Go to school, learn an illegal trade
Posted on March 24, 2008
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After Friday’s highlights on the War on Animals, we switch focus to our other war, the War on Education.
Educators in Victorville, California have learned a hard lesson: when candy is criminalized, only criminals will have candy.
At the urging of Governor Arnold Schwartzenhophenhujablange … the Terminator, Hook Junior High School banned all candy sales to help cut down on childhood obesity. Since then, a black market of students with Twinkies and Snickers bars has exploded.
Leave it to our educators to create a new generation of Al Capones. If we needed more criminals, we could just send them to the movies or let them play video games all day.
Written by Rick SneeJustified Lawsuit of the Day
Posted on March 14, 2008
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A 15-year-old is suing his his school. Not because he was sexually abused, not because he was racially discriminated against, not because he feels his teachers are not holding up to their end of the unspoken education contract. No, he’s suing because he was woken up.
Vinicios Robacher was sleeping in class when his iron-fisted teacher slammed her hand down on his desk. Robacher is suing, claiming to have suffered ear damage from the loud noise made close to his ear. And well he should. For far too long we have allowed educators to keep our nation’s sleepy youth conscious. They forget these kids are up all night doing important things like text messaging, giggling on the phone or the occasional “sleepover” that involves alcohol.
Our children need their rest!
Written by Bryan McBournieYou’re under arrest, stinky
Posted on March 11, 2008
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You remember the smelly kid in your class, right? Maybe they didn’t shower everyday. Or they ran six-miles through the snow, uphill both ways, to get to school a-reekin’. Perhaps they bought the wrong surplus army boots.
In any case, one Minnesota lawmaker has had enough. State Rep. Karen Clark (D) introduced a bill on Monday to launch an awareness campaign on how bad kids stink there.
We had a similar program back in high school. It was called, “Think fast, stinky!”
In related news: apparently Axe body spray does not attract teachers and lady legislators. Looks like Unilever (the company that makes Axe) has finally discovered cougar repellant.
Written by Rick SneeToday’s lesson: Search and seizure
Posted on February 27, 2008
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Once again, our tax dollars are going to waste because our nation insists on “educating” its offspring. We as a society put way too much trust in these people with our children. We need hall monitors for our teachers.
In Kentucky, a teacher left a $5 bill on her desk (why? Because she lacks common sense) and was surprised when it turned up missing shortly thereafter. In a case of overall reasonability, the teacher then patted down the entire third-grade class and made them take off their shoes.
Naturally, parents were outraged. Not much is known about the teacher’s future, but she can certainly look forward to a career with the TSA.
Written by Bryan McBournieUpdate: Florida approves ‘evolved’ science curriculum
Posted on February 22, 2008
Filed Under It Must Be Science!, War on Education | Leave a Comment |
We’ve followed this story from one article to the next, each with its own set of flame wars between smug atheists, smug fundamentalists and the occassional scientific wet blanket.
In one heck of an upset, the state school board voted 4-3 in favor of basing all biology classes on “the scientific theory of evolution.” “The scientific theory of” was added at the urging of concerned fundies to make sure their children understand that “evolution is not a fact.”
Instead, children will learn the process behind a scientific theory, as opposed to the throw-your-hands-up and make-a-wild-guess process behind everyday theories. This should go over well.
Written by Rick SneeAnother use for duct tape
Posted on February 14, 2008
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It’s no secret teachers are unhappy with how much they are paid (even though their starting pay is more than that of, say, a police officer, firefighter or writer of any fold). Teachers are also upset about the lack of funding their schools get, frequently, they have to pay for supplies out of their own pockets. On top of that, they have to deal with your snotty-nosed brats all day while resisting the urge to hit them (they took away the best perk of the job). All of this leads to some built up frustration, which make teachers the greatest threat to our next generation.
Take one teacher in Florida for example, she allegedly duct taped a student to his or her desk. To make matters worse it was purple duct tape, and everyone in the room seemed to be enjoying the incident. The teacher was suspended for 10 days, but this blog feels she got off easy. After all, taping a student to a desk is probably some sort of a fire hazard.
Written by Bryan McBournieToday’s lesson: B-double E-double R-U-N
Posted on February 11, 2008
Filed Under Booze News, Headline of the Day, War on Education | Leave a Comment |
Just when it seemed that education couldn’t get worse … a middle school teacher in Sweden totally redeems it!
The unnamed 37-year-old teacher was charged with buying alcohol for two of her 15-year-old students. This is the kind of action that packs those half-desks, gang.
Written by Rick SneeInteresting note:
“It is illegal for people under 20 years of age to purchase alcohol in Sweden, although it is legal those aged 18 and above to consume alcoholic beverages.”
Still no science curriculum for Florida
Posted on February 4, 2008
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The debate to include “evolution” into Florida’s state science curriculum is still ongoing. The St. Petersburg Times reported that most teachers have been advised against teaching it, and some even omit it entirely to avoid any criticism.
In other news:
“A 1999 survey of biology teachers [emphasis ours] in Oklahoma, for example, found that 12 percent wanted to omit evolution and teach creationism instead. A similar survey in Louisiana found that 29 percent of biology teachers believed creationism should be taught, while in South Dakota, it was 39 percent.”
You gotta really hate your subject if you refuse to teach it.
Written by Rick SneeThe battle for Mexico’s ‘heritage’
Posted on February 1, 2008
Filed Under Booze News, War on Education | Leave a Comment |
Like The Guys, many Mexicans were muy triste y furioso at the news of their country’s oldest cantina shutting its doors. For those of you who didn’t know, after 150 years in service, El Nivel was basically kicked out by National Autonomous University of Mexico, who wanted the land.
Angry Mexicans and all-around drunk guys, or hombres borrachos, gathered on Tuesday to protest the closure. The protesters plan to petition the university and then the government to save the cantina because it is a “cultural and drinking heritage site.”
Ah yes, drinking heritage. Being the great-grandson of Irish immigrants, I remember when my father sat me down as a child and handed me my first glass of whisky. He told me, “Son, this is your heritage. When you drink this, you must always ramble on about the evil English and pick a fight with the nearest person or coat rack.”
(Note: This story is also being covered on our Spanish-language sister blog HombresSeriamentes.com)
Written by Bryan McBournieThe bar is closed? ¡No me gusta!
Posted on January 22, 2008
Filed Under Booze News, War on Education | 1 Comment |
Everyone, raise a glass this morning, preferably one of some sort of tequila in honor of Mexico’s oldest cantina. The dive is now closed after 150 years in business.
El Nivel was proud to serve presidents and commoners alike. It opened in 1855 and had the first cantina license, but now the doors are locked and no more cervesas will be served. Why? No surprise here, because the educated elitists at the National Autonomous University of Mexico. Yes, NAUM won a 17-year legal battle with the drinking establishment and now it is closed.
This is a clear example of how educators are ruining everything. Not only are they bent on taking away historic places they should be teaching about, they are also closing fun places to booze. One would thing teachers would understand better, if this blog had to teach young adults day in and day out, you would find this blog drinking heavily, probably at El Nivel.
Written by Bryan McBournie « go back — keep looking »