Today’s lesson: B-double E-double R-U-N

Just when it seemed that education couldn’t get worse … a middle school teacher in Sweden totally redeems it!

The unnamed 37-year-old teacher was charged with buying alcohol for two of her 15-year-old students. This is the kind of action that packs those half-desks, gang.

Interesting note:

“It is illegal for people under 20 years of age to purchase alcohol in Sweden, although it is legal those aged 18 and above to consume alcoholic beverages.”

Still no science curriculum for Florida

The debate to include “evolution” into Florida’s state science curriculum is still ongoing. The St. Petersburg Times reported that most teachers have been advised against teaching it, and some even omit it entirely to avoid any criticism.

In other news:

“A 1999 survey of biology teachers [emphasis ours] in Oklahoma, for example, found that 12 percent wanted to omit evolution and teach creationism instead. A similar survey in Louisiana found that 29 percent of biology teachers believed creationism should be taught, while in South Dakota, it was 39 percent.”

You gotta really hate your subject if you refuse to teach it.

The battle for Mexico’s ‘heritage’

Like The Guys, many Mexicans were muy triste y furioso at the news of their country’s oldest cantina shutting its doors. For those of you who didn’t know, after 150 years in service, El Nivel was basically kicked out by National Autonomous University of Mexico, who wanted the land.

Angry Mexicans and all-around drunk guys, or hombres borrachos, gathered on Tuesday to protest the closure. The protesters plan to petition the university and then the government to save the cantina because it is a “cultural and drinking heritage site.”

Ah yes, drinking heritage. Being the great-grandson of Irish immigrants, I remember when my father sat me down as a child and handed me my first glass of whisky. He told me, “Son, this is your heritage. When you drink this, you must always ramble on about the evil English and pick a fight with the nearest person or coat rack.”

(Note: This story is also being covered on our Spanish-language sister blog HombresSeriamentes.com)

The bar is closed? ¡No me gusta!

Everyone, raise a glass this morning, preferably one of some sort of tequila in honor of Mexico’s oldest cantina. The dive is now closed after 150 years in business.

El Nivel was proud to serve presidents and commoners alike. It opened in 1855 and had the first cantina license, but now the doors are locked and no more cervesas will be served. Why? No surprise here, because the educated elitists at the National Autonomous University of Mexico. Yes, NAUM won a 17-year legal battle with the drinking establishment and now it is closed.

This is a clear example of how educators are ruining everything. Not only are they bent on taking away historic places they should be teaching about, they are also closing fun places to booze. One would thing teachers would understand better, if this blog had to teach young adults day in and day out, you would find this blog drinking heavily, probably at El Nivel.

He’s just a tracer

A Bakersfield, California high school teacher is on trial for trying to … *ahem* … res-erect the arts in his classroom.

As we enter the new year, it is important to remember that education is still the cause of all of society’s woes. Had this teacher not gone to some freaky-deaky college, he wouldn’t have learned about the smut that is art.

Porn is such a lie

Let’s play fill in the blanks:

A ______ Bartow (Florida) High School math teacher was arrested for soliciting sex from a student.

If you said “male,” you are correct.

Had the sentence said “A ______ math teacher was arrested after having sex with a student and here’s a picture of the cougar,” then we all know the answer would be “female.”

Once again, schools–and education–are found to be unsafe for either innocent students or horny teachers. The only possible win-win situation is to end education all together.

On education: it’s time for another abstract war

100% of the drug abusers who have sex with this teacher (left) are students receiving an education. 

Education in this great nation of ours (the United States for the benefit of our foreign readers) has descended into a spiral of moral and institutional decay. New math has proven fruitless, D.A.R.E. has been rejected and teachers everywhere are having sex with students.

What is the culprit in all of these situations? Education.

Notice, if you will, a disturbing trend:

  • 100% of the developers of new math received education. Furthermore, their method was published and marketed by a university that may or may not sell education.
  • D.A.R.E. is co-cordinated by educators. 100% of D.A.R.E. attendees are students, and 100% of those students that use drugs went to school (read: education).
  • 100% of educators found guilty of sexual misconduct with students received some degree of education. 100% of all students who were sexually abused by their teachers met their antagonists in an educational environment.

In short, it’s time to take off the kid gloves, folks. Education is the cause of all of our society’s ills, including education. As impractical as it may seem, it is time to start another war: The War on Education.