Guys, as you probably noticed on Facebook, there isn’t a Take it from Snee this week. That’s because I’m too busy working on this week’s issue of the Rick Snee Antidisestablishmentarian Militia.
And, let me tell you, this has not been an easy one to put together. People seem to be really on our case after Friday’s tragic shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut. As you’ve noticed, we and the NRA have been quiet this week, and for good reason: we don’t have to say a word. Our members will do it for us. It’s called viral marketing, and they have caught Second Amendment Fever!
So, as the nation mourns (again), RAM has nothing to say except that this was a terrible tragedy, and words cannot express how pained we are. Nor can we offer any insight into the actions on that terrible day … but here’s what some ordinary, normal folks (*wink*) have said for us on Facebook and Twitter.
As August winds down, it’s time for college students to return to their studies. And students returning to Colorado University will each face the mother of all decisions when moving into dorms: smoking? Or non-smoking? Not cigarettes, mind you, but barrels.
James Manley, the attorney who represented the student guns-rights group in court (and most appropriately named proponent of holstered penises everywhere), will be examining this segregated living arrangement along with restrictions forbidding them from taking their weapons into non-smoking dorms and ticketed sprting and cultural events on campus. Student life-rights activists have countered, arguing that all gunshot victims are technically secondhand gunsmoke victims.
As an Internet comedy writer, it’s my job to be funny. Unfortunately, I just can’t do that this week because some … not gonna mince words here … jerk shot and killed at least a dozen people and wounded even more at a midnight showing of The Dark Knight Rises last week.
It’s a tragedy, which means that some topics are not appropriate to discuss, like gun control. And they won’t be appropriate to talk about again until the next shooting spree, which means they’ll be in poor taste again.
Speaking of women getting shot in the legs, another one took a bullet at — of all places — a gun safety course in Virginia. The instructor told police that he had just left the room when he heard a gunshot. One of the students had shot his wife in the leg, but made it look more like an accident by sending the bullet through his own leg first.
It appears that gun owners are taking the open War on Women a little too seriously. If only women would learn that we’re like mama bears, and you don’t get between us and our ammo cubs.
According to research from UCLA’s Center for Behavior, Evolution and Culture, people shown pictures of hands holding guns are more likely to overestimate the height and muscularity of the man holding it by an entire two inches. Meanwhile, hands holding caulk guns and power drills were seen as merely compensatory (hand tools being the Ferraris of the man accoutrement world) and subtracted inches.
So, pull your piece in public. And, thanks to more states allowing guns in bars, you can show off your juggling skills with your gun, beer and trivia buzzer. (They laughed at you for going to Clown College, but who’s laughing now?Nobody, you big man, you.)
In many states, gun owners looking to earn their concealed carry permit must prove to a licensed agent that they are mentally sound and capable of making prudent decisions. What that constitutes, however, is not always clear.
In a recent radio ad, Keller announced an upcoming concealed carry course and that “Socialist liberals,” Barack Obama voters and “non-Christian Arabs or Muslims” would not not be permitted to attend. The latter two exemptions are, of course, in violation of the Texas Department of Public Safety licensing policy:
“Conduct by an instructor that denied service to individuals on the basis of race, ethnicity, or religion would place that instructor’s certification at risk.”
We’d like to congratulate Mr. Keller for not only providing a rock-solid example of what kind of people probably shouldn’t carry concealed handguns, but for proving that old adage wrong: Those who teach can do (stupid things.)
Contrary to what the headline implies, no, I haven’t modernized “Rock, Paper, Scissors” into a post-Victorian world. (Although there is room for “Steam-Roshambo.”)
This is actually a very simple, straightforward thesis: axes are better than guns.
As the founder of the Rick Snee Antidisestablishmentarianism Militia, I believe in the right to bear all arms, including–but only starting with–guns. At this stage of defending the second amendment, it’s high time we finally acknowledged that guns, while certainly “arms,” are kind of a sissy thing to wield unless you’re fighting the military.
According to one of the lawmakers, State Rep. Tim Bearden, “Posting a metal sign that says ‘Gun-Free Zone’ is not going to stop a terrorist or any criminal intent on doing harm to law-abiding citizens.”
And Bearden’s right. A terrorist could pull a gun at the Delta counter. Or in the parking lot. Or in the men’s room when we’re just looking for a handie.
That’s why we need armed private citizens patrolling our airports for other armed private citizens. And to expedite this recruitment, we shouldn’t waste time with bothersome tests like in, say, law enforcement, airport security, anti-terrorist operations, the ability to use said weapon or basic logic.
It appears the Pentagon shooting could have been prevented.
According to law enforcement officials, the officers were shot by guns with a previous criminal history. Unfortunately, thanks to Tennessee and other states’ lax gun laws, the handguns were back out on the street, waiting to be bought legally by some guy, who would carry them so they could commit another crime.
The answer is simple, people. Once a gun has committed a violent crime, they have chosen to become enemies of the society we’ve worked to hard to make (by shooting the Native Americans that were in our way).
We’re not saying that all guns are bad–just the ones that go bad. So please, when you are about to bring a new gun into your home, make sure to give it a thorough background check before exposing it to your family.