A New Zealand brewery is offering a lifetime supply of beer to whoever manages to narc out the individual or cunning group of individuals that stole one of their laptops. Perhaps they should maybe look a little inwards for their suspects? I mean, let’s be honest here-when you work in a brewery, drinking on the job gets a whole new look to it. Get out there and start searching, super sleuthes!
Category: That Wacky New Zealand
All choked up
Speaking of things Oral, a New Zealand man had back surgery, and woke up with more than just pain, he also seemed to be missing his false teeth. The surgeons had no idea where they were.
Then they found them in the back of the man’s throat. Here’s a question: if you’re having back surgery, aren’t you lying on your stomach? The forces of gravity should prevent teeth from traveling upward into your throat?
Sounds like an investigation for Dr. Snee.
She has eight arms to kill you
Shocking news today, an aquarium in New Zealand has what could be a freakishly intelligent octopus. “Octi” is so smart it can actually lift the lid off of its tank and escape at any time. We must keep this octopus in isolation, before other aquatic creatures start learning. Like raptors in Jurassic Park, it’s only a matter of time before it learns to open doors.
Key quote: “Octi can open a plastic bottle filled with crab meat in less than 2-and-a-half minutes, using the suckers on her tentacles. She sometimes rises to the top of her tank and squirts water at her keepers, hitting them right in the eye.”
Open to help you out, every day
Even though most businesses in New Zealand are forced to close, brothels are allowed to be open on Easter Sunday.
Things to clear up:
-Yes, this is New Zealand
-Yes, up until this year, there had apparently been an understanding between the New Zealand government, the church, and brothels about Easter Sunday
-Yes, famed former stuntwoman for Lucy Lawless, Zoe Bell, is from New Zealand
-No, the country is still perpetually wacky
Justice in a baggie
Breaking news from New Zealand Australia, the woman who was arrested when she tried to smuggle fish through an airport has been sentenced.
The justice: she was sentenced to nine months community service. Clearly, Australia is sending fish smugglers everywhere a message to keep their grubby hands off.
Something’s fishy about that woman
It’s not New Zealand, but it’s pretty close. Many people call it “Australia.” A woman was sentenced for nine months of community service after she was caught trying to smuggle fish through an airport.
A specially made apron in her dress was how she brought the fish through.
Key quote: “Sharon Naismith, 45, was caught in June 2005 at the airport in the southern city of Melbourne after customs officers heard ‘flipping’ noises coming from her clothes and conducted a search, Australian Customs said.”
NZ on our mind
Google, who owns Blogger (alliterative motto: We Work When We Want To), shut down a blog that made death threats against a New Zealand official after the country’s government complained.
This begs the question: if your blog, not SG, was allowed to be used to make death threats, who would you make those death threats about?
And seriously, what is with the news out of New Zealand today? SG has easily doubled the amount of posts about it in just one day.
True New Zealand monsters
Even now, our animalistic enemies take the war to that comic relief country, New Zealand. You monsters! Thank god it’s dead already.
Hey, it’s not like I’m offending the deceased animal. With a name of “colossal squid”, you don’t exactly expect it to be cute and tiny.
Just think of the employee benefits
Are you a member of SG’s favorite crazy country, New Zealand? Are you out of work? Do you need a little pick me up?
Then Durex has an offer for you!
Helpful hint–BOTH PEOPLE MUST PASS THE TEST. And I think you know which test I’m talking about.
Kiwi brothel is a booming bust
Pimps up … profits down.