According to these letters I’ve been receiving, it’s the holiday season. Of course, that’s because I legally changed my name to Santa Claus back in the ’04 on a bet, so there’s Christmas letters mixed into my normal summons, past due notices and “Ask Dr. Snee” questions. Take, for instance, this letter:
Dear Santa,
Although I have been a very good girl this year and would very much like a Nintendo 3DS for Christmas, I’m writing because I’m worried about your health. Specifically, your weight. Your belly shaking like a bowl full of jelly is certainly one of the signs of holiday joy, but it is also — in this 8-year-old’s opinion — one of the telltale signs of morbid obesity. With the addition of other risk factors, such as smoking, eating cookies at every non-Jehovah’s Witness’s home and red, veiny nose indicate that you may be entering the early stages of diabetes. I know you are very busy this time of year, but please, once Christmas is over and done with, please see a physician.
Lots of love,
Rachel
Now, I know what you’re thinking: You’re not really going to answer that little girl’s letter, are you, Dr. Snee? Yes, of course I am, if only because Santa deserves the benefit of a second opinion. Continue reading Ask Dr. Snee: Healthy holidays, everyone!