Oh, it’s illegal? Good to know
Posted on November 19, 2008
Filed Under Pirates, War on Education | 2 Comments |
Attention Tennessee college students: your state government would like to remind you that it is illegal to download copyrighted material without the permission of the owner. All that music and movies you’ve been stealing? Yeah, the state’s not gonna tolerate that kind of bamboozling any further.
And by the state not tolerating, they mean that your school is not gonna tolerate it and will install effective countermeasures on their networks to curb all illegal file transfers.
SG does not have the details on each school’s plan, but suggests you talk to the underpaid — with $600 semester book bills — student IT staff members who will be in charge of creating RIAA-friendly filters.
Written by Rick SneeSide Note:
You know who never gets government protection from piracy? Porn. What’s up with that?
Results of a state college education
Posted on October 21, 2008
Filed Under War on Education | Leave a Comment |
Ever notice that college is just like religion? They both claim that you’re better off financially if you attend them, but they’re always hounding you for money after you leave.
Yep, despite housing the greatest business and financial minds in their teaching faculties, colleges are horrible with money. But that’s how it’s always been.
However, you know things are bad when your school’s letters for alumni handouts sound like your own undergrad calls home:
“With the recent economic downturn and loan crisis, it has become even more important for Framingham State College to receive your support. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah …”
… which went on and on 113 more times and was signed by Framingham State College’s alumni association president.
Anyway, alumni were angered, the school had to make apologies–yadda yadda yadda–your degree from FSC became worthless because of a slow news cycle and even slower communications department.
Written by Rick SneeWabbit season has been extended
Posted on October 16, 2008
Filed Under War on Animals, War on Education | Leave a Comment |
Animals. It seems as if not one day goes by where we’re not having to deal with our age old enemies in this eons long war. What lengths will they not go to? Legal battles? Zombies? Suicide attacks? Well, now they’re attempting yet a new focus in the war: they’re combining one war with another. Yes, they’ve now engaged in the war on education. How so?
Recently, a museum (you know, the things that are very good at educating the masses covertly) had to be closed after it was invaded. By rabbits. As in, the furry little things that go hop-hop-hop-copulate-hop-hop-hop-copulate-copulate-copulate-hop. In fact, the invasion was so bad that they museum will have to be closed from now until November 16. That’s a long time to put a stop to education, people!
“The current population is so large that it threatens to permanently damage the island’s sensitive vegetation, and poses a serious threat to other fauna species,”
No sense of respect. No sense of decency. They probably fornicated in the lobby. Have you no shame, animals?
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorThe best education is counterfeit education
Posted on October 14, 2008
Filed Under Sex Sells, War on Education | Leave a Comment |
Over the years, many tools have been used to educate the masses. Books. Pamphlets. Videos. Mascots. Concerts. Now, we get to add another aspect into such an honored group. A gathering of people in the Ukraine has been passing out fake Euro bills with just the most adorable little prostitutes cleverly hidden in the design, all in the hopes of educating women so that they won’t choose to become that which is on their fake money.
Seriously. The unnamed group (though it could be understood if one thought the group in question was the Ukranian government) is attempting to end the illegal tactic of prostitution through the use of illegal counterfeit Euros. Wrap your head around that while realizing that in Europe, apparently, two wrongs do make a right.
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorRather smoke Reds than dead
Posted on September 10, 2008
Filed Under It Must Be Science!, War on Education | Leave a Comment |
The latest health crisis to hit our elementary schools? Flavored cigarettes.
With menthol no longer moving cartons, tobacco companies are luring in new smokers with flavors like cocoa, honey, vanilla and licorice. Doesn’t sound too bad, right?
Think again.
When you burn cocoa, it turns into bromine gas, which will kill you!*
The moral of this story is simple, parents: when you put your kids on cigarettes, for diet and/or self-esteem reasons, make sure it’s a good clean American smoke.
Stay away from the fruity flavors; they’re counterproductive, anyway, if your kid’s trying to look cool.
Written by Rick Snee*Very slowly because it “dilates and anesthetizes the lungs, maximizing their absorption of smoke and nicotine.”
Take it from Snee: Lightning Round 2
Posted on September 3, 2008
Filed Under Scurry '08, Take it from Snee, War on Animals, War on Education | Leave a Comment |
Way back in June, I looked at a number of misconceptions out there and explained why they were wrong. These were brief, yet concise pockets of correctness that should have solved all of the stupid around me.
Alas, I’ve just found more conventional “wisdoms” that boggle the mind. (Go figure, it’s an election year.)
So, sit down, shut off that damn music and pay attention. You should only have to read this article once, because I’m not kicking your brain any more than I have to. Read more
Written by Rick SneeHold this aspirin between your knees
Posted on September 3, 2008
Filed Under Sex Sells, War on Education | Leave a Comment |
People, we’ve got a situation here. The Republican vice presidential nomination has a pregnant teenage daughter.
Jamie Lynn Spears, Britney’s sister, is due to pop out the latest infant sensation any day now.
Oh, and Juno was a very popular movie.
The experts are rightly questioning abstinence-only education with the rising numbers of real and fake teen pregnancies. We, as The Guys, agree and have only one question for today’s educators:
Who forgot to teach teens how to pull out?!
Written by Rick SneeFinally, a sense of accomplishment
Posted on August 20, 2008
Filed Under War on Education | 1 Comment |
There’s one thing we don’t see enough of anymore: public spankings. It’s getting to the point where we almost believed that kids aren’t hit at all anymore.
What happened to the good old days where it wasn’t just a parent’s responsibility, but the duty of any elected or appointed officials, shop owners or approximate busybodies to paint a kid’s bee-hind red? You know, when you smack someone’s kid for looking at you the wrong way, hand them back to the parent, explain what they did and watch them get slapped around again?
There’s good news: more than 200,000 kids got spanked in school this year.
Sure, that number’s down from a few years ago, but we can still take solace in the idea that somebody out there wants to slap that as … king look off their face.
Written by Rick SneeSettle down, class!
Posted on July 28, 2008
Filed Under War on Education | Leave a Comment |
After finally getting the majority of students medicated into docility, educators are facing a new Madison Avenue-created education-deterrent: energy drinks.
In response to children being awake, enthusiastic and eager for discussion, schools are banning the drinks outright. There has been little fight against the bans, which is fortunate because no prevention tactics have been adopted. (That’s right, kids: you can still take shots of Red Bull before school.)
As opponents to education in general, The Guys fully support these meaures. The last thing we need is for kids to realize that their adult contemporaries can’t do anything without their morning coffee. That kind of knowledge will only lead to our eventual downfall.
Written by Rick SneeRest assured: OSU grads are on the case
Posted on June 10, 2008
Filed Under War on Education | Leave a Comment |
NBC’s Brian Williams, who took yet more time off from not reporting real news, delivered a commencement address to Ohio State University in Columbus graduates. He used his podium time to give college students a job: fixing the United States.
Williams claimed that “there is nothing wrong with America that someone from Ohio State can’t fix.” He then laid out the main areas of focus: “energy, politics, diplomacy, science, education, military, transportation,” and climate.
Williams set them loose with a “Go get ‘em, OH!” (The graduates, in fact, remained seated until their hangovers cleared up.) At this very moment, all of these problems will now be addressed by countless OSU graduates with degrees in Communications, Marketing and Literature.
“Well, it gives me something to do while I look for a real job over the next year,” said Artie Muskegee, a graduating OSU Music Therapy student.
Written by Rick Snee keep looking »