The McBournie Minute: Don’t get excited

With the end of the holiday season, and the beginning of “Oh crap, we still have months left of this miserable weather” season, we often try to find things to believe in. We all need that thing to hope for, to look forward to, to get us through. It’s a stupid mental trick we do to ourselves.

It’s time we stop tricking ourselves into looking forward to things. It’s going to be crappy for a long time, and the sooner we all acknowledge this, the better our chances are of moving on. We don’t need winter escapism, we need to face reality and somehow make our peace with it. It’s unfair of us to put so much pressure on these things we hope for.

So I’m here to tell you why you shouldn’t get excited about things around the corner. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Don’t get excited

The McBournie Minute: Confessions at the end of the world

I never thought it would end like this. Then again, I’m sure that’s what everyone ever has said when their end finally comes. No one imagines how the end will come. Most of us try to ignore that there will be an end at all, really. Those who do, probably just give their best guess given the type of life they lead and various risks they take. So here we are, in the midst of our last week on Earth, and it’s nothing like I thought it would be.

First off, either the media is just suppressing reports of End of Days orgies around the world, or they simply aren’t happening. My local liquor store has yet to be looted, and there don’t seem to be any fires spreading throughout the city. This is the end of the world, and it feels shockingly like every other day. At least I can say I’ll never see 30.

But before I go, I’ve got a few things to get off of my chest. It’s confession/ rant time. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Confessions at the end of the world

The McBournie Minute: Killer app

Apple’s iPhone changed the cell phone game several years ago, but now competitors have caught up, and rather than innovating, the phone seems to be content just being the same as it was with a few minor tweaks. This may keep the faithful hanging on, but it doesn’t do much to excite potential customers.

In a market that is flooded with devices that get better and better, and do more and more, Apple has once again found a way to separate itself from the pack. They have decided to aim themselves at a niche group, but one that is likely growing all the time: the thrill-seekers.

Introducing the iPhone 5, the first smart phone that could kill you. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Killer app

The McBournie Minute: 1st txt evr, LOLZ

This is a pretty historic week. I’m not talking about the anniversary of the attack on Pearl Harbor on Friday, no, I mean historic. Like really important, you guys. Today in 1992, the first text message was sent. And we have been shortening the English language ever since.

It’s pretty amazing that Short Messaging Service, or SMS, as we know it today, has been around so long. Let’s keep in mind that in 1992, car phones were about as common as cell phones. And cell phones themselves were pretty much the Zack Morris ones we think of today, should strap and all.

So what was the first ever text message? Continue reading The McBournie Minute: 1st txt evr, LOLZ

The McBournie Minute: It’s raining Social Security numbers

In the modern world, we all must guard our personal information as best as we can. Social media, banks and other important sites get hacked with regularity. Here at SG, we put your personal privacy first, which is why we don’t make you log in to anything here, and we’re too lazy to really care about your personal information, anyway.

However, not all identity theft comes from the Internet, sometimes, they come from some very analog places. Last week, we were all reminded of this when the confetti from the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade ended up being shredded police documents.

Now that’s a reason to watch the parade. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: It’s raining Social Security numbers

The McBournie Minute: A day for toilets

I don’t have to tell you that we’re heading into a very special time of year. It’s a time when family and friends get together to celebrate, feast and watch football. It’s a very special holiday, that we always celebrate this week, as only we can. We just have to remember to wash our hands.

This holiday is one of my favorites, because, while we think of it as uniquely American, there’s something in it for everyone in the world, and it’s something I remind myself of several times a day. What can I say? I just love this day.

That’s right, everyone, today is World Toilet Day. What did you get me? Continue reading The McBournie Minute: A day for toilets

The McBournie Minute: Is James Bond really a spy?

When I was a kid, there were these things called video rental stores. My family always went to the same one until it closed down because something opened up closer by. One time when we walked in, they had a big display with copies of seemingly every James Bond movie ever made. Looking back on it now, it must have been around when License to Kill was released in theaters in 1989, or when it made it to video.

I had heard of James Bond, and though I was under 10, I realized that these were violent movies I wasn’t allowed to watch, and the covers of the video tapes told me there was something about the scantily-clad women on the covers that I was somehow missing. However, I did think that the title of Octopussy was sort of funny, even if I didn’t really know why.

But even back then, I wondered if James Bond was even a spy in the first place. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Is James Bond really a spy?

The McBournie Minute: Political interruptions

We’re one day away from the election, and it’s nearly over. We’ve been targeted, pandered to, and had some of our annoying friends even post their own opinions in caps lock. Feeling the voter burnout? If you don’t live in a swing state, you have nothing to complain about. Here in Virginia, ads in TV, radio and print have been assaulting us at literally every single turn. So that’s why I’m not going to talk about the election today.

Instead, I’m here to talk to you about one of the worst threats our country, indeed, our very livelihoods, face today: whales. Sure, they have inspired some pretty good books, but they have also inspired some pretty crappy movies, too. But it gets worse, these huge hulks are dying, and then allowing themselves to drift onto our beaches and into our harbors, creating a smelly mess, and there’s nothing we can do about it.

We’ll get into a deeper discussion of this after this commercial break. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Political interruptions

The McBournie Minute: Tips for surviving any storm

In case you missed the sound of wind lashing the side of the building, Hurricane Sandy is here, which means that federal workers and schoolchildren alike have the day off. Many of us don’t have that luxury, and have been forced to either go into work, or to work from home, all the while wondering when that tree is going to fall on our car.

Sandy is no ordinary hurricane, not by a longshot. Named for every meteorologists’ favorite character from Grease, Sandy is fresh off of wreaking havoc in the Caribbean, it chugged its way up to the U.S., and was actually heading out to sea when a cold front pulled it back in, like Michael Corleone in The Godfather Part III. (Hurricane Sandy is a big movie buff.) And now it’s combining with that cold front and a nor’easter to turn into what NOAA has dubbed the “Frankenstorm.”

Let’s remember, this is a dangerous storm and everyone in the Mid-Atlantic and Northeast needs to take this seriously. So I put together some safety tips for all of you.
Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Tips for surviving any storm

The McBournie Minute: Lance Armstrong, avid bike rider

Damn you, Lance Armstrong.

For those of you who haven’t heard by now, Lance Armstrong has been stripped of his seven Tour de France (or in English, “Tour of France”) titles amid some pretty conclusive evidence that he was doping the whole time. He has been battling these allegations for years, but a recent report was the nail in the coffin for him. I’m not upset with him because he cheated. To me, that’s perfectly acceptable, at least in this context.

No, I hate him because he made me side with the French. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Lance Armstrong, avid bike rider