How To: Avoid science
Posted on November 6, 2008
Filed Under How To, It Must Be Science!, War on Aliens | 2 Comments |
We lost one of the giants this week. Aside from President-elect Barack Obama’s grandmother, author Michael Crichton died this week. We all know who he is, so stop pretending. Crichton brought us books like “Jurassic Park,” “Sphere,” “The Andromeda Strain,” the television series ER and even movies like Twister, Congo, and That Forgettable One With Paul Walker in Medieval France–some of which were based on his books. (Check with Chugs for the movies he directed in the 1970s.)
Crichton was a modern day Mary Shelly, except a dude and nearly seven feet tall. He was like Shelly, in that he taught us that science is a really, really horrible thing. We should never trust it, we should always question it because one day it will get us all killed. Oh, and global warming is like eugenics. With that in mind, we bring you how to avoid science. Read more
Written by Bryan McBournieI want to deceive
Posted on April 23, 2008
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Some of you may have heard about the strange lights that flew over Phoenix earlier this week. Some of you may have even donned your tinfoil hats in response. Some said it was an alien spacecraft, some said it was a sign the second coming of Jesus Christ, still others said it was a UFO.
Technically, the latter were right, because it was some sort of flying object that was not identified, but let’s move on.
But now it seems it may have been all just a clever, clever hoax by some dude with some road flares, fishing line and helium balloons. What the story fails to address is what if this is just a cover-up? Who is to say that the aliens don’t have road flare/fishing line technology?
Written by Bryan McBournieTake it from Snee: The science behind fairy tales, love
Posted on February 13, 2008
Filed Under It Must Be Science!, Take it from Snee, War on Aliens, Zombies | 1 Comment |
In keeping with this week’s theme of love, whether it is love of the New England Patriots, movies or Shaquille O’Neal, I’m looking at what those stories and plenty of others hint at: fairy tale love.
Live Science reported on theoretical studies about fairy tales, the purpose of these being to find out if their plot devices are physically possible.
- A prince could scale Rapunzel’s tower, so long as she tied her trusses to a support beam first.
- Ariel (a.k.a. the Little Mermaid) could have her voice blocked with a transplant that bends sound waves, rendering them inaudible.
- A carpet can fly if air vibrates at the right frequency.
Prequel threatens another sci-fi franchise
Posted on January 30, 2008
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You know how we know the new Star Trek movie is going to suck? They just cast a kid for Cap’n Kirk.
And you know how we really know?
Written by Rick Snee“… we were going to see old Spock and a much younger version of the character in the same movie, courtesy of some time travel plot device that hasn’t been fully disclosed … [emphasis ours].”
Cowboys and aliens
Posted on January 23, 2008
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Last week, reports of UFOs over the town of Stephenville, Texas were reported and received much fanfare from mainstream media. Why these sightings caught attention, when thousands of crazies people report seeing UFOs every year is beyond this blog. However, many people in the town saw the strange lights and even reported seeing jets chase the lights.
Now, this blog was shocked to find that residents of the town are now actually welcoming aliens and trying to get them to land in their humble Texan town. Folks, this is just plain dangerous. What happens if the aliens do land in Stephenville, do we really want people from a small Texas acting as ambassadors for the entire human race? Knowing them, they would probably think the aliens were messing with Texas and start and intergalatic war. In case you haven’t noticed, we’re rather tied up fighting other battles at the moment.
Stephenville must be stopped!
Written by Bryan McBournieThe Fantastic 4,000,000,000,000,000
Posted on January 22, 2008
Filed Under War on Aliens, War on Animals | 1 Comment |
Proving that no good comes of mixing space and bugs, the Russians have reported that cockroaches born in space are “faster and tougher than their terrestrial brethren.”
Theories for this disturbing development include developing in a zero-gravity environment or, like the Fantastic Four, exposure to space radiation.
To maintain superiority over all lower forms of animal life, we must ban all non-humans from spaceflight. To not do so will risk making our worst fears a reality.
Written by Rick SneeMasterChugs Theater: ‘Santa Claus Conquers the Martians’
Posted on December 14, 2007
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“SANTA DOESN’T LIKE YOU AND HE’S A BAD, BAD MAN” month continues! Got your gravity boots on, kids? Get ‘em strapped down tight and super-charged, ‘cuz we’re going on a fantastic trip through space, time, and imagination! That’s right, we’ll be visiting fantastic vistas from Santa’s North Pole Workshop all the way to a Fantastic Martian Toy Factory! We’ll see Earth kids meeting with Martian kids! Even a space-ship journey from Earth to Mars! It’s gonna be a humdinger, I tell ya! Watch out as Santa Claus Conquers the Martians!
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorInterstellar War on Animals
Posted on October 30, 2007
Filed Under War on Aliens, War on Animals | 1 Comment |
You wouldn’t really know it by the story, but aliens obviously hate animals as much as we do. A 1972 meteorite just happened to hit a cow in Venezuela, killing it. It’s the only known fatality from a meteor.
Anyone want to place bets it was some Martian sniper’s work? We all know cows have it coming to them. In any case, the meteorite sold for $1,554 at an auction recently, while others sold for hundreds of thousands. Clearly, the meteorite-bidding community has no sense of worth for such a precious artifact.
Written by Bryan McBournieHalo 3 … for ye swabby!
Posted on September 19, 2007
Filed Under Pirates, Sex Sells, War on Aliens | Leave a Comment |
In a bit of pirate-spirited irony for the stereotype, Bungie be putting out a jimmy hat to commemorate the release of their newst product, which sadly, be not a seagoing vessel, but a little thing called Halo.
Take heed, all: if ye be acquiring the Halo 3 Legendary edition, Halo 3 Game Fuel, Halo Actionclix and already preordered Halo Wars, there be a good chance that ye not be needing this to acquire this as well. If ye have done all of those, there probably not be many chances for you to use this treasure on the booty of a wench. YAR!
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorUFO’s terrorize British; British terrorize everyone else with their teeth
Posted on July 26, 2007
Filed Under War on Aliens, What a Reach! | Leave a Comment |
Apparently, UFO’s may or may not have terrorized a town recently. Sound like a bad July 4 based movie? Nah. Think more bad Sci-Fi channel premiere of the week. So, what do we know about what’s happened?
1. The only witnesses were people who were walking out of pubs.
2. The Weekly World News, the “world’s only reliable news paper”, is not behind the incident, as it’s too busy being closed by its parents.
3. Stratford-Upon-Avon contains no stars in its sky whatsoever. Except for four of them.
(Courtesy of Mike Morrow)
Written by Chris "Chugs" Taylor keep looking »