Category: The McBournie Minute

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The McBournie Minute: Pumpkins bring out the worst in white people

Folks, it’s time for the white community to do some soul searching. I’m sure you all know what I’m talking about: the Keene Pumpkin Festival in New Hampshire. This past weekend was a terrible one for residents there, as college kids used the event to party and then riot for no reason other than there is nothing else to do in Keene, N.H.

Beers were drank, bottles were thrown, cars were flipped, bros were arrested and riot gear was dawned. An estimated 30 people were injured in the weekend-long riot at what was supposed to be a peaceful and family-friendly gathering of the mostly white population of Keene.

It’s safe to say that white people have finally taken the pumpkin spice trend too far. Continue reading

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The McBournie Minute: In defense of Christopher Columbus

This is one of those weird holidays. Some people have it off, some don’t. Some people think it’s a terrible day to celebrate, some don’t. I believe Christopher Columbus was the original American. Here’s why. (Originally published Oct. 8, 2012)

Years ago, Columbus Day was a major holiday for the Italian community. Think St. Patrick’s Day, but with less puke, more mustaches and the same amount of Catholics. It’s probably still celebrated that way in some areas of the U.S., but it’s just not the big deal it once was, in part because we figured out that Columbus wasn’t the first European to find the New World, that honor belongs to the Vikings, most likely.

It’s a strange quasi-holiday. Some people have it off, most people don’t, and no one is sure how to celebrate it. I never had it off as a kid, but I heard tell of a time, also known as When My Parents Were Kids, when Columbus Day meant a long weekend, even for students. Since then, a lot of people have said, “Hey, this Columbus guy didn’t really ‘discover’ America, because there were civilizations living here long before he showed up.”

Well, hippies, here’s why it’s an important holiday, particularly in the U.S. Continue reading

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The McBournie Minute: White House intruders you’ve never heard of

The hot new trend in Washington, D.C. is to hop the White House fence. It’s the federal equivalent of running on to the field during a baseball game, except the security is in better shape and more heavily armed. But lately those in charge of keeping the presidential mansion safe have gotten heat for some big failures.

Most notably was Omar Gonzalez, a mentally ill veteran, who got into the White House and sprinted into the East Room, before an off-duty Secret Service agent tackled him. A guy wearing a Pokemon hat hopped the fence a week earlier. And in June, a toddler squeezed through the fence and wandered around before she was wrangled in.

But there have been even crazier breaches of White House security that have happened in recent decades. We’ve just forgotten about them. Continue reading

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The McBournie Minute: 4 ways beer is good for you

Wine kind of sucks. It’s the only type of alcohol that comes in a big bottle and goes bad if you don’t drink it all. It also makes you look like you have lipstick on. No one has ever talked about a bottle of wine and not sounded like a douche. You don’t go out to a bar after work and order a glass of red. Basically, unless you don’t like beer for some reason (don’t trust these people), over 40, or happen to be in Europe, there’s no good reason to drink wine.

You wouldn’t know that if you looked at modern science. It seems like every other week there’s a new story talking about how wine makes you stronger or thinner or some other random health benefit. These drunken scientists in their cabernet-stained lab coats like to tell us all how great wine is, but they forget their own bias. They’re so focused on wine that they forgot to test other, more delicious types of alcohol.

Namely, beer. Continue reading

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The McBournie Minute: You’re voting for jerks

America is a big country. We’re spread across the entire width of a continent. We live in different areas, we have different jobs, we eat different foods and we have different priorities. We’re pretty diverse, when it comes down to it.

But we’re all Americans, and we all believe that means something. That’s why we care so much about the state of our country. We believe we each know what is best for the entire nation, and we seek to put people in federal office that will shape the U.S. the way we want it to be shaped. It’s just frustrating that the people everyone else votes for are assholes.

Our mutual hatred of the people we elect may be the only thing that keeps Americans together, if you believe a new study. Continue reading

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The McBournie Minute: Old man Gene Simmons complains about music these days

Everyone’s rightfully admonishing Ray Rice, the Baltimore Ravens and the NFL since the new video leaked. I don’t have anything new to add to that. If you weren’t outraged when the news broke in March, or when the first video leaked days later, or when the NFL gave him just a two-game suspension, or all of the victim-blaming in major sports media, if it took today’s video to finally spark your rage, there are many other outlets you can turn to today.

Here, we’re going to talk about another, if less significant happening. Gene Simmons is known as the outspoken bassist from Kiss, one of those 70s bands that people just can’t seem to get over. You know him because he’s everywhere. If you have a microphone, he’ll stop by and say a few words about himself. In an Esquire interview published last week, Simmons said that rock ‘n roll is dead.

Dr. Love has pronounced it dead, so pack it up, everyone. Continue reading

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The McBournie Minute: New York, the new capital of extreme sports

For the past, oh let’s say 13 years, America has kind of been on a tight security kick. There’s more crap you have to go through to get into important buildings, and stadiums are using security as an excuse to check your bags for outside food. And to make sure everyone is safe, you have to take your shoes off at the airport.

One city with a mentality toward security is New York City, naturally. It only makes sense that a city that was once attacked in a horrific way would take steps to ensure it never happened again. After losing so many lives and such a symbol of pride, New York City is more secure than ever.

And if you believe that, I’ve got a bridge for you to scale. Continue reading

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The McBournie Minute: Dying to take a selfie

I like to think of myself as a well-informed consumer of media. I don’t always trust a news source just because it is able to put words on a page. Instead, I read a lot of news and then draw my own conclusions, as any thoughtful citizen of the world should do.

It’s because I am so versed in media literacy that I feel especially good when I work myself into hysterics because of a handful of incidents happening around the world at any given time. That’s why I’m here to plead with you: Please stop taking selfies. Not because it might make you sad if people don’t like them, not because your lady friends will judge you, and not even because it’s a fake word that is now treated like a real one in Scrabble.

Your selfie just might kill you. Continue reading

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The McBournie Minute: That’s enough, Dan Aykroyd

Hey internet, I have a request. I know I tend to come up with these from time to time, (example: stop posting pictures of your face, food and children every single day) but this one I think is a bit easier to embrace: stop getting worked up about another Ghostbusters movie. It’s never going to happen–at least in any form you recognize.

Like so many other people born in the 1980s, I’m enjoying seeing some of my favorite toys and cartoons reimagined on the big screen. I don’t necessarily enjoy the CGI-infested reboots myself, but it’s nice to see new generations getting their own chance with them. If nothing else, it makes me think my childhood wasn’t completely wasted.

But how about we stop clamoring for another Ghostbusters movie? Continue reading

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The McBournie Minute: The deli that changed the world

A hundred years ago today the World War I: The Phantom Menace began. Unless we’re talking about birthdays or wedding anniversaries, marking the years since an event happened really doesn’t serve much more purpose other than to sell books or fill time on Pardon The Interruption. (What is it with those guys? They have a “Happy Ann’y” for the most meaningless stuff in sports.)

However, marking a century since the beginning of a massive war that claimed at least 39 million lives seems somewhat appropriate, doesn’t it? After all, WWI gave us some of the 20th century’s greatest hits: machine guns, poison gas and Adolf Hitler, all of which have made American movies what they are today.

But it almost never happened. In fact, the whole thing only occurred because one guy was hungry. Continue reading