The McBournie Minute: The one where I care about famous people
Posted on March 15, 2010
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Before we begin, I’d like to apologize for the lack of You Missed It last week. I was actually in the process of writing it up when my laptop died. Not like the battery died or it just froze up and I had to reboot. I mean, dead. It’s being sent back to the nice people at Toshiba because it’s under warranty, and for the time being I am on my crappy old laptop, hence forth known as the craptop. Now, on with the show!
As much as I hate the entertainment industry, I can’t avoid it all the time. Sometimes it comes to find me. I guess that’s OK, because I know where to find it, and just because it knocks on my door with its big, hairy fist doesn’t mean I have to answer it. That being said, I’m going to give a run-down of a few Hollywood items that came across my desk which has more or less confirmed my suspicion that I’m not missing out on things I’m missing out on.
Also, I figure I need to try to appeal to more than just my usual demographic, the white male 20-somethings who have a thing for excessive use of punctuation. Here I come, tweens! Read more
Written by Bryan McBournieThe McBournie Minute: Wine, women and weight
Posted on March 8, 2010
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Women readers, and I mean both of you, it’s time we had a chat.
You’re getting older–everyone is–but you’re getting increasingly worried about how age could affect you and the looks you strive so hard to maintain. It’s easier for men, even in their younger years, they don’t need much upkeep, they don’t even really care if they put on a few pounds or get a little salt in their pepper. For some reason, they still look good.
Meanwhile, you ladies have to deal with a society that constantly judges you on your looks. From childhood, you were conditioned to want to look pretty, and it was reinforced when other girls would either mock you or respect you based on your appearance. Now that you’re getting older, perhaps you’re worried about gaining weight with age, not to mention childbirth. Science has a solution: alcohol. Read more
Written by Bryan McBournieThe McBournie Minute: Drink and screw like a champion today
Posted on March 1, 2010
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As some of you may have heard they just held the Winter Olympics in Vancouver (the one in Canada). You probably heard about all the controversies, triumphs and manufactured story lines NBC could come up with. Don’t worry, I won’t bore you with that.
What I am here to talk to you about is drinking and screwing–Olympic style. You may not know it, they certainly don’t talk about it on television, but the Olympic village is one big romp. This is true. Apparently, a bunch of slender, fit, hormone-crazed people under the age of 27 mate like crazy, possibly in hopes of creating a master Olympic race, possibly because accents are so sexy.
But in Vancouver, the love was not restricted to the confines of the Olympic village. It made its way out to the public, too. Read more
Written by Bryan McBournieThe McBournie Minute: The menace that is food
Posted on February 22, 2010
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The world is a dangerous place, and that goes double if you are a small child. Why, if you aren’t watched carefully, you are liable to choke yourself to death inside a plastic bag. Children are incredibly stupid, I believe science can back me up on that one.
As you may have heard, the American Academy of Pediatrics said earlier today that there should be labels on types of food that are choking hazards for small children. Hot dogs, grapes and small carrots rank among the most deadly for young children.
I know what you’re thinking. Back in my day, we ate out hot dogs cut up and dunked in ketchup. We didn’t get to eat whole hot dogs on a bun. No, we ate it sliced and we liked it that way. Does that mean that I had parents who actually paid attention to simple dangers as most parents should, thus negating the need for these labels in the first place? Hell no! In fact, I agree with the AAP. I think we need labels on more than just the types of foods they listed. Read more
Written by Bryan McBournieThe McBournie Minute: You make my flight so much worse
Posted on February 15, 2010
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You know what’s wrong with the airline industry? No, it’s not the excessive fees, it’s not the hassle of security, it’s not even the surly attitude airline personnel give their customers. It’s the people around you on the plane. They are the ones who do such annoying things that so easily blame the airline industry for.
Case in point: fat people. Noted fat person and movie director Kevin Smith was recently kicked off a Southwest plane (while it was on the ground) for being fat. Smith said he realizes he is chubby, but that his weight was not great enough to warrant being kicked off of a flight.
For those of you who have not had the experience, some airlines will now make you buy a second seat if you are unable to fit into one comfortably. It’s like cap and trade for calories. If there are no two seats next to each over available, you much vacate the craft. Read more
Written by Bryan McBournieThe McBournie Minute: I am now a broken man
Posted on February 8, 2010
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It’s all over, folks. There is nothing left to explore. There are no new wonders in the world to discover–at least when it comes to alcohol. And it’s all the New Zealand Antarctic Heritage Trust’s fault. (Side note: Is there an Old Zealand?)
The trust found the fabled lost whiskey of Sir Ernest Shackleton, which has been mellowing in the permafrost for a century. One can imagine it’s quite smooth at this point, more importantly, it was the booze of the famous explorer. Apparently the whiskey was sitting underneath Shackleton’s hut in Antarctica. The bottles were still in their boxes.
From what it sounds like, they’re not even planning to open them up and enjoy the liquor of a great man. What a waste. Read more
Written by Bryan McBournieThe McBournie Minute: Will Ferrell must die
Posted on February 1, 2010
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It was nearly a year ago that I sat on my couch watching Super Bowl commercials in between sips of beer. As I sat there, I saw Will Ferrell come on the screen. He was yelling and running away from a dinosaur. He did this for at least a minute. As buzzed as I was, I knew right then and there that Land of the Lost was not a movie I planned to see that summer.
Apparently, I made a good choice, because Ferrell is nominated for several Razzie awards for his performance in that movie. The movie itself has been nominated, and in case you’re wondering, yes, it’s an award for bad movies. At this point, I’m getting worried Ferrell is going to go all Eddie Murphy on us and just keep releasing bad movies for the hell of it.
It wasn’t always this way. He didn’t always suck. But in my opinion, his movie career peaked in 2004. I am, of course, speaking of a time, a time before cable, when the local anchorman reigned supreme. Read more
Written by Bryan McBournieThe McBournie Minute: There’s a reason network TV is free
Posted on January 25, 2010
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Television and I used to be really close friends–especially in the days when I wasn’t paying for it. However, cable prices have been skyrocketing over the years, making it one of the worst possible investments. With that in mind, I’ve tried to keep digital cable, and justify it to myself for a long time.
I’m starting to reconsider all this, because most of what I watch is available online or over the air waves, and I don’t even watch that much television anymore. Recently, I got a 40-inch HDTV, and might I say, it’s pretty sweet. But I don’t feel the need to pay extra to get HD channels. Why? Well, I’m often just listening to shows while I’m doing other things, so the quality doesn’t matter, just as long as I get sport in HD.
I get Netflix, so I’m catching up on a lot of my favorite shows, the few shows I do watch that are currently airing I typically watch online, and the networks all broadcast in HD for free, yes, free. So why do I keep paying for cable? It’s simple, the networks pretty much suck. Read more
Written by Bryan McBournieThe McBournie Minute: Bryan McBournie likes this
Posted on January 11, 2010
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In the past, I have bashed social media. For all my readers over 35, just go ahead and read “social media” as “that Facebook thing.” I’ve said that social media sucks, well I was wrong. Social media is awesome, well, really only Facebook. All those other things suck, and Twitter is basically on the edge of sucking, too.
I see so many of my friends spend most of their day on Facebook. What they do, I’m not entirely sure, but they sure enjoy doing it. Why is it that I can’t enjoy Facebook the way other people do? I took a while to think about this, and after careful consideration, I know now the reason.
Facebook sucks for me because of you. Read more
Written by Bryan McBournieThe McBournie Minute: TNA airport security
Posted on January 4, 2010
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Happy 2010, everyone. Glad you survived Y2K +10, which sort of sounds like an algebra equation. One of the major stories of late was the attempted bombing of a plane. Some kid in Africa failed to set his underwear on fire and suddenly there is a huge scare. Some people see this as a wake-up call. Some see it as a reason to take a train. Personally, I see it as a reason to get fat and get fat quick.
Remember the shoe bomber? He had issues lighting his shoes on fire. We all now have to take off our shoes when we go through security. Now we have the crotch bomber, who was probably made fun of in high school with just such a nickname. No, my perverted reader, we do not now have to take off our underwear, but it’s close.
We instead get to step into a machine that blows air at us from all directions and takes pictures. It’s called a full body scan, and it’s the latest weapon in the arsenal of freedom. Read more
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