The McBournie Minute: The end is near
Posted on August 18, 2008
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The world is coming to an end. I know this, because a pamphlet stuck under my windshield wiper told me so. Someone came along to long term parking at Thurgood Marshall Baltimore-Washington International Airport and left it there.
The pamphlet was, oddly enough, from someone who started his own church, or sect, or splinter group, because no one would believe him. We know of course this means he is right, because only crazy people belong to churches of millions. I can’t tell you what his name is, or what his church’s name is, because I balled the pamphlet up and threw it away, but I do know that we are all going to die and it is going to happen very, very soon. Read more
Written by Bryan McBournieThe McBournie Minute: Olympic creepiness
Posted on August 11, 2008
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As we have been covering recently, the Olympics have begun and the world has come together to compete on the field of sports. Nations have gathered to cheer on their athletes in the interest of seeing their country do the best, and watching underage people in tight clothing.
I know that it may come as a shock to some people, but a lot of the atheletes in the Olympics are only teenagers. If you can’t tell, just wait until they are interviewed and count the number of times you hear the word “like.” Many of these youngsters are in gymnastics, a few are even in diving events. The U.K. has a kid on its team, in which event I cannot remember, and he is 13. Yes, he looks like Harry Potter. Read more
Written by Bryan McBournieThe McBournie Minute: What a bunch of Croc
Posted on August 4, 2008
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I am just back from a week-long vacation at the beach–I know you missed me, but let’s avoid the joyful reunion in the interest of saving us both some time.
At the beach, one can find many things, like seaweed, shells and overweight white people. One can look across the sand dunes and see and endless horizon of umbrellas, towels, chairs and even the occasional kite. Aside from the annoying gulls, screaming children, sand blowing in your face, radios on way too loud and Speedos, the beach can be a very relaxing place to spend one’s time. That is until a new threat emerged: Crocs. Read more
Written by Bryan McBournieThe McBournie Minute: Dressing up for movies is redundant
Posted on July 21, 2008
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As we saw over the weekend, the youth of America are not only enthusiastic about movies they have been anticipating for months and months, but they are incredibly huge dorks. It’s a rare occurrence, but every now and then, there is a movie sequel that comes out that fans are so enthused about, they are determined to go see the movie opening night–dressed up as their favorite characters.
Folks, this isn’t Halloween. We know you really, really like Batman, but you look like a fool. What is worse is that now I can’t see over your stupid cowl or your oompa-loompa green wig. But let’s not pick on just The Dark Knight crowd. Any movie that has some sort of a cult following will inevitably have those cult members go out in public and declare their cult membership by dressing up as Gandalf the wizard. Read more
Written by Bryan McBournieThe McBournie Minute: The Bud is no longer for you
Posted on July 14, 2008
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Just announced this morning is some bad news: the Belgian-owned InBev has bought Anheuser-Busch for $52 billion. While I am not really shocked by the announcement, we mentioned the potential deal a month ago, I am quite dismayed.
I am not and never have been a fan of Budweiser products, not unless I wanted larger burps and a worse headache. The taste of Bud was never pleasing to me, either. But what is sad is that now one of America’s prides, not to mention the country’s largest brewer, is foreign owned. Over a century ago, European immigrants, many of them German, took their recipes to the U.S. in hopes of making new beer. Their names were Anheuser, Busch, Schlitz, Coors and Miller. Now, nearly all of them are owned by Europeans. Read more
Written by Bryan McBournieThe McBournie Minute: Save me from the superheroes
Posted on July 7, 2008
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It’s not exactly news to anyone that Hollywood is out of ideas creatively. They have been for at least a decade now. Television and cinema are quite possibly the best examples of how we as Americans love having our favorite shows repackaged and sold again to us. There are so many tangents on this point, but I am going to stick with one that is especially topical this summer: superheroes.
Iron Man. The Incredible Hulk. Hancock. The Dark Knight. I myself am guilty of wanting to see these movies. In May I said I wanted to see them this summer because they looked good, but in truth, of the three out so far, I have only seen one. It is not that they suddenly lost their appeal to me, it is just that I can only watch the same thing so many times in a row and justify paying for it. Read more
Written by Bryan McBournieThe McBournie Minute: It’s all about you
Posted on June 30, 2008
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If you are reading this, there is a pretty good chance you are a pervert. I say that not to be offensive, but to point out that you, the reader, seem to find us through some rather unorthodox searches online. So, like this blog’s authors, our readers are freaky-deaky.
According to our site’s info-gathering stuff (”dohickeys” is the proper term), day after day the most commonly searched for phrase that leads to SG is, ready for it? “Inverted nipples.” Now, I am not really sure what these are, but it sounds to me like some people out there enjoy breasts that are concave or something. Really? People find that hot? Who are these people and who even knew inverted nipples existed (aside from Bryan Schools).
Hit the jump to find out what you apparently are into. Read more
Written by Bryan McBournieThe McBournie Minute: Passing of a legend
Posted on June 23, 2008
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By now, many of you have probably heard the sad news this morning that George Carlin died yesterday. I know you are thinking I should not care about celebrity deaths, but it would be a major faux pas on this blog’s part if there was not some mention or tribute paid to Carlin, though he himself would probably tell you he doesn’t deserve it–not because he was modest, but because he is made from the same diseased, festering piles of humanity that the rest of us are. Even so, when the someone like Carlin passes away, the comedic world is shaken to its core.
I remember when I saw him perform in Burlington, Vermont several years ago. Not being a big town, Carlin used the performance, as many comedians do, to try out new material and figure out what works. I was amazed at how this man, then in his late 60s, was so full of energy, almost to the point of hyperactivity. Here was a man I had grown to admire as I was exposed more and more to him in my high school days. My parents, who were sitting right next to me, had grown up listening to his edgy comedy. Read more
Written by Bryan McBournieThe McBournie Minute: Finish the space station already
Posted on June 16, 2008
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With a space shuttle landing yesterday and the Discovery Channel’s three-part documentary about NASA, When We Left Earth, space has been in the news a lot lately. Of course, space is all about cooperation and brotherly love these days. But for the first 40 years of space flight there was more of an “eff you, we’re going to beat you there” mentality. Perhaps we need to go back to that, if for no other reason than to get things done.
I remember first hearing about the International Space Station when I was in fourth grade, this was 1993 One of my teachers put on the overhead projector a snapshot of how the ISS would look when it was completed. A couple years later, I remember stumbling across it in an encyclopedia, I was probably looking for the definition of “isthmus” or something. There again was a computer-generated model of the huge structure orbiting the Earth. The caption underneath it said it would be completed around the year 2000.
It’s 2008 and the damn thing still is not finished. Read more
Written by Bryan McBournieThe McBournie Minute: On to the general election!
Posted on June 9, 2008
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The primaries are now over, finally. Once again, I was right. As I predicted after the Iowa caucus, the two winners there would go on to be the presidential candidates. I predicted the outcome correctly, Barack Obama snagged the Democratic ticket, while Mike Huckabee won it months ago for the Republican (presumed) nomination.
The one thing I was wrong about was that the primaries would be over in a heartbeat. Hey, you can’t get them all, but where else can you turn for such dead-on election analysis? Luckily, I suggested making drinking games out of the process to help pass the time. You are probably thankful you can take a Tuesday night off from blacking out. Read more
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