I might be prone to hyperbole, and yes, this story is extremely hyperbolic.
BUT: I guarantee you, this is the single greatest story you will ever see. Just a warning though, as the results are pretty much exactly as you think they are. And yet, it does not disappoint.
Dine and dash? Bah, that’s so boring. It’s hardly even appropriate to do if you’re at one of the premiere skyscraper eateries? Why, only invent what’s sure to be THE most trendy act of the season: drink and drop.
Four men, all clad in suits, met up for a drink at the bar at the Rialto Towers. The bar happens to be located on the 55th floor of the building, which has 56 floors. After pounding their drinks, rather than pay for them or order more, the lads promptly vamoosed to the bathroom, where they then jumped off the balcony in base jumping gear. Because it was the only rational thing to do.
Allegedly, Christian Duguay has locked up the story for what’s sure to be his next extreme movie blockbuster.
You know how some people insist on streaming video to their phones or tablets, even though the picture quality goes in and out, and they risk tacking on overage charges on their data plans? From now on, you can call them Australians.
A recent survey found that Aussies watched 129% more streaming video in the final quarter of 2011 than they did in the first. There aren’t really a whole lot of theories as to while this huge spike occurred. However, one interesting fact was that one of the most popular shows being streamed there is Sabrina the Teenage Witch, you know, that show with Melissa Joan Hart and a fake-looking talking cat.
If they think that’s great entertainment, just wait until Friends makes it to the Southern Hemisphere.
(via Stevie Y.)
Clive Palmer, an Australian mining magnate, owns a soccer (or football) team. Not only does he own a team, but he founded an expansion team in Football Federation Australia for the expressed purpose of owning one. And after watching game after lackluster game, week after stultifying week since 2008, he’s finally learned what Eriq La Salle already knew in Coming to America: soccer kinda blows.
“‘I don’t even like the game,’ Palmer told Brisbane’s Sunday Mail. ‘I think it’s a hopeless game.'”
Palmer’s comments come after yet another disappointing week in ticket sales in which only 1723 spectators showed up to watch Palmer’s Gold Coast United face the Adelaide United. Even if you disagree with his assessment, you know your sport lacks any spark of interest when teams can’t bother to come up with individual names.
Did you wait until the last minute to get something for that special someone this Valentine’s Day, and all that’s left in stores are the inflammatory cards and diabetic chocolates? Well, there’s one grand gesture you could make, and it only costs a mere £510 ($800 U.S.): mooning the Queen.
Australian barman, Liam Warriner, mooned Queen Elizabeth II during her October visit to Australia. He ran alongside her motorcade — bare-assed — for 50 yards, clutching an Australian flag between his buttocks the entire time. Warriner told police that he did it to protest elitism, but that athletic performance definitely ranks him in the elite.
IOC, make the pants-less 50 yard butt relay an Olympic event now!
The Iraq war is winding down, as troops will begin coming home later this year. Operations in Libya are all done and checked off. There’s always Afghanistan, but is it us, or does it just not have the same air of excitement now that Osama bin Laden is dead?
This is leaving many Americans wondering, where’s the next big war? We need to invade someone else and we need to do it fast. Fear not, citizens we are making up, turns out we’re invading Australia. We’re sending in 250 Marines, which ought to be enough to take over the island, right? And don’t act like they don’t have it coming to them.
It’s Monday morning, welcome to your hangover. If you overdid it this weekend, there’s a fair chance that you came away with some more external injuries, too.
The Australians usually do, and bars there are tired of seeing their patrons fall and hurt themselves outside their establishments. That’s why they are installing rubber sidewalks. That way, if the drunkard falls down, he can bounce back up again. They should have this for bar room floors, too. There would be no more party fouls.
Golf is one of the most enduring symbols of the War on Animals that exists. For hundreds of years, man has braved the Mother Nature, along with her plants and animals, all in an effort to put a relatively small ball in a hole.
Now, the water hazards are a bit more hazardous at one Australian course. About six bull sharks, one of the deadliest shark species on this planet, have taken up residence at a golf course in Brisbane, Australia. That means that the animal foes cease to let us enjoy even a relaxing round of golf. Next we’ll have insects infesting our nosegays.
Scientists in Australia (yeah, that’s funny for us to say too) have come out with a new study (it must be that time of the month) proclaiming that, for those of us after the first quarter of our life, for every hour that you spend watching television, you become approximately 21 to 22 minutes closer to death. Mind you, this closer to simply sitting around being the problem rather than just television, but the comparison to cigarettes is of course made in the study.
As such, SG would like to bring to mind other things that will kill you:
We haven’t done this in a while, but finally, we have a person who showed uncommon valor when the war came knocking.
Her name is Phyliss Johnson, 94, of Australia, and was “taking the washing from the line,” which we believe roughly translates to “bringing in the laundry,” when a crazed kangaroo challenged her to a few rounds. Being 94, and probably in the featherweight division, it wasn’t long before Johnson was knocked down. In clear violation of the Queensberry Rules, the kangaroo then pummeled her with kicks.
Eventually, the senior warrior was able to grab a broom and fight back. She landed enough blows to make an escape and get into her house. Then the authorities arrived and dealt the kangaroo some justice–Aussie style. It was euthanized, and, we assume, thrown on the nearest barbie.
