‘Boobs on Bikes’–yes, we said it
Posted on August 20, 2008
Filed Under Stripper News, That Wacky New Zealand | Leave a Comment |
A New Zealand court will allow adult film stars tp ride motorcycles topless (the women) through the streets of Wellington, the country’s largest city. Last year, more than 800,000 people showed up for a similar show, which more or less makes the whole thing not so offensive to the public.
New Zealanders are known for two things: The Lord of the Rings trilogy and overall craziness. This is not the first time public nudity has been allowed in an urban area, and we suspect it will not be the last, either.
On a related note, The Guys will be blogging live from “Boobs on Bikes” later this month.
Written by Bryan McBournieAttack of the cloned pitbulls (and dinosaur relatives)
Posted on August 7, 2008
Filed Under That Wacky New Zealand, War on Animals | Leave a Comment |
We all remember back in 1997, when the Scottish cloned Dolly, The Sheep That Will Send Us All Into A Moral Abyss. But since then, aside from a few cloned things here and there, we have been fairly safe in terms of force multipliers. No more.
An American woman had DNA from her pitbull dog Booger used to make a litter of clones in South Korea. Great, just what the world needs, more pitbulls. Only these pitbulls are super pitbulls because they are all identical and probably share the same thoughts through a psychic connection.
This is horrible news. As Bob Barker likes to remind us any time we sit down with him, there are way too many pets in the world as it is. They breed like vermin because they basically are, so who are we to decide which ones get to be copied and which ones eat out of the dumpster? We need to solve this problem by eliminating them all before they grow out of hand.
Speaking of multiplying, a rare lizard in New Zealand is still at it after 110 years. He is going to become a father. The geezer lizard did not like females for years until scientist found a tumor near his genitals and removed it. Now it seems he is back in action as an eligible bachelor. This species is rare and we need to keep it that way. Who wants an omlette?
Written by Bryan McBournieComparing apples and Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii
Posted on July 24, 2008
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Ever get sick of those ridiculous celebrity baby names? It started with Apple, now we’ve moved on to baby Suri, and the possibility of Matthew “Bongos” McConaughey naming his son after the European beer, Bud. Well one New Zealand judge has had enough, and finally decided to start killing off idiot celbs take matters in to his own hands/court.
Rob Murfitt has legally made an area couple change their daughter’s name from Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii. While the girl’s new name has not been released, speculations of Dora The Explorer and Debbie Does Dallas are floating around.
Written by Bryan SchoolsAround the clock block
Posted on July 9, 2008
Filed Under Booze News, That Wacky New Zealand | Leave a Comment |
New Zealand, we had so much respect for you. Your crazy culture, your ability to name yourself “New Zealand,” when nobody really knows or cares where the original Zealand is. Then you had to go and try and take your country’s around the clock drinking law away, for shame.
Written by Bryan SchoolsTwo waters and a bottle of your finest Cascade
Posted on June 17, 2008
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This would never happen in Ireland, England or my local bar. Leave it to New Zealand to “mistakenly” serve dishwashing fluid as wine. While the restaurant is to blame, shouldn’t we place fault on the women who were drinking a bright blue merlot?
Written by Bryan SchoolsTry hooting next time for better service
Posted on May 23, 2008
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In recent weeks, SeriouslyGuys has taken on the concept of catcalling and how it affects the world. Apparently, so did New Zealand.
As a tourist was visiting an ATM while in the country, some local road workers began “wolf-whistling”, which is apparently the Zeke equivalent to catcalling. Angered and fed up with all the pressure of her life, not able to take any more crap that’s been thrown her way but prepared to fully take cold and ruthless justice into her own hands, the morose yet infuriated woman did the only thing that she could … and stripped. She then used the ATM, put her clothes back on and visited the local law enforcement.
She was, of course, spoken to about how that “was inappropriate in New Zealand.”
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorWeed–it’s the new greenback
Posted on May 21, 2008
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It’s quite clearly the age old question (at least, apparently in New Zealand), passed down from one generation of yokel to another-can I pay with cannabis? No, you cannot pay with cannabis. Just because it’s green does not mean that it can be substituted for green legal tender.
Surprise, surprise, that apparently never stopped a guy at a service station in New Zealand from having that radical train of thought. Seemingly out of money, the lad decided to offer marijuana as payment for his gas fill-up … along with two bags of M&M’s and a bag of potato chips. Way to break the stereotype there, guy. Alas, he’ll never know if his hippy utopian world of trading sticky-icky for products and services will come to be, as he apparently never noticed the police car outside of the station, nor the driver of the police car right behind him in the paying line. Yet again, way to break the stereotype there, guy.
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorFighting the growing threats of animals, teenagers
Posted on April 7, 2008
Filed Under That Wacky New Zealand, War on Animals | Leave a Comment |
If there’s one thing the Sega Genesis taught a generation, it’s that hedgehogs are speedy, blue creatures that wear only shoes and gloves–they are not toys. But what we often forget is that they are still animals, and because they are animals, they want to kill us.
Hedgehogs have spiny backs that protect them from Dr. Robotnik’s evil robots sent to destroy them. They also have powers of mind control, as a man in New Zealand found out recently. For some reason, he picked up a hedgehog, which was curled up because it was revving up to get enough speed to make it around the loop, and threw it at a teenager.
The man was charged with assault with a weapon. The teen, whose leg was injured in the attack, is fine, but the happiest news is that the hedgehog is dead.
Written by Bryan McBournieSide note: It is with great sadness that The Guys report the death of Bryan Schools, who passed away from blog-related illness. We will miss you, Bryan. Have a drink with Jesus for us.
The enemy hits a new low
Posted on March 31, 2008
Filed Under That Wacky New Zealand, War on Animals | Leave a Comment |
There are some issues that even we here at SG stay away from. There are just some topics you can’t find the lighter side in, at least not without hitting some nerves. That’s why we stay away from important topics like Iraq, women’s issues and Britney Spears. Until recently, there was a fourth taboo topic on that list, but because of our dedication to covering the War on Animals, we are going to cover it. Yes, our animal enemies have stooped to rape.
A New Zealand man told police he had been raped by a wombat. Really. But already a victim, the courts did not take a kind view to his story and sentenced him to 75 hours of community service. The man was unable to prove in court that he had been violated by said animal and was found to have been wasting police time.
The man had called police ranting about being raped by a wombat and said he needed immediate assistance. Shortly afterward, he called back and said he was OK and that the wombat had “pulled out.” Yeesh.
Quite possibly the greatest quote of all time: “‘Apart from speaking Australian now, I’m pretty all right you know, I didn’t hurt my bum at all.’”
If you or someone you know has been the victim of sexual assault from an animal, please don’t hesitate to get help.
Written by Bryan McBournieThey are helping each other!
Posted on March 12, 2008
Filed Under That Wacky New Zealand, War on Animals | 1 Comment |
This blog talks about it, surmises it and even reads between the headlines to find it. But there is no denying it this time. The animals are working together.
In New Zealand, two pygmy sperm whales (you can tell they are pygmies by their short stature and nose rings) lay beached on … well, a beach earlier today. Then a bottlenose dolphin came up and showed the disoriented whales the way back to sea. There is no denying they are on the same side and are trying to save each other for some massive attack that is coming very soon.
It should also be noted that there were human traitors trying to rescue the whales.
“‘They kept getting disorientated and stranding again,’ said Smith, who was among the rescuers. ‘They obviously couldn’t find their way back past (the sandbar) to the sea.’”
Yeah, well that’s when you let beaching whales lie. If they are too stupid to find water, something which they call their home their entire lives, then it’s time they become seagull food.
Written by Bryan McBournie keep looking »