IT’S SUING TIME!
Posted on December 22, 2008
Filed Under Tokyoh-no!, What a Reach! | Leave a Comment |
Google Street View, the keen-o application that allows anyone around the world to check out a 360-degree-view of selected city streets, is under attack by a group of angry Japanese lawyers and professors. They’ve asked Google to shape up and ship out (though, mostly ship out) their street-level images, stating it violates privacy rights.
Real life Power Ranger and professor of law at Sophia University, Yasuhiko Tajima states that, “We strongly suspect that what Google has been doing deeply violates a basic right that humans have. It is necessary to warn society that an IT giant is openly violating privacy rights, which are important rights that the citizens have, through this service.”
Thank you Japan for telling me that walking down the street violates basic privacy rights.
Thank you Japan for being so crazy that you’ve got creepy vending machines, but having a random glance of a sunbather is not kosher.
Thank you Japan for deciding that those that walk out of strip clubs have rights too. I mean, they do, but if you’re OK with walking into a strip club, shouldn’t you be just as OK with walking out of one?
Who knows how long Google might exist in the future, or what the outcome of these pictures might be, but this is human history here. They are cataloging the streets of what life was like in 2000; just imagine what it would be like seeing these images 100 years from now, or even a 1000 years from now.
Next stop-the phone book! That horror of evil is next!
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorSounds like the basis for a blue movie
Posted on December 19, 2008
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OK, picture this: it’s a sleepy Saturday night. You find yourself sitting at home with nothing to do, having watched all the shows on your backlog. It’s soooooo boring. There’s nothing to do! What will you do with your down time? Well, if you’re bored over at the Ebara Branch of the Tokyo Fire Department, you break into a girl’s apartment and steal her underwear. Or at least, attempt to.
The vice captain of the Ebara Branch of the Tokyo Fire Department was held by police after entering a woman’s Suginami Ward apartment (doesn’t anyone lock their doors anymore?) around 4 a.m. and taking two pairs of her underwear. The woman awoke hearing the noise and was able to accost the fireman until the police showed (oh yeah, a real tough guy). The fireman informed the police that he had unintentionally wandered into the wrong house, thinking it was a friend’s. This now raises the disturbing question of just what had he intended to do with the underwear of his actual friend.
Of note is that the fireman in question was as apparently described being “intoxicated” as well. Seriously, someone needs to hook up Japan with some Victoria’s Secret already. You people are crazy.
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorIM IN UR BRAIN, REPRODUCING ALL UR IMAGEZ
Posted on December 16, 2008
Filed Under It Must Be Science!, Tokyoh-no! | 1 Comment |
DOODZ, REJOICE, UR STILL ALIVE!!!!11111
Ummm … errr … anyways. Straight to the story: Japanese scientists have figured out how to reconstruct images inside a person’s mind. The process that they used is actually fairly straightforward: They observed the visual cortex, and as they showed images to the person, they observed the change in brain activity in the cortex with an fMRI machine. Then, they compiled the data from 400 different images and the brain processes, and associated those changes with the images they were shown.
Then again, they showed them totally new cards, spelling out “neuron.” And, sure enough, they were able to generate those images from the brain. Wooooooo-OOOOOOOOOOOO-ooooooo.
They’re still working with a fairly simple size–10 pixels by 10 pixels, and only a base of 400 images. Eventually, they’ll have to up the pixel size and image pool in order to get a more complete idea of what people are actually thinking about. Possibilities include using it to look into the minds of artists and designers, as well as treating people with hallucinations and disorders.
Fairly standard stuff if you’re comfortable with people poking around in your brain, right? Yeah, that’s what I thought. This gets into a lot of possible bad concepts, such as the simple theory of thoughtcrime itself. I mean, finding out what image best represents your mind might be pretty cool, but do we really want to find out what image represents the mind of an average man from a country known for salacious vending machines? Ewww.
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorTake it from Snee: I’m thankful
Posted on November 26, 2008
Filed Under Scurry '08, Take it from Snee, Tokyoh-no!, Too Soon? | Leave a Comment |
Every year, Americans do what we do best: sit around a table to observe a once-meaningful holiday because we’d look funny if we didn’t.
Me: Hey, Ted from Accounting. Big four day weekend, eh?
Ted from Accounting: Yep, gonna eat turkey with the family and watch some football. You?
Me: Oh, I’m going to Aruba for the long weekend to collect orgasms.
TfA: Well, that makes too much sense. Freak.
Thanksgiving, like every other U.S.-observed holiday, has auspicious, yet bullsh-t, origins. But if you boil that bathwater past the paper headdresses, you find a story that doesn’t matter anymore today: a group of proto-Americans are starving to death, yet finally scrape up enough farming to survive … until winter starts in earnest.
They’re thankful for managing with what they’ve got to enjoy each others’ presence, which ironically helps spread the cholera.
We don’t have that problem anymore. Even if we catch childhood leukemia, we still get an awesome last wish. (That’s only because Leonard Nimoy can’t catch leukemia from his Make-A-Wish cancer kid.) And we don’t really enjoy each others’ company. If it weren’t for Thanksgiving, entire families would never see each other except to marry or bury someone.
And we definitely aren’t just scraping by. Outside of a certain percentage of poor people, the modern Thanksgiving is a modern festival of consumer distractions. The table is full of food that will go uneaten, and those who attempt to finish it off will slip into a gluttony coma on the leather sofa. This happens while everyone watches a parade full of cartoon characters selling toys, the latests must-see TV stars and the pirate of plastic productions, Santa himself. Then there’s football, which features players goosed up on the latest pharmaceuticals beating Vegas odds so the owner can sell more ball caps to guys trying to find cool new ways to cover up bald spots.
Even the idea of a feast in today’s America is ridiculous. The idea of a feast is to celebrate having plenty when you normally have little. Seen those obesity numbers lately?
So, with all that in mind, here’s my list of the things that I am thankful for this year: Read more
Written by Rick SneeUnbearably perverse news from Nippon
Posted on November 26, 2008
Filed Under Tokyoh-no!, War on Animals | 1 Comment |
If you thought this would be a slow news week, hold on to your butts, animal warriors.
Japan, which has had her share of animal menaces — from giant wasps to Gojira! — faces her worst threat yet.
One Tsuyoshi P. Bear was brought to the municipal zoo in the city of Kushiro in Hokkaido for one purpose only: to make sweet, sweet love to their female bear, Kurumi, so she could have puppies or something. (We’re not veterinarians.)
The only problem? Tsuyoshi is a Tsuyoko!
…
He’s a she. “Ko” is the traditional ending of a Japanese girl’s name. That joke kills in Japan. Just … whatever.
So, we have two female polar bears that are gay-married, destroying the sanctity of Japanese marriage. This is, clearly, the worst thing that has ever happened to the tiny island nation.
In related news, at least now we know why the polar bears are going extinct. Sarah Palin, Ted Stevens and ExxonMobil are off the hook.
Written by Rick SneeOh Coca-Cola bottle, you’re our only hope!
Posted on November 19, 2008
Filed Under Tokyoh-no! | Leave a Comment |
First it was some European nations. Then Japan. And now? The US is expected to be next. The sky is falling!
Japan is in a recession, it would seem. Who would’ve guessed? The BBC confirms that the global economic climate has slowed down the demand for Japanese exports.
“The downtrend in the economy will continue for the time being as global growth slows,” said Japanese Economy Minister Kaoru Yosano. “We need to bear in mind that economic conditions could worsen further as the US and European financial crisis deepens, worries of economic downturn heighten and stock and foreign exchange markets make big swings.”
What’s really the kicker is that Japan was going through its longest period of economic growth until the suka hit the sub-prime fan last year. Coincidentally enough, just about everything is seemingly cyclical for Japan. Tommy Lee Jones doing commercials, transforming robots as sentient smashy robots, Grand Theft Auto, and now, recessions, as they already experienced one about 7 years ago. The last recession they went through was mostly self-inflicted, but this time around the world’s consumers are messing things up everywhere. And for Japan, most of the issue lies with decreased demand of their products.
When asked how to fix this crisis, our very Bryan Schools gave this sage bit of advice:
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorSony-BUY IT.
I’ll just wear those home
Posted on November 11, 2008
Filed Under Tokyoh-no! | Leave a Comment |
Have you ever gone shopping, only to realize that you forgot that one item, that key component, that very thing you needed?
Yeah, so, some people have that problem worse than you.
A male Japanese Air Force Major decided to do some shopping after leaving a late-night farewell party for one of his colleagues. One can make the logical assumption that he was drunk, because he then proceeded to ide behind a convenience store to strip off his clothes before entering. Oh wait-it gets better.
Once inside, totally naked, our Major set out to purchase panties and pantyhose.
His Emperor’s New Clothes incident was only witnessed by the store’s clerk (also the only person in the store other than Private Partyman), who quickly called the cops after the officer left the store. Major Boner has been suspended from his duties for 10 days, and papers were filed for indecent exposure. Insert lame joke about legal briefs here.
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Posted on November 4, 2008
Filed Under It Must Be Science!, Tokyoh-no!, War on Animals | 2 Comments |
Scientists, what do you think you’re doing? Don’t you realize what you’ve done?
Let’s backpeddle a second for all the readers catching us mid-scolding:
Scientists in Japan have successfully cloned mice after freezing the donor to death. To repeat: they’ve brought mice back from the dead. Kind of. Pretty much.
Without death, there’s no way to stop animals from eating the Earth that God fitfully gave to us, humans. In fact, now there’s plans to bring back species we wiped out, like wooly mammoths.
Look, science, you wanna see a hairy elephant? Talk to Lucasfilm. They’ll show you a furry pachyderm with adorable bandage-swathed subhumans riding them. How about that?
Just — for the love of all that is holy — stop bringing non-people back from the dead. It’s not cool.
(Heh, “not cool.” Frozen mice. Still not worth it, science.)
Written by Rick SneeVideo games will kill you
Posted on November 4, 2008
Filed Under Scurry '08, Scurry (Politics), Tokyoh-no!, What a Reach! | 1 Comment |
Iowa State University would have you believe that video games aren’t safe.
Iowa State University would like to it known that video games are causing aggressive behavior in children regardless of their cultural surroundings, which is totally not a case of kids being kids.
Iowa State University would like you to think that a new study from their merry halls shows several parallels to a recent Japanese study.
Iowa State University isn’t telling you the whole truth.
Video games will kill you. Video games are nothing but a tool of Al Qaeda. You want proof?
One detainee is said to have been schooled in making detonators out of Sega game cartridges.
That’s some old school destruction, and I’m not talking about the kind found in Gunstar Heroes. Whoever gets the job tonight won’t have to deal with just the fallout of the War in Iraq, Guantanamo Bay and the crash of Wall Street, but also the destructive capabilities of old copies of Mutant League Football.
Written by Chris "Chugs" TaylorWhoever will they marry yet?
Posted on October 31, 2008
Filed Under Regular Post, Tokyoh-no! | Leave a Comment |
Oh those crazy Japanese–if it weren’t for you, where would SG be?
In news that’s sure to make fans of Ah-ha think it’s life imitating art, a Japanese man has created a petitioning campaign to make it legal for human beings to marry fictional characters.
Seriously.
Stating that he is “no longer interested in three dimensions” and that he “would even like to become a resident of the two-dimensional world,” he is a sign that the world has completely gone bonkers. This could create an entire quandary of concerns:
- If he marries a known character, such as Optimus Prime or Speed Racer, do the rights of ownership stay with the original owners or become his?
- Since same-sex relationships are not recognized in Japan, what happens if Japan acknowledges the petition, but only allows same-sex marriages to take place?
- What would be proof of marriage? Fan-fiction? Bad fan-fiction (redundant, I know)?
- If the creator of the character is still alive, does he get say-so as the “parent”?
- Is Manga polygamy allowed?
- Have the Japanese just given up on informal socializing and procreation at this point?