They are helping each other!
Posted on March 12, 2008
Filed Under That Wacky New Zealand, War on Animals | 1 Comment |
This blog talks about it, surmises it and even reads between the headlines to find it. But there is no denying it this time. The animals are working together.
In New Zealand, two pygmy sperm whales (you can tell they are pygmies by their short stature and nose rings) lay beached on … well, a beach earlier today. Then a bottlenose dolphin came up and showed the disoriented whales the way back to sea. There is no denying they are on the same side and are trying to save each other for some massive attack that is coming very soon.
It should also be noted that there were human traitors trying to rescue the whales.
“‘They kept getting disorientated and stranding again,’ said Smith, who was among the rescuers. ‘They obviously couldn’t find their way back past (the sandbar) to the sea.’”
Yeah, well that’s when you let beaching whales lie. If they are too stupid to find water, something which they call their home their entire lives, then it’s time they become seagull food.
Written by Bryan McBournieWhile you we were out
Posted on December 31, 2007
Filed Under Booze News, That Wacky New Zealand, Zombies | Leave a Comment |
Sure, it may be New Year’s Eve, but there is a lot to follow up on after The Guys took last week off. In fact, there is just plain too much to catch up on, so let’s focus on the Christmas happenings.
Drunken Santas ravage New Zealand
Don’t you just hate it when people talk during a movie? Don’t you just hate it when a gang of drunken Santas runs through your movie theater yelling profanities? Just such a thing happened the weekend before Christmas.
Yes, Santa Claus came to town, but he had apparently cloned himself 50 times over and stopped at every bar on his way from the North Pole. Filled with Christmas spirits, the Santas Claus ran through the theater, yelling obscenities, ripping down posters and knocking over cardboard promo thingies.
Since nearly every story we cover about New Zealand involves public intoxication and running through the streets dressed in a strange manner, this blog is seriously considering relocating to the island nation.
Key quote: “Security cameras caught the action, but Rive said with their hats, white beards and suits, the rampaging Santas cannot be identified.”
Christmas cards from beyond the grave
Sure, Sean Taylor will play posthumously in the Pro Bowl this season, but what if someone died but still sent out Christmas cards? Chet Fitch did that, so this blog must assume his undead state has not completely ravaged his mind.
Fitch sent over 30 Christmas cards this year in what the media cover-up is calling a “practical joke.” The liberals over at FOXNews are saying they were actually mailed by a friend, in a plot that took more than 20 years to finally put in place. We all know what the real story is: zombies are out there and mainstream media is buying the so-called federal government’s lame excuse for a logical explanation.
When will they admit that zombies are out there and are trying to get in our good graces by sending us cards?
Written by Bryan McBournieHeadline of the Day
Posted on December 13, 2007
Filed Under Headline of the Day, That Wacky New Zealand | Leave a Comment |
Man, if I had a nickel for every time that’s happened to me…
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorHand me down the bat anti-shark spray
Posted on December 13, 2007
Filed Under That Wacky New Zealand, War on Animals | Leave a Comment |
In the winter time, it’s easy to forget about sharks. That’s exactly what they want. Though it may be winter in the northern hemisphere, did you know that nearly half the world has summer right now? It’s true.
In New Zealand, a surfer found a shark gnawing on part of her surfboard, and when she finally got it off of her board, she found another shark had eaten the leash that keeps her board connected to her ankle. Obviously, this was an evil shark plan to distract, cut the chord, then finish the job, but luckily she got out of there unharmed. Apparently they now hunt like wolves.
Written by Bryan McBournieRise of the machines
Posted on November 30, 2007
Filed Under Regular Post, That Wacky New Zealand | Leave a Comment |
You know how movies are always saying technology is bad? Perhaps, for once, movies are right about that. The FBI now believes they have captured the leader of the A-Team. Apparently, the group has gotten out of the hero-for-hire business and have moved to hacking and creating a “botnet” or legion of people’s computers they can control remotely by using viruses and worms. B.A. Baracus left the A-Team in the 1990s and has been seen most recently doing commercials for World of Warcraft.
Just remember, these people cannot be killed. I personally have seen bad guys empty clip after clip with automatic rifles and hit nothing but the dirt at their feet and whatever they happen to duck behind.
Written by Bryan McBournieYou scratch my back, I’ll drink your beer
Posted on October 22, 2007
Filed Under Booze News, That Wacky New Zealand | Leave a Comment |
A New Zealand brewery is offering a lifetime supply of beer to whoever manages to narc out the individual or cunning group of individuals that stole one of their laptops. Perhaps they should maybe look a little inwards for their suspects? I mean, let’s be honest here-when you work in a brewery, drinking on the job gets a whole new look to it. Get out there and start searching, super sleuthes!
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorAll choked up
Posted on October 8, 2007
Filed Under That Wacky New Zealand | Leave a Comment |
Speaking of things Oral, a New Zealand man had back surgery, and woke up with more than just pain, he also seemed to be missing his false teeth. The surgeons had no idea where they were.
Then they found them in the back of the man’s throat. Here’s a question: if you’re having back surgery, aren’t you lying on your stomach? The forces of gravity should prevent teeth from traveling upward into your throat?
Sounds like an investigation for Dr. Snee.
Written by Bryan McBournieShe has eight arms to kill you
Posted on May 8, 2007
Filed Under That Wacky New Zealand, War on Animals | 1 Comment |
Shocking news today, an aquarium in New Zealand has what could be a freakishly intelligent octopus. “Octi” is so smart it can actually lift the lid off of its tank and escape at any time. We must keep this octopus in isolation, before other aquatic creatures start learning. Like raptors in Jurassic Park, it’s only a matter of time before it learns to open doors.
Key quote: “Octi can open a plastic bottle filled with crab meat in less than 2-and-a-half minutes, using the suckers on her tentacles. She sometimes rises to the top of her tank and squirts water at her keepers, hitting them right in the eye.”
Written by Bryan McBournieOpen to help you out, every day
Posted on April 10, 2007
Filed Under That Wacky New Zealand | Leave a Comment |
Even though most businesses in New Zealand are forced to close, brothels are allowed to be open on Easter Sunday.
Things to clear up:
-Yes, this is New Zealand
-Yes, up until this year, there had apparently been an understanding between the New Zealand government, the church, and brothels about Easter Sunday
-Yes, famed former stuntwoman for Lucy Lawless, Zoe Bell, is from New Zealand
-No, the country is still perpetually wacky
Justice in a baggie
Posted on March 13, 2007
Filed Under That Wacky New Zealand | 1 Comment |
Breaking news from New Zealand Australia, the woman who was arrested when she tried to smuggle fish through an airport has been sentenced.
The justice: she was sentenced to nine months community service. Clearly, Australia is sending fish smugglers everywhere a message to keep their grubby hands off.
Written by Bryan McBournie « go back — keep looking »