Category: The McBournie Minute

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The McBournie Minute: You’re not moving to Canada

For as long as there has been a United States of America, there has been a Canada sitting on top of it. Except for that time when there were two Canadas. I think there was a War Between the Provinces or something, I’m not up on Canadian history. But Canada has been there for a really, really long time.

It’s been there in our time of need. The Canadians were there to supply us with booze when Americans decided that we should all stop drinking for some reason. It has also given us some great comedians and mostly crappy musicians, all while letting us film our movies and TV shows there for tax purposes.

So it seems natural that we would see it as a place of refuge today. But you really need to stop that nonsense. You’re not moving to Canada. Continue reading

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The McBournie Minute: Worst ads of Super Bowl L

Another Super Bowl has come and gone, and man, were there some bad commercials this year. One honorable mention has to go to Bud Light, Amy Schumer and Seth Rogen for hyping their ad for weeks and then not really delivering much of anything. Nice going, guys. The other, everything Doritos did for the game, and pretty much any ad it’s done in the past decade.

I managed to avoid watching the commercials ahead of time, not because I wanted to have a clear head to write this or anything, I just wanted to be able to repreatedly shush an entire room of people multiple times in one night. And it paid off. Also, the fact that these ads are online before the Super Bowl even arrives makes it seem like we should stop caring about commercials during the game of all games.

So let’s run down my worst commercials of Super Bowl 50. Continue reading

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The McBournie Minute: Grumpy white men

I was going to start off this year with a column about things that are certain to happen. I had some pretty good ideas, too. But then some white dudes in Oregon decided to play fort over the weekend. So I’ll write about that instead. It’s what everyone seems to be talking about, and without publishing my predictions, I can say I totally called something without the hassle of backing it up. So when Donald Trump flames out in the primaries this year, I totally called it, bro.

We’re not even a week into 2016, and we’ve already got a fun news story to distract us from crappy news from overseas. It’s also something that your friends on Facebook can get upset about, because that’s all people use it for these days, and there hasn’t been much news out there lately.

This protest is the greatest thing to happen this year. And here’s why. Continue reading

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The McBournie Minute: The ‘Star Wars’ franchise is overrated

When I was in sixth grade, my friend Michael explained to me that there were supposed to be more than just three Star Wars movies. His uncle worked at Industrial Lights and Magic, and was involved in the animation of the light sabers and blasters. He explained that the reason the original (and then, the only) trilogy had episode titles was that George Lucas had a master plan for trilogies to take place before and after the movies we knew.

Less than a decade later, the world had three new Star Wars films to enjoy. They weren’t worth the wait, but that didn’t stop fans from keeping up their appetites for more. When The Phantom Menace was released, everyone hoped the next one would be better, then they hoped the third one would be the prequel they had dreamed of. It didn’t happen that way.

Perhaps it’s time we stop getting so excited about Star Wars. Continue reading

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The McBournie Minute: NFL mustaches don’t donate to Movember

Halloween has come and gone, and if you’re friends with Rick Snee or Bryan Schools on Facebook, you are well aware that it’s Movember. Yes, it’s that month where some of us pretend that mustaches are cool so we can raise awareness about … something involving dudes and health. It used to be man cancers, and now it seems like various things that affect men’s health.

I’m a dude, so dude health is way up there on my list of priorities. So I guess I have to be on the side of this vague cause. And if you know a guy and are concerned about his health, you should support it, too.

The problem is that groups like the NFL use it to just make a quick buck. Continue reading

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The McBournie Minute: Primary season isn’t real

Today is election day in Canada. Our friends are going to the polls today to decide who is going to run their country. But who cares about Canada? We’re just 13 months away from the U.S. presidential election, so let’s focus on that instead.

If your Facebook feed is any indication, it’s primary season, and that’s super important. We as Americans get the rare treat of directly choosing who will head the executive branch of our federal government for a period of four years. On top of that, the current guy isn’t eligible for another term, which means that both parties are trying to figure out who to run. It’s double the excitement, and it’s doubly important we get involved in the process. After all, our country’s future is at stake.

Except it really isn’t important right now. Continue reading

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The McBournie Minute: In defense of Christopher Columbus

This is one of those weird holidays. Some people have it off, some don’t. Some people think it’s a terrible day to celebrate, some don’t. I believe Christopher Columbus was the original American. Here’s why. (Originally published Oct. 8, 2012)

Years ago, Columbus Day was a major holiday for the Italian community. Think St. Patrick’s Day, but with less puke, more mustaches and the same amount of Catholics. It’s probably still celebrated that way in some areas of the U.S., but it’s just not the big deal it once was, in part because we figured out that Columbus wasn’t the first European to find the New World, that honor belongs to the Vikings, most likely.

It’s a strange quasi-holiday. Some people have it off, most people don’t, and no one is sure how to celebrate it. I never had it off as a kid, but I heard tell of a time, also known as When My Parents Were Kids, when Columbus Day meant a long weekend, even for students. Since then, a lot of people have said, “Hey, this Columbus guy didn’t really ‘discover’ America, because there were civilizations living here long before he showed up.”

Well, hippies, here’s why it’s an important holiday, particularly in the U.S. Continue reading

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The McBournie Minute: 90s shows aren’t as good as you remember

People call my generation “the Millennials,” which I’ve always found odd, because I grew up being told we were Generation Y, which sounds way better. I’m not a fan of articles lumping entire generations into a single term, as if everyone born within that 15-year time span had the exact same life experiences. I particularly dislike it because it’s always used for articles not so subtly asking, “What’s with these young folks, anyway? We were so much better when we were their age!”

It’s like the members of that generation completely forgot their parents’ generation was saying the same thing about them a few decades earlier. They also seem to forget that they raised the younger generation, and that they are in power to make the world a better place for these hipsters with their craft beers and skinny jeans. Nevertheless, sometimes these generational labels have to be used, because these demarcations exist in people’s minds.

So for classification’s sake, I hate that my generation is becoming as nostalgic as the Baby Boomers. Continue reading

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The McBournie Minute: Ashley Madison proves we’re all privacy hypocrites

We live in a future where privacy is not only rare, it’s openly mocked. We trust our personal data to corporations either voluntarily or unknowingly, and then we’re surprised when that information isn’t well-guarded or used responsibly. Getting hacked isn’t a good thing, but now it seems like it’s an eventuality.

That’s why almost everyone has reacted in the wrong way to the Ashley Madison hacking. Last week, hackers released information about tens of millions of the site’s customers. Their names, addresses, credit card numbers, email addresses and more are now out there for the world to see. People’s private information is out there for anyone to misuse.

So why are people so gleeful about it? Continue reading

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The McBournie Minute: Drinking the cola

Late last week, a blog post about drinking soda went viral. I don’t know how Facebook curates its tending news stories list, but for some reason, the site thought I’d be interested in reading about it. Normally, I avoid blog posts about nutrition, weight loss and stuff like that, because they’re all written by kooks with clear agendas. There’s no reason to believe unsupported health claims made by someone writing for something like Vegan Heroes Against GMO than if they were writing about how Obama is the devil for Libertarian Tea Party Bald Eagles United.

But typically stories like that are posted by the friends you avoid having conversations with for good reason. This one was in that Facebook news feed thing, which doesn’t mean it’s more credible, but it at least means a lot of people are reading it, so I decided to check it out.

Hoo boy, was it informative. Let’s break this one down. Continue reading