yourself and Party City for giving you a whole new fetish and therapy issues. I want you to think about whether you’re willing to grow a mustache — and only a mustache — for charity.

In 10 days, my Movember team, The Proposers, starts our 2014 campaign to raise money for men’s health organizations, including Livestrong, the Prostate Cancer Foundation and the International Consortium for Health Outcomes Measurement (ICHOM). This money pays for men’s health awareness and education campaigns, live-saving research and treatment and support for affected men and their families.

In 2013, we raised over $2000 in donations. We’re looking to raise even more this year with your help.

But, you don’t have to decide just yet. Let me explain what exactly it is we’re doing and why.  Continue reading

| Filed under Facepalm, Take it from Snee

Take it from Snee: The right way and the FCC way

As no stranger to the ongoing debate over the Washington Redskins’ team name and a fan of the team, this year has proved to be one of the most interesting ones. Hey, I need something to keep me interested in a season that is still three wins away from besting last season … in Week 5.

First, the United States Patent and Trademark Office cancelled six of the team’s trademarks, all involving the word “Redskins” and one of them being, adorably, “Redskinettes.”

Then, The Daily Show had the audacity to make defensive Redskins fans actually look at and maybe even talk to real Native Americans who don’t like the team name — people that my fellow Redskins fans have insisted don’t really exist. And the season 18 opener of South Park absolutely destroyed.

And now, as more and more sportscasters refuse to say the team’s name on the air, the FCC is considering banning the word “Redskins” from broadcasts.

Aaaaaaandthat’s where you lost me. Don’t get me wrong: I’m not opposed to changing the team name, especially since most of the arguments for keeping it are utterly moronic when changing it is so much simpler. But changing already obtuse FCC rules to get around what should be an easy decision of conscience or at least of business? That’s a recipe for disaster, and here’s why …  Continue reading

| Filed under Take it from Snee

Take it from Snee: So many angry jerks in the air

Anyone who’s traveled by air in the United States has noticed that things are getting a bit, well, testy in what was once “the friendly skies.”

"Alright, but I'm not cleanin' up after him."
“Alright, but I’m not cleanin’ up after him.”

Fights have erupted over the sovereignty of our limited leg space and how recliners violate the sanctity of our paid-for borders. People have struck other people’s children for being children. And then there are you common wig-outs, which can happen anywhere, but in the air are met with swift Marshal-dispensed justice.

So, it was only a matter of time before even the perverts in coach starting furiously masturbating like they paid for a first class ticket.

And, even then, that's not without a lot of mood setting and ritual.
And, even then, that’s not without a lot of mood setting and ritual.

This raises two questions …  Continue reading

| Filed under Take it from Snee

Take it from Snee: America the Conditional

Don't want to be lookin' like a fool with your boots on the ground.
Don’t want to be lookin’ like a fool with your boots on the ground.

There’s no question about it: the United States of America is a global leader. Scratch that. THE global leader.

When a thing needs doing, we’re the ones that lead the way. Sometimes, we lead from in front. Sometimes from behind. And sometimes, sometimes, we lead alone.

So, when Americans decided that it was time to do something about the Islamic State in Iraq and Syria, we went all in. We said, “No more beheadings.” We said, “No more rapes and honor killing and everything else that god always commands crazy guys with beards and guns to do.”

And, most importantly, we said, “No more boots on the ground to stop any of that.”

Let’s explore how America has become the conditional leader of the free world.  Continue reading