Beware of Australo-fascists!
Posted on August 27, 2010
Filed Under That Wacky Australia, War on Education | Leave a Comment |
Something nefarious is happening in Australian schools.
Last week, Kalgoorlie-Boulder Community High School students were assigned a project–a terror project to be exact. The assignment was to plan a chemical and/or biological attack designed to inflict the most civilian deaths possible.
We took that news with a grain of salt because, if there’s one way to make sure teenagers don’t do something, it’s to assign it as schoolwork. (This is why we still haven’t read The Red Badge of Courage.)
But now–NOW–a Catholic school in Perth gave its top costume award to a nine- or ten-year-old boy dressed as Hitler!
We’re not saying it’s time to distrust all Australians in your midst as potential terror Nazis, just any that seem particularly interested in Hitler, terrorism, scapegoating and your television.
Written by Rick SneeBad fashion never looked so good
Posted on August 10, 2010
Filed Under That Wacky Australia, War on Animals | Leave a Comment |
If you had to choose between two things you hated, what would you do? Do you hate PETA or women who where Uggs more? It’s like the reverse Sophie’s choice.
Miss Australia is feeling the wrath of both fashionistas for wearing Ugg boots. The Miss Universe contestant is under fire from the animal rights group because her outfit involves animal fur, which for some reason is a bad thing, and people who just hate it when women wear those boot things.
Seriously, do you take the evil PETA’s side, and condemn the Uggs, or do you stand up for humanity and support Miss Australia’s choice to wear fur?
Written by Bryan McBournieMost Australian story ever
Posted on July 7, 2010
Filed Under That Wacky Australia, War on Animals | Leave a Comment |
On Sunday, a family from Victoria in Australia’s southeast was involved in a car crash, when the driver rolled a Nissan Pulsar trying to avoid a kangaroo. Had they been celebrating the United States’ birthday, that might not have been an issue. Because we have a severe lack of kangaroos, that is.
There were five people in the car, three children, their mother and her partner, and after the crash, the mother became trapped in the wreckage. Staying calm, one of the children, seven year-old Christopher grabbed his Nintendo DS, and with the screens acting as a light, as the crash occurred at 10 pm, was able to locate his mother’s mobile phone so she could call emergency services for assistance.
Christopher then helped one of his little brothers out of the crash before his mother was able to free herself. For his actions, he’s been nominated by the local ambulance service for a Community Hero Award. Which is nice. But yet again, had they been celebrating my nation’s birthday and been blowing up a chunk of their land instead, it wouldn’t be an issue. Still, they can make up for it by blowing up a kangaroo instead. Purely for the scientific purpose of revenge, after all.
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorWe’ll be seeing more of these in the next month
Posted on June 9, 2010
Filed Under Booze News, That Wacky Australia | Leave a Comment |
Do you have World Cup fever yet, America? If you don’t, here’s how we suggest you catch it: pass out drunk in a strange city on a cold night.
That’s exactly what an Australian backpacker did in Johannesburg, South Africa, better known as the city in District 9. The man was woken up by a local politician–because he was passed out in his driveway. The “football” fanatic thought he was in Cape Town, which is about 900 miles from Jo-burg.
Looks like he’s got some more backpacking to do.
Written by Bryan McBournieClean Plate Club or get out
Posted on June 7, 2010
Filed Under That Wacky Australia | Leave a Comment |
If reality television is any indicator, to be a chef, you have to yell and scream a lot to be good at making food. Taking this knowledge, news from one Australian restaurant makes more and more sense.
If you order something at Wafu, you had better be ready to clean your plate–or else. Chef Yukako Ichikawa will charge you 30% extra if you don’t eat everything you are given. On top of that, you will be asked to eat somewhere else in the future.
Written by Bryan McBournieHope you’ve got comfortable shoes
Posted on May 24, 2010
Filed Under Sex Sells, That Wacky Australia | Leave a Comment |
You might want to rethink what you bring along with the next time you’re flying out of Australia. Anything kinkier than [use your imagination, we're only PG13] may break new laws in the country.
It would seem that tourists are now required to declare whether they’re bringing pornography into the country. If officials think your hidden inhibitions aren’t Australia-friendly, you might be looking at jail time. Ruh-roh.
And to no one’s surprise, the Australian Sex Party is outraged by this move. Which is actually understandable, when you factor in that the lack of a formal definition of pornography regarding this change means that all decisions will be literally subjective and almost never objective. Of course, that’s not to say that the intentions aren’t in the right place: the changes were essentially brought about to combat child pornography (it’s better to think about the children rather than think about the children).
Of course, we all know that old adage about the best of intentions-they just don’t apply to people that like to dress up like giraffes.
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorAnd then … ninjas appeared
Posted on May 21, 2010
Filed Under Headline of the Day, That Wacky Australia | 1 Comment |
Sometimes, the best movies from the 80′s are real life.
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorAustralian superhero not your normal stereotype
Posted on May 12, 2010
Filed Under That Wacky Australia | Leave a Comment |
Or possibly one at all. At least, not the usual Australian stereotypes of “HOLYCRAPEVERYTHINGHEREWILLKILLYOU.”
A man in the country, Andrew Leich, managed to take parenting to a whole new level of dedication by allowing a car to crash into him in order to save his baby. THAT IS BADASS.
It’s been reported that the baby is okay and without any injuries. We’re assuming that the same can be said about Leich, as he was asked about the incident. Also, we assume that because he’s apparently made of pure iron.
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorWii would like to be generous with taxpayers’ money
Posted on May 5, 2010
Filed Under That Wacky Australia, What a Reach! | Leave a Comment |
A state minister from Victoria, Australia has been publicly rebuked after personally campaigning, in parliament, for one of his constituents to be given a Wii.
Gordon Rich-Phillips, a member of the Liberal Party and Victoria’s Assistant Opposition Treasurer, got up in parliament and asked that Victoria’s WorkCover Authority (the worker’s comp guys) pay for “a certain rehabilitation aid” for a man that claims he’s been unable to work for four years due to a “work-related injury”. Oh sure, that might sound reasonable, but he only made the plea in parliament because WorkCover had already knocked the man’s claims back, on the grounds that this “rehabilitation aid” was in fact a Nintendo Wii console and a copy of Wii Fit.
“Gordon Rich-Phillips is saying we should spend WorkCover money on video games when the claim has already been assessed and knocked back,” WorkCover Minister Tim Holding said.
The man asking for the Wii, meanwhile, says that it’s necessary for his rehabilitation because, in addition to his injury, he also suffers from severe panic attacks, which presumably keeps him from both the physio and the gym. Sorry guy, but I haven’t seen them make a WiiTherapist yet.
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorWorst. Comics thief. Ever
Posted on May 4, 2010
Filed Under Headline of the Day, Picture of the Day, That Wacky Australia | 2 Comments |
A comics thief tried to slip a [unintelligible amount of foreign currency] copy of the X-Men Omnibus into his bag in an Australian comic book store. And he would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for his irrational fear of friendly neighborhood Spider-Men.
The Spider-Man in question was actually mild-mannered comic store owner, Michael Baulderstone, who cannot actually weave a web anytime, yet still captured the unidentified thief just like a fly.
A gaggle of Jedi Knights blocked the door to prevent any escape, presumably via pumpkin bombing, and The Flash stood uselessly by. (Seriously, how often do you need a running guy?)
Police arrived on scene to haul the robber in. They did not have a key to the city to present at the time.
Written by Rick Snee keep looking ยป