Virginia is for gun lovers

It’s a big day for RAM members in Virginia, as the House of Delegates has passed a slew of laws to ease gun enforcement in the Commonwealth. Among the best ones which passed the Senate and await signing:

  • Repealing the one-gun-a-month sales limit. Now you can buy all of your relatives guns for Christmas at the last minute.
  • Allowing “gun owners without a concealed carry permit to lock handguns in a vehicle or boat.” Because hiding a gun in your car or boat until it’s time to spring it on someone isn’t the same thing as concealing it.
  • Allowing “those with a concealed carry permit to take hidden guns into restaurants that sell alcohol as long as they don’t drink.” Thank God. There is nobody scarier than the drunk Happy Hourers in TGIFridays. It’s well-documented that bikers drinking Mojo-jitos at the Olive Garden are twice as likely to wedgie you than bikers at home.

But the greatest one of all, which must still pass through the Senate:

  • Banning “localities from being able to prohibit hunting within a half-mile of a subdivision, but allow them to prohibit hunting within a subdivision.” The deer have been allowed to use human shields for too long. Sorry, subdivision-dwellers, but you’re gonna have to put up with some friendly fire. We’re at war, and those who would sacrifice a little safety for liberty deserve neither.

Take it from Snee: Explaining guns at health care protests

Rick Snee Antidisestablishmentarianism Militia

August 1, 2009 Meeting Minutes

Attendance: 3,171, of which 3,101 were new members as of November 5, 2008.

Icebreaker: Loudest gun mods and quietest homemade silencers contest

Pat Simmons won for loudest gun modification by adding a police siren and glass pack to his Browning Automatic Rifle.

He narrowly edged out second place, (his brother) Greg Simmons’ similar modification, by yelling, “USA!” very loudly while firing. Greg tried to yell, too, but he had already lost his voice at the Ted Nugget tribute show last night at the Flying-J.

Jerome Lyzon won for quietest homemade silencer by skewering a summer sausage with his .357 magnum. For the record, Lyzon added that there’s nothing gay to be taken from that and shut up, you’re queer. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Explaining guns at health care protests

Prestigious colleges have old rules

In a typical bleeding-heart, anti-gun fashion, this story doesn’t mention that you have to shoot somebody in order to graduate from Morehouse College.

They can’t take our ammo, only we can

In the post 100-days of Barack Obama’s presidency, gun enthusiasts are suddenly finding it hard to find ammunition.

The cause of this de facto ammo ban? Other gun owners.

Because Obama is black and must, therefore, listen to Chris Rock, they’re buying up so much of the stuff that gun shop owners are reporting that they haven’t received new shipments on certain makes for four months, including .380 (little pocket guns) and .38 Special (Colbert’s Sweetness).

So, the gun issue may be finally resolved after all: when gun owners starve to death buying $4,000 limited edition cases of Desert Eagle rounds on EBay. (Then you may pry them out of our hands.)

Keeping it too real

Rico Todriquez Wright was so impressed with his shooting prowess that he mentioned a victim by name in one of his rap songs. What the braggart forgot to mention is that, while he can shoot a person, he apparently can’t kill one.

The victim, Chad Blue, heard the song and played it for the police. Fortunately, he did not receive a noise citation, but only because he was presenting evidence.

Rico “Not So Suave” Wright’s phat confession landed him in prison for the next 20 years on an aggravated assault beat.

When is a gun not a gun?

How would you describe a gun to, oh, let’s say … Oliver Cromwell? Oliver Cromwell it is.

You’d probably say something like, “It’s a weapon from which a shot is discharged by a controlled powder explosion, usually small and hand-held, and carrying one makes you look awesome.”

But did you mention to him that a gun must also have been manufactured after 1896?

Not only is this news to Cromwell’s musket troops in English Civil War, but also to two U.S. prosecutors who could not prove that a defendant’s gun was, in fact, a gun. The weapon in question was possibly manufactured in 1880, which makes it possibly 16 years too old to be considered a firearm according to federal code.

So, Fun Fact for RAM Members:
It’s just assault if you use an arquebus, not assault with a deadly weapon. At least not here in the U.S. Who knows what kind of weaponry they still cling to in older, backwoodsier places like Denmark?

(Postscript: The guy with the mystery gun was still convicted of felony possession of ammunition … You know, for the “gun.”)

Office of Boob Investigations under siege

The few, the proud, the DoTWe’ve long been proponents of the Second Amendment on this site, whether you plan on using your arms on animals or the government itself. (Our FBI profile just went up a notch with that sentence.)

We’ve wondered when the government would overstep its boundaries and attack the very institutions we hold dear. The police of Louisville, Kentucky have arrested one of our duly-appointed Official Boob Inspectors, which is the policing body of the Department of Titillation. They’ve trumped up a charge of “impersonating an officer” and will probably hold him indefinitely.

By taking away our means and standards of evaluating breasts, the government has rendered us defenseless against imposter mammories of dubious quality. It’s only a matter of time before the Internet is full of saggy man-tits and we settle for third or even fourth inverted nipples.

This blog is not suggesting that the good citizens of Louisville demand this brave inspector’s release through rioting and violence. That would be irresponsible. We just ask that they think of the porn and how this government interference will affect all of us.

The right of the people to run red lights shall not be infringed

Do you believe red-light cameras violate your right to privacy, but can’t find a convincing arguement against them? A Knoxville resident has tested their safety with his .30-06 high powered rifle.

.30-06 Rifles: the tools for this important experiment
The result: Red light cameras are typically encased in “bullet resistant” housings that cannot stop a high-powered rifle round. The camera’s lens was shattered, rendering the camera incapable of ticketing.

Finding: The plating used on the red light camera increases the possibility of ricochet damage from small arms fire to nearby homes and businesses.

So if you can’t argue your constitutional right to run red lights, you can argue against the cameras’ safety to the community, thanks to the Second Amendment. For more information, contact your local chapter of the Rick Snee Antidisestablismentarian Militia.

Happiness is a warm gun

Rudy Giuliani is going out of his way to prove he’s, as Chris Rock would say, a mammal that breathes air and drink water. He took a call from his wife mid-press conference, ending with, “Goodbye, sweetheart, I love you.”

To prove the validity of his presidential bid further, he also suggested “[MoveOn.org] should face some sort of sanction” for their “General Betray Us” ad. The reasoning?

“We are at war right now, whether some people want to recognize it or not.”

So his Constitutional record for the conference? 1-1: the Second Amendment got its due, but the First Amendment still awards too much leniency to “American political organizations.”

Take it from Snee: Hollywood has been RAMed

At this point, 75 heroes have lent their names on The Facebook to claim their right to bear any and all arms, as afforded by the Constitution of the United States. That’s not a drastic surge from two weeks ago’s total of 71, but the Rick Snee Antidisestablishmentarian Militia picks its battles.

(Maybe a Switchblades-for-Lunchboxes Drive in front of elementary schools? Let me know.)

Today, I’d like to switch focus from our own efforts to those of an unlikely ally: Hollywood. For all of its over-the-top liberal idealism, the film studios of Lala-land have routinely put out movies that stress that all Americans have the right to bear the most “dangeous” of weapons that would place the average citizen on par with our Department of Defense.

I don’t mean movies that glamorize guns: they’re the tip of the C-4 laden iceberg. I mean movies that feature heroes welding arsenals above and beyond what the wimpy NRA can stomach.

The Astronaut Farmer
I haven’t seen this movie, but I’ve heard about it, which is more than enough to praise or pan a film according to opponents of The Passion or Dogma.

Apparently Billy Bob Thornton reprises his role from Armageddon: the astronaut with some crippling flaw that prevents him from flying into space, whether its a public school education or actually being crippled. Instead of sticking with his cushy desk job (or cushy plough job), he builds a rocket capable of reaching orbit in his barn. The government, trying to hold him back, decides that civilians shouldn’t have rockets, but he builds it anyway and, presumably, goes into space.

This movie is important to our cause because an orbital rocket is really a balistic missile, minus the balistic. Billy Bob, who doesn’t take guff off of bears with bad news, has better ideas than to let The Man take away his pride and arms.

The Manhattan Project
Not only does this movie feature a reasonably hot Cynthia Nixon (the vaguely annoying/sexless redhead on Sex and the City), but also lasers, homemade nuclear bombs and a cool remote control truck.

The main character is a high school student who protests a secret government plutonium lab with his own nuclear bomb made with self-taught derring-do … and plutonium stolen from said secret lab.

This movie’s importance is dictated by arguably attractive Nixon in an article for her school paper: Paul Stevens is the first private citizen to enter the nuclear club.

Evil Dead 2
When evil is poised to usurp our bodies, what is our only viable option? Stopping said evil with a chainsaw.

Although this movie and its more popular sequel, Army of Darkness, augment Bruce Campbell’s arsenal with a sawed-off shotgun (ho-hum), the chainsaw is iconic. Sam Raimi cleverly realized that the right to bear arms includes lawn tools in place of hands, and RAM thanks him for it.

That’s only three examples out of thousands of films Hollywood has made to bolster our effort. With the Michael Bays of the world at our side, there’s no way we CAN’T win the hearts and minds of the popcorn-munching public.

UPDATE: Hollywood has very important news for us! Today is the 10 year anniversary of SkyNet blowing us all to smithereens, which is yet another reason to arm ourselves with anything at hand.